Fall To Dust
by Penglaive
Summary: Just as there are some sins that cannot be forgotten, there are some friendships too precious to forsake. If a Geass is a wish, then what will Zero do with his, when the new world he swore to serve is the same one that will always desire the Demon Emperor's death? (Sequel to Shattered Chain)
1. Miracles

Disclaimer: Of course I don't own Code Geass—that honor belongs to Sunrise. I'm just exploring some untouched elements.

Formatting: "Spoken words are in quotes." _Internal character thoughts are in italics._

* * *

Nunnally jolted awake at the soft knock on her door.

"Mistress Nunnally?" a familiar voice called.

"Sayoko?" She peered sleepily at her bedside clock. S_he normally never wakes me at this time of night._ "Is there something wrong?" Nunnally asked, thinking of Cornelia's recent complaints that security around the royal graveyard was too lax.

_If someone wanted to sneak in to desecrate the the tomb of the Massacre Princess or the Demon Emperor, the dead of night would be the perfect time to do it._

"Oh, no, there's nothing wrong at all, Mistress Nunnally!" Sayoko reassured her, the warm excitement in her voice incongruous with Nunnally's current worries. "I was simply given an important message from Master Zero. He requests that you visit his rooms at your earliest convenience."

"He just gave you this message now? In the middle of the night?"

"Yes, Mistress."

The circumstances would normally be cause for alarm, but Sayoko's tone suggested differently. Nunnally found herself growing curious, despite the late hour. "Did he say what it was about?"

"Master Zero indicated that he would like to explain things to you himself."

"I guess I'll have to ask him directly, then. If you'll just help me get dressed, Sayoko..."

Fifteen minutes later, Nunnally found herself sitting nervously outside the door to Zero's rooms, while her most trusted aide rung the doorbell; knocking would no longer work, now that Zero had convinced Sayoko to sound proof the entire suite. _You've worked so hard to cut yourself off from me, from everyone. _ His prior behavior only added to her current curiosity over his mysterious midnight summons.

She'd gotten no more information on the way over, though, as Sayoko's evasive smiles only raised more questions. Nunnally wondered what could possibly have put her in such a good mood, when Zero was normally so tight lipped and distant that it was almost painful to deal with him. _He won't even let us call him Suzaku, anymore. _ Even after the amount of blatant lying he'd done as the Knight of Seven, the total loss of his friendship still stung, perhaps all the more so because he was the one who'd undoubtedly understood Lelouch's final plan best, the one who'd been closest to him, right at the very end.

Part of her still resented him for being at Lelouch's side when she herself had been excluded, even as she was grateful that her brother hadn't been totally alone, as he struggled to transmute a cold, painful present into a happier future. _But it's been that way all along, hasn't it, Suzaku? Even when we were just children, the two of you always handled your crazy schemes together._

She still remembered Japan as it had been before the invasion, how the sound of quick childish footsteps and soft huffs of laughter had echoed off the well worn tatami mats. Lelouch and Suzaku had liked to pretend, when they were beside her, that they hadn't just gone off to do something they shouldn't have, but she'd known anyway that she had to stay still and silent when they huddled close, as heavy adult footsteps walked past their hiding spot. Nunnally had never been aware of exactly what trouble they'd been hiding over back then, and yet with their hands tensing and relaxing around hers, fingers twitching with the thrill of narrow escape, she hadn't felt she needed to know. The curve of Lelouch's tense and exultant smile, pressed into the skin of her temple, along with the quiver of suppressed laughter, transmitted through the warm shoulder Suzaku leaned against her own, had convinced her that she was part of whatever they were doing.

_I guess I'm still part, because you chose me to be Empress, didn't you, Lelouch? _Now, though, regardless of how hard she tried to fulfill her duties, Nunnally still felt so very far from the brother who'd usurped the throne on her behalf. _You knew I could never be a willing part of this plan, didn't you? Because I would never have accepted something that would cost your life._

_How could you go through with it, Suzaku?_

Even knowing that world peace had been their goal, her heart still rebelled at the cost. Yet, the very grief that fueled her anger also tempered it, because how could she bear to give up on one of the very few friendships she had left? _Suzaku is my closest remaining tie to Lelouch. _Nunnally drew in a sudden breath of realization. _Could that be what this mysterious summons is about? Are you finally going to stop hiding behind that mask, Suzaku?_

Nunnally couldn't imagine why Sayoko would look so happy otherwise, and she found her hands almost shaking with expectancy as the door to his suite finally opened. _Will I finally get to see the face I traced with my fingers, all those years ago? _She'd felt the arch of a strong brow and the curve of boyish cheeks beneath the sensitive pads of her fingertips, but to finally see the whole of his face together, the curve of his smile along with the green of his eyes, would be a long held wish come true.

"Welcome. It's good to see you again, Nunnally," Zero greeted with a warmth even the echoing of the mask couldn't disguise, and she noticed with rising anticipation that he hadn't called her Empress. "Sayoko, thank you for bringing her over at so late an hour. Please get some rest now, though. I'll handle things from here."

"Of course, Master Zero," Sayoko replied, allowing a wide smile to make its way through her professional decorum, and Nunnally's heart leap. _Then, he's already let Sayoko in on this. He's really going to do it. _

It only required a short period of his familiar silence after Sayoko exited, though, to bring back her previous doubts. No matter how much Nunnally wished it, it was difficult to believe that he'd had such a sudden and welcome change of heart.

"Zero?" she asked uncertainly, as he seemed to jerk back into motion, stepping quickly behind her to push her wheelchair further into the room. Because the mask hid his expression, she focused on the subtle but excited spring in his gait as he moved to stand in front of her once more, his body practically quivering with energy, now that he'd shaken off his odd torpor.

She smiled at him, wanting to feel hopeful despite his past distance. _He wouldn't look so excited unless it was something good, right?_ "Sayoko seemed so happy when she brought me over. Have you finally decided that Kururugi Suzaku is alive, after all?"

In answer, his hands rose to take hold of the mask, some mechanism in the back moving so that he could pull it off. She held her breath as he revealed soft brown curls over warm green eyes, their brightness not dulled even by the dark shadows underneath. "Yes, I'm alive, Nunnally," he confirmed, setting the mask down on the table. "For the first time in a really long time, I finally feel that way." His face looked a little thinner than was healthy, but his smile was genuine.

Her own tentative smile widened, her eyes moving over his face intently, trying to map his expression onto the memories of a carefree, energetic boy from a summer long ago. "So that's what your smile looks like. " _I finally got to see it._ "I asked for old pictures, but it's not the same as seeing you in person."

He winced slightly. "I'm sorry, Nunnally. I should have shown you my face from the start," he said, his expression falling, "but I was too ashamed to do it."

"It's alright." She thought she would have forgiven him for anything just then, if only she didn't have to feel so alone anymore. "I'm just glad—I'm glad you changed your mind, Suzaku," she whispered, her voice wavering, despite her efforts to keep it steady.

She extended her hands toward him, and Suzaku reached forward to catch them in his own without hesitation, coming to kneel before her so that their eyes were almost level. _If you can take my hands like this, it means you have nothing left to hide from me. _She tightly squeezed his fingers back, meeting his open gaze with no small amount of wonder. _ I wished so badly for the day when you'd look me in the eye, because that's two wishes, isn't it? To see your face, and to have my friend back._

It was a joyful moment, and yet she felt tears pricking at the corners of her eyes. His eyebrows tipped up in sympathy. "I'm sorry, Suzaku," she told him. "I want to smile so much, but I'm going to start crying again, aren't I?" _Even though Schneizel has been kind and Cornelia's done her best to look after me, it hurts that they don't remember Lelouch like I do, like the two of us do. _Seeing Suzaku was like seeing half of a matched pair—she couldn't help but think of the second set of footsteps echoing behind the first, the one who wasn't there, anymore. "I've lost so much, already, that..."

"Less than you think," he told her, with incredible confidence.

"What?"

"You've lost less than you think, Nunnally," he assured, and even though she couldn't feel any tension in his hands, she wondered if he were about to give her the same well intentioned but vacuous platitudes she'd heard a thousand times before.

"Are you planning to tell me that everyone is still with me, in my heart? It's a nice sentiment, Suzaku, but I don't think you'd have such panda eyes if you really believed it yourself," she teased lightly, hiding the deep pain behind her words.

He twitched, as if he might want to dart his hands up to cover the dark rings, before simply shaking his head. "No, I don't have the right to be that hypocritical, Nunnally. Maybe that's why I couldn't bear to face you before. What sort of protector—what sort of _friend_—would hurt you worse than any enemy, by taking away your most precious person? You're right, that I haven't been able to sleep at night, and that's because of my own mistakes. But I'm going to try my best to fix things from now on, Nunnally, and I—there's something _wonderful_ I have to tell you."

_He sounds so happy. _It had been so long since she'd heard his voice that full of excitement that she couldn't help smiling a little herself. _I wish I could find something to be that happy about, too, after everything that's happened._ "Then tell me, Suzaku. I could use some good news right now."

His smiled deepened, and he turned his head to call behind him, "You can come out now, Lelouch."

Her entire upper body went rigid, and it felt like millions of needles were pricking across her skin. "Suzaku..." _It can't be. Lelouch, I __**saw**__ him..._ The memory of her beloved brother struggling for breath as he bled out in front of her haunted her dreams even more frequently than his utterly still form, laid out in the coffin at the viewing.

_But Suzaku's hands—he doesn't believe he's lying._

Her heart was suddenly hammering in her chest. She tightened her fingers, as her eyes flickered between Suzaku's face and the bedroom door just visible through the dining area. She was almost unable to breathe under the crush of her own frantic hope.

"It's no joke, I promise you," Suzaku reassured her, squeezing her hands one last time before stepping off to the side to allow Nunnally a clearer of the door. It opened slowly, and the man who stepped out had the same dark hair and bright violet eyes that she'd held in her mind through all her years of blindness. His name caught in her throat.

"Nunnally," he whispered, in a voice she'd recognize anywhere, his first few steps forward slow and cautious, and the wait was agony. For just a moment, she wished with all the might of futile desperation that she could run to him, but then she stretched her arms out and he did the running for her—as he had always done so much for her.

"Lelouch!" she cried as she was lifted out of her chair into a tight embrace, by a pair of dearly familiar arms. She wrapped her own around his shoulders, and it didn't matter what anyone else thought of him. He was strong enough to lift her and kind enough to hold her gently, and that was all that mattered.

"Nunnally." There were years of emotions in his voice, like layers of sediment pressed into stone, from the tiny boy who'd held her in pictures she was too young to remember to the stoic presence who'd stubbornly waited by her hospital bed, who'd carried her through a foreign land and struggled and fought to raise her up as Empress of her own. He buried his face in her hair, and she inhaled his scent in return—hay and seasoned wood and Suzaku's borrowed shampoo. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, for everything I did that hurt you," he told her, and she could hear the quiver of tears in his words. "I love you more than anything. I always have."

"Lelouch, I love you too, always," she replied, grasping tighter to the man who'd been so much more of a father than their real one, who'd been her strength when she had yet to find her own. "I've wanted to _see_ you so badly!" she told him, tearful herself. "I wanted to see you, not as my enemy or in a coffin, but..."

He settled her in her chair and drew back just far enough to allow her to view his whole face. Even seeing him up close wasn't enough, though, and she reached out to run her hands over his features, fingers mapping his well known face and the unusual dampness of his cheeks.

"Lelouch...it's you. It's really you..." Her vision blurred with what must have been liquid joy, and Nunnally blinked quickly, not wanting to miss a single expression on his face, because before her was both the steadfast strength whose soft words and determined arms had sheltered her when the world had gone dark, as well as the deceptive brother who had stood so distantly before her when the light had finally returned.

A large part of her desperation to hold the F.L.E.I.J.A. control switch had been the knowledge that it was the only thing certain to bring him back to her. _I knew as long as I had that, I would matter, and how could I bear a world where even my most important person thought nothing of me?_

His eyes were so gentle now, the coldness from the Damocles replaced by the pain he must have been hiding all along.

_Now I wish I'd never held that switch—because you wanted to stay by my side all along, didn't you, Lelouch?_

"Forgive me, Nunnally. I never wanted to hurt you." He softly tucked a few stray locks behind her ears, his hands lingering on her cheeks as his eyes mapped her own face in return, as if burning her features, her now wide open eyes, once more into his memory. "I—I'll have to remain hidden while you must go out in public, but I will never leave you like that again. _I promise_." She knew the conviction in that tone had started revolutions and slain emperors and conquered the whole world, and so, no matter how much he'd lied along the way, Nunnally thought she might still be able to trust in the voice that had led her through darkness and into light.

"Then I'll have you back—for good? No more more unexplained disappearances, no more long separations, no more funerals?" she asked, voice trembling on the last word, though not even that pain could hold sway when Lelouch clasped her hands in his, so she knew he spoke the truth.

"Yes. For good, Nunnally," he promised.

"Lelouch..." She laughed, the sound bubbling out of her without conscious permission, but he seemed to understand that there was simply too much emotion to hold in, that it had to come out in every way possible. In response, he pulled her into another hug and pressed a smile against her temple, and she wondered what she'd done to deserve a brother so wonderful he would read her stories, again and again, when she'd struggled just to remember the alphabet, who would carry her when she found even her own legs wouldn't listen to her, and who would remake the whole world, when it had seemed far too great and heavy to move at all.

Perhaps her logic should rather have questioned how he could smile and breathe and _love_, when he had once lain motionless and cold, but at that moment, Nunnally couldn't bring herself to care about the means, with her deepest wish in front of her. "A world with you in it," she told him. "That's what I've always wanted: just a world with you in it."

He smoothed one hand back over her hair. "I don't know if I can be worthy of your devotion, Nunnally, but you will have that world—the kinder world you deserve, that every good person deserves—though I missed you_ so much _while I was making it," Lelouch admitted, closing his eyes and tilting his forehead against hers, like a drowning man might lean his head against the newly discovered shore. "We will make the future worth it," he assured her.

_When all I had was a sepulcher, it was so hard to believe that._ Without her brother, treaty negotiations had seemed so hard, and Zero had been so cold. Cornelia had looked so strained, while Schneizel was sad and pensive, if he showed any emotion at all. Now, with Lelouch at her side, the flaws of the world seemed almost benign—and so easily correctable. _Suzaku has the right idea. The world is at last peaceful, and we have so much to hope for. If there are problems that linger, then we can fix them. _

As Empress, she would work with Zero to see that what Lelouch had struggled so hard to build was nurtured and perpetuated. _I will craft a future everyone can share._ It was the least she could do when she'd been granted two miracles already: an impossible dream of peace and a much more personal wish, in the form of a brother who had been her legs and her eyes, her support in the bleakest of times and the underpinning of all her brightest memories. Lelouch drew her into another close hug, and in the midst of her overwhelming joy, her heart could find no fault in anything.

_Lelouch, this is the world that I want, already._


	2. Higher Learning

Suzaku frowned at the woman in front of him. Lelouch might still think he was a little naïve, but Suzaku had learned a lot from his mistakes. With the tea incident fresh in his mind, he wasn't going to let C.C. trick him so easily again.

"I don't believe you," he told her, hoping that would be the end of it. The witch had begun wheedling the moment he'd set foot into the suite, distracting him from reviewing the security plan Cornelia had asked Nunnally to enact.

"But it's only to further my education," she objected. "Now that I've given Lelouch my Code, I have to learn to fit back into society again."

"Don't listen to her, Suzaku," Lelouch said, coming in from the dining room to interrupt their conversation, as if he had sniffed out the scent of C.C.'s deception. "The only education she wants to get is from the Cheese-kun History of Pizza Museum."

"The what museum?"

Lelouch got a sour look on his face, as if he'd been forced to swallow something distasteful. "There's this chitzy place—"

"It wasn't chitzy," C.C. objected.

"It's the sort of establishment that couldn't even cover property taxes if it weren't in the middle of nowhere, and it was obviously decorated by someone with no budget and even less taste. Therefore, it's chitzy," Lelouch declared.

"You just don't know paradise when you see it," C.C. told him, clasping her hands in front of her chest, and staring up at the ceiling with visions of delectability dancing in her eyes. Suzaku smiled a little in amusement before he went back to skimming over the new guard layout Cornelia had set out.

If there were one thing that never changed, it was C.C.'s love of pizza.

"It's an ugly, drab building with a big, tasteless sign out front, built to amuse bored country folk with nothing better to do than stuff their faces," Lelouch retorted. He shook his head, turning to Suzaku. "They have these tacky staged rooms that are supposedly 'exact replicas' of Cheese-kun approved restaurants throughout the ages. Of course this history doesn't extend back very far, because Cheese-kun only approves of stores belonging to a certain chain."

"You can get perfectly baked historical pizza there," C.C. added, eyes still slightly glazed. "A different era of deliciously warm slices from each of the rooms. All that crisp crust and gooey cheese..." It was hard to ignore her pizza monologue in favor of the security plan, especially when Suzaku hadn't eaten lunch yet.

"Yet, this supposedly 'historically accurate' pizza all looks exactly the same," Lelouch said, thankfully drawing C.C.'s attention away.

Frowning, Suzaku forced his focus back onto Cornelia's request for additional personnel. Now that Nunnally had forgiven him, he wasn't about to give her reason to doubt him again, and he'd promised he'd review this as soon as possible. If Cornelia had noticed anything suspicious, they needed to find out immediately.

"How would you know?" C.C. demanded with a pout, her voice only distracting him for a moment before Suzaku turned back to the proposed equipment requisition. "You didn't even want to come in with me."

"I'm _supposed_ to be hiding from the world. I need to stay out of the public eye, and yet if I hadn't eventually started driving the cart away, you would have stayed there forever."

"The cart?" Suzaku asked, glancing up from the patrol timetable. He'd assumed Lelouch and C.C. had taken so incredibly long to get back because they were being very cautious to stay out of the public eye. He hadn't heard anything about a cart.

"We're not discussing this," Lelouch told him flatly, crossing his arms and turning away, which just made Suzaku more interested, even if he was supposed to be doing something else.

C.C. smiled. "It was a lovely hay cart. Lelouch simply enjoyed the romantic, scenic journey we were having so much that—"

"It was abysmal," he interrupted. "Just hill after hill after hill, more bumps than road, and the seat was so hard—"

"Speak for yourself," C.C. told him, and Suzaku forced his attention onto the new patrol routes Cornelia had laid out, calculating the proximities as the conversation flowed over him.

"For _me_, who was stuck driving the whole way back to civilization, instead of sleeping in the hay, the seat was hard. In short, if you want to spend the next few months sampling everything on the Cheese-kun History of Pizza Museum menu, C.C., go ahead and do it, but I am not going to suffer through any reminders of that trip from hell."

"Who would want to keep company with someone who can't even appreciate 1960's pizza?" C.C. replied haughtily, before turning back to Suzaku with a hungry smile.

"I'm not giving you any money," he told her, finally laying the security plan down, now that it was obvious that Cornelia was just trying to tighten security around Euphy's grave. _So she hasn't noticed that I disturbed Lelouch's coffin—or that it's empty right now._ Lelouch figured that Nunnally could eventually make an announcement about vandals desecrating the tomb and making off with his body, but since that would necessitate at least a cursory investigation for appearance's sake, it was better to wait a bit until any real evidence, which might potentially point to Zero, faded.

C.C. lifted her chin with an annoyed huff. "Fine. I can see I'm the only one here who can appreciate the value of higher learning. Very well, I'll go alone, then. You know how to contact me when something goes wrong, Lelouch."

"What do you mean, 'when' something goes wrong?"

"This is the first Geass you've ever granted," C.C. replied, giving Suzaku an amused smirking that sent a tiny shiver down his spine.

"How hard could it be, if you managed?" the former emperor countered.

C.C. only smiled wider, not bothering to answer the question, but the dark anticipation was clear on her face. "Good luck, Lelouch," she said, waving as she stepped out the door. It clicked shut ominously behind her.

"Don't worry, Suzaku," Lelouch said, although Suzaku wondered which of them he was really trying to reassure. "While it's true that a Geass can be very dangerous if you lose control of it, that won't happen unless you overuse it or otherwise strain the limits of your power. She's just trying to unnerve us because we wouldn't give her money to waste on historical rip-offs."

"...Right. I'm sure we'll be fine," he said, all too eager to believe that he wouldn't have to deal with any problem worse than a stressed Cornelia, from now on. She was certainly getting prickly enough as it was. "I mean, it's not as if I actually have to use my Geass."

Lelouch gave him a warning look then, which meant, Suzaku finally realized half an hour later, that a long and rather uncomfortable lecture was coming. Unfortunately, by the time Suzaku had figured that out, he had already suffered through most of the lecture, so the warning didn't do him much good.

"You mean, I truly have to _use_ the Geass, in order to 'develop' it fully?"

"That's what I've been _telling_ you this whole time."

"Okay, okay. I just wanted to be completely sure. You don't need to be so short tempered about it," Suzaku chided, wishing they'd left the discussion until after he'd had lunch. It was always easier to take bad news on a full stomach, and Suzaku wasn't pleased to hear that just having the Geass for a while wasn't enough.

_There has to be a way to use it without hurting anyone else, though. _"If I have to actually use it, then how exactly does Geass work?" Suzaku asked.

Lelouch gave him an incredulous look, as if he couldn't quite understand what he was hearing. "You mean you didn't hear from C.C., and you're only getting around to asking me this _now_?" he asked. "You're just the sort who always signs things without reading the fine print!"

"I was _trying_ to stop you from committing eternal suicide in the heat of the sun! I figured I could work out the details later," Suzaku defended. "Besides, I don't _always_ skip the fine print." Lelouch stared at him. "I skim," he hedged. "Well, sometimes," Suzaku grudgingly added, under his friend's increasingly skeptical gaze. "Anyway, since you're so concerned with discussing everything ahead of time, can you at least get around to answering my question?"

Lelouch sighed. "A Geass, as I told you before, is like a wish. In fact, it reflects whatever your deepest wish was when you made the Contract. I trust you, Suzaku," Lelouch said, and despite their past animosity, perhaps particularly because of it, Suzaku found the statement warmed his heart, "and so I was willing to grant you an extraordinary power, since I believe that what you long for most must be something good. At some point, you will be faced with a situation that will trigger that longing. When that happens, it will be like intensely remembering something you've known all along, and using the power will come naturally."

"Just like that? There's nothing special you have to do?"

"Your own Geass will guide you in what you have to do. You already know how it works, because it's a wish that was written so deeply on your heart that your every thought has been reflecting it."

"But that still doesn't tell me what it _does._"

"It's _your_ deepest wish, so why don't you tell me?" Lelouch asked, his voice amused.

"But you know I don't know! If I did, then I wouldn't have to ask you!" _And if I could just get this settled, then I could finally have lunch._

"It shouldn't be that hard to figure out, Suzaku. What do you want most?"

"...Peace, I guess?"

"It's good to see you know yourself so well," Lelouch replied with a small smirk.

"I _do_ want peace," he insisted, a bit stung that Lelouch would be sarcastic about this.

_We worked so hard to achieve a peaceful world, together._

"Yes," Lelouch agreed, his expression softening, "but Suzaku, the world _is_ peaceful right now. A wish is an unconscious request for help, a desire for something _beyond_ your own power, something you either don't have or don't think you can keep by normal means. Do you feel that the peace of the world is currently so shaky that it can't be maintained without extraordinary help?"

"No, I—I have faith in what we did, Lelouch. I wish you hadn't come up with a plan that involved your supposedly permanent death, but now that we've both come to our senses on that point, I think this peace can be maintained. The two of us will be working together, right? And I know there are lots of other people dedicated to protecting this new world, as well," he said, thinking of Nunnally and the Tianzi, along with Kallen and Toudou and the other Black Knights, as well.

"Then peace is not your deepest _wish_. What is it that you deeply want and yet don't have?"

"It has to be just _one_ thing?"

"Yes."

"Well, right now, I'd really like to have lunch."

Lelouch just shook his head tiredly.

"Hey, it's not my fault C.C. made me feel hungry! And you're the one who likes to lecture on and on." _I'm pretty sure those onigiri Sayoko left in the fridge are calling to me._ "Besides, how long did it take you to figure out what your Geass did?"

"I knew immediately."

"Immediately?"

"Yes. If you'll remember our first meeting after that long separation, Clovis's Royal Guard wanted me dead. After they shot you and cornered me, that's when C.C. granted me my Geass. If I hadn't used it immediately..."

"Oh." Suzaku didn't particularly like being reminded of all the ways in which he might have lost someone precious. It only made it worse to think of how corrupt Britannia had been back then, exactly how cruel the masters were that Suzaku had willingly served.

_But Britannia is different now, with Nunnally in charge, and we're going to make sure it stays that way._

"Well, it hasn't been that long since we made the Contract," Lelouch continued, seemingly unaffected by the bad memories he'd just casually dredged up. "Since the world _is_ peaceful now, maybe you just haven't encountered a situation that would trigger your Geass yet."

"But what if I never do?"

"You will," Lelouch told him, with a peculiar sort of ominous certainty. "You will, Suzaku, because it must have been a wish that weighed on you again and again, to have sunk in so deeply. That wish is always with you, and it wouldn't be a wish if it weren't in need of granting."

"Well, I guess we'll just have to wait and see, then," Suzaku returned lightly, eager to get to his lunch, but something in the cold certainty of Lelouch's words reverberated in his mind, even when his belly was finally full.

_What exactly does my Geass do?_


	3. Moving Mountains

The morning news was playing footage of Zero from the day prior, when he'd flown in to help with the reconstruction effort in Tokyo. He was lifting an I-beam up and then carrying it on one shoulder, as if it were nothing, the announcer going on about how strong he was, how quick, how brave. Kallen found it hard not to be a little disgusted at the commentary. It was just an I-beam, after all, and she'd carried as much herself with far less fanfare. While she could admit that it was a noble gesture on Zero's part, media aside, to help rebuild homes destroyed during the war, some part of her couldn't help finding his heavy lifting a little...distasteful.

_It's something Lelouch would never have done._

That, of course, was exactly the problem. She kept comparing this new Zero to Lelouch, kept trying to see something of the person she'd lost in the man he must have handpicked as his successor. Unfortunately, things like this only highlighted the differences.

_I have to stop making comparisons. It's not as if there's anything wrong with being physically strong._

In fact, before she'd met Lelouch, Kallen hadn't even thought she could respect a man that she could break in half without even trying, who fought with words because he refused to build up the strength to fight with fists, who slept through class and fled from physical education as if it were some sort of horrific torture session...

Yet, he was so sharp in his vision, so ingenious in his strategies, so determined in his goals, and so unabashedly gentle with his little sister...

_There has never been anyone I respected more._

She sighed, her eyes tracing the photograph of Lelouch from their time at Ashford, pinned to the cork board in her bedroom.

_I would have followed you anywhere...but you didn't want me going where you went,_ she thought with a bittersweet ache in her chest, hefting her school bag. Even with the cruelty of the words he'd used to drive her away, Lelouch had been trying to protect her; she wished she'd figured that out sooner. Instead, she'd fought her last battles with a secret, deeply buried hope that Lelouch would somehow come to his senses.

_But you knew what you were doing all along, didn't you? I should never have doubted the genius behind that mask._

There was a different mind there now, though, and she found she was still struggling to get used to the new Zero. Luckily, since he seemed to currently be spending most of his time helping Nunnally fix the mess Britannia had been left in, Kallen had some hope that she could avoid personally dealing with him for a little longer, at least until the sharpness of Lelouch's death wore off a bit more. The world, however, seemed to have a unique capacity for unceremoniously shattering her naïve feelings of optimism.

It had started with vague, intermittent tremblings as she walked home from school that day, progressing into a sharp bucking just as she'd made it back to her own neighborhood. Her mother had been watching the news anchors report live on T.V. when she ran in the door: an earthquake had hit Tokyo. It hadn't been a big one, but there were so many buildings left structurally unsound by the damages of war and of F.L.E.I.J.A., particularly, that the effects were likely to be severe.

The newly restored government of Japan _had_ been trying to get people in damaged buildings to move out until repairs could be completed, but in addition to those who simply refused to leave their perhaps lifelong homes, there were also many who couldn't find temporary housing in a city as crowded and expensive as Tokyo. It was twenty minutes into the broadcast when she got the call from Ougi, telling her that the Black Knights would be mobilizing to help out and asking if she would be willing to volunteer. Of course she was.

As it happened, so was Zero. She hadn't known that until she'd gotten to the address Ougi had given her, though, only to find Zero being thrust in front of a microphone to give a supposedly inspirational pep talk to all the people involved in the rescue effort. This Zero, unlike Lelouch, clearly wasn't used to making impromptu speeches, as he barely managed to stutter through some rehashed platitudes about sacrifice and dedication. He scarcely modulated his voice at all. He didn't gesture. Since the mask hid his face, he might as well have been standing there like a statue, at perfect military attention the entire time. The only occasion she had seen Lelouch remain that still with so many eyes on him was at his own funeral.

The thought put a sharp lance through her heart.

Circumstance, though, had firmly decided to end her reprieve from dealing with the new Zero, and she consequently found herself floundering through her own raw feelings as she was forced to work side by side with him. It wasn't even that she had anything against Zero's inheritor—except, of course, that he wasn't Lelouch. (Because he'd killed Lelouch.) So, maybe she was just a little teeny, tiny bit angry and resentful about that, but...

Mostly, she was just hurting, because he dressed in Lelouch's clothes, and he used Lelouch's alias, and when she'd see him standing out of the corner of her eye, it was almost like Lelouch was still around. Then he'd move or speak or lift something heavy, and that comfort would shatter. It was almost like he was making a mockery of her grief, by parading around of in the guise of someone she had cherished dearly and lost, and that sense of betrayal was only compounded by the knowledge that despite how much she'd cared for him, Lelouch had apparently trusted this new Zero with the final plan she'd had to slowly piece out herself, after the fact.

_Why? Why wasn't I good enough for you to trust, Lelouch? Was it because I sided with the Black Knights? Was this Zero simply more loyal than me?_

Some part of her even wondered if the new Zero could be that traitor Kururugi Suzaku. However, Gino had assured her multiple times that he'd died inside the Lancelot, and after all the things Suzaku had done to Lelouch, Kallen didn't want to believe it was that turncoat behind the mask, as Suzaku was the last person who could deserve Lelouch's absolute trust. At the same time, though, it would be nice to believe that she didn't have his blood on her hands, because he must have known about Lelouch's final plan as the Knight of Zero, must have been working with him, and if she'd killed Suzaku...

_Even if he didn't deserve it, Lelouch still thought of him as a friend._

She didn't want to believe she'd taken someone precious from Lelouch in his final days and left him utterly alone. Yet, if Suzaku could kill him so coldly, was he really a friend, after all? Either way, she found it hard to like this new version of Zero. She would support him, because she knew that was what Lelouch would have wanted, but that didn't mean she was going to fall at his feet in awe every time he lifted up a piece of debris.

No, leave that to the reporters who had somehow slipped through the perimeter. If Zero wanted to lift up a huge concrete slab, then instead of applauding, she was going to lift one up, too. Maybe the cameras would never be on her, but she would at least show the people here that there was nothing so special about this new guy.

_No one could be special the way that Lelouch was._

With that fierce certainty in mind, she matched him beam for beam, door for door, hands digging through shattered wood and crumbling walls, trying to reach those pleading voices, those exposed limbs. Three hours had brought her to five survivors and far more corpses, and as she finally made it to what must have been the last in the row of two floor apartments, she was dripping in sweat and covered in grime and dust and sewage.

Kallen shoved aside what might once have been a refrigerator in the shell of the crumbled building, only to see a hand sticking out from underneath a piece of fallen concrete.

"Hello? Can you hear me?" she called, hoping for an answer, but if there were one, it was too muffled to make out. Kallen reached out to grasp the hand and fingers closed weakly around hers. She gave them a reassuring squeeze, before getting up to try to find the easiest way to get the survivor out.

Unfortunately, there didn't seem to be any good way. It was obvious that whoever it was—perhaps a young woman, judging by the hand?—was pinned in a corner with an enormous concrete slab leaning at a forty five degree angle above her. There would be no getting her out without moving it.

Kallen took a deep breath. She was tired, but surely she could do this? She flexed her fingers and shifted their position until she could get a good grip, planting her feet as carefully as she could on the uneven ground, before attempting to lift. When her target didn't budge, she strained at it, fingers burning as they tried to bear the pressure, the muscles of her arms and legs beginning to tremble in protest as more sweat ran into her eyes and nearly blinded her. It still didn't move. Grunting, she gave one last shove, but her body was already taxed to its limit. The weight of the concrete was simply too great, and she didn't want to risk half lifting it and then dropping it on the unlucky woman below.

Letting go was still so difficult, though, as if she had somehow personally failed Lelouch by not being able to do this alone, even though there plenty of other members of the Black Knights here, all willing to help.

_This is stupid. I'm not going to repeat the same mistakes I made after Naoto's death. No matter how much I wish otherwise, it's not possible to prove anything to the dead. _

"Hey, hold on a minute. I'm going to go get help, okay?" Kallen shouted, just in case the woman could hear.

Sighing heavily, she poked her head out of the building's remaining shell and called, "There's a survivor trapped here! Someone give me a hand getting her out!"

Of course it was just her luck that it had to be _him_ that came, black cape billowing around him as he leapt in through the hole she'd called from. Zero. The new one. She glared at him, silently daring him to say something, to insult her for not being able to do this alone.

He remained quiet, though, only swiping some dust off of his mask, presumably so that he could see a little better, and Kallen realized belatedly that he was waiting for her to explain the situation.

_Right. Focus on the mission._

"She's just through here," Kallen told him, leading him a little further inside, before kneeling next to the woman's hand and giving it another squeeze.

"This is the thing I had trouble moving," she explained, gesturing to the concrete slab that made extracting the woman impossible.

Zero nodded. "It looks like we can grab it from both sides," he said, the mask giving his voice that odd, distinctive echo she was so familiar with. If she hadn't known the original Zero so well, she might have been fooled into thinking they sounded the same. "We'll lift it together, on the count of three. Okay?"

She nodded, trusting that he could see it, even if the mask prevented her from knowing exactly where he was looking. Kallen went to one side and got a good grip while he went to the other.

"Got a good hold?" he asked.

"Yes."

"Okay. One." She flexed her fingers, one more time, digging them in a little deeper. "Two." She settled her two feet a little more firmly into the floor, such as it was. "Three." They lifted, the world reduced to three points: her, him, and the weight between them. The heavy pull of it was a familiar but unwelcome jolt to her muscles, and for a moment she thought even together they wouldn't be enough, until slowly, torturously, the wall of concrete finally started to rise. It felt like her arms and legs were on fire with the weight of it.

"It's like that awful marble slab," Zero muttered, nearly under his breath.

"What?"

"Never mind," he said, the mask making even his grunt of exertion echo oddly. "Let's turn this horizontal. Then we can carry it a little further to the side and put it down."

The putting it down part sounded like one of the best plans she'd ever heard, though even shuffling sideways enough to get it clear of the woman, who still hadn't moved, was a strain that took everything Kallen had left. The thud of the slab against the floor was nearly deafening, and she winced as the already unsound building shook a little more. Thankfully, though, only a little dust rained down on them as Kallen leaned heavily against a mostly intact section of the wall, knees quaking with the effort of simply keeping herself upright.

There was a soft scraping sound, and Zero turned with her toward the woman, still huddled on the floor in a dirty green sweater and yellow slacks. Kallen saw, for a second, a deep, bloody gash running from the woman's left hip up toward her sternum. In the next moment, Zero was lifting her up and carrying her out, the dust stirring in the wake of his swift passage.

Kallen felt a trembling in her chest which she quickly brought under control, because the world needed her to be strong right now. Japan needed her to be strong, and there were more people who could still be trapped.

_It's not fair. Just when we finally got our freedom, just when the world finally became peaceful..._

_...With an injury like that, she probably won't make it._

Kallen allowed herself only a minute to regain her calm and some semblance of strength in her knees before returning to the search. Eventually, though, she couldn't help but glance back at the medical station, looking for the woman they'd rescued. When she did, her blood began to boil. _How could they put her off to the side, with the walking wounded!_

Kallen marched over to a pair of medics treating a man with a broken leg. "Hey, can't you see that lady is hurt badly?"

"Which lady?"

"The one in the green sweater!"

The medics shared a confused glance. "But we already looked her over..."

Gritting her teeth in frustration, Kallen grabbed one of them by the arm and dragged him forcefully over toward the shell shocked woman.

"Look!" Kallen said, pulling up the torn, bloodstained sweater just far enough to reveal—

Dirty but unbroken skin.

"That's just dirt, not bruising," the medic said.

"Oh. Oh, but..." She thought she'd seen...

It had been dark, in the failing shell of the home. Her eyes had been irritated with dust and grime and smoke and sweat from hours of searching. Could it have been a trick of her own tiredness? Perhaps the woman had used the sweater to staunch a different wound, and Kallen's mind had conflated blood with torn flesh.

_But how was her sweater torn? Where did the blood come from, if not from a stomach wound? _The woman didn't seem to have any bleeding injuries, but then, Kallen was pretty sure the poor soul didn't need her prying around any further. One of the last things an already traumatized disaster victim could want was an unnecessary strip search, especially after the medics had already checked her over.

_I guess I must have been more tired than I thought. My eyes were playing tricks on me._

"You see?" the medic was saying. "She's okay for now, and I have a protruding bone to deal with. I'll get to her as soon as the more serious injuries have been stabilized," he explained, already hurrying back to his post.

The poor woman just stared at her. "I'm sorry," Kallen said, barely resisting the urge to bow in apology, feeling shameful and foolish for disturbing an already distressed survivor and wasting the medic's time. "I was worried that you were more hurt, but I guess the blood must have come from someplace else."

"Ishigawa Hachiko."

"Sorry?"

She grabbed Kallen's sleeve, the over long cuff of her green sweater almost concealing her clutching fingers from view. "My name is Ishigawa Hachiko. Please, I have a son. He was in the apartment—downstairs. Have you found him? Ishigawa Takeda. Have you found him?

"No, not yet," she said, trying to keep her voice level as she put her own calloused hand over grimy fingers. "But I'll search. I'll keep searching for him." The lower floor had been completely flattened.

"Please."

"I'll keep searching," she promised again. _Even if there's no hope, I will at least return the body to you._

It took another forty minutes of picking through rubble, digging ever downwards until she finally found the small, crushed body on the bottom floor. Holding back tears, Kallen wrapped Takeda in a small blanket and brought him over toward the medical team for the official declaration of death.

She looked around, but didn't see a green sweater nearby. "Hey," she called, hailing a medic walking past her with tray covered in gauze and cotton swabs. "Do you know if Ishigawa Hachiko has been treated yet?"

"Who?" the medic asked, frowning.

"The woman," Kallen said, gesturing toward the place where she'd been sitting, "in the green sweater. She was waiting just over there."

"Oh, she's already been taken to the hospital."

_I thought her injuries weren't that serious?_ Kallen frowned. Perhaps it was just precautionary or perhaps Hachiko had gone into shock. Shaking her head, she got the number of the hospital from the medic in order to fulfill the unpleasant duty of informing Hachiko about her son.

"Are you family?" the hospital worker asked suspiciously, when she'd asked to speak to the woman.

"I—I'm with her son right now," Kallen hedged, figuring that it wasn't really a lie.

"...I'm so sorry," the woman on the other end told her after a long pause, "but Ishigawa Hachiko has already passed away."

"Oh," Kallen whispered, murmuring out a shocked, clipped thank you for the news before hanging up.

_But she looked fine when I last saw her..._ There was no telling, though, about internal injuries.

_Poor Hachiko. I guess she's with her son now_, she thought sadly.

After that, Kallen continued with the rescue and cleanup effort until darkness and poor weather caused Ougi to declare the search suspended until morning. There weren't may rescue workers still remaining, anyway. Zero (she cursed him for his continued energy) somehow managed the patience to give polite goodbyes to everyone as he left, and she'd responded to his "Good night, Kallen" with an automatic "Good night" of her own. It wasn't until he was half a block away that it occurred to her: he'd used her name. She hadn't told him, and she hadn't heard him address any of the other Black Knights so familiarly.

She ran after him in the heavy drizzle, her sore muscles protesting and her hurried footfalls splashing dirty puddle water everywhere, as she called out, "Zero, wait!"

"Yes?" he asked, turning.

She wanted to ask him if Lelouch had told him specifically about her, if he'd said anything important, left some message—

Even in her own mind, it sounded foolish and desperate. If Lelouch had left her a personal message, surely Zero would have delivered it to her by now.

_He could have just heard one of the others call my name. I'm pretty well known among the Black Knights, after all._

Kallen shook her head, feeling stupid and embarrassed for the second time that day. "It's nothing. Never mind."

"...If you say so. Have a nice night, Kallen."

_It would have been nicer if you were Lelouch_, she thought bitterly, despite her best efforts. She at least had the tact not to tell him that, though, because Lelouch had been one of a kind, and this new Zero wasn't going to be like him, no matter how hard he tried.

It wouldn't do anyone any good to blame him for not achieving the impossible.


	4. Ninjas

"Good morning," Suzaku said, suppressing a yawn as he joined Lelouch and Arthur on the couch with a tray of food. He'd rather have still been asleep, but the aroma of breakfast, dominated by Sayoko's freshly prepared miso soup, almost made up for that.

"Good morning," Lelouch greeted him, looking away from the morning news for a moment to stare at him in mild surprise. "You're certainly up early, Suzaku, considering how late the Pendragon reconstruction meeting ran last night."

Suzaku winced. He'd foregone a real dinner to privately discuss a _second_ request for more graveyard security with Nunnally, after a meeting that had already run over by several hours. _I hope it's just Cornelia's paranoia, like the guards are saying._

"No choice," he replied, only just remembering to swallow his mouthful of egg before speaking because Lelouch shot him a disapproving look. "I have to fly out again in less than half an hour." He would have mentioned the cemetery troubles to Lelouch, but Suzaku didn't particularly want to end up discussing the possibilities of criminal desecration over breakfast. Once he got into planning and prediction mode, Lelouch had absolutely no sensitivity when it came to the normal human digestive system.

Sighing, Suzaku blissfully savored a mouthful of Sayoko's signature soup, his mind more on breakfast than anything else.

"How did you get stuck having to leave already?" Lelouch asked, after swallowing a bite of his own omelet. "You only got back from Japan yesterday afternoon."

"Yes, but I promised I'd go back for another week to help with the earthquake cleanup in Tokyo. Since a lot of those buildings only collapsed due to damages from F.L.E.I.J.A., I—"

"Feel personally responsible. I know," Lelouch said sadly, staring at the news report with hollow eyes. "So do I."

Suzaku finally noticed that the news station was currently running earthquake coverage, and he grimaced, sorry that he'd brought it up. _As hard as it is for me, it must be worse for Lelouch, feeling guilty, but not being able to actually go out and do anything about it._

That was another reason not to mention the graveyard. A thorough investigation of Euphy's sepulcher had revealed absolutely no tampering, so Suzaku rather suspected that the intruders Cornelia swore she'd heard (if they truly existed) had actually been targeting the much more hated Demon Emperor, instead. It would be a bit uncomfortable to remind a person, over breakfast no less, that he was so reviled that people he didn't even know wanted to profane his supposedly final resting place. Since Nunnally had agreed to Cornelia's request for more security and assured Suzaku that the lid of Lelouch's coffin hadn't been moved since his own visit, there really shouldn't be any reason to burden Lelouch with the matter.

"You should take Sayoko with you when you leave," his friend suggested suddenly, his fork poised above his plate as he thought.

"But Lelouch, who will bring you your meals, if she's not sneaking them through in her cleaning cart? Jeremiah's orange farm is pretty far away, so aside from me and Nunnally, Sayoko is the only other one around who even knows you're still alive. You know Nunnally is leaving for that U.F.N. conference hosted in the E.U. tomorrow, so—"

"It will be fine, Suzaku. If C.C. can live on nothing but pizza, it's barely a sacrifice to have to live on frozen food and canned tuna for a week, and Nunnally will be fine since Schneizel is under orders to look after her on the trip."

_But you'll be all alone_, Suzaku thought sadly. When the prospect of Lelouch's death had been looming, he hadn't had the presence of mind to think of anything much beyond that. Now, though, after another night of catching Lelouch clawing at the air in his nightmares, as if he were still trapped in that coffin, Suzaku was becoming bitterly aware that his friend was essentially trapped even now, held like a prisoner in Zero's suite by the hatred of the world.

_I wanted you to live so badly, I didn't even think of the sort of life that you would have._

The fine print could sometimes be a very ugly thing. As if to prove that, a scrolling list of names on the morning news report—confirmed casualties of the Tokyo earthquake—switched his train of thought onto yet another unhappy track. "Hey, I remember Hachiko. I helped get her out of the rubble. Takami, too. I don't understand; the medics seemed to think they'd both be alright when I took them to be checked over."

"Considering that a lot of roads were closed, it must have taken a long time to get enough doctors to the site; the first responders were likely overwhelmed with the number of wounded. They also may not have had the equipment on hand to perform the most thorough checks. People can actually bleed out internally, into their own body cavities, and die of blood loss without shedding a drop. Or they can perish from brain swelling. Or with a crush injury, even if the skin hasn't been broken, when muscle cells rupture in large enough quantities, they can release toxic substances that cause kidney failure. Rhabdomyolysis, it's called," he said, before resuming eating his omelet.

"How do you even know this sort of thing, Lelouch?" Suzaku asked with a grimace, afraid that his friend had become even more morbid than he'd thought._ And how can you just keep eating like that, with so many ways people can die running through your head?_

For a long moment, Lelouch seemed almost unwilling to answer. "...You remember the avalanche that killed Shirley's father?" he finally asked, staring down at the breakfast he now seemed reluctant to continue eating. Suzaku nodded solemnly, as it had been his first experience digging for survivors and casualties, something he could never forget. "After I heard about that, I read every obituary related to the incident. Not everyone died of pure suffocation," Lelouch told him, his expression carefully blank. "Looking back, I guess it was a very poor penance," he confessed, with a bitter, self-depreciating twist of his lips, "but—"

"Enough." Suzaku grabbed his shoulder to turn him so that they were mostly facing each other, hoping to convey his feelings with his eyes, as he didn't have the eloquence Lelouch had to express himself. "I don't know how I ever convinced myself that you were heartless."

_I don't know how I convinced myself that it was okay to betray you_.

"Because I was a horrible person. I still am, Suzaku." It was amazing how sincerely he could say that.

"You are _not_—although you _are_ an incurable liar, Lelouch. You need to stop trying to convince me to hate you, though, because it's not going to work anymore."

"I—" Lelouch paused, distracted by something else on the news report. They were showing footage of a very familiar woman in the uniform of the Black Knights, hauling some spectacularly heavy debris. "Kallen was there?" Lelouch asked.

"Yes," Suzaku said, glad for the distraction. "She was working really hard, too. I don't think I saw her take a single break."

"...How is she?" Lelouch asked quietly.

Suzaku paused, worrying about how to answer that. Just because a person looked mostly angry and tired and sad while working at a disaster site didn't mean she was dissatisfied with the world otherwise. He didn't want to give Lelouch the false impression that his efforts hadn't helped her.

"I don't think she liked my speech very much," he finally answered, because that seemed safe enough. Lelouch had alluded to as much himself, when Suzaku had returned to the suite while it was being broadcast, late the previous night. "In fact, I think she was glaring at me the whole time I was in front of the microphone, but since those reporters literally just shoved it at me, I didn't exactly have the chance to prepare for it."

Suzaku scowled. "I wish people would stop putting me on the spot like that," he complained, still feeling more than a bit annoyed. He'd gone to help desperately injured people, not provide fodder for the evening news.

"Get used to it," Lelouch told him, smiling with slightly restored humor. "You're the hero of the world, now."

"Yes, and I have a feeling I'll be paying for that one sword strike for the rest of my life," he said, trying not to allow his thoughts to stray toward darker territory. Something else occurred to him, watching Kallen continue her efforts on the screen. "You know, after we finished up for the day, I think she might have wanted to ask me something, but I never did find out what her question was."

Lelouch nodded thoughtfully. "She's very likely figured out at least the gist of Zero Requiem by now, but that's probably only given her more questions."

Suzaku looked at him, startled. "But if she's figured it out, then she's got to be feeling really upset, thinking that you're dead."

"Just because my basic intent was good, doesn't mean she's forgiven me for the means I used to achieve my goal. Even if she has, it doesn't change anything. The more people who know my secret, the more chance there is that it will slip out, and so we can't afford to tell her."

"...If you say so, Lelouch," Suzaku finally answered uncertainly, remembering how deeply he had grieved when he'd thought his best friend was gone forever. Suzaku wasn't exactly sure how close Lelouch and Kallen had been, but surely she'd at least thought of Lelouch as a friend at one point. Even if she had sided with Schneizel during that final battle, according to Jeremiah, she'd also apparently brought flowers to Lelouch's tomb.

"You can't let your feelings get in the way of your rational assessment, Suzaku," Lelouch admonished him. "She may even suspect that you are Zero now, so you have to be careful not to confirm that for her. Because you ended up on opposite sides throughout so much of the war, she may not be very well disposed toward you personally."

Suzaku grimaced, thinking of how he had threatened to use Refrain on her while she was imprisoned. _No, I don't think she's well disposed toward me at all, Lelouch. _The most ironic part was that the very reason he hadn't gone through with a drug aided interrogation was because he hadn't wanted to stoop to Lelouch's level.

_Back then, I thought that you had not one particle of decency left in you. In reality, I was the one who—_

"Stop that," Lelouch commanded him. Even Arthur seemed to be giving Suzaku a reproachful look. "I can tell just from your expression that you're thinking uselessly guilty thoughts. Instead, you need to finish your breakfast while I call Sayoko to tell her about the change in plans."

Sighing, Suzaku nodded, realizing that he probably only had about ten minutes or so left before he had to be out the door. _Morbid conversation or not, there's no way I'm leaving without finishing breakfast this time._ It was quite a surprise when he got to his personal transport, though, only to realize that Sayoko was already there. He'd thought she'd be stuck traveling separately later on, but once again her quickness and efficiency amazed him.

As it turned out, that same organizational skill also helped at the disaster site. Whereas Suzaku was good at handling the heavy lifting, Sayoko had a talent for making sure that a clear path was available for heavy construction vehicles, that the bottled water was kept in the shade, and that the meals for the rescue workers were kept protected from dust.

As the day wore on, although Suzaku was still feeling guilty, it was satisfying to note the gradual but noticeable progress their efforts made, to see some of the orderly country he'd known from his youth reemerging from the rubble. By the middle of the week, in the areas that had been completely swept for survivors or bodies, reconstruction had already started. Unfortunately, going carefully through collapsed buildings was a slow and treacherous process, and by late afternoon on the last day that he and Sayoko were scheduled to be there, some recovery efforts were still ongoing. They had no choice but to proceed cautiously now, though, because none of the remaining areas were very structurally sound.

Suzaku was lugging a squat concrete pillar up a steep incline, when he happened to see a few cracks spidering across the partially destroyed ceiling of a nearby multistory building. He drew in a sharp breath, as those small cracks kept growing and growing.

"The ceiling!" he shouted in warning, just before it started raining down, creating a small avalanche of concrete that only threatened to grow larger as falling chunks crashed into the already weakened lower floors. The air trembled in his lungs, as Suzaku realized there were people who would be in the path of so much falling stone. "Get out of the way!"

He let go of the pillar he'd been carrying, and it was only the sharp gasp of one of the rescue workers at the bottom of the hill that had him diving back after it, nearly pulling one shoulder out of its socket in an attempt to get a hold on it again. _If I drop this now, it will roll down and crush them!_ Grunting with effort, Suzaku struggled up to the level area he'd been aiming to reach in the first place, though with a great deal more dust and desperation than he'd originally planned.

In the next moment, he'd dropped his burden and was running, but the ground in front of him was uneven, shifting beneath his boots. If he pushed off too hard, he'd only start another avalanche himself and put more people in danger. Gritting his teeth in frustration, Suzaku looked up to see the second to last floor caving in, leaving only one fragile layer left to hold the force of gravity back.

"Get away from that building!" Although they were clearly doing their best, the footing was just as poor for the people trying to flee as it was for the man trying to reach them, and Suzaku's breath stuck in his throat, as enormous slabs of concrete from the side of the building, close to the top, began to shift with a foreboding rumble. _No, if those fall, then..._

The breath he'd held hissed out in panic, as the wall crumbled away from the rebar frame of the building, tumbling down to take out the remaining portions of the floors below, sometimes pulling deadly threads of reinforced steel along for the ride. It was this threat that caught Suzaku's eye, as he rushed forward with as much speed as he dared, his heart thudding painfully in his chest.

Although the weight of the concrete itself seemed to keep it from going very far from the base of the building, a long, protruding line of metal, sharp from where it had wrenched away from the building, caught all of his attention, as it shook free of its casing and surged through the air like a pike from the sky. With a jolt of fear, Suzaku realized that there was a young man in its path, a volunteer firefighter slowed by the terrain and the exhaustion of moving heavy debris all morning. He was still unaware of exactly what was hurtling down at him—and not moving quite fast enough to avoid it.

_Please, don't let him die._

Suzaku dug in and leapt, but the ground that should have allowed him propulsion slipped away into dust beneath his feet, unable to handle the strain. Instead of jumping, he was falling himself, scrabbling at anything his hands could reach to get back onto solid ground. It took only a few seconds, but a few seconds was such a terribly long time under such circumstances. Suzaku looked over toward the young man desperately—

He was fine, and Suzaku's expression started to lift into a smile, before he noticed that there was someone else standing just about where the potential casualty had been, someone who had probably pushed the young man out of the way. She was between Suzaku and the rogue rebar, and he couldn't see from the angle, whether she was clear of the beam or impaled by it.

Her face was very familiar, and his heart jolted. "Sayoko?" When Lelouch had asked her to go along to help, he'd thought of it as a simple rescue and cleanup effort, nothing really dangerous. She had loyally stayed with Lelouch and Nunnally for so many years, Suzaku couldn't imagine having to go back to tell them...

_Please, don't let her be..._

He was at her side in time to see her tear her sleeve away from the bar that had gone through it, and he heaved a sigh as he realized that it couldn't have hit anything vital.

"Here, let me see your arm," he said, willing his racing heart to calm now that it was clear no one further would be dying.

The limb was steady as she held it out to him, but Suzaku frowned in perplexion, sure he must be missing something. "Can you roll your sleeve up?"

"Of course, Master Zero."

"There's...there's no wound," he stated dumbly. Sayoko had chosen a fairly close fitting outfit that day, probably to avoid snagging it on the randomly strewn debris (or at least to avoid attention if she didn't ever snag it), so he hadn't really thought that a steel bar of that diameter could possibly go through her sleeve without also going through part of her arm.

"It would appear so," she replied, and he couldn't tell from her expression whether she was very calm or just simply shocked.

He reached out to examine the fabric. There were two holes in the sleeve and a rip in between them, from when Sayoko had torn herself free. The sleeve might have been a bit wet there, but it was hard to tell with his black gloves on if it could be blood. As the material of her sleeve was both dark and highly absorbent, the moisture could just as easily have been splashed water or sweat, for all he knew.

Some thoughtless part of him reached out to trace the unbroken skin that had lain beneath the torn cloth in fascination, before his sense of propriety caught up with him. He pulled his hand back, just as glad for the mask covering the heat in his face as he was for C.C.'s absence.

"Sorry. I'm really glad you're all right, Sayoko. And thank you for helping that guy. I was trying, but I just couldn't get there in time..."

"It was no trouble, Master Zero."

He smiled at her, even though he knew she couldn't see it. _Not even a scratch._ "Sometimes, you really are incredible, Sayoko."

_Delicious food and incredible dodging. Ninjas must have some __**amazing**__ skills._


	5. Research

Suzaku jolted out of a light doze at the dining room table when he heard the ring of the doorbell. Yawning, he stood up and sleepily put on his mask, promising himself he would get through reading that U.F.N. budgetary resolution someday, no matter how long and boring it was.

"Good evening, Nunnally," he greeted, stepping back so that she could wheel herself in before closing the door carefully behind her, satisfied as the sharp click of the automatic lock assured him that he could take the mask off again.

"You can stop hiding now, Lelouch!" he called as he moved back to the couch, knowing how paranoid his friend still was. It would have been almost amusing, if it didn't mean so much extra effort for Suzaku. "It's just your sister this time, too!" he added as an extra dig, because it always was.

"I wish you would stop being so flippant about this, Suzaku," Lelouch said, finally slipping out of the bedroom. "Concealing my survival is of paramount importance."

"I promise I will maintain the highest level of security around this suite, Lelouch," Nunnally soothed, in a blatant display of favoritism. "Only the best guards are assigned to this detail."

"Thank you, Nunnally," Lelouch told her, coming forward to give her a quick hug before settling back onto the couch himself.

"I wish I could say I just came to visit," Nunnally said, "but unfortunately, something has happened." For a moment, Suzaku thought worriedly of Cornelia, who frankly hadn't looked so good at the last reconstruction meeting, but the Empress swiftly put his worries about Euphy's big sister out of his mind with her next words. "Sayoko has been injured," she told them, waving them back down when they both started to stand from the couch. "It's not life threatening."

"It's just a very deep gash on her arm. The most disturbing part of this is, it just appeared, about twenty minutes ago. She'd just brought me tea after she got back from Japan, and all of a sudden she winced and blood was just seeping through her sleeve. Other than the blood stain, though, her sleeve was completely undamaged, and yet it seems impossible that something could hurt her arm so badly without going through it."

"Strangely," Nunnally continued with a deep frown, "Sayoko tells me that a metal beam did go through the sleeve of a shirt she was wearing earlier, not long before she and Suzaku left Japan, and yet at that time, there was no injury."

Suzaku blinked. "Yes, I was there. I saw the holes it made in her sleeve, but there wasn't a mark on her." He shrugged. "I thought it was just some ninja thing."

Nunnally gave him a somewhat pitying glance, and Lelouch just shook his head. "Something really strange happens, and it never even occurred to you that it might have been caused by Geass?" Lelouch asked.

"I was distracted by other things at the time," he tried explaining. _I was so happy that she was okay, why would I question it?_

"Well, I don't want to jump to conclusions, but it does seem like the sort of thing only explainable through Geass," Nunnally said. "That's what really worries me. Who is this rogue Geass user?"

"Do you want my guess, Nunnally?" Lelouch asked.

"Yes, that's why I came here," she said, nodding.

Lelouch pointed at Suzaku.

"Hey, we don't know that for sure yet!" he objected.

Nunnally blinked at him in surprise. "You have a Geass, Suzaku? How?"

It was Lelouch's turn to look uncomfortable. "Besides granting immortality, a Code also allows someone to grant the power of Geass. I made a Contract with him."

"And you were planning to tell me this, when?" Nunnally asked, beginning to put on her annoyed Empress face.

"As soon as we figured out what his Geass actually does, Nunnally," Lelouch told her, obviously trying to be mollifying. "But this is the first I've heard about something stra—" His eyes widened. "Wait. Before you left for Japan again, Suzaku, you mentioned those two people from the earthquake, Hachiko and Takami. You said that they seemed okay when the medics checked them over at the site, and yet they were both listed as casualties. Nunnally, do you think you could pull some strings and get their medical records from the hospital? I want to confirm a theory."

"Of course. Just write their names down for me, and I'll get you the information somehow."

Unfortunately, by the time the records came three days later, Nunnally had already left for another diplomatic meeting, and Sayoko had to bring the sheaf of papers to them in her absence.

"How is your arm?" Suzaku asked contritely when she handed them over, his mask off so that he could properly express himself. If what Lelouch suspected proved true, then he was the one responsible for the mysterious, distressingly sudden appearance of her injury while serving Nunnally tea.

"It's healing very well, Master Zero."

He sighed in relief. "I'm glad you're going to be okay."

"Please do not trouble yourself over my injury."

"If I had only been faster that day—"

"Master Lelouch sent me with you exactly so that I could help you do the things you could not accomplish on your own. If I were not capable of doing that, then my presence would have been useless."

He winced. "I'm sorry, Sayoko, I didn't mean to question your role. I'm grateful for your dedication, truly." _And your cooking._ "You've done a great deal for all of us."

She smiled. "Then I have done my job well."

He smiled back at her as she made her way out, before he turned to bring the records to Lelouch. The former Emperor flipped through the pages quickly, but Suzaku was certain he was just as thorough as always.

"Well?" he asked, when Lelouch was done.

"They did not appear to you to have any serious outward injuries?" Lelouch questioned.

"No."

"So, no enormous gash across the abdomen, no compound fracture of the arm and skull, nothing like that?"

"No, definitely not."

"This is the work of your Geass, then. Definitely."

"But what exactly is it? How does it work?"

"As I've told you before, your Geass is a reflection of your deepest, most instinctive wish."

"So?"

"Perhaps a few examples would help. My father claimed that he wanted a world where there were no lies, but the nature of his memory altering Geass proved that was a lie, itself. He wanted to be able to forget whatever truths he found inconvenient, like the fact that he abandoned his own children," Lelouch said with more than a hint of lingering anger, "and become ruler of a world of stagnant memories, reflecting only his own desires."

"Mao wanted to hear what others were thinking, though he ended up cursed with a never ending soundtrack that overrode his own sanity. C.C. wanted someone to care for her, so her Geass forced everyone to love her." Lelouch paused. "Well, at least it gave the illusion of love. Apparently, they all turned on her when a false friend forced the Code on her, and thereby cancelled her Geass."

"Then C.C. never even wanted the Code in the first place?" Suzaku asked in shock. "No wonder she was so eager to get rid of it."

Lelouch nodded in agreement. "To her, it must have been a constant reminder of that betrayal, so even if it's causing us some difficulties, I'm glad we've taken it off her hands. She deserves to be free from that." Lelouch's eyes grew unfocused for a moment, before he shook out of his musing. "But I was trying to explain about your Geass, not reminisce about C.C."

"You've probably already guessed that Bismarck Waldstein wanted to foresee what was coming, which was why he could see own defeat at your hands before you struck the final blow. My mother wanted to run from death, though we both know that clinging to the idea of an eternal world is exactly what killed her in the end. Rolo wanted to be able to stop everything," Lelouch hesitated a moment, "and he ended up fatally stopping his own heart."

He looked at Suzaku sadly. "Of course, you know my own story better than all the rest. I, who had been so helpless in the face of my mother's assassination and Nunnally's crippling injury, who had lived as a political prisoner and had just powerlessly watched a dear friend seemingly fatally shot, wished to finally have absolute control, and ended up becoming the Demon Emperor. As for your own Geass, Suzaku, only you can know the truth of your deepest wish, but perhaps we are enough alike that I can make a guess."

"What do you think it is, then?" he asked worriedly, not liking the ominous way every Geass user Lelouch had listed had ended up with some horrible fate.

"...The thing I wanted most from you, Suzaku, was for you to 'live on', because I couldn't bear the thought of your death. When Shirley was shot by Rolo," Suzaku had to bite his tongue very hard not to interrupt on learning that piece of information, "I tried to use my Geass on her, too, for the same reason. 'Don't die,' I said. Watching her bleed out, that was my one thought: _Don't die_. But my Geass had been the power of absolute control, not absolute survival. That's why, though my command will force you to attempt, by any means possible, to avoid receiving a fatal injury, it cannot preserve your life if you do suffer such a wound. Likewise, my Geass could not save Shirley, who had already been mortally injured. But your Geass, Suzaku...in those final days before we made the Contract, could your deepest wish have been—"

"Don't die." Suzaku reached out to cover the place on Lelouch's chest where crimson blood had once spilled out around Zero's sword. "Don't die, Lelouch." Suzaku drew a deep breath, wrapping his arms back around his own waist and shuddering as he remembered the mingled horror and grief of that time. "You're right," he acknowledged with devastating certainty. "That's what I wanted most. I—I've probably been making that sort of wish since the moment that I first realized I'd stabbed my own father."

Suzaku clenched his fists, frustrated with himself. "Why didn't I _see_ that before?"

"Sometimes it's easier to notice things from the outside, with the help of extra objectivity," Lelouch consoled him.

"That, and you're a genius," he grumbled, with only a little jealousy. While Suzaku's tests scores, back when he'd actually attended school, had assured him he wasn't stupid in an absolute fashion, Lelouch had an unfortunate way of making everyone around him seem dim by comparison.

"Well, that too," his friend said, looking a bit smug.

"And so modest."

"Now who's the liar?" Lelouch asked, smiling a little. "But don't think flattery will be enough to get you out of doing the research."

"Research?"

"Since Zero is known to be involved in the recovery effort, it won't be that unusual if you show up at the hospital where most of the injured were taken in order to wish them well—a bit more literally than most people would understand. Technically, the staff probably shouldn't be allowing a stranger in unannounced, but in my experience, people almost never follow protocol when a celebrity is involved. Besides, you're a hero, so who wouldn't be thrilled to see you?"

Suzaku wasn't sure _he_ was so thrilled with the idea of using his reputation as Zero to test his Geass out, but as he'd never been good at winning arguments with Lelouch, he somehow found himself at the hospital only three days later. Lelouch, in his continuing paranoia, was carefully disguised in a doctor's scrubs, his face hidden by a breath mask and thick rimmed glasses, a forged ID in his pocket.

"I still think that if you _really_ cared about concealing your identity, you would have taken C.C.'s disguise suggestions," Suzaku teased, partly because he was still a little sore about losing their argument.

Despite his protestations about not needing her input, Lelouch had called C.C. as soon as they'd figured out what Suzaku's Geass might do. Of course, she had been less than helpful, mostly contributing joking remarks about how Lelouch should conceal his identity—for instance, in a pizza delivery costume, in a pompadour, in drag.

"What, so you two could spend all month laughing at my expense? I had more than enough of that sort of thing with Milly," Lelouch told him. "Now stop hassling me, before I order one of the nurses to give you some very nasty medicine."

"You're certainly prickly today, aren't you? Ah, but without your," at Lelouch's sharp glare, Suzaku remembered the multiple secrecy lectures he'd received along the way, "'special eyes', I don't think it's going to be so easy to bend people to your will, anymore."

"Just get moving, Zero."

"Sure thing, Lulu," he retorted, and if Lelouch didn't like it, well, he shouldn't have been so paranoid that he insisted Suzaku not use his real name in public.

_Actually, I don't know if it's paranoia about being discovered, or just ego making him think he's the only one who has ever had the name "Lelouch"._

Suzaku had to admit that he suffered from a little bit of his own form of paranoia, though, specifically about deliberately using his Geass on anyone, even if it was to help the injured. However, Lelouch had been right when he'd said that the Geass itself would guide him. When Suzaku found himself looking down at an old man—his wrinkled hands pushing futilely against the bed, as he struggled unsuccessfully to sit up to greet his guest—using the Geass was almost automatic.

"I thought the nurses were just playing a joke on me, but it's really you," the earthquake survivor whispered, his voice rasping slightly with age and emotion. Now that the pain had been removed, the awe in his expression was clear and uncontested, and Suzaku drew back the arm he'd used to support the patient as he sat up, knowing it was no longer necessary. "I still can't believe it. I'm getting a personal visit from Zero: the man who freed Japan," the old man said with pride, and the phrasing sent a powerful exhilaration coursing through Suzaku.

Although Zero spent a great deal of time around reporters, politicians, and dignitaries, their eloquent, contrived praise always left him cold. The simple acknowledgement of a powerless old man meant so much more, because he was exactly the sort of innocent, downtrodden target of oppression that Suzaku had been struggling so hard to help all along. Still, it was uncomfortable to accept praise for what had really been more Lelouch's success than his own. "I'm not the only one responsible. I'm sure my part wasn't really that large."

The man shook his head. "I thought I'd die an Eleven, but you proved me wrong, Zero!" he insisted, his eyes crinkling up with bygone decades of good humor. "For a while I even believed that earthquake would be the end of me, but since you walked into the room, I feel like I have a new lease on life!" he declared, and his easy posture and slightly crooked smile melted away Suzaku's misgivings about the Geass, if not his own self worth.

The young woman he visited next was just as ecstatic to meet Zero, and his Geass worked just as well on her inflamed lungs and threatening sepsis as it had on the old man's internal injuries. By the time Suzaku had concluded his third visit, he had lost all sense of caution. Watching bruised eyes brighten and struggling breaths become smooth and easy was a wonderful thing. Hearing those weakly beeping monitors grow strong once more...

_If only I'd had this power when Euphy... _

Suzaku understood now how Lelouch could have taken to his Geass so well, initially. It was almost addicting, to finally be able to do the things he'd only dreamed of, to render immediate and powerful aid to those who were suffering right in front of him. _There's so much good I can do with this. _

"Remember, it's only for a finite time, Zero," Lelouch whispered to him. "That's why we're avoiding the people with the serious outwardly visible injuries. The ones you've seen will just feel better for a little while, and then go back to the way they were at some point in the future."

Unfortunately, Suzaku's traitorous heart didn't listen to Lelouch's admonishment. It should have. Frustrating as the stubborn genius could be, he was nearly always right, and this time, the world chose to remind Suzaku of that fact with particularly cruel promptness.

"Clear the hall!" a nurse called, a group of them rushing past with a gurney carrying the old man Suzaku had visited first. "What happened?" one of the nurses asked another urgently.

"We found him collapsed on the floor. I don't even know how he managed to get up in the first place, with his injuries!" the other nurse yelled back, as they rounded the corner to the elevators. "He knows he was too hurt to even try!"

Suzaku stood frozen in shock, staring after them long after they'd disappeared from sight, his mind replaying the man's easy smile and simple words of thanks. "This is my fault. I made him feel better, so he must have thought it was okay to get up..." Suzaku suddenly felt sick for selfishly enjoying himself, even as he carelessly toyed with another person's life.

"Lelouch, I don't want to do this anymore," he whispered, forgetting for a moment to use an alias. It showed how badly off he must have seemed, that Lelouch didn't even bother to scold him for his lapse, merely motioning him into a little used storage closet Lelouch had "borrowed" the key for.

"This is the dark side of power: the unintended consequences. This is why it can be a curse." Lelouch laid a gentle hand on his arm, leaning closer so that they could whisper without any chance of being overheard from outside. "I knew this would be hard for you, 'Zero', or I would never have risked leaving the suite. As difficult as it may be, though, we need to continue to find out the conditions."

"Even if it means using innocent people like guinea pigs?" Suzaku asked, furious with how callous Lelouch was being about the man's new injuries.

"If someone is really in danger, are you telling me you _wouldn't_ do everything possible to help?"

That brought him up short, because this Geass was his own wish, after all. He was the one who kept making it. "Well, I...I mean, if there were no other choice..."

"In an emergency situation, there may not be. Since that's the case, we had better find out how it really works now, in a controlled environment, with medical staff on hand to help, because if you're forced to use your power and then it fails unexpectedly at a critical moment, it will only make things worse. If we do our research properly now, though, then you'll be able to _avoid_ potentially fatal mistakes in the future."

Suzaku wanted very much to argue, but on the other hand, he didn't want someone else to pay the ultimate price if Lelouch turned out to be right again. "Okay. Okay, I see your point," he admitted grudgingly.

"Look, we know that it is possible for your power to last at least for hours at a time, because Sayoko's injury was held at bay that long. It could be that using your power on many people at once cuts down on the effectiveness. While you get yourself calmed down, I'll check on the people you've visited. As a 'doctor', I should be able to walk around and examine them without raising too much suspicion."

Suzaku agreed, but given his own uncertainties, he missed the steady comfort of Lelouch's company almost immediately. His friend had always had such a talent for analysis, prediction, and planning, that Lelouch could often make the unpleasant twists of life seem both expected and manageable. It was a reassuring thing, to at least have that illusion of control.

"Well?" he asked when Lelouch finally returned.

"All but the last are back to their original state. I loitered another ten minutes with the final patient just to be sure, but he was still fine. You only spent about five minutes with each person, so if the affect of your visit wore out at some linear, time dependent rate, then the last should have relapsed as well. Since he didn't, that makes it much more likely that the power isn't being split at all. It may be you can only target a single person at a time."

Lelouch nodded at Suzaku's wrist, where a brand new watch was concealed beneath the cuff of his sleeve. "Check your watch. Exactly five minutes from now, I want you to wish another person well. I'll be standing with the last man you saw, and I'll see if he relapses precisely when you target the new person."

Suzaku grudgingly agreed, because it was a sensible plan, and even if it weren't, it was pure foolishness to argue with Lelouch about such things. His plans could be absolutely crazy, and somehow they still worked. Regrettably, knowing that didn't always steel Suzaku's own nerves, and he had to spend nearly the whole five minutes just building up his determination.

He did honestly want to make the new person better, but knowing that it could be at the cost of making another person worse again made it a much harder decision to bear. Unfortunately, he knew Lelouch wouldn't let him hide from the truth of this, no matter how uncomfortable.

_Please don't die_, Suzaku thought helplessly, looking into pained, clouded eyes, as his watch finished ticking off five minutes. He felt so guilty, accepting the woman's gratitude for Zero's visit, as if the sin of Geass were a physical filth spread across his skin. Thankfully, Lelouch was already waiting in the storage closet by the time he finished making his goodbyes and found his way back.

"Well?"

"I confirmed it. Single target. It makes sense, now that I think about it."

"Why?" he asked, wondering how he could have unconsciously made a wish that pitted one person's welfare against another's.

"Unlike me, you're not the sort of person to think of seven different things at once. You focus on a single objective, and it's natural for your power to reflect that."

_Of course. As I was using the Geass, I only thought of the person directly in front of me, without considering anything beyond the immediate effect._ "Okay, but then what about the time when Sayoko's injury returned? I mean, I'd just dozed off reading a U.F.N. budgetary resolution. There shouldn't have been another target."

"If it happened when you'd just dozed off, perhaps you need to be conscious in order for your power to be effective? There can be more than once condition—I needed eye contact, but I was also restricted to only a single usage per person."

"So, single target, no sleeping?"

"That's all I can infer about your power so far. You need to go back and try to use your gift on the second-to-last person, now."

"Again?"

"To see if you can target a person more than once. I couldn't, remember."

"Oh, right," he said, finding it a lot easier to perform this test because he simply assumed his Geass would be ineffective. It was a quite a shock when he discovered differently.

"If you just act based on gut instincts, Suzaku, you'll eventually discover that some of your assumptions were wrong. That's why testing is necessary," Lelouch told him, when they were safely back in Zero's private transport again. With his usual stubbornness about secrecy, he had forced Suzaku to hold his serious questions about Geass until they were completely alone, which naturally had made him quite impatient for answers. Of course, while Lelouch probably would have used the time it took to smuggle an extra person onto the transport to make up a prioritized list, Suzaku just settled for asking the thing that had been nagging at him most, even if it was far from the most important detail in all of this.

"Lelouch, C.C. said that your Geass was unusually powerful, so how is it that mine can target the same person twice, when yours couldn't?"

"Did you assume that your Geass would necessarily be weaker than mine? No, yours is also extremely powerful, Suzaku."

He grimaced. "I'm not so sure I feel that way right now, but if what you're saying is true, why is it that both of our Geasses ended up being so strong? Is it just coincidence?"

"No." Lelouch smiled wryly. "I think it is because we are both intensely stubborn individuals."

"Because we're stubborn?" Suzaku asked, confused, and not just because Lelouch was being blatantly truthful, for once. "What does that have to do with anything?"

"Perhaps it would be better to say that we both believe in the rightness of our viewpoints very strongly. When you think about it, a Geass is really just a personal wish which can be forced on others. However, not all Geasses are equal.

"Those who easily accept others' viewpoints—for instance, those who would hate all Japanese or Britannians simply because their family and friends do—are not used to asserting their own individual will. Someone who acts without outside justification, who can say things like, 'I don't need a reason to help the people I want to help,' has a much more powerful individual will. Likewise, those who hold their values shallowly, who easily change their opinions along with shifting circumstances, are not used to asserting their will with any permanence, in contrast to those willing to make deep personal sacrifices due to their convictions.

"In that way, Suzaku, you and I are very alike: we both have extremely strong wills, and what ultimately determines the strength of a Geass is the will behind it, which allows the user to enforce his wish on the world. Only when you do it with enough conviction and persistence will that wish eventually sink into the collective unconscious of humanity, becoming an undying concept. When that happens, your Geass is fully developed, and you are within reaching distance of immortality yourself and may take on a Code.

"As I'm sure you understand by now, a newly granted Geass is by definition much less powerful than a Code. Yet, your Geass is capable of temporarily, nearly instantaneously healing all wounds—effectively, it is like you are capable of transiently granting a Code, yourself. It is an extremely powerful Geass, and incidentally, absolute proof that you are an incredibly, incurably stubborn individual."

"Sounds like a case of the pot calling the kettle black, to me."

Lelouch smiled. "Well, even if I am an incurable liar myself, I'm not going to try to deny that. We still don't understand everything about your Geass, though, Suzaku, so we will have to keep careful track of the effects. One thing we haven't tested yet is what happens if someone actually sustains a new injury while you are using your Geass on him."

"You mean, we might have to do _more_ testing?" He'd sincerely hoped they'd been done.

"Well, we couldn't do it in the hospital, because it would have been a bit unethical to inflict further injuries on those who are already in such bad condition, especially because we don't know what effect it could have. However, this could be an important point. I don't want to leave it unexplored. Unfortunately, you won't be able to test your Geass on me, because my Code will render me immune to it. Maybe if you are capable of self-targeting, though... We'd have to give you an injury first to confirm that you were successful at targeting yourself, and then try giving you another one once the first temporarily disappeared..."

Testing, Suzaku decided, could be an absolutely miserable pursuit.


	6. The Mad Princess

"Nunnally?" Lelouch prompted gently. She'd promised last time she'd visited that next time would be all fun and no business, but no matter how determined she was to keep that promise, Lelouch could tell that there was something deeply bothering her. "Whatever it is, you can tell me."

Nunnally looked at him unhappily. "All I do is bring you problems. This time at least, I wanted for us to just have a good time together, like we used to."

"We have plenty of good times ahead of us, Nunnally," he reassured her, "but how can we possibly get to them if we don't fix whatever is bothering you, first?"

"...It's not me," she finally admitted hesitantly. "It's Cornelia. I know...you didn't end up on the best of terms with her, Lelouch, but she's been kind to me."

He suppressed a guilty wince. "Of course I understand, Nunnally," he told her gently. "You don't ever have to justify yourself to me. Besides which, I'm not holding a grudge against Cornelia."

While he'd been furious with her back when he'd suspected she'd been involved in his mother's murder, his feelings had been permanently altered on the day that Euphy had died. Although Cornelia and her younger sister usually carried themselves so differently, watching his elder sister struggle for breath, alone and vulnerable and covered in blood, powerless against the force of his Geass, her resemblance to their deeply grieved and recently deceased younger sibling had been unmistakable.

_She's all we have left of Euphy, and after what I've taken from her, I really have no right to be angry._

"Lelouch, she's...Cornelia hasn't been well, lately."

"Cornelia's taken ill?" That was surprising. It sounded like Nunnally was referring something a little more serious than a common cold, but Cornelia had looked perfectly healthy on T.V. at the official start of the Pendragon reconstruction initiative, only a few weeks ago.

Nunnally shook her head. "Not exactly. I'm sure you know that she took Euphy's death very hard."

Lelouch tried, unsuccessfully, not to completely tense up at the mention of that name. He'd never been entirely sure what Schneizel had told his little sister to ensure her cooperation on the Damocles, but it surely couldn't have been anything good.

"We all took it hard," Nunnally told him.

"Nunnally, I—"

"You don't need to explain," she interrupted, voice solemn. "I already know the real truth."

"How?" he choked out.

"Because it hurts me to see _you_ hurt, Suzaku feels that any 'sins' he committed against you were committed against me, as well. That's why he feels he has to confess them to me." She shook her head. "I guess even when the mind decides to change, the heart can take a long time to follow, and I think he's still struggling to forgive himself," Nunnally said, her forehead creasing up in worry. "I hope it helps him, to be told that he's forgiven for all the things he feels he's done to me, but in order for him to properly explain his regrets in the first place, Suzaku had to tell me about how you accidentally used your Geass on Euphy..."

Lelouch shut his eyes, unable to bear the sadness on her face at the mention of their dead sister. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Nunnally."

_She was kind and gentle like you, so innocently looking forward to being together with us again, and with just a few careless words, I robbed you of her love forever._

"Don't you go thinking everything you've done is a sin against me, too," she scolded sadly. "I don't want anyone I care for to be unhappy because of me. I just worry about Cornelia."

"What about Cornelia? You claim she's not sick, and yet..."

"She's such a strong person, but I think she uses some of that strength to hold her pain inside. Even she's not invincible, though, and now that she's not busy fighting a war or looking for answers, some of her sense of purpose has left her. Lelouch, she's...she's been spending night and day at Euphy's grave for weeks now, and she's somehow become convinced that someone with a grudge against the so-called Massacre Princess has been breaking in, trying to desecrate Euphy's grave. I've granted her requests to have the cemetery guard doubled and then quadrupled, and yet she still claims there are intruders."

Nunnally twisted her hands together. "People are beginning to whisper that Cornelia's been driven mad by her grief."

"Is there any security footage?"

"She's personally overseen the installation of Factspheres around the entire perimeter. Visible light, infrared..."

"And?"

"They didn't detect anything but a bunch of guards, a worried Guilford, and one very angry Cornelia."

"What about seismographs? Have they checked for anyone coming in from underground?"

"I—do you think there's a possibility that someone has actually been breaking in?"

The moment he actually stopped to consider, he realized how ridiculously unlikely that would be, that Cornelia could go to such lengths and still fail to find anything, if any evidence were actually there to be found. "...No, I—I'm sorry, Nunnally. Here I am looking for another enemy, for someone else to blame, when I really just don't want to believe that Cornelia..."

_I don't want to believe I've destroyed Euphy's beloved sister, too, but that's exactly what's happened, isn't it?_

"I know. She's been through so much and still come out fighting; I didn't think it would ever come to something like this. But then, when I remember what it was like, when I thought you were dead... I try to be a good sister to Cornelia, but I just can't replace Euphy."

"You shouldn't need to try, in the first place. I'm sorry, Nunnally. Yet again, your problems are entirely my fault."

She shook her head, easily catching one of his hands in hers. "There's no such thing as yours and mine in this. Every problem is _our_ problem. I know you care, too, Lelouch, and we'll handle this together, somehow."

He nodded and squeezed her hand but found it hard to truly believe her words, which was doubly unfortunate because it was futile to try to lie to her when she could feel every throb of his pulse and shiver of his skin. "I'm nearly useless here, though, Nunnally," he confessed. "I can't even talk to her—not that Cornelia would want to speak to me in the first place."

"It's enough that you're here to listen to _me_. There was a time when I thought I'd never be able..." Nunnally trailed off painfully, and he reached out to pull his little sister to him tightly, as if that could make up for their long year of separation and his false death. Regrettably, listening to Nunnally, no matter how sympathetically, did nothing to improve Cornelia's psyche, and over the coming week, Nunnally's reports became increasingly worse, Cornelia's paranoia seeming to know no bounds.

"She insisted the security details be doubled yet again and the frequency of patrols increased. However, she still won't leave. She's taken to camping out right beside the tomb and personally guarding Euphy's grave all night long, berating the guards all the while. She'd even tried to have them court marshaled, insisting that they must be deliberately allowing intruders through, even though I took your suggestion and personally shifted some of our most loyal soldiers from guarding these rooms to patrolling the cemetery."

"Cornelia's even had Euphy's coffin opened," Nunnally added in horrified distress, "several times, but of course there was never anything there but a very badly decomposed body."

"She went that far?" Lelouch asked in alarm. "She's even worse than I thought, then." He shook his head. It was terrible to vicariously witness a strong woman like Cornelia simply self-destruct like this, especially when his own heinous actions had been the cause. "Did she give any specific reason for opening the coffin?"

"She...she finally confessed to me that she's been so upset because she can hear sounds from _inside _the coffin. That sometimes, if she shouted, she'd hear a moan in answer."

He shared Nunnally's expression of horrified dismay. "Dear gods. Her maternal line doesn't have any cases of paranoid schizophrenia, does it?"

"You think it could be that serious?"

"If she believes she's hearing a voice from beyond the grave, communicating to her... I hope it's not that, though. It may only be a severe case of sleep deprivation—she may be so tired she's hallucinating. Do you think you can get me the perimeter surveillance videos, Nunnally? If Cornelia has been berating the patrols while she's awake, the tapes should give me a good idea of how much she's actually sleeping. We can make a better judgement once we know that."

"Of course, Lelouch. I hope...I hope it's just lack of sleep that's making her believe such things."

"So do I, Nunnally. So do I."

The next day, Sayoko brought him the tapes of the last two weeks of surveillance footage, as Nunnally had needed to leave very early in the morning for the east coast. Lelouch noticed that Cornelia seemed to have definite periods of agitation, where she berated the guards, accusing them of betraying her and Britannia, and apparently sent them to check and recheck Euphemia's sepulcher. This period of severe paranoid delusion would last about an hour, after which Cornelia would slowly calm down. Then she could go quite a while, still obviously behaving in a strict and annoyed fashion, but not making any actual accusations. Later, all of a sudden, something would set her off, again.

_Yes, she's having definite episodes. Maybe if I could find some causal factor... _ She mostly seemed to be having these problems late at night, but then for a couple of days in the first week and a few in the second, she'd skip her nightly rants and the pattern would shift into the daytime hours, before reversing course.

Lelouch tried to recall if there were anything special about those times where she'd had episodes during the day, but it was difficult to see any discernible trigger.

_Unfortunately, I was with Suzaku in Japan, helping him to research his Geass, during the first of her recorded daytime episodes, so I wasn't here to pick up on anything going on around the palace first hand. Well, second hand, because I obviously don't get out much, myself._

_...Come to think of it, Suzaku was in Japan during her second set of daytime episodes, too, so my only direct sources of outside information were Nunnally and Sayoko._

He tried to match up Cornelia's episodes with her sleep schedule, to see if lack of sleep could be the cause, but if anything, the causality seemed to be working in the opposite direction. _The episodes are causing her to stay up, while their absence allows her to sleep._

Lelouch wished he could ask Suzaku to check out some of the conditions in the cemetery for him, but he was unfortunately still sleeping even though it was late morning, having only arrived back from his most recent trip to Japan the night before last. Lelouch was loath to wake him for any reason.

_His sleep is disturbed enough as it is by his nightmares._

The constant traveling certainly didn't help. Even though the new location selected for the Imperial Palace was closer to the west coast than Pendragon had been, the time zone difference between Eden Villa, Britannia and Tokyo, Japan was still so great that when it was daytime in one, it was night in the other. That made it nearly impossible for Suzaku to maintain a proper sleep-wake cycle.

_It's ironic. His sleep schedule has been precisely the mirror image of Cornelia's disturbed slumber. For the past two weeks, when he's been dreaming, Cornelia has been awake, having episodes._

A sudden chill passed over Lelouch's skin. Off the top of his head, he could come up with at least two dozen different reasons why that might be so, number one of which was simple coincidence. There was one reason, though, that stole the breath out of him.

_No, that couldn't be..._

It couldn't be, and yet, he placed a call to Sayoko, just in case.

"Yes, Master Lelouch?" He was sure that method of address meant she was inside Nunnally's newly soundproofed suite. Unlike Suzaku, Sayoko never used his name carelessly.

"Sayoko, I need you to temporarily recall Jeremiah from the orange farm."

"...The _orange_ farm?"

"C.C.'s suggestion," he explained.

"Of course."

Lelouch knew it was only sheer, raging stupidity that made him do this—that and a terrible, desperate sort of hope.


	7. Waking Dreams

Suzaku rolled over and stretched.

"Suzaku, what do you dream about?"

He startled, flipping over to face the direction Lelouch's voice had come from.

"What is this, Lelouch, the Inquisition?" he grumbled sleepily, never having been fond of unexpected questions first thing in the morning. Well, whatever passed for morning for him; it was hard keeping his time zones straight. "Give me a chance to wake up first."

"Sorry," Lelouch said, actually managing to sound a little bit guilty. Suzaku noticed, though, even through his half open eyes, that his friend was continuing to watching him with an anxious face, obviously finding it difficult to restrain himself.

It occurred to Suzaku then that since he'd come in so late the night before last and then accompanied Nunnally on her trip to the east coast yesterday, Lelouch and he had hardly spoken at all since his return. With Nunnally still stuck on the far coast mediating the return of lands long ago seized by the nobility, Lelouch was probably desperate for someone to talk to.

Suzaku sighed, suppressing a yawn as he sat up and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. He idly itched at his cheek, where a crease in the pillow had left a small indent in his skin, before turning to his best friend with slightly more patience.

"Alright, what was it you wanted to ask me?"

Lelouch looked extremely solemn, and Suzaku realized that this was not going to be a morning of idle chatter—not that Lelouch had ever been much capable of that, anyway.

"Suzaku, in your dreams, do you ever see Euphy?"

"I—sometimes." Best friends or not, he really didn't want to discuss his dreams with Lelouch. He didn't even want to remember the nightmares himself, and he rather hoped that Lelouch would continue abiding by their unspoken agreement to quietly ignore it whenever the other woke up screaming.

"Allow me to put forward a theory," Lelouch requested, although Suzaku had a nasty suspicion that it wasn't _really_ a request. "Then, at the end, you can tell me whether that theory is plausible or not."

_I hope this isn't going to turn into an philosophical discussion_, Suzaku thought, unable to fight off the yawn this time.

"When you're awake, Suzaku, you obviously are very unhappily aware that Euphy is dead. You've accepted that fact, no matter how painful, because it is reality. In your dreams, though, she might be standing there alive, and it feels like you could still reach her. Perhaps you're trying to save her from a looming danger, from the threat of death itself. In that first instant when you wake up, where you're conscious but your mind is still processing the urgency of the dream, you might find yourself thinking something like, 'Don't die.' Is it possible something like that is happening, Suzaku?"

"What is this, Lelouch?" he asked, feeling extremely put upon. "Have I done something to seriously tick you off, so you've decided to go out of your way to bring up something painful for me?"

"I'm not trying to hurt you, Suzaku," Lelouch told him, looking pained himself. "I would never bring up something like this if it weren't important. I just—I've seen you waking up from you nightmares with a word on your lips. Sometimes, it's 'no' or 'don't' or 'please'. Sometimes, it's my name. Sometimes...sometimes it's hers. 'Euphy, don't die.' Could you be thinking something like that?"

"Don't die?" Suzaku found himself out of bed in a sudden rage, grabbing Lelouch by the collar and shaking him roughly. "I was her Knight, sworn to protect her, and you shot her in front of me! Now, you have the nerve to ask if I could want her _not to die_?" It took all the limited patience he had not to crush down on that poisonous throat until Lelouch couldn't speak anymore. "Lelouch, how could I _possibly_ want anything else?!" he shouted, furious, feeling so betrayed that his supposed best friend would take them back to this, after all the efforts they'd made to repair their friendship and put the pain of the past behind them.

Lelouch only looked at him sadly, not even bothering to struggle against Suzaku's rough grip. "I'm asking because I have to ask—because of your Geass, Suzaku."

"What do you mean, because of my Geass?"

"I'm sure you've heard the rumors that Cornelia is going mad, right?"

_So Nunnally gave in and told him about that? _ He knew she'd wanted to spare her brother the worry, but then, she'd never been good at keeping anything from Lelouch. Suzaku sighed, trying, at least for Nunnally's sake, to hold onto his tempter long enough to put Cornelia's problems into context with Lelouch's question. "Are you asking me if I'm going to end up crazy like that, too, and then misuse my power?"

Lelouch shook his head. "I'm asking because maybe...maybe Cornelia isn't crazy at all. Maybe, you wake up thinking, 'Don't die, Euphy', and your Geass activates. Cornelia hears scratching or moaning from inside Euphy's tomb, and she goes ballistic, believing there must be intruders. It takes a certain level of consciousness to maintain your Geass, though, and when you eventually get back to sleep, your Geass deactivates. By the time Cornelia actually has the coffin opened, there is only a corpse inside."

An incredible thrill went through him. "Lelouch, you're saying..."

"I'm presenting a _theory_. It's only a theory, Suzaku, I don't _know_—"

"Lelouch, C.C. felt the same way about checking _your_ tomb." The immortal blinked at him. "We're going, Lelouch. We're going to check on her, right now—"

"We _can't_ yet, Suzaku," Lelouch insisted.

"Why not?" he demanded, none too kindly.

"Cornelia has an enormous amount of security around the tomb right now, and she's guarding it herself, day and night. Do you think she's going to let you waltz right past her and open Euphy's coffin?"

"I could explain—"

"What if we're wrong? What if grief really _is_ making Cornelia lose her grip on reality? If you go there promising her that you can bring her beloved little sister back, as if it's a fact... _Think_, Suzaku. What if you miraculously get her to _believe_ you, but then you can't deliver? Are you willing to run the risk of destroying her very last shred of sanity? Would you want to explain to _Nunnally_ why you would callously take that risk?"

Of course Lelouch would think of Nunnally, but Suzaku's mind was somewhere else, on the woman most central to this debate. His memories of the time immediately following Euphy's death were a haze of rage and hate and loss, but he still remembered the way Cornelia had looked at her little sister's funeral, her raw, aching grief apparent even through his own pain. _Euphy wouldn't have wanted me to hurt her big sister any more._ "...Alright," he finally agreed, wondering why sometimes basic decency required such a tremendous effort of will. "We'll wait until we get Cornelia out of the way, first."

Once Lelouch gave him the plan, it was an easy matter to call Schneizel and have him enact it. The rumors were so rampant by that point that no one even questioned the decision to have Cornelia forcibly placed under temporary medical observation. With her out of the way, Schneizel was also able to schedule a deposition for all the guards in order to "evaluate Cornelia's behavior"—a deposition which he conveniently decided to hold a good hundred miles away from the cemetery, temporarily leaving only a skeleton crew of green recruits remaining. Lelouch had also apparently had Jeremiah flown in to take charge of security again, so that the patrols could be easily arranged around their entry and exit.

At that point, it was child's play for Lelouch and Suzaku to disable a few of the Factspheres lining the perimeter and slip into the same cold, dead graveyard that Lelouch had once been entombed in. As Suzaku hadn't quite been able to wait for nightfall, it was thankfully a little lighter out than it had been the last time, although that did mean they had to move more carefully and stay closer to the ground.

_At least Cheese-kun isn't tagging along this time._

Of course, when they finally made it through the door of the sepulcher, courtesy of the key Schneizel had given Zero, it was still quite dark inside. _It's just as stifling as my suite—no windows._ Thankfully, Lelouch had thought to bring an electric lantern.

_After the last time, I guess I should have realized that we would need one. _The truth was, though, that he hadn't been able to focus on anything but Euphy since the moment Lelouch had suggested that Suzaku's Geass might be able to revive her, his mind cycling between wild, surging hope and the remembered agony of having his old hopes so brutally crushed, the last day he'd seen her alive.

_Can the world really be that kind, to give me someone precious back, not once, but twice? _An electric tingle of sensation shivered across his skin at the thought. Geass had taken so much from him, but Suzaku was willing to put his faith in almost anything that could potentially restore Euphy to the world.

"Before anything else, we need to slide the lid off far enough so that she won't wake up trapped, if this works," Lelouch said, putting down the almost over bright lantern, so that he could join Suzaku in pushing at the stone.

The addition of Lelouch's effort might not have made that much difference, but as each second of delay was difficult to bear, it certainly made Suzaku feel better that his friend was trying his best to help, instead of standing off to the side giving unwanted commentary. Thankfully, the delicately carved marble, portraying bountiful clusters of flowers and flowing ribbons, was much slimmer than the lid of Lelouch's own coffin had been, and Suzaku found he didn't mind the exertion.

_At least this is something I know I can do._ Their pushes, delivered in unison, were rewarded by clear, predictable progress, the stone sliding further and further open, and success was practically assured—unlike the next part of this venture. As no number of admonitions that this was "only a theory" could put a check on Suzaku's dangerously ascending hopes, though, the only thing he could do was try to get an answer as quickly as possible.

"That should be far enough," Lelouch finally declared, in an out-of-breath voice that said a lot about his physical fitness. His mind, however, had always been much more formidable, and Suzaku's heart beat with almost painful anticipation, desperate to know whether Lelouch's theory would prove correct.

_Please... Please let it be... I would give anything to save her..._

"You have to imagine she's alive, Suzaku. Imagine she's alive, so that you can ask her not to die," Lelouch told him, the hard grip of his fingers around the spare mask he'd just taken off (probably in deference to his desire to catch his breath) betraying his own tension.

"Okay. I'm trying to imagine. Is it working?" he asked, attempting to look around Lelouch into the coffin. The former emperor blocked him with a thin arm and only shook his head.

"Imagine she's there, standing in the middle of a fierce battle, like she did that day. You can see her on the screen from the Lancelot. You can see Zero. I—I have a gun," Lelouch said, and there was a tremble in his voice. "I'm going to s-shoot her, so you have to get to her as quickly as you can." Even the clear distress on his face couldn't quite quell the way Suzaku's stomach tightened in anger. "You _have to_ save her. Do you remember that feeling, Suzaku?"

"How could I possibly _forget_?" he grit out, wrenching his own mask off and throwing it to the floor in disgust, unable to bear looking at the world through the mask of Zero, just then. Simply seeing Lelouch standing there, wearing the same clothes as the day he'd killed Euphy, strained the full weight of their friendship; the rage and grief of that day were still so brutally strong, even just in memory.

Lelouch gave him a tormented look but continued. "You have to save her, but I fire my gun," he said, drawing a shuddering breath, "and then you...you're there, holding her in your arms. She's bleeding out, so critically injured, but at that moment, she's still alive. She's still alive, and you're her Knight, and what do say to her? What do you _wish_ for, Suzaku?"

"Don't die." He remembered the warmth of her blood, spilling out. The way she'd looked at him, eyes pained and tired and yet still so hopeful. He remembered the monitors she'd been hooked to, the harsh, struggling sound of her breath, and the terrifying fragility of the hand he'd held in his own, the bone brittle sensation of his continued existence.

He remembered begging from some aching place deep inside for a mercy he wasn't sure the world was kind enough to grant, for an alternative to the soul deep throb of loss threatening everything he'd worked so hard believing in. That final wish was scarred into his memory, as all his hopes for peace and dreams of a soft, gentle happiness, so many beautiful futures, had spilled out into the cold, sterile air with the last of her breath, and the heart monitor had slowed, slowed, stopped...

"Please don't die, Euphy," he begged desperately, wretchedly, with every part of him that remembered being her Knight, that remembered how much he—

There was a sudden rustle. For a moment, he didn't dare breathe as Lelouch stepped to the head of the coffin and reached in, his upper arm flexing as if he were stroking something below. There was a small, pained smiled on his face. "Hello, Euphy," he whispered softly.

Then Suzaku was shoving the whole lid off, damn the weight and the fantastic sound of something so heavy hitting the floor, damn secrecy and the peace of the world, damn everything but the warm, slender body in his arms as he lifted her up out of the marble coffin. Euphy's once white funeral dress was moldering and stained and smelled of death, but she breathed, and that made everything alright.

Suzaku gently set her down on her feet, and she reached out to steady herself, her slender fingers hooked around his elbows, eyes seeking his. When she smiled up at him again, the world was perfect.

Suzaku wasn't sure exactly where his mind was for the next few seconds, perhaps rewriting remembrances of a battlefield and a medical room, where he had begged for something that should have been impossible. He had her warm and whole before him now, though, and he probably would have been content to stay cocooned in that bright, blissful joy forever, if a high, keening wail hadn't eventually made it through to his ascendant awareness. When he looked, he could see Lelouch curled up into a tight ball on the floor, his entire body convulsing in what Suzaku would have taken to be some sort of violent seizure, if he hadn't known that the Code would keep Lelouch physically healthy. Emotionally, on the other hand...

Euphy looked toward Lelouch and made a muffled noise, her jaw twitching in an extremely odd and unnatural manner.

"Euphy?" Suzaku asked, fearing something was terribly wrong with her. She only blinked helplessly at him.

Lelouch, his face turned completely away, strangled out breathlessly, "Her mouth is wired shut."

A nasty shiver went through Suzaku, but he managed to gather his wits enough to suggest, "Euphy, can you...pull your lips back? I'll take a look, okay? Maybe I can get the wire off?"

She nodded quickly, making an affirmative sound in the back of her throat. "I'll be gentle." In the end, though, there was no way to completely keep that promise and still set her free, and he was uncomfortably aware in every moment of the heat of her mouth and the brittle strength of her perfectly white, even teeth.

The wire clanged loudly on the stone floor where he dropped it.

"Euphy, can you—"

"I can speak now, thank you," she told him brightly. That angelic face soon took on a frown, though. "I was trying not to think of it before, but actually, you're Japanese, aren't you, Suzaku?"

"Of course I'm—"

Lelouch was suddenly moving, then, but Euphemia was quicker still, slender white fingers reaching out to crush down on the nearest Japanese throat.

"As my Knight, Suzaku, please obey my command: die." She said it so sweetly.

Suzaku only managed a strangled sound in return, unintelligible over the volume of Lelouch's shouting. "Get away from her, Suzaku! She doesn't know what she's doing!"

Lelouch reached out to stop her, palms pressed flat against the back of her hands, his fingers curling frantically between her own, so that it was impossible for her to keep a tight hold on anything. He wrenched their twined hands backwards.

"Get _back_, Suzaku!" he shouted again, and Suzaku felt so guilty about pulling away from her, even though she was trying to kill him.

_I trust you completely, Euphy, but this isn't really you right now, is it?_ The knowledge that if she actually _did_ get close to killing him, Lelouch's Geass might force him to hurt her in order to defend himself finally forced him to retreat several paces, though it was still difficult to simply stand back and watch as Lelouch struggled with her. Suzaku didn't know whether it was the extraordinary conviction lent by Geass or whether Lelouch really was that weak or maybe just that unwilling to do anything that might hurt her, but it was obviously taking absolutely everything he had to keep those normally benign, slender hands from the task of strangulation.

_They have the same fingers_, Suzaku thought, inanely. Indeed, they were long and graceful as the finest pianists', and still so perfectly deadly. Somehow, his mind couldn't process the rest of the situation.

He'd known it was possible that the Geass would remanifest itself, of course, because Lelouch had warned him repeatedly, but Suzaku hadn't really, in his heart of hearts, been able to imagine her turning on him. He brought a hand up to his bruised throat, where he bore scratch marks from Euphy, as well as inadvertently from Lelouch, from when he'd been struggling to pry her hands away. Suzaku looked over and met her normally gentle gaze. Her eyes were unrecognizable.

"Let go of me, Lelouch! I must kill him!"

_What a terrible power._

"Euphy, please listen," Lelouch was saying desperately. "Suzaku is way too strong for you to kill with your bare hands! You need a weapon."

Euphy stopped to contemplate that for a moment, before she broke into a familiar smile. "Of course! Lelouch, you are always so clever! I just need to get a weapon."

"Yes, and I can help you. You just need to follow me, Euphy. I have the perfect weapon waiting for you, right outside."

That weapon, of course, was Jeremiah and his Geass Canceller. At any other time, Suzaku might have been tempted to try to get within range himself, since the Geass to "live on" would always be a corruption of his own will, but Euphy's complete dependence on Suzaku's own Geass changed things.

_I don't really want to think about the number of times Lelouch's Geass has preserved my life. If I die now, it's not just my own death, but hers as well._

At that moment, there was nothing he feared for more than her safety, and so Suzaku stood frozen on the spot as he watched Lelouch lead an apparently perfectly happy and trusting Euphemia out of the door of the sepulcher. _He killed you, and you still...but of course, the Geass won't allow you to think of __anything but its command. _His heart skipped a beat as he watched the two of them disappear, though, because the last time he'd let them go off alone together, the last time he'd let Euphy out of his sight...

An irrational panic suddenly filled him. He knew Lelouch didn't want to hurt her and that Euphy would likely just attack again if he tried to interfere with their progress now, but if something happened to her because he let her go off alone with Lelouch again—

He was just about to charge out after them, logic scattered by the force of fear, when Lelouch came back through the door, leading Euphy by the hand. Suzaku knew the moment he saw her face again that the Geass had been canceled, as she was staring around in utter confusion, all ill intent gone.

"How did I get here, Lelouch? For that matter, where is here? Lelouch?" she prompted again, as he said nothing. "Oh, Suzaku! You're here, too." She looked back and forth between them. "Two Zeros?" she asked, obviously confused by the fact that they were both dressed the same way. Euphy frowned then, looking at the floor at Suzaku's feet.

"Did I have a wire around my teeth?" She lay a hand on her jaw, rubbing slightly, and she soon had a look of deep concentration on her face, as if she were trying to piece together a very difficult puzzle. "Have I been to some shady dentist, recently? Maybe there was some problem with the anesthesia?"

"Euphy, that's not...it wasn't a dentist," Lelouch told her, his voice shaking.

"Lelouch? What's wrong? Are you still upset because my idea is too selfish? But we agreed, right? We shook on it, so I know we'll all do our best to make the Special Administration Zone work out."

Suzaku felt the last wall of strength within himself crumble. He'd believed it was the truth when he had heard it from C.C., but Lelouch had never been able to bring himself to speak a word on it. To finally have it confirmed by Euphy herself...

He brought his hand up to cover his eyes and his tears along with them.

"I wish I could remember... Oh! That's right. I wasn't feeling well, and the doctors were so very solemn, but Suzaku was there, at my bedside. He said that the Zone was a huge success!"

"Euphy," Lelouch began painfully, "the reason you can't remember is my Geass. Geass is a power that can grant wishes—or cause nightmares. Someone acting under my Geass has no control of herself and won't remember the actions the Geass forced her into. You weren't feeling well because I s-shot you—fatally. You don't remember that, because you were acting under my Geass at the time."

"What is wrong with you, Lelouch?" Euphy asked, shock and hurt and concern all clear in her voice. "Are you so mad at me, that you'd resort to tasteless jokes? You wouldn't shoot me. Actually, right now I feel perfectly—" Euphy made a distinct sound of distress as she put a hand on her rotted dress, over the place she'd been shot. She looked down at herself for what was obviously the first time since coming to her senses, her eyes widening in alarm. "What—what happened to my dress?"

"You were buried in it, Euphy. You've been dead for over a year, because of a tasteless joke the power of Geass played on all of us. My Geass destroyed your life, and Suzaku's Geass restored it—for now, at least."

"I...I don't understand," Euphy whispered, tears gathering in her eyes like clouds in a rainy sky. "We, we were at the opening of the Special Administration Zone. You wanted to speak to me in private. Later, Suzaku said the Zone was a huge success. I remember that." She laid her hand on Lelouch's arm. "Lelouch, please tell me this is all a joke. I—"

"I'm sorry," Lelouch cut her off, leaning his head against her shoulder and seeming to crumple in on her. For a moment, Suzaku felt a flash of anger as Lelouch's arms, her killer's arms, closed around her delicate waist, but then Lelouch only repeated, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," over and over, in an endless cycle of agony. The grief in his voice slowly drained the anger out of Suzaku, leaving only a deep and terrible sadness as Lelouch began to cry as well.

It was a long time before any of them stopped.


	8. Reeducation

Once they were safely back in Zero's private suite, Euphy in a clean set of clothes borrowed from Sayoko, it became clear that an explanation of recent geopolitical events was in order, as Euphy kept asking about the Special Administration Zone.

"There is no more Special Administration Zone, Euphy," Lelouch explained hesitantly, and the way her face fell nearly broke Suzaku's heart. "There couldn't possibly be a special zone, because _all_ of Japan is now a completely independent nation," Lelouch quickly added. _You just can't bear to hurt her that much, can you, Lelouch? _"Schneizel negotiated the liberation of Area 11 with the Black Knights himself," he continued, as if the White Prince's maneuvering was something that Lelouch actually approved of. While Suzaku knew it was an enormous lie by omission, if he'd possessed the strength to break Euphy's heart so easily himself, he wouldn't have told her the Special Administration Zone was a huge success in the first place.

"Then all of the Japanese people are free?" Euphy asked, turning to him with all traces of unhappiness wiped from her face. Suzaku smiled at her, squeezing her hands gently, unable to say the words that would bring her tears back.

"Yes, everyone is free now, Euphy."

"That's wonderful!" she said, squeezing back. "Of course I had hoped that eventually... But I never thought it would be so soon! You must have worked so hard!" Her gaze was so proud, so trusting.

It was like a blow to the gut._ You have no idea what I did, to get here._

"I...it _was_ hard, Euphy. Very hard. Lelouch and I were determined, though."

_As hard as we were trying, I'm just thankful we didn't end up killing each other. _

_...Well, at least not permanently._

Euphy nodded, her expression warm and reassuring, before she frowned slightly. "There is one thing I don't understand, though. Lelouch, you said that you had to kill me because your Geass accidentally trapped me in a terrible nightmare, right? But if I was dead, then who took over the Special Administration Zone? Did you, Suzaku?"

For a long moment, there was silence, as Suzaku found himself caught between his desire to be honest with her and his desire to protect her from incredible pain.

"Nunnally was the one who continued the idea of the Special Administration Zone," Lelouch cut in, saving Suzaku from his dilemma. "She did a lot of work in your memory, Euphy."

Of course, it was true that Nunnally had gone to great lengths to reestablish the Zone. It had been a complete failure in its second incarnation as well, but Suzaku didn't have the heart to tell Euphy that, either.

_It's amazing how Lelouch can give such an inaccurate impression without actually telling a direct falsehood._

"Nunnally?" Euphy asked, tilting her head slightly to the side. "I think I understand, now," she said, nodding, her smile deepening as her confusion dissipated. "Because you were involved, Lelouch, of course she would want to be, too! I'm so glad to hear that she decided to come out of hiding!"

"Yes, the world is finally safe for her, now," Lelouch acknowledged.

"Is she around?" Euphy asked, actually turning her head to look, as if Nunnally might be hiding behind a chair. "Can I see her? I've been looking forward to a real reunion for so long, and I want to thank her for what she did, as well!"

"Actually, Nunnally should have just arrived in the E.U. right now, for a meeting of the United Federation of Nations. The U.F.N. is a worldwide coalition dedicated to solving global problems through negotiation and cooperation, rather than violence. Nunnally is attending as the Empress of Britannia."

"Nunnally is Empress?!" Euphy asked, so shocked that she actually stood up from the couch they were all seated on, earning an indignant look from Arthur, who'd been curled up on her lap. Of course, he promptly turned around and bit Suzaku.

_Why me, Arthur?_ Suzaku thought unhappily, masterfully trying to keep quiet and retrieve his finger while Lelouch distracted Euphy from the unfortunate incident.

"Euphy, there's something I want to show you," Lelouch said, picking up a decorative frame from a side table and holding it out to her. "Here. Suzaku brought me this picture from her coronation."

It was a good thing that Euphy didn't think to ask why Lelouch had needed a picture brought to him.

"What a beautiful dre—her eyes! Her eyes are open!" Euphy exclaimed, looking back over at Lelouch, as if for confirmation.

He smiled, something both brittle and tender in his expression. "Yes. I always hoped that if I could just make the world a little kinder and more gentle, then Nunnally would open her eyes to see it."

"Oh, I'm so happy for both of you!" Euphy gushed, impulsively throwing her arms around him.

"I'm happy too, Euphy," Lelouch replied, hugging her back, a dark, pained expression passing over his face when she couldn't see it, "especially now that you're with us again."

Euphy drew back, still smiling, but something had dampened her expression. "But if Nunnally is Empress, then what happened to Father?"

For a moment, Suzaku wondered how Lelouch was going to dodge that one, but to his surprise, he didn't even try.

"I'm sorry to have to deliver such shocking news, but he's dead, Euphy," Lelouch told her flatly. "In the end, he just couldn't learn to respect the will of the people. He tried to take away their future, and he died because of it."

"Oh," Euphy acknowledged, sadness in her voice and her expression. She stared down at the filigree pattern of carpet. "After your mother was killed, Lelouch, and then seeing the cruel way he dismissed you and Nunnally, I guess I knew there was something really wrong with the way he was running things. If you can't even be kind to your own family, after all, then how can you possibly take care of all the citizens you don't even know?" she asked, looking up. "Still, I always hoped he would realize his mistakes. I guess he never got the chance..."

They were all silent for a moment, allowing Euphy her grief, although truth be told, Suzaku felt absolutely no urge to share in it.

"Still," Euphy said, her expression picking up again, "I'm sure that things are better now, with Nunnally in charge. I know she must be very kind to the people."

"Yes, the world has finally become peaceful," Lelouch confirmed.

"Oh!" Euphy exclaimed, startling as something else seemed to occur to her. "If Japan is free, then Cornelia can't be Vicereine anymore, can she? What is she doing now?"

"Cornelia is actually working with the Black Knights, who have become a peace keeping force for the U.F.N."

"Cornelia, working with the Black Knights? Who could have guessed!" Euphy said, the light sparkling in her eyes again. "Where is she right now?" she asked, turning toward the door of the suite. "I'm surprised she hasn't come to see me yet!"

Suzaku winced, recalling exactly where Euphy's only full sister was just then.

"Actually, Euphy, just recently, Cornelia hasn't been feeling well, and because of that, unfortunate rumors have started about her unusual behavior," Lelouch explained. "She wanted to be right by your side very, very much, but for her own good, Schneizel had to have her forcibly committed to the hospital. She has the very best staff looking after her 24/7, though, and I guarantee that once she gets out, she will come looking for you immediately."

"Poor Cornelia! I know how she can make herself worse, because she won't rest!" Euphy exclaimed. "Maybe I can go visit her?"

"I'm afraid if you visit her right now, that would definitely keep her from resting, Euphy," Lelouch told her gently.

"Oh. Of course, you're right. I should have thought of that. Well, I will just have to be patient, then, for Cornelia's sake. I really hope she feels better soon, though," Euphy said, clearly distressed at the prospect of her sister's illness.

"I'm sure she will, Euphy," Suzaku reassured.

"Yes, as I've explained, Schneizel is making sure she has extremely thorough care. She couldn't escape it if she wanted to," Lelouch told her with a light smile that hid a darker knowledge of events.

"Schneizel, at least, is well, then?"

"He's in excellent health."

"That's a relief." Euphy's grateful expression made Suzaku feel much better about the fact that they hadn't actually killed the man, dangerous as he had been. "Oh, he must have been so happy to see you again, Lelouch! You were always his favorite!"

Suzaku and Lelouch shared a surprised look. "...I was?" Lelouch asked, sounding as dubious as Suzaku felt.

"Of course! You know Schneizel doesn't have any full siblings, but he always said that out of the whole family, you were the one who understood him best. I remember, after the war, when Father told us that you and Nunnally would never be coming home again, Schneizel and Clovis and Cornelia and I had a...well, it was part remembrance ceremony and part memorial, even though I still hoped that maybe someday..." Euphy stared down a the carpet, a pained expression passing over her face before she shook her head, looking up at them again. "I've never seen Schneizel look as sad as he did then. You know he's not normally that expressive with his feelings."

"Yes, well, that's probably why he hasn't really shown much emotion toward me," Lelouch excused.

_He surely feels a different sort of emotion now_, Suzaku thought, remembering the deadly fight against the Damocles and how before that, Schneizel's men had stepped in and kidnapped Lelouch, just as the two of them had been about to make up at Kururugi Shrine.

"Well, don't worry. I'm sure a little more time will help him open up to you more, Lelouch! As soon as Cornelia is well, we can all meet out in the garden again, just like old times. Oh, and Suzaku, too, of course!" she added, turning to smile radiantly at him, and at that moment the warm, untroubled expression on her face was so beautiful he almost understood why Lelouch lied so much.

_Someday soon, we will have to tell her the bad parts, too—but let me see her happy, just a little while longer. Let me see the world I worked so hard for as a good thing. _

The rest of the day passed peacefully, as they told Euphy about their time spent at Ashford, Nunnally's exploits as Empress, and Arthur's initial "redecoration" of Zero's suite. Something had been nagging at the back of Suzaku's mind for a while, though, and when Euphy decided to shower before going to bed for the night, he took it as an opportunity to have a conversation he didn't want her overhearing.

"Lelouch," he asked in a hushed voice, even though the sound of the shower should more than cover his words, "if my Geass can raise the dead—"

"Temporarily," Lelouch reminded him, even though Suzaku had been trying not to think of that part.

"Yes, temporarily," he admitted, "then if I were to think of my father, instead of Euphy..."

Suzaku imagined those proud, angry hands, scratching desperately at the lid of his coffin.

"...Yes," Lelouch answered after a long pause. "It would work the same way as with Euphy, but since your Geass can't have simultaneous targets, any minute you give him life will be one where Euphy will not have it." Lelouch heaved a heavy sigh, a deep sadness passing over his face. "Suzaku, it is your Geass, and your choice. I know...that you have suffered greatly, because of your father's death."

Suzaku stared in shock at his friend, realizing how Lelouch had interpreted his question. "You would actually bite your tongue and allow it if I did that? Even though you want Euphy back so badly?"

"Because it's your choice to make, not mine," Lelouch said, turning away.

"I already made it, Lelouch," he declared firmly, causing his friend to turn back toward him. "Before I even accepted this Geass... I used to keep three mementos. The watch from my father, and my Knight pins from you and Euphy. I threw out the watch, though, because..."

He sighed, trying to put his thoughts into words.

"My father...did you know he gave me the knife I killed him with? He told me to keep it with me always, that we were going to fight to the death, and if the Britannians came, I was to—" It was hard to think of the words even now, and the proud, snarling vitriol they had been delivered with. "He hated Britannians so much, but to me, Britannians were you and Nunnally, as well." The thought of someone carving tiny, helpless Nunnally up... "I didn't want—he talked like killing Britannians was so glorious, like fighting to the bitter end was so honorable, but I didn't want a country filled with death! I could never be loyal to that!"

Suzaku shook his head.

"The day I threw out the watch, I realized that I wanted peace, and my father never had. In that moment, when I kept Euphy's pin and yours, my choice was already made. We chose to sacrifice everything for this peaceful world, and Euphy is the one who wanted this peace, most of all. _She_ is the one who belongs here, and my loyalty is with her. I was only worried that if I had a nightmare, my father might wake up, trapped in his grave."

"Suzaku..." Lelouch just looked at him intently for a long moment, as if judging the sincerity of his words, before a gentle smile crossed his face. "Of course, I should have known that you would feel that way. I chose this new world over both my parents, too, after all."

Suzaku hid a wince. To him, they had just been the 98th Emperor and his partner in crime, but for Lelouch, being the instigator of his own parents' destruction must have been painful, even if he didn't let it show...

"You have a kind heart, Suzaku, to be worried about your father, even so. I remember a little too well how being trapped in such a small space felt, so I can at least understand that much." Lelouch frowned. "We can make sure he's reinterred in a more comfortable setting, but before we do anything else tonight, I want to talk to C.C. There's something I need to ask her."

Lelouch pulled out his phone, waiting patiently for her to pick up.

"C.C., there's been a new development."

He smiled. "Well, I'm not sure you're going to think anything is more important than 'authentic' 1960's pepperoni, but I called because it seems like Suzaku's Geass is even more powerful than we thought, at first."

Lelouch paused a moment, and Suzaku could just make out the rhythm of C.C.'s words, though he could not catch their meaning. "No, this time it really is significant. It seems like in addition to working on the living, Suzaku has a Geass that can raise the dead."

The voice on the other end of the line didn't sound either happy or patient.

"Yes, literally, from the grave!"

"No, I'm not making this up. I wouldn't joke about a thing like—"

"I swear—"

Lelouch stared in shock at the beeping, disconnected phone, as if he couldn't believe what had just happened. "She hung up on me," he said, incredulous.

"Well, you have to admit, you do lie a lot."

"I wouldn't lie about a thing like this!"

"I'm sure C.C. will realize that eventually," Suzaku consoled, although truth be told, he sympathized with C.C. almost as much in this case.

_Really, Lelouch, do you think you can lie so much and never have any fallout from it?_

"I need to talk to her _now_, though."

"Why?"

"It's...there's something bothering me, Suzaku. Euphy...if Cornelia's not crazy, then you must have unknowingly used your Geass on her before this. Yet, she seems to have no memory of waking up perhaps dozens of times, trapped in a coffin."

"Could it be a side effect of your Geass, maybe?" Suzaku suggested. "We already know that people don't remember what they do while acting under the influence."

"It's possible," Lelouch said, in a tone that implied he didn't really think it was, "but without any Japanese people to provide a triggering condition—"

The lock of the bathroom door clicked, and Euphy stepped out in Sayoko's shower robe, the edge of some sort of lacy night clothing just peeking out underneath...

Lelouch elbowed him hard, hissing something under his breath like "eyes" and "face".

"Right. I was looking at her face," Suzaku insisted, even as Lelouch gave him an incredulous look. "...Okay, so maybe your habit of lying has started to rub off on me a little," he admitted in a whisper.

They probably would have kept bickering, except that Euphy came over to them, smile soft and innocent, and neither of them could bear to do anything to upset her, especially as the worst part of the day was fast approaching.

"Euphy, you...understand how the Geass works, right?" Lelouch asked. "We've performed a couple of tests before this, and it seems like every time Suzaku goes to sleep, the subject immediately reverts to his or her state prior to the activation of the Geass. Because the transition is almost instantaneous, I...well, I think you will just go from alive straight to dead and not have a chance to feel any pain in between, but if you want, Suzaku and I could get you some pain killers, just in case—"

"Lelouch, I will be fine," Euphy reassured him.

"I could just stay up, Euphy," Suzaku volunteered. "I mean, I don't need to go to sleep right now. I've been up a couple days in a row before, and—"

"Suzaku," she addressed him firmly, using the same tone she'd used to give commands as Deputy Vicereine, "you will sleep." She smiled then, gentling the impact of her command, and continued more softly, "You still have school to go to, don't you?"

Suzaku fought to hide a wince. _That's right... Just before she died, Euphy told me to stay in school, but I..._

"Suzaku has a lot of things on his plate, and he never seems to get enough rest, so I'm glad you're here to back me up on this now, Euphy," Lelouch told her, saving him from having to respond.

Euphy nodded at Lelouch before turning back to look at Suzaku gently. "People don't remember being asleep, anyway, so it's not like I'll miss anything. When you wake up in the morning, you can just reactivate your Geass then, right? I will wake up, and it will be no different than if I actually had slept all night."

"...Okay, Euphy," he reluctantly agreed.

"Good night, Suzaku, Lelouch," Euphy told them warmly, and they said their goodnights in return.

It was a long time, though, before Suzaku could finally force himself to sleep.


	9. A Day Away

When he got up in the morning, he found that Lelouch had been up before him at least long enough to get dressed and cover Euphy's body with a sheet.

"Suzaku, there's something we need to talk about—"

That was going to have to wait, though, because no sooner had Suzaku seen the outline of her body than he'd wished her desperately back from the cold grip of death. The form under the sheet stirred immediately, and Euphy sat up, rubbing her eyes.

"How are you feeling, Euphy?" he asked, coming gently to her side.

"Oh! Suzaku!" she turned toward him, surprised. "I...I feel fine. But how did I get here?" she asked, looking around in confusion. "Oh, Lelouch! You're here, too!"

"Yes, Euphy," he replied patiently. "Tell me, what is the last thing anyone told you about the Special Administration Zone?"

"The Special Administration Zone..." She trailed off in confusion before brightening. "Suzaku told me it was a huge success!"

Suzaku felt something in his stomach turn to ice.

Lelouch smiled back at her, his expression strangely brittle. "That's right. Euphy, you had a bit of an accident earlier, so you might have forgotten a few minor details, like how you ended up here, but try not to get too upset about that. Suzaku and I will fill you in on everything you need to know. For now, though, why don't you have breakfast? The maid laid out a huge spread in the next room," Lelouch said, sweeping his hand out to indicate the dining room.

"Suzaku and I just have one little thing to discuss, and then we'll be right with you." Lelouch grabbed Suzaku's wrist then with surprising force (surprising for Lelouch, at least) and hauled him into the bathroom. The lock sounded with a harsh click, and Lelouch turned toward him, something beneath his falsely calm expression straining to get out.

"What's going on, Lelouch?" Suzaku asked worriedly. "Why can't she remember what we told her yesterday?"

"Suzaku...this is why it bothered me so much that she couldn't remember the other times she must have woken up in her coffin. I don't think it was an effect of my Geass—I think it was an effect of yours."

"What?"

"Let me just present another theory, okay?" It wasn't really a request this time any more than it had been the first. "When I had my Geass, if I happened to give a command that a person would be in complete compliance with anyway, the Geass wouldn't activate. There would be no need. That's why even though the command for you to 'live on' is lifelong, it's only active in cases where you wouldn't preserve your life through your own normal behavior. The greater the difference between what my command would require and what a person's normal behavior would deliver, the less a person I commanded would remember, because it wouldn't really be him acting—it would be the Geass itself, disrupting the normal thought process."

"Although you wished Sayoko alive after her arm injury, the fact is, she _was_ still alive to begin with. Her heart still beat, her lungs still breathed, and her brain was still capable of forming thoughts and memories. Since she was able to do these things under her own power, of course the memories she formed wouldn't vanish when the Geass deactivated. But Euphy...she was very dead when you used your Geass on her. Her brain is...severely decomposed. She's completely incapable of thinking or forming memories on her own. It's entirely the Geass that allows her to do things like breathe and think and remember. So, when the Geass deactivates, she loses those things completely, since none of them were done under her own power in the first place."

"You're saying that every time I go to sleep, she's going to forget everything that happened since I used my Geass on her?" Suzaku asked, fingernails digging into his own palms.

"Yes, I believe that is what is happening." Lelouch gave him a pained look. "I'm sorry, Suzaku. I should have insisted more firmly that we continue our testing. Up until a couple of days ago, I didn't even realize that your Geass could raise the dead, and since we never tested it under these conditions before, I didn't know this would end up happening, until I saw the effects on Euphy herself."

Something in Lelouch's face crumpled. "This is my fault, letting our hopes get out of hand. Maybe if I'd thought about this harder, I—"

"It's okay, Lelouch," he interrupted. "Well, no, it's not okay," he corrected himself, because something in his chest was aching, "but I was the one who kept refusing when you tried to get me to experiment more. How could you possibly know something, before it was ever tried out?" Suzaku sighed, trying to get his own pain and disappointment under control, because Euphy was waiting for them to join her for breakfast. "Even if she'll never be able to remember yesterday, that doesn't change the fact that she's alive today, right now. That's worth a lot to me."

Lelouch nodded, some of the pain in his expression easing. "I don't know how well Cornelia is going to take this, though."

"You're actually still planning to tell her?" Suzaku asked, pleasantly surprised that Lelouch was willing to do that without argument, even now that they knew Euphy would never remember being more than a day without her sister.

"We're not going to have a choice, Suzaku. Euphy is to Cornelia what Nunnally is to me. Even if it does mean she'll have to watch Euphy die every night, there is nothing that could keep her away. Having her essentially imprisoned over this is only going to make her more determined to get to the bottom of things, and we already know that she's had Euphy's coffin opened before. Since the lid is clearly chipped now—"

"Chipped?"

"Didn't you notice that when you put it back on before we left?"

Suzaku shook his head.

"You pushed it to the ground in your rush to get her out, and the edge chipped."

"Oh." Suzaku winced. "Sorry."

Lelouch smiled wryly. "I...wasn't being very rational myself, just then. The fact remains, though, that it's clear her coffin has been disturbed. Even if it didn't look that way, Cornelia might still have opted to open it again, thinking that someone might have done something to Euphy's remains while she wasn't personally guarding them."

Lelouch shook his head, probably crafting and discarding dozens of plans in the time it took him to do so. "While it's possible, with a clever enough strategy, to win a battle against Cornelia on the war path, it's not possible to avoid that battle forever. She won't allow it. If she's determined to find out what's going on, then it's better to just tell her what we can afford for her to know, rather than chancing what she might find out if she gets desperate enough."

"If Zero willingly presents her dead sister back to her, alive, Cornelia may be grateful enough to accept some vague explanations about Geass and not question Zero's identity too hard. At worst, she'll press and press about who you are and why you're helping, and you'll have to disclose your identity. I'm sure Cornelia will understand your motivation as Euphemia's personal Knight."

"If she is determined to hold a grudge over what you did as the Knight of Zero, though, Suzaku, you might even have to explain at least part of Zero Requiem, because we can't afford to have someone who knows Zero's true identity keeping a serious grudge against him. It would be too easy for her to let that secret slip in a moment of anger, endangering you. If we control the presentation of information, though, we should be able to absolutely stop word of my own survival from reaching her ears."

"But what about Euphy? I'm sure you know she's not going to make a very good liar."

"If Cornelia has no reason to suspect I'm alive, then she won't ask any questions, so all Euphy has to do is avoid blurting out my secret herself. Besides which, now that we know Euphy will forget me every night, after today, I can always time my visits to be after Cornelia's on any given usage of your Geass."

"I guess that would work," Suzaku acknowledged, though he didn't particularly like the idea of Lelouch hiding himself away from Euphy, just because there was some possibility that Cornelia could find out about him. Personally, he thought they should just explain everything to Cornelia, but it was obvious that Lelouch wasn't willing to take that risk. Suzaku wasn't eager to go back on his promise to protect the secret of Lelouch's survival himself, though, on the off chance that it would incite Lelouch to go back on his promise to continue living.

_When will you stop thinking of yourself as a threat to the world?_

"By now, Sayoko should have finished making up the suite next to this one for Euphy, so let's eat breakfast and then get her settled into her new rooms. Then we can worry more about Cornelia."

Suzaku nodded. "Yes, we mustn't keep Euphy waiting too long. She must have so many questions."

The conversation that followed was much like the sanitized history lesson from the day before, except that Lelouch had been slightly more eloquent when he initially broke the disturbing news of her death to her. Euphy had been very slow to accept that truth, though, probably because she hadn't woken up in a moldering funeral dress in the middle of a cemetery, and Lelouch hadn't been able to stay completely dry eyed as he'd had to insist again and again that he'd killed her.

Part of Suzaku had wished that Lelouch would just lie about that part, too, but of course Cornelia would have insisted on the truth, even if Lelouch and Suzaku found it nearly unbearable. When Euphy had finally accepted what had happened and calmed down sufficiently, Lelouch had also been forced to explain that the world currently considered himself and Suzaku dead as well, so that Euphy would know not to give their secret away to Cornelia.

"Then Nunnally is the only one who knows you're alive?"

"Well, Nunnally and our maid Sayoko and Jeremiah Gottwald, a former guard of my mother. Euphy, the others don't understand about my Geass going out of control. They believe that I planned your death deliberately in order to gain political power and military support. When Suzaku and I...reconciled, they considered him a traitor, too. That's why he's been wearing Zero's uniform and hiding his face. Schneizel and Cornelia recognize Lelouch vi Britannia as your killer. They think this Zero is a totally new person, because he appeared to kill me after we faked Suzaku's death. This was the only way to stop the infighting among the various factions and bring peace to the world."

"But to be dead to everyone else—"

"It's okay, Euphy," Lelouch reassured her. "We still have Nunnally, and now Suzaku and I have you." He smiled gently at her, the same way he did with Nunnally. "You told me once that you hadn't lost anything by giving up your claim to the throne, because you would still have everyone important to you. You were right about that, Euphy," Lelouch told her, the conviction in his voice firm. "As long as the people who are precious to me can live in a peaceful world, that's all that really counts. But you mustn't tell Cornelia about us; more fighting could break out."

"If I just explain things to her, though, surely she will understand—"

"Maybe eventually. But as of right now, we don't have any evidence to prove our side of the story, and the current situation is still so tenuous, we can't afford to risk restarting the violence. For the sake of the world and the peace that we've all worked so hard for, we just need to be patient a little while longer."

Of course, Suzaku knew that because Euphy wouldn't remember how many times she'd been asked to wait, it would be easy for Lelouch to continue promising a future reconciliation that always remained one day out of reach.

Euphy looked at them sadly. "I'm sorry that you've been fighting with Cornelia because of me. I don't want you to start again, so I'll keep quiet for now, but it will make me so happy, when I can see you two and Cornelia finally getting along."

"Of course, Euphy. I look forward to that time, as well."

_The future that will never come._

Suzaku did his best to keep his smile from going bitter. He understood exactly why achieving peace had been necessary, despite the sacrifices involved, and even, if he were honest with himself, why Lelouch was so paranoid about being discovered (although Suzaku didn't agree with the precise extent of his security measures), but it was sometimes still hard to accept that Lelouch had given the world a peaceful future by trading away his own. When people insisted on congratulated Zero for killing the Demon Emperor...

_I just want to shout the truth out to the world, but for the sake of peace I must stay mute. I'm sorry we're putting that burden on you as well, Euphy._

"If you're finished with breakfast now, Euphy, the maid has prepared a private suite for you. Why don't I give you a tour?" Lelouch suggested.

Suzaku was grateful that his friend had at least gotten past his paranoia enough to agree to moving Euphy into one of the many empty suites within Zero's private security perimeter, because Suzaku had the feeling that if he'd tried to explain to Cornelia why Euphy needed to sleep in Zero's own bedroom "purely for security reasons", he would have been in for a fast, messy death. In fact, even without that potentially lethal conversation hanging over him, he was still more than a little nervous when Lelouch sent him off to collect Euphy's sister from the hospital, where she'd been forcibly held for more than twenty four hours, by that point. Knowing Cornelia...

_She is going to be __**furious**_, he thought with dread.

When he finally got to the hospital, though, Suzaku found himself more than a little annoyed, as well.

"What do you mean, I already signed her out?"

"As you can see, Lord Zero, you've already completed all the forms. We only needed just the five authorizing signatures," she said, pointing to the paperwork. The signatures all said "Zero". The problem was he hadn't signed a one of them. The woman behind the counter frowned at him in confusion. "In fact, all the paperwork was finished more than half an hour ago—"

"Right. Thank you."

The first thing he did when he found a private corner was call Schneizel, but unfortunately, the only thing he got was a busy signal. Lelouch, thankfully, picked up on the second ring.

"Lelouch—"

"People could overhear!" his friend reminded him tightly.

Suzaku sighed in frustration. "Lulu," he ground out, annoyed, "I'm at the hospital, but Cornelia's already been signed out!"

"What? I thought you specifically instructed Schneizel not to let them release her to anyone but Zero!"

"I did! The hospital employees seem to think I've been here already, but it must have been an imposter!"

"How long ago?"

"Half an hour, maybe?"

"...Did Cornelia have any visitors, before she was released?"

"I didn't ask—wait, I think I may have seen Guilford's name on the visitor sign-in sheet, when the receptionist was showing me the forms."

"He may have tried to sign her out himself, and the idiots at the hospital probably told him explicitly that they could only release her to Zero. So of course he'd come back dressed as Zero, in order to get her out." There was a pause, where Lelouch was likely building, destroying, and reconstructing hundreds of possible futures in his mind.

"This is bad. We can't allow Cornelia to get back to the cemetery and discover Euphy's tomb is empty. Call Schneizel and inform him about the imposter. Have him restore all the extra security at the graveyard and shift all but the bare minimum number of guards from guarding Zero's rooms to the cemetery, as well. Tell him he'll need to rearrange the patrols, too, since Cornelia will be well acquainted with the old pattern. Have him inform all the guards, cemetery and otherwise, to be on the lookout for Cornelia or Guilford. They are to report any sightings immediately and if they do succeed in detaining Cornelia, they are not to release her to anyone but Schneizel."

"Okay. Got it," he said, hanging up on Lelouch to call Schneizel again. Only the blasted busy signal answered. "Damn it, Schneizel, I need you to pick up!"

_What can I do?_ As Empress, Nunnally had granted Zero authority over the guards around his own suite. Of course, she hadn't expected him to use that authority to then order them off to the cemetery, but because some of them had been reassigned there by Nunnally before, due to Cornelia's influence, the chief of security didn't question his orders too much.

Unfortunately, in order to maintain at least some appearance of neutrality, Zero did not hold any official position within Britannia, only within the U.F.N. However, the U.F.N. normally had no authority over Britannian guards. He tried calling Nunnally, but of course she was still at the conference and the call went immediately to voice mail. Practically growling in frustration, Suzaku began heading back toward the cemetery himself, figuring he could try to personally catch Cornelia if necessary.

On the way, it occurred to him that he probably had Cornelia's number in his address list, too. She didn't pick up either, as could be expected from the rest of his luck that day, but he tried leaving a message, anyway. "Lady Cornelia, this is Zero. I have vital information for you regarding Princess Euphemia. Please contact me as soon as possible."

He kept calling Schneizel repeatedly after that, but it wasn't until he was halfway to the cemetery himself that the man finally picked up. "Finally! Why didn't you answer before!"

"My apologies, Lord Zero. Kannon has been requesting regular updates on—"

"Ignore him! Can't you see my business is more important?! I need to find out where Cornelia is!"

"...Cornelia is in the mental health ward of—"

"No, she's not! Someone came, impersonating me, and they released her to him!"

"...Guilford, perhaps?"

"Yes, that's what Le—what I was thinking. Forget what I just said. Look, I need you to make some changes to the guard arrangements, immediately." After giving Schneizel his orders, Suzaku finally started to feel a little calmer about the situation—that is, until traffic on the highway he was taking to the cemetery suddenly stopped dead ten minutes later. Cursing, he called Schneizel again.

"I'm stuck in traffic, and I need you to find out what happened on the highway between the hospital and the cemetery."

"Some of the guards I reassigned have already reported the problem. It appears a car made a sudden U-turn, cutting off a truck and causing accidents in both directions."

"Is there an alternate route I can take?"

"Not without going an hour out of your way. Closer to the cemetery, there is no cement divider between the two sides of the highway. Perhaps if you cross to the other side, I could have the police block oncoming traffic so you can get through."

Suzaku looked at the solid cement to either side of him and grimaced. "Schneizel, I'm in the middle of the underpass right now, and the shoulder here isn't wide enough to actually drive on."

"I see. Then it appears you will simply have to wait."

"Yes, I was afraid of that." He grimaced, hanging up. _Could my luck be any worse?_

Thanks to the traffic, it was almost half an hour before he reached the cemetery, even with Schneizel's help. Before he got out of the car, though, Suzaku decided to call Lelouch again, to give him an update.

"Zero, what is the status—"

Lelouch's voice was cut off by a sudden rustling sound.

"Suzaku!" Euphy exclaimed over the phone. "Where is my sister? Lelouch told me she left the hospital unexpectedly?"

"I'm sorry, Euphy. I think Lord Guilford may have gotten impatient and signed her out early. But I left a message on her phone, so she knows to contact me."

There was another loud rustling.

"You did what?!" Lelouch's voice demanded.

"I left a message—"

"Zero, the guards!"

"Yes, I handled that, too."

"That's what I'm saying—you sent almost all of the guards away, and then you left Cornelia a message telling her to come find Zero?"

"No, I just left a message saying that I had some information about Euphy, so she should _contact_ Zero—"

There was the sound of frustrated growling from the other side of the phone. "She already had suspicions that something strange was going on at Euphy's grave. Now, she's even been held against her will at the hospital, in what may seem to her to be a cover up. She's surely furious, you've sent away the guards, and your phone call may have sounded like an admission of guilt."

"Oh."

"What if, instead of placidly calling back, she comes to physically confront Zero?"

"Um, I guess I should get back to the palace?"

"Immediately!" Lelouch ordered him.

Suzaku thought uncomfortably of the car that had made a sudden U-turn. He was beginning to have a very bad feeling about this.


	10. Family History

_I'm not crazy_, Cornelia thought viciously, still trying to fight off the last of the fuzziness from the sedative they'd given her at the hospital, as she crept her way toward Zero's suite. Guilford had easily distracted the only guard on this corridor using his Zero disguise, leaving her free to stealthily make her way through.

"Do you often hear dead people speaking?" the doctors had asked her.

_Not unless it's a member of the Geass Order whose head I just put a knife through._

She'd learned later that V.V. possessed a Code which could allow him to stand up and talk, even after what should have been a fatal wound. Of course, the doctors wouldn't have understood that, so she'd kept quiet.

"Do you have any history of mental illness in your family?" they'd pried.

_There was that one great uncle, but he was never actually convicted of killing all those commoners. Noble privilege, you understand._

It had been almost fun to watch them squirm beneath her sneer.

"What about the massacre your sister committed?" they'd asked, and oh, how furious she'd been.

_Euphy wasn't a murderer! She was under Geass._

The doctors would just have thought that explanation crazy, though, so she'd been forced to keep silent yet again, even though she would have argued all night, if there were any hope of clearing her innocent little sister's name.

"So you heard Euphemia, calling to you from the grave?"

That was the hardest question, because strength preserve her, it had sounded like Euphy, like she was trapped inside that coffin, moaning for help.

"You heard moans from inside a coffin that only contained a corpse when opened?"

She knew she sounded crazy. She knew that.

_But I'm __**not**__ crazy_, Cornelia thought.

"Do you often hear dead people speaking?" the doctors would ask, the questions cycling back around again.

Soon, she would be getting to the bottom of all of this, though. While the exact location of Zero's suite was unknown even to her, Eden Villa had once been her mother's home, and Cornelia was familiar with these corridors from her childhood.

_If I just turn here..._

The sight that greeted her made her freeze up, before ducking back around the corner.

_That's not..._

"Do you often hear dead people speaking?" the doctors had asked.

"I have to go back to my own suite," Lelouch was saying.

_That's not possible._

_I witnessed the Demon Emperor's assassination myself, so that's not..._

_This is just the sedative they gave me—my mind's so fuzzy, I've mistaken someone else for __**him**__. _

"You're just going to leave me to wait alone?" Euphy's heartbreakingly familiar voice questioned, in a tone Cornelia could never mistake.

"Do you often hear dead people speaking?" the doctors had asked.

The answer, apparently, was _yes_.

"You know why Cornelia can't find me with you," Lelouch replied, "and I've explained why you shouldn't stand in the hallway. Please just wait in your own suite a little longer; Suzaku will be here soon."

Now, not only were the dead people mentioning her, but they were discussing meeting with yet another dead person.

_I'm not crazy_, Cornelia thought desperately. _The strange things I've seen were all explainable through Geass. Euphy's actions were caused by Geass._

She had to believe that, because the alternative...

The alternative was that Euphy really had gone mad during the opening of the Special Administration Zone of Japan, and now her older sister had followed her.

_No! I won't believe the impulse to massacre all those people came from Euphy's gentle heart! Not my sweet little sister!_

Fury in her eyes, Cornelia stepped around the corner again, to see Lelouch trying to push Euphy back through the door they'd just come out of.

"_Please_ stay inside where the guards can't see you, Euphy. I promise I'll come to visit you again soo—"

"Lelouch!" Cornelia screamed the name like a battle cry.

He turned toward her, violet eyes wide with fear. Cornelia might not understand what was going on, but madness or no madness, one thing was certain: there was no way she was going to allow the Demon Emperor to push her little sister around.

She charged him then, sword drawn, shocked by the solid jolt of metal impacting flesh and pushing past bone as she impaled him. Somehow, after opening Euphy's moaning coffin to see only a corpse again and again, she'd thought that the Demon Emperor would also vanish if she actually tried to make contact. Instead, his blood sprayed out across her arm as she drew her sword back, the scarlet shower as shockingly hot as any she'd ever felt shed.

"Sis...ter..." Lelouch gasped out, one hand lifting as if to reach toward her, before he collapsed, motionless, to the floor.

Euphy screamed.

Cornelia reached for her then, and her little sister's body was just as warm and solid as Lelouch's had been. "Euphy..." Cornelia didn't understand anything anymore, except that if this were madness, if it were only insanity which made her think she was holding her baby sister again, then maybe it wasn't as bad as she'd originally thought.

Euphy, unfortunately, seemed to have a different opinion, pushing frantically away from her to reach for her murderer. "Cornelia, why?" she practically cried. "Lelouch—"

"Don't worry, Euphy. He can't hurt you anymore. I won't let anyone hurt you, ever again," she promised, smoothing a hand across a temple covered in soft pink hair, looking into familiar eyes that just a day ago she'd thought she'd never see again.

_I can be crazy, _she decided._ I don't mind._

"He wasn't hurting me! Cornelia, please, we have to get him to a doctor!" She slipped from her sister's arms and knelt by Lelouch's side, desperately pressing her hands to his wound, as if to keep any more of his blood from spilling out.

"Lelouch, please hold on!" she begged, but his face was completely slack, his chest unmoved by breath. "No, no!" Tears began to spill across Euphy's cheeks. "We'll get you help!" she promised.

"Euphy, what are you thinking?" Cornelia asked, distressed that her insanity had apparently decided to cast Euphy as mad, as well. "He killed you!"

"He didn't want to!" Euphy objected, her eyes overflowing with liquid emotion. "He lost control of his Geass, and it went wild, trapping me in a nightmare! That's why he had to—but he cried so much when he explained it! Cornelia, please, he's _dying_!" Euphy screamed, clutching desperately at Lelouch's hand now, her own distressingly covered in his blood.

"Geass..." Some portion of reality started to intrude disturbingly on Cornelia's fantasy, adrenaline burning the last of the sedative off.

_...What if I'm not crazy?_

"But Euphy, how can you still be alive? I, I..." _I saw you dead. At your funeral, I wanted to die myself, for failing to protect you. I grieved, so much, and there was only rot and loss inside your coffin, no matter how many times I opened it!_

"It's Suzaku's Geass! When he sleeps, it's not active, but he said he can use his Geass every morning to revive someone—to revive me."

_The Demon Emperor deemed that the Knight of Zero's funeral should be closed casket, due to the extent of his injuries—his supposed injuries..._

"Then you're...this is real."

"Of course it's real! But Cornelia, Lelouch is, he's..."

Shakily, Cornelia knelt down at Euphy's side, for the first time really thinking about the damage she'd inflicted.

_His Geass ran wild? He lost control of it? _

_...Is that even possible?_

She looked down at the face of what had once, so very many long and painful years ago, been a beloved little brother.

_But he was the Demon Emperor. Zero stabbed him. How can he even be alive, still?_

_Zero, _she realized. _The Knight of Zero. If Suzaku is still alive, and he's coming here, to Zero's rooms, then how would he get past the guards and find the right suite, unless..._

"Suzaku is Zero, now?"

"Yes, and he hasn't hurt me either, Cornelia! Please!"

_Suzaku is Zero, and somehow, he only made it look like he'd fatally stabbed Lelouch. He ended up with a Geass and used it to revive Euphy..._

_But then, if what she's saying is true..._

_If __**all**__ of what she's saying is true, and Lelouch really did lose control of his Geass..._

"Lelouch..." She'd unhesitatingly put her sword straight through his heart, and her knees were now soaked with the blood that it should have been pumping.

_There's no way... Oh, Euphy, there's no way he could survive that._

She hesitantly touched his cheek with the backs of her curled fingers. It had already begun to go cold.

"His phone!" Euphy exclaimed, beginning to search through his pockets frantically. "Oh, where did he put it? We can call someone, get an ambulance—"

"Euphy!" Zero shouted, coming around the corner at a breakneck pace. "Cornelia! What—" He froze for just a moment, before rushing to their sides. "Lelouch! What happened to him?"

"I...I stabbed him," Cornelia murmured back, still mostly in shock.

"Suzaku, please help him!" Euphy cried, clutching at Zero's arm with her bloody fingers.

"Please don't worry, Euphy," he told her, placing a reassuring hand over hers. "He's not going to die from this."

_He's not __**going**__ to, because he's __**already**__ dead._

"He won't?" Euphy asked, doubt and hope equal parts of her voice.

"I promise," he responded firmly.

"Why would you lie like—" Cornelia began, but he cut her off.

"It's _not_ a lie," he insisted. "There's a lot you don't understand right now, but just trust me on this. When I do explain it all to you, you can't tell _anyone_. Lelouch, he's not actually the unrepentant monster he made everyone think he was. It was all part of his master plan—but I shouldn't say any more out here. We need to get him back inside," Zero said, carefully sliding his hands underneath Lelouch's limp body. He lifted him effortlessly, somehow managing to maneuver his key into what Cornelia assumed was Zero's suite, without letting go of his burden.

"Lady Cornelia, could you make sure the door closes behind us, please?" Zero requested as the three of them made their way inside, Euphy hovering over Lelouch and Cornelia's legs moving on autopilot as her mind struggled to catch up.

In the mean time, Zero lay the corpse out on the couch with an odd sort of tenderness, before taking off his mask to reveal the face of a man declared dead months ago. Suzaku reached out to examine Lelouch's wound gently with his fingers, his face sad. "You sure didn't waste any mercy on him, huh, Cornelia? Straight through the heart."

"He's the Demon Emperor!" she defended herself. _Don't act like I'm the one in the wrong here!_

"Just like with a certain killer princess, it's a lot easier for people to see the actions than understand the true intent," he told her softly. Cornelia cast a worried glance toward Euphy at the words, but her little sister seemed not to understand the reference at all, merely looking a bit confused as she came worriedly to Lelouch's side. _She said his Geass trapped her in a nightmare—does she not know what really happened?_

Suzaku sighed, closing his eyes with a pained expression. "I'd been thinking I never wanted to see him like this, again. I just hope it doesn't take as long as last time."

"Last time?" Euphy asked.

"The last time he was stabbed. Euphy, when we told you we faked his death...what we actually meant was that Lelouch has a power called a Code. As long as a person has a Code, he is immortal, and he will eventually heal from any injury, even normally fatal ones."

"A Code," Cornelia exclaimed, "like V.V.!"

Suzaku looked at her and nodded. "Yes."

"Then, that's how Lelouch survived his assassination!"

A look of relief passed across Suzaku's face. "Yes. Cornelia, Lelouch's master plan was called 'Zero Requiem'. We both wanted a peaceful world, but there was so much anger and hatred in people's hearts, the cycle of violence just kept repeating itself. Lelouch's idea was that if he could somehow create a common enemy for everyone to work against, then when he 'died' with all the world's hatred focused on him, the cycle of violence could be broken, and the world could have peace."

"He deliberately made people hate him?" Euphy exclaimed.

Suzaku winced. "We didn't want to go through the painful details with you, Euphy, especially because you...because we're going to have to retell this difficult story every day."

"What do you mean?" Cornelia asked, rousing herself out of her shock, as it occurred to her that Suzaku's sudden discomfort at disclosing information might hint at bad news for her little sister.

Suzaku looked at her with an extremely pained expression. "I'm so sorry, Lady Cornelia. Although my Geass has the power to revive the dead for a day, the memories of that day are lost as soon as I go to sleep and my Geass deactivates. So, each morning when she wakes up, Euphy only remembers what she knew before she died."

"But it's okay, Cornelia," Euphy said, turning toward her. "I'll always remember my big sister. You might have to reexplain a few things to me every day, but the important part is that we can be together, right?" she said, smiling.

"Euphy..." She looked into the gentle, familiar features of the little sister she'd thought she'd failed forever. "You can't know, how much I..."

_I would dream, and for a moment there would be joy. Then I'd wake to the same cruel reality, again and again, and ask myself how I could have been weak and foolish enough to lose you._

It was painful to have the scars over her heart ruptured so abruptly. For so long, her life had consisted of pressing the cold weight of despair into her soul, with the belief that the growing ice would make her stronger, even as the frigidity of such a life hollowed her out. Cornelia had almost forgotten how to live except through strict military duty and discipline, trying always to be busy, busy, busy, so that she wouldn't have to think—

_I missed you so much._

It was more than worth any pain and the complete rearrangement of her life, to pull her little sister, warm and alive, into her arms again. "That's right. Having you here with me is the most important thing." Euphy returned the embrace, tucking her head against Cornelia's shoulder in a dearly familiar gesture, and for the first time since the mysterious moaning had started in the cemetery, Cornelia felt a moment of peace.

_I'm not crazy. I have Euphy back, and I'm not crazy._

It was, perhaps, the best news she'd ever had.


	11. Stains

When he'd first found Lelouch stabbed to death on the floor, Suzaku had been overwhelmed with concern and compassion. Now, four hours later, he was just trying to keep his anxiety at bay.

_Come on, Lelouch. Get up, already._

The wound had slowly—very slowly—closed over without a scar, but Lelouch had yet to so much as twitch, leaving Suzaku worried and impatient, Euphy in clear distress, and Cornelia...

Well, it was hard to know exactly how Cornelia was feeling about Lelouch, but at least she hadn't put another stab wound through his heart when the first had closed up. Suzaku was worried about what it would mean, though, if she insisted on holding a grudge. _All she'd have to do is announce that he's still alive, and there would be millions of people ready to break in and kill him over and over again._

With that in mind, Lelouch's paranoia didn't sound so stupid anymore. Of course, Suzaku wanted to hope that Cornelia wouldn't sacrifice peace for the sake of revenge, but thinking of his own inexhaustible rage when he'd learned that Lelouch was Euphy's killer, it was hard to feel completely sure about that. It certainly would have been a welcome reassurance if Lelouch were conscious enough to recalculate everything and give Suzaku the new plan of action, instead of increasing his level of tension with this extended state of catatonia.

Sighing, Suzaku tried poking Lelouch's cheek, just to see if he'd get any reaction. Nothing.

"Lelouch, come on, you're making Euphy worry." Utter silence. "...You're making me worry."Since he'd taken Lelouch back to their bedroom with the excuse that he wanted to get him changed out of his bloody clothes, Suzaku didn't need to put up a brave front for Euphy's sake anymore, and he started rather agitatedly checking and rechecking Lelouch's pulse and breathing, just to be sure the basics were still working.

_This is all my fault. Not only did he die again, but Euphy was covered in blood when I arrived, too. I'd hoped, after all that's happened, not to see his body lifeless and her hands stained a second time. If only I hadn't impulsively called Cornelia..._

Suzaku tried shaking Lelouch's shoulder a bit. Still nothing.

"Lelouch, I know you're a slowpoke, but this is getting ridiculous," he said in frustration.

_I don't like seeing you dead. _

Although C.C. had implied that Lelouch's healing power was so weak because he hadn't had his Geass for very long before he'd accepted her Code, Suzaku was beginning to wonder if this wasn't another symptom of Lelouch's underwhelming ability in all things physical. Frowning, he tried pressing carefully around the place Lelouch had been stabbed, even though he hadn't seen anything when he changed his shirt, but Lelouch's flesh seemed solid and his ribs flexed no more than Suzaku thought that they should.

_I can't keep hiding back here from Euphy for much longer. If you're healed, then why won't you wake up?_

"Come on, Lelouch, I promised her you'd be up again soon," he urged, poking anxiously at his cheek again and trying to decide if his skin felt any warmer.

One eyelid twitched. _Thank goodness!_

"Lelouch!" He shook his shoulders a bit to encourage him when he stayed motionless in response to Suzaku's shout, and finally Lelouch opened his eyes with a gasp.

"You're awake!" Suzaku said, smiling with relief.

"Mmph. Suzaku, it's too early. Let me go back to sleep," Lelouch complained, beginning to roll over.

"Oh no, you don't," he said, reaching out to stop Lelouch from turning away. His friend grumbled again, one arm flailing out blindly across the small bedside table, as if searching for something.

"You don't wear the contacts anymore, Lelouch," Suzaku told him gently, finally understanding. "You don't have a Geass."

Violet eyes finally seemed to focus, fixing on him.

"It's six in the evening," Suzaku told him, "and Euphy has been waiting anxiously to see you for the past four and a half hours."

Lelouch looked at him quietly for just a moment before sitting up suddenly, putting a hand to his heart and hissing in pain at the abrupt motion.

Suzaku looked at him guiltily. _Maybe he wasn't finished healing yet, after all._

"I'm sorry, Lelouch. I tried explaining to Euphy about your Code, but you know she's never even heard of anything like it before, and you've been lying around for hours not breathing... I think she's starting to get pretty upset, so I want to reassure her as soon as possible."

Lelouch nodded, rubbing a tired hand over his face. "Of course, we'd better not keep her waiting," he said, his expression flat, as if he hadn't quite gotten his genius brain booted up yet. Lelouch stood shakily.

The second time he stumbled on the way to the bedroom door, Suzaku tried to put an arm around his shoulders to keep him steady. Considering Lelouch's prideful nature, it said a lot about how badly off he still was, that by third time he nearly fell, he actually chose to tolerate the arm. Even with Suzaku's help, though, it was still a slow trip to the living room, which was interrupted, of course, by a break in the dining room to feed Arthur. Luckily, the cat didn't seem to think there was anything strange about a dead man walking around.

The humans were another matter. Euphy and Cornelia both looked up sharply when they stepped through the doorway. A moment later, Euphy smiled happily, calling Lelouch's name with clear relief in her voice, while Cornelia's silent gaze remained distinctly more tepid. She pressed a hand to Euphy's shoulder to keep her from rushing over.

Lelouch met his elder sister's eyes, and his entire body tensed in dread.

"Cornelia's still here?" he hissed in alarm and pressed back against Suzaku's arm. He had the feeling that if he hadn't been holding Lelouch in place just then, his friend would already have bolted back the way they'd come.

"Lelouch, calm down," Suzaku whispered. "She promised not to stab you agai—"

"Suddenly, I'm feeling very faint, Suzaku," Lelouch said in a rush, turning back toward the bedroom. "I think I need to go back and lie down—"

"The couch is right over there, Lelouch," Suzaku told him firmly. _I know you don't want to deal with this right now, but Cornelia's temper will only get worse the longer you flee from it._

"Ah, yes, but..." Lelouch's eyes flickered rapidly between Cornelia and Euphy, and Suzaku realized that it wasn't just physical danger Lelouch was afraid of.

_Of course. You like to pretend that you don't feel guilty for anything, but to have to face Cornelia after what you've done, knowing all too well the pain of believing you've lost a little sister..._

"Come on, Lelouch," he said, using the arm he had around his friend's shoulders to turn him around and steer them both toward the couch. _Whatever Cornelia has in store for you, we'll face it together. _Euphy gave him an encouraging smile, and Suzaku forced himself to think optimistically, for her sake.

_Cornelia can't really want to kill her little brother more than once—and at least the bloodstain on the couch should be dry by now._

It still took a surprising amount of pressure to make Lelouch sit down with him, even though Suzaku chose the half of the couch that wasn't covered in his blood. He was actually almost afraid that Lelouch would be injured if he had to exert any more of his arm strength, but eventually, the former Demon Emperor seemed to resign himself to the confrontation, crumpling down onto the couch bonelessly.

"Lelouch, I'm so glad you're alright," Euphy told him, reaching out to place a reassuring hand on his knee. "We were all so worried!" Suzaku was pretty sure Cornelia would dispute that, if she weren't so reluctant to upset her younger sister just then.

"Cornelia is really sorry that she stabbed you," Euphy continued. "It was all just a terrible misunderstanding! Isn't that right, Cornelia?" she said, turning to her sister.

Cornelia, for her part, did not look so eager to agree, and Lelouch pressed fearfully against Suzaku's side when she glared murderously at him. "I said that _if_ what they're claiming is true, I _might_ feel sorry for stabbing Lelouch before giving him a chance to explain. But Euphy, I'm not convinced that they're telling the truth."

"Suzaku wouldn't lie—"

"Did you ever think that he might be a little too trusting as well?" Cornelia cut in, giving him a scathing look. "Euphy told me you have no proof that Lelouch's Geass actually went wild and operated outside of his control. How can you just believe him so easily, after all he's done?"

"It wasn't easy," he told her, offended that she'd made their reconciliation out to be something so trivial. "It was one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life, forgiving Lelouch. But I've committed so many sins, Cornelia, claiming all the while that I only wanted a kinder world, so what right did I have to hang onto hatred myself? The cycle of anger and revenge is exactly why the world was so violent in the first place. That's why I swore to break that chain of hatred with my own hands—to make the sort of world people like Euphy and Nunnally can be happy in."

Cornelia frowned, turning to look at her sister, who'd reached out to latch on to her arm. "Please, Cornelia, think about what we're saying. How will it help anything if you stay angry at Lelouch? I know you missed him, too, when we thought he and Nunnally were dead," Euphy added. "It will only make us all sad if you two keep fighting."

"Euphy, you don't know what he was like," Cornelia objected. "The things he did—he was called the Demon Emperor for a _reason_."

"Suzaku told us that reason, didn't he? To gather the world's hate." Euphy looked at Lelouch sadly. "I'm sorry, Lelouch. I thought if I just explained, Cornelia would understand, but I've tried for hours and still..." She shook her head. "Your plan succeeded a little too well, didn't it?"

"Out of all the things I've ever done, all the schemes I've schemed, I couldn't afford for _that_ plan to fail."

"But it's such a cold hearted idea. Wouldn't it have been better, to try teaching people to let go of their hatred, rather than concentrating it? You could have negotiated—"

"No. No, I couldn't, Euphy," he told her. "Cornelia and Schneizel, anyone who had any inkling of the existence of Geass, would never have seen me as capable of negotiating in good faith, after what I did to you. I had to beg Suzaku for his help protecting Nunnally, because there was no one else who knew what was going on that would even have agreed to meet with me. And you see how it turned out for him. He can't even show his face or use his own name in public anymore, all because he helped me," Lelouch said bitterly.

Suzaku gave him a startled look. "I hope you're not blaming yourself for that. I knew the cost of Zero Requiem from the start."

"And I took advantage of your desire for peace and the fact that you had so little left to lose, because I couldn't have succeeded without your help. Since I was already such a despicable character, Euphy, Zero Requiem was the path I needed to take to clear the conditions for peace, so that I could give a kinder, gentler world to people like Nunnally."

"Lelouch, how can you say such contradictory things? The only way to make the world kinder for Nunnally was to make everyone hate her big brother?" Euphy shook her head. "Shouldn't a peaceful world be one where _everyone_ is happy?"

"I'm already happier than I deserve to be. If Cornelia wants to hate me for the rest of eternity, I've earned it."

"I would say so," Cornelia seconded.

"Well, at least they're agreeing on something, Euphy," Suzaku pointed out, smiling to cheer her up a little, even if there wasn't much to be happy about. "Lelouch and I didn't completely make up until after I killed him once, you know, so maybe stabbing him through the heart is just what Cornelia needed to start forgiving him."

"Actually, I think it might take a few more times," Cornelia said, narrowing her eyes, and placing her hand menacingly on the hilt of her sword.

Lelouch tensed again, trying very hard to press a hole through the back of the couch. "Ah, actually, I think I'm okay with not being forgiven," he replied, words rushing together.

Thankfully, Euphy intervened before Suzaku had to attempt to physically restrain Cornelia, as that could only have earned him a greater share of her fury. The rest of the evening continued on much like that—Cornelia making threats and Lelouch verbally and physically retreating until Euphy managed to calm her big sister down again. At least by the end of it, they'd finally convinced her that Euphy was safest staying inside Zero's security perimeter, and Euphy had even managed to extract Cornelia's solemn vow of secrecy. Of course, Cornelia's parting glare, silently promising all manner of unpleasant deaths to Lelouch, still left Suzaku a bit tense.

_I shouldn't blame her for her temper, though. She's certainly no worse than I was._ Seeing that sort of fury from the outside, however, only made it more clear how truly ugly it was. _No matter how much I liked to tell myself I was going to see Zero brought to justice for Euphy's sake, the truth is I was just selfishly indulging in the sort of thoughtless hatred that she was against all along._

_I would feel ashamed, if Euphy had seen me when I was like that._

"I'm sorry, Lelouch," he told him quietly, when Euphy had finally retired to her own suite.

"For Cornelia? I wish you hadn't made that phone call, but there's no taking it back now."

Suzaku winced. "Yes, I'm sorry for that too, but what I meant was, I'm sorry for having been like her. For hating you and pretending that it was for Euphy, when it was really just my own choice to stay angry."

"I encouraged it," Lelouch admitted. "Even though I couldn't forsake my own goals, some part of me was still looking for punishment."

"And since I did the exact same thing because of my father, I should have seen it sooner."

Lelouch smiled. "All that really proves is that I'm a very accomplished liar. You're hardly the only person I've deceived. But if you're going to waste time feeling remorseful, then at least direct your apologies to the truly innocent."

"Well, I do really sympathize with Sayoko, too." Lelouch quirked an eyebrow. "The sort of bloodstains you left on the couch are going to be _so_ hard to get out."

"_That_ was entirely Cornelia's fault," Lelouch said, scowling. "I wasn't looking for punishment from _her_."

"Weren't you?" Suzaku asked seriously, knowing that Lelouch wouldn't have been so afraid of her if guilt hadn't left an open wound on his heart.

Lelouch was silent a moment before answering. "No. Because as much as _I_ deserve it, Nunnally must _never_ be forced to go through my death a second time. I just hope Sayoko can clean those stains out before my little sister's next visit."

Suzaku nodded. _Thank goodness. Even if it's unfair, I don't want you to think the way I used to. Wanting to die is too easy a way to make living miserable._

Lelouch's answer made calming his mind before sleep much simpler, although Suzaku still couldn't help wanting to stay up a bit later, even if all he'd accomplish would be to give Euphy more time to dream. The morning, when it arrived all too quickly after his second night of abbreviated rest, thankfully turned out to be much less stressful than the evening had been, since Cornelia was busy trying to convince the rest of Britannia that her brief hospital stay had "cured" her—and that she deserved to keep her driver's license, after that highly illegal U-turn. Lelouch even managed to re-explain the state of the world to Euphy much more calmly than he had the two proceeding days.

That quiet didn't last much past breakfast, though. "C.C., I'm _not_ lying," Lelouch was insisting into the phone yet again, and Suzaku had to work hard to keep from snorting in amusement.

"No, just—listen!" Lelouch hissed, gently pulling Euphy over. "Here," Lelouch said, abruptly thrusting the phone into her hands. "Introduce yourself to my...friend."

Euphy blinked at the sudden request, but gamely brought the cell phone up to her ear. "Hello. My name is Euphemia, but please just call me Euphy."

"Um...I don't know anything about massacres," Euphy said in confusion. "Maybe you're thinking of my older sister? Cornelia is a really talented Knightmare Frame pilot, so sometimes people call her the Goddess of Victory."

"So have you been a friend of Lelouch's for very long?"

Euphy frowned. "Really?"

She held the phone back out to Lelouch. "She says that she wants to talk to you again."

"Thank you, Euphy," he said, accepting the phone back with a smile. His tone soon grew indignant as he started speaking to C.C. again, though.

"You see? I _told_ you—"

"It's obviously not _every_ other word—"

"That _was_ true...from a certain point of view."

"Well, okay, there was that time..."

"Alright, and that other time..."

"That was only _misleading_. It wasn't a direct lie—"

"Okay, fine."

He sighed. "Yes, enjoy your pizza, C.C."

"I'll talk to you later."

"Goodbye."

"Wow, Lelouch, so that's your former girlfriend?" Euphy asked, as soon as he hung up.

"What?!" he exclaimed, nearly dropping the phone. "Where did you get that idea?"

"She said that you two used to share a special bond—"

"This, again? Listen, Euphy, C.C. is a deceptive old witch."

"Now, that's not a very nice thing to say about her. She sounded like a sweet young lady."

"Young? She's hundreds of years old, already."

"Now you're just pulling _my_ leg," Euphy complained with a smile.

Lelouch opened his mouth to object, but then he just sighed in defeat, much to Suzaku's amusement.

"You don't have to laugh so hard about it," Lelouch said, scowling at him.

Of course, that only made Suzaku want to laugh harder. "Hey, if you cry wolf enough times," he replied with a smile.

"Suzaku has a point, you know, Lelouch. I guess it's only natural for you to want to exaggerate a little to impress a girlfriend, but it sounds like maybe you went a bit _too_ far with what you've told her?" Euphy suggested.

"She's _not_ my girlfriend," Lelouch objected with a sour expression, but Zero had an early morning conference to attend, so Suzaku put his mask on and left them to settle that point on their own. Unfortunately, as much as he wanted to get back to Euphy quickly, the morning human rights conference led directly into evening break out sessions, which were then followed by extended closing ceremonies.

Because Nunnally had been forced to detour to the east coast on her way back from the U.F.N. meeting, in order to quell some rising rancor over the land distribution, it fell to Zero to shepherd the human rights resolutions along. _I guess I could have ordered Schneizel to help me out instead, but I wanted Nunnally to have at least a little support._ Consequently, by the time he returned to the suite, it was well into the night, and only the thought of seeing Euphy again kept him from wanting to fall asleep immediately.

Suzaku blinked as he stepped into their living room to find Lelouch speaking with a woman, though not the one he had been expecting.

"C.C., you're back already? I thought you were still making your way through the toppings in the 1990's."

"They will still be there when I get back. In the mean time, I thought I would console Lelouch on his immortality."

Suzaku frowned. _Lelouch has had the Code for a while now, and she's only just grown concerned? _"Why now, all of a sudden?"

"Suzaku...I see. You still haven't figured it out, yet," Lelouch said, shaking his head. "Accepting a Code will nullify any Geass that was granted from it. Therefore, if you were to accept my Code, you would no longer be able to wish Euphy back from the dead."

Every muscle in his body stiffened. Somewhere in the back of his mind, Suzaku had known that Code and Geass could not mix, but he'd been so busy thinking about Euphy that it had never even occurred to him that keeping her alive would mean breaking his promise to Lelouch.

_I've betrayed you again, haven't I? Without even realizing it._

"Lelouch, I—you're not going to try to commit eternal suicide again, are you?" he asked, hoping that what Lelouch had said the night before about not putting Nunnally through his death a second time still held true.

"Not during your lifetime, Suzaku," Lelouch told him with a wry smile. "Even if you should somehow outlive Nunnally, when we made our Contract, I promised you that I would stay with you until the very end. Although you can't keep your part of the bargain anymore, I'm not going to just abandon you, after granting you this Geass."

Suzaku bit his lip. "Lelouch, I'm sorry. When I realized there might be a chance to see Euphy alive again, I didn't even think—"

"I know, Suzaku."

"I...I never meant to break another promise to you. I don't want to betray you again—"

"You're not," Lelouch said, waving off his concerns with a nonchalance Suzaku knew had to be feigned.

"But Lelouch..."

"I want her to live again too, Suzaku. If it means I will have to bear this Code alone, then it's more than worth that punishment to see her wake up every morning."

"Then, you'll forgive me for being selfish like this?"

"Really, you're _both_ being selfish, aren't you?" C.C. asked.

Lelouch smiled at her, something soft and conspiratory. "Did you expect anything less from the Demon Emperor?"

"I wish you wouldn't call yourself that," Euphy chided, coming in from the dining room with a pot of tea. "Oh, you're finally back, Suzaku! I'm glad we can all have tea together." She smiled warmly as she set the pot down on the table, and the tension seemed to drain out of the room in the face of her good humor.

A minute later, Suzaku was sinking back gratefully onto the couch, teacup in hand, beginning to remember how tired he'd felt when he walked in. He wasn't ready to sleep yet, though. Euphy and Lelouch were conversing quietly beside him, and it eased old and painful wounds to see the two of them sitting so peacefully in each other's presence. For far too long, he'd felt they occupied diametric positions within his heart, so that any loyalty to one meant betrayal of the other.

_But even if their methods were different, they both really wanted the same thing all along. _

Euphy laughed at something C.C. said, and Lelouch smiled indulgently at her.

_Now that the world has finally arrived at the peaceful place we all wanted, you two aren't adversaries anymore, right?_


	12. Karma

There was something poking him. Repeatedly.

Groaning, Lelouch tried to roll away from it.

In what was probably the archetypal injustice of the universe, it came back.

Mumbling an incoherent curse, he tried to swat the offending digit away, but his arm impacted only air. With a huff, he gave up, sinking more deeply into his pillow.

The poking resumed on his other side, and Lelouch was finally forced to open his eyes in order to glare malevolently.

"You idiot, Suzaku, let me sleep!"

"Good! You're finally awake!" his best friend responded, completely incongruously. Suzaku's smile was far too happy for whatever unholy hour of the morning it must be, for Lelouch to feel so tired. (This being a very private interior suite, there were, unfortunately, no windows to judge the time by, and Suzaku was blocking his view of the clock.) "What's the last thing you remember, Lelouch?"

Lelouch frowned, fishing around for whatever felt most recent. _Cornelia didn't stab me again, did she?_ He sat up slowly as he tried to recall, but he didn't feel any obvious protests from his body. His head was a bit fuzzy, though...

"My Code! I was trying to use it to project memories!" He looked at Suzaku hesitantly. "Did it work?"

"Um, not unless the memories you were trying to project were of yourself suddenly falling unconscious."

"Yes, it was quite a dramatic success, if the person you were trying to overwhelm was yourself," C.C. added, from where she was lounging against the door frame.

He scowled in response to her sarcasm. "I wasn't trying to flood him. I just wanted to carefully show Suzaku a few select scenes."

"I told you that sort of control is incredibly hard to achieve, Lelouch," C.C. scolded him. "You should have spent the time mastering the focusing techniques I showed you, rather than trying to charge straight into this. I had the Code for centuries before I was able to project images at will, and even at my best, I couldn't do it very specifically. What you want to do could take a millennium to learn."

"I don't have that long," he told her with a frown.

"Of course you do. You have forever," she replied flatly.

"I know _I_ do, but Euphy..." He trailed off, not wanting to think about what his failure would mean.

"You were thinking that you could use your Code to project memories of things she forgot?" Suzaku asked, apparently only just catching on.

"Of course. Why did you _think_ I was suddenly so insistent to try this out, even though C.C. told me not to?" Lelouch asked, glad to find that he could stand up without any dizziness.

Suzaku winced, looking contrite. "I thought you were just eager to test out your power. I'm sorry, Lelouch."

"There's no point apologizing when he brought this on himself," C.C. told him. "You've always been so stubborn about these things, Lelouch."

"It's not like you spent your first few centuries completely focused on learning to project memories," he objected. _Besides, I'm clearly much smarter than C.C., and mental ability has to count for something, right?_ "Maybe there's some way to speed up the process, or maybe there's another way to clear the conditions." _There has to be something I can do to help Euphy, and I'm going to keep trying until I find it._

"C.C., are you even sure Lelouch's Code works right?" Suzaku asked. "I mean, it seems to take him a really long time to heal. Could it be that because the contact was so minimal during the transference, things didn't work right?"

"Yes, that's something I want to know, too, C.C.," Lelouch seconded. "Is a Code transfer truly an atomic operation? I mean, effects like healing, sigil manifestation, cancellation of the Geass that came from the Code, psychic memory projection—do you get every one of those effects to their full potential, all at once?"

"If you end up with one ability, then you end up with them all, Lelouch, and it is up to you to develop them."

"I'm not going to let you off so easily, with such a vague statement again," Lelouch said, remembering how she had mislead him about the placement of the Geass sigil. "The transfer may eventually either totally complete or not, but that doesn't tell me whether there could be some point, initially, where only part of the effects of the Code have been fully transferred."

C.C. frowned. "You always ask such difficult questions, Lelouch. I can tell you that I have no remaining abilities now. Since the powers of a Code are eternal and cannot be destroyed, if I don't have them, then I know you do. Whether you got the full potential of the healing ability at the same moment as you became able to manifest the sigil..." C.C. shrugged. "I don't know the order, if there is one, and it doesn't matter, anyway. You have it all now."

"Are you really sure?" Suzaku asked.

C.C. sighed. "The longer something has had to make an impression, the better you remember it, right? Someone who has a Code is linked to the collective unconscious, and therefore making an impression. Someone with a fully developed Geass is making an impression. But Lelouch only recently took on the Code, and his Geass was only fully developed for a few months before that. It's true that preemptively preparing and focusing can speed certain abilities, like healing or memory projection, but it can't make up for years and years of experience."

"But I need to find some way to make this memory transfer work quickly," he insisted, frustrated.

"Lelouch, if you try to force open the gates of your memories without knowing how to do it correctly, you may end up locking those gates, instead."

"Locking?" Suzaku asked worriedly.

"She means that I could accidentally seal away my own memories. But it's unlikely, Suzaku."

C.C. gave him a disapproving look, undermining the credibility of his calm dismissal. "You're not constantly accessing all your memories all the time; most of the time most of the gates are closed. It's easier to simply lock a closed gate than it is to pull it open so that anyone could wander in. Especially for someone as secretive as you, Lelouch, forgetting will be easier than projecting."

"But forgetting is the whole problem in the first place, isn't it? I have to find some way to make the reverse happen."

"If you're going to continue with this despite my warnings and without even learning how to focus your powers correctly, then at least have a safety measure in place."

"Safety measure?" Suzaku prompted, and Lelouch shot her an annoyed look, already seeing the most likely end to this conversation and not liking it one bit.

C.C. smiled deviously. "Because you two share a very special bond—"

"_I'll_ handle the explanation, C.C.," he told her, before she could say anything too embarrassing. "What she's actually referring to, Suzaku, is the nature of our Contract, of Code and Geass. As you know, a Code is linked to the entire collective unconscious of humanity. My Code also contains a complete backup description of everything that I am: my body, my personality and memories. Theoretically, I should be able to use the part of my Code that describes my memories to project them into the part of any mind that is connected to the collective unconscious."

"As for how your Geass fits in, think about it this way: in terms of atoms and molecules, you're made up of the same basic building blocks as me, but in a slightly different physical arrangement. When I granted you a Geass, it was made of the same basic building blocks as my Code, but in an arrangement unique to you. Unlike a Code, your Geass isn't directly linked to the whole of the collective unconscious and doesn't contain a copy of your memories, which is why you can't project them the way I theoretically could. However, you do have a direct link to my Code and therefore _my_ memories. Through the link the Contract provides, you might be able to unseal any memories I accidentally sealed."

"That's not quite the way I would have described it, Lelouch," C.C. pouted.

"That's because you would have insisted on inserting ridiculous innuendo in every other sentence!"

"At least my explanation would have been exciting. You practically put Suzaku to sleep with your overcomplicated statements."

"Well, it was a bit long winded—"

"Thorough. It was thorough," Lelouch corrected him.

"Right. In any case, the thing I don't understand is why you didn't show me how to unseal your memories first thing, just in case. And then master this focusing stuff, while you're at it."

Lelouch scowled. He really wished C.C. hadn't brought this up. "The chance of my accidentally sealing any memories is very low, so why waste our time on things that aren't going to help Euphy? I'll be fine, as long as I remember enough to unseal anything that is accidentally sealed."

"Lelouch, what if you forgot how to do that? I won't help you anymore, if you don't show me how to fix things if something goes wrong."

Lelouch reran his calculations, frustrated, but he couldn't see any way to get Suzaku to agree to continue without addressing the issue. _C.C. already refused, so I have to convince him. _ "But Suzaku, in order to do that you'll have to—to access my memories. To be inside my head, essentially."

"Oh, I think I understand now," Suzaku said with a frown. "The reason you didn't show me before is because you don't trust me."

"I didn't say that!"

"You so rarely say what you really mean," C.C. interjected.

"You stay out of this," he told the unrepentant interloper. "Suzaku, don't you want to help Euphy?" he tried asking, knowing that would be the best way to convince him.

"You know I do, Lelouch, but how is having a second person with amnesia going to help her? If _you_ really want to help, then why don't you try having a little faith in me?"

Lelouch looked back and forth between C.C., who had moved to indolently lie across Lelouch's bed, the very picture of bored unconcern, and Suzaku, who stood facing him with all the determination of a stubborn mule. Lelouch ran all his mental simulations three times and found he still didn't like any of the outcomes.

"Suzaku, my mind is a very ugly place."

"But it's not the ugly parts you're scared to show, is it? It's all the soft, tender, romantic—"

"Enough, C.C.! Who was the one who spent so much time amnesiac, because _she_ neglected to show me how to unlock her memories?"

C.C. pouted. "That was different. I had no idea I'd end up sealing them along with my Code."

"Are you sure it's not because of all the soft, tender, romantic—"

The sudden beeping of Suzaku's watch interrupted Lelouch. "Sorry. It looks like Zero has to go on duty now," Suzaku said, picking up his mask. "You two behave while I'm gone. Oh, and tell Euphy and Cornelia I'll be back in time for dinner, okay?"

"What? But I thought you didn't have to leave until noon."

Suzaku blinked. "It _is_ noon, Lelouch. Why do you think I was so impatient for you to get up? I wanted to at least speak to you before I had to leave. You were out for almost three hours, you know."

"Three _hours_?!"

"Yes. I was sure your Code must be broken, but maybe being a slowpoke is actually an essential part of your makeup. It could be that this is payback for all that time you spent sleeping through class and ditching gym. Anyway, I have to get going now, so goodbye!" Suzaku called cheerfully, as he headed for the door.

"Sure, just insult me and run."

C.C. smirked. "He is right about one thing: you certainly do spend a lot of time unconscious, Lelouch. One might almost think the Demon Emperor has built up some bad karma."

"If that sort of thing actually worked, karma should have killed my father off long before I did," Lelouch grumbled.

"Well, since you think it has no effect, why don't you head over to inform Euphy and _Cornelia_ that Suzaku will be back for dinner?"

A spike of fear went through his heart at the mention of his elder sister's name. _Why does anyone let that madwoman carry a sword around?_ "I said _karma_ is a myth, not Cornelia's temper." He still wasn't convinced that stab wound was completely healed.

"Surely you're not _afraid_ of your own sister, are you?"

"She's only my _half_ sister."

"Oh, so you _are_ scared of her."

"I didn't say that." Unfortunately, refusing to admit the truth didn't make it any less relevant. _Clovis, Darlton, the Glaston Knights, Euphy... I've taken so many things from her. Even Guilford was nearly killed because of me. _Not so terribly long ago, his own anger and pain had provided all the justification he'd needed to attack Cornelia, but now, knowing that she'd only been an innocent bystander, one of the few who had actually attempted to investigate his mother's assassination, it was much harder to still see her as the betrayer, rather than the betrayed.

_My mother had every opportunity to let Cornelia know she was alive, and yet she abandoned her, too. Father deceived Cornelia the entire time, dangling false approval before her to spur her forward in fighting the wars he couldn't be troubled to handle, and I...even though Cornelia has been kind to Nunnally throughout, I killed her own little sister and tarnished Euphy's good name forever._

Despite her harsh, vengeful, militaristic policies when she'd been Vicereine, on a personal level, Lelouch knew that he was the one in the wrong in their relationship. However, as he wasn't willing to admit to C.C. how uncomfortable he was with facing Cornelia in the presence of his most innocent victim, Lelouch really had no excuse not to go to Euphy's suite—although he still did his masterful best to delay for the next three and a half hours. Finally driven out of the room by C.C.'s incessant smugness, Lelouch was much more concerned with what awaited him when he had to confront Cornelia again (and what he could do to ensure she really did keep her silence, as calling her "sister" once likely wasn't enough) than with his current surroundings.

That was an unfortunate miscalculation.

The arm that darted out to cover his mouth was a complete shock, and the one that slipped around his waist to pull him backwards into an unused suite was expected only because Lelouch had figured out by that time that he was under attack. From the strong grip and the size of the hand, he estimated that the owner was most likely a tall man, probably in good physical condition.

_If my existence is discovered..._

The clear threat to Zero Requiem motivated Lelouch to struggle desperately. _We all sacrificed so much! I can't let the plan be threatened now!_ Unfortunately, his frantic efforts didn't gain him anything but a trampled foot and a painfully banged wrist, as the door clicked shut behind Lelouch and his assailant.

_So physical strength is not my forte. I'll just outwit whoever this is._

With the sharp sound of the lock echoing his ears, Lelouch was finally released, so that he could turn around and look into the placid smile and ice blue eyes of Schneizel el Britannia.

"Hello, little brother."

_...Shit._

It was at about that time that Lelouch truly began to panic.


	13. Fork

"Acknowledge me as Zero!" Lelouch tried desperately, with every bit of authority he could muster.

Schneizel only shook his head. "I'm afraid you've already passed on that title, Lelouch."

_That means I can't give him commands anymore._

"Zero wants you to let me go!"

"He doesn't even know you're here," Schneizel replied, making no move to disengage the obviously modified lock on the door.

Lelouch grit his teeth, cursing himself. Since having Schneizel handle all the guards at once made sneaking various supposedly dead people in and out so much easier, even Lelouch hadn't questioned allowing him full authority over Zero's personal guards. There shouldn't have been any harm in it, because as long as Schneizel believed Zero was the only one inside the security perimeter, the Geass would prevent him from making any hostile moves.

In this instance, however, Schneizel's authority likely meant that he had been able to simply order the guards out of his way, so that he could walk straight through to Zero's private suite. Even their privacy efforts now worked against them, as the very same soundproofing that kept voices inside Zero's and Euphy's suites also prevented anyone inside the suites from hearing something going on outside.

Lelouch momentarily debated trying to make a phone call for help, but it seemed like a foolish venture at present. _Schneizel is more than smart enough to see through a crude distraction, and if I'm not fast enough to get my phone out and place a call before he grabs it, I'll have lost my best option for later. _Worse, Schneizel might react by deciding to search him for further communications devices or weapons. Lelouch looked into his perfectly cold, rational gaze and decided that he didn't actually want to find out exactly how thorough Schneizel would be about that sort of thing.

_I won't risk using the phone, unless I'm sure I can at least succeed in placing a call,_ Lelouch decided. His top priority was to avoid being revealed to the world, so as long as that wasn't happening, he was okay...relatively speaking. _Thanks to __the Code, I know he can't permanently kill me,_ he consoled himself. On the other hand, having the Code meant that Lelouch could be tortured indefinitely or made the subject of endless, painful experiments.

_...At the very least, I can apparently knock myself out for a few hours, if it comes to that, _he thought wryly.

Unfortunately, because Euphy wasn't expecting him, and C.C. would just assume he was busy fighting with Cornelia, no one would immediately realize anything was amiss. _But if Schneizel is back then Nunnally must be, too, because I know Zero ordered him to go out to support her after we sorted out the mess with Cornelia. _Again, though, Lelouch's own security precautions would be working against him._ Because I've warned her how suspicious it is to visit Zero's suite when he's not here, Nunnally will probably wait to see me until Suzaku heads back. My best bet may be to try to stall until then._

Lelouch did his best to force his racing heart to calm.

_Schneizel wouldn't have installed a modified lock if he intended to move me right away, and Suzaku__ said he'd be back before dinner, so it shouldn't be more than a couple of hours before he returns. I just have to hold out until he notices I'm gone and comes to find me._

"Why did you drag me in here, Schneizel?" Lelouch demanded, eyes narrowed.

In response, the man used a sweep of his hand to indicate a chessboard set up on a table in the center of the room. "I'd like to play a game—with stakes, of course."

Lelouch shot a quick glance back at the door. If he weren't mistaking the mechanism, the modified lock wouldn't open without a key, even from the inside, which in itself proved that Schneizel had definitely planned something in advance, but the chessboard eliminated any possibility that his planning had been made without knowledge of Lelouch's presence. _So he was expecting to ambush __**me**__. He knew __**I **__was here._

This was basically his fear of global discovery made real on a smaller scale. How had Schneizel become aware of the Demon Emperor's survival, and could anyone else find out in the same way?

"You mentioned stakes?"

"If I win, I want you to point out to Zero every reason why it could be in his best interest to take back a particular order he gave."

_Which order? Surely Schneizel isn't doing all this over the occasional midnight catfood run, or something like that?_

Lelouch considered all the commands he knew Zero had given.

_As long as it doesn't endanger Nunnally's safety, we can find a workaround._

Lelouch nodded. "If I win, you will tell me every way in which you became aware I survived my assassination."

"Agreed."

It was easy to nod confidently then, but Lelouch found that his palms were sweating even before the tenth move.

_Should I fight for the center? Sacrifice my knight?_

_...No. No, my knight is too precious to do that. Even if Schneizel is in a better position..._

_But he is still so clever, he might be able to..._

_No, this may be my one chance. He is looking to achieve a good position, now, and he will look for the best possible situation to develop into at each move along the way, always seeking the best present._

_But I believe in the future. Even if there are too many options, so that it's impossible to calculate, I'll gamble, that with the right pieces, I can..._

The losses were piling up on each side, and Lelouch felt the weight of each pawn he managed to capture, the loss of everything he couldn't afford to keep.

_You were always a little more cautious than me, Schneizel. You could have used your king to take my bishop, even if it would have prevented you from castling. This move will make it very hard for me to keep the initiative, though, so..._

The most frightening part was that he couldn't actually see the future, when he was facing Schneizel. The stale, formulaic play of most Britannian nobles had nothing on Schneizel's brilliancies, and as the number of possible moves his opponent might make increased, the lines of potential futures split out into incalculable infinities.

_But even if I can't exactly calculate the right path, that doesn't mean the future I want isn't there. _Lelouch took another critical look at the situation, eyes narrowing as he focused in on clusters of pieces, strings of dependencies. _Should I keep my last rook defended? No, I can force a rook exchange, and if I don't move my pawn now, I will lose all chance of promotion._

Sweeping his eyes over the board three moves later, all that remained were two kings, two queens, two bishops, two knights, a rook, and five pawns. They were exactly even in material, except that Lelouch had the two knights and two pawns while the rook and remaining pawns were Schneizel's.

_My knights will be weaker now that the board had cleared this much, although with his king that far back, I may still be able to press my advantage..._

Schneizel still had better control of the center of the board, his queen a potent threat, but Lelouch calculated through the squares, all the possible positions collapsing into patterns of white and black, gain and loss.

_Two of his pawns are completely undeveloped, and his king..._

_Schneizel, you always had better moves to make, but leaving those wing pawns back there could cost you eventually._

_If I move here..._

"Check."

He'd used his first knight for a royal fork, which forced Schneizel to sacrifice his last bishop in order to save his similarly threatened king.

_Then you'll do this..._

"Check," Schneizel stated, but after playing it out twenty moves in every foreseeable direction, Lelouch merely moved his king further into the open, even if it did leave his own bishop undefended.

_I can still do this. My king may be dangerously exposed, but at least I have the freedom of movement..._

He slid his threats along the sides, trying to push the future into the configuration he wanted, even as Schneizel slid around his predictions with practiced ease. Finally, Lelouch moved into place so that he would be able to menace Schneizel's remaining rook on his next turn, well aware that the king's retreat would be the only way to unpin it.

_You can't really afford to lose any more pieces, can you?_

Of course, it went without saying that Lelouch couldn't, either.

_Move your king, Schneizel, just a little further back..._

Lelouch smiled. It took another five moves, but he finally advanced his pawn again, revealing a discovered check from his queen.

_You'd love to use your undeveloped pawn to take mine, but you can't, because you're in check. You can just move your king further away, but if you do, then there will be nothing to stop my newly passed pawn from promoting and putting you in check again, so you'll have to..._

Schneizel paused. "Do you wish to play it out?"

They could both calculate to the end result, now, but Lelouch nodded, having always preferred to play his games against Schneizel through to completion. Their moves were swift and smooth with the future already known, Lelouch's knights working together to trap Schneizel's king behind his own pawns.

Lelouch slid his queen across the board in the final move of the game.

"Checkmate." The word should have been perfunctory, but such a rush of adrenaline accompanied his victory that Lelouch was practically shaking. It almost hurt to unclench his fingers from his piece, his muscles were so cramped from clenching too hard.

His heart was actually thundering in his chest from a board game.

_I can't believe it... _He stared a the board in awe, trying to memorize every detail.

_I beat Schneizel at chess..._

_I finally beat Schneizel at chess!_

It was a dearly held childhood dream come true, and he looked up, smiling furiously at his adversary.

Schneizel met his gaze with a small smile of his own, his eyes fond and yet so very, very sad. "Well played. Very well played, little brother."

It hurt, somehow, to be called brother in such an unexpectedly sad voice, because part of Lelouch still remembered being a small boy staring at a chess board, working so very hard to win an acknowledgment from the older brother he'd admired. The rest of him, though, remembered being an Emperor fighting a war for the fate of the world, and that Emperor was furious.

_**You**__ gave Nunnally the switch to fire F.L.E.I.J.A. and left her as bait, to die in the destruction of the Damocles! You dragged me into this room as your enemy, so get angry! Show me your frustration and contempt! Tell me that I cheated or that it was only blind luck, that my feelings of victory are just an illusion and that you'll attack again and again until you find my weak point!_

Schneizel only gazed at him quietly, no hint of hostility in his posture or expression.

"Just what sort of game are you playing at, Schneizel?" Lelouch demanded, pushing away from the table to stand in indignant fury, angry most of all with himself, for letting the feelings of the past sweep him away for even a moment, when the present victory was only a cruel mockery of his childhood wish.

Even if to a lesser degree, it was the same stupid thing he'd done when he'd first seen his mother alive in the World of C—the part of him that was only hope and memory and aching emotion had been all too willing to accept the miracle without seeing the cold facts surrounding it. It had only made the pain worse when circumstance had finally forced him to realize that the mother he'd remembered being so strong and brave and vivacious had indeed been all those things, and yet she hadn't really been a mother at all. _She didn't even understand the feelings behind Nunnally's smile. She never thought about them._

_No matter how often I smile, you won't understand either, will you, Schneizel?_ He felt it shouldn't have hurt as much as it did, but although Lelouch had been surprised to hear Euphy profess that he was "Schneizel's favorite", in truth, he did remember a time when Schneizel had been important to _him_, at least. He'd been the perfect mentor, after all: eloquent and poised, helpful and so brilliant, generous with his time and with his wisdom, always patiently willing to explain his strategies or play just one more game with the younger sibling who'd once naively hoped to grow up to be like him. _You were everything I could have wanted, Schneizel, except the brother that I thought I had._

What had once seemed like precious memories were rendered worthless, when stripped of the love he'd thought had underlain them, and part of him wondered what had been so very _wrong_ with him, that neither of his parents had truly cared, that it took hearts as loving and open as Euphy's and Nunnally's not to immediately cast him aside, as soon as it was convenient. _Do they care for me because I truly deserve it, or simply because they don't know how to feel any other way? Even Suzaku has admitted to hating me for a time._

"What is it you _want_ with me?" he demanded of Schneizel, frustrated that the wounds of the past never seemed to completely finish healing, forcing him to rely on anger and stubborn pride to keep from showing any further weaknesses to his supposed sibling.

"On the Damocles, Lelouch, you told me that I lost to you because I was only willing to play games I knew I could win."

"I remember."

"It was an accurate assessment," Schneizel acknowledged, and Lelouch was surprised that he'd cede even that much of a victory. Despite his extraordinary talents, Schneizel perhaps had never been as proud. _Maybe he has no wounds worth protecting?_ "I don't mind retreating, in order to find a better move later. I told myself this sort of cold logic was an advantage, but the passionate determination I thought would be your downfall instead allowed you the freedom to make moves I would never risk."

"That's why I challenged you today, Lelouch, because this was a game I didn't know if I could win."

Lelouch stared at him in surprise. "You...wanted to change."

"A stagnant world has already been rejected, so it would be pointless to cling to a defeated idea, wouldn't it? Yet, even though I came here with that logic, even though we played with stakes, your will to risk everything—because victory is worth so much to you—is still missing from my own strategies."

Lelouch tensed, as his mind refocused on the most important point in all of this. "You promised you would tell me how you knew, Schneizel!"

"Yes, I did."

He took out his phone, and for a moment, Lelouch thought he was going to call in accomplices to help cart Lelouch off. Instead, he only played back several recorded audio files. They were all of Suzaku talking.

"That's what Le—what I thought. Forget what I just said."

"I need you to help me sneak Lelou—I mean, rearrange the guards. For security reasons. Only remember your orders from this conversation."

"I don't want to help Lelouch sneak onto the Damocles either, C.C., but...oh, crap, Schneizel's still on the line." There was the loud rustling sound, as if someone had made a sudden grab for the phone. "Um, forget whatever you just heard."

By that point, Lelouch was looking at Schneizel through his fingers, too annoyed and embarrassed to face the man head on. "I told him. I told him and told him not to use my real name. I'm practically sick with how many times I repeated myself."

"He's an impulsive person. Why trust someone like this to keep your survival secret in the first place?"

"I hadn't _intended_ to survive at all!" he defended, somehow unwilling to be judged a fool by this opponent, in particular.

"I see. I had wondered why you would risk such a thing, when it endangers the very plan you struggled so hard to complete."

"We both know what the logical course of action is, but I unexpectedly survived my perfectly planned assassination, thanks to an accident and an interfering witch." He snorted. "You're welcome to try explaining to Nunnally and Zero why I need to die after all, Schneizel—because my own arguments have gained me no traction on this point."

"...No, I doubt they would accept such cold logic, no matter the provenance."

"Yes, they think differently, or at least it seems so, most of the time." He paused, wondering if he should bother explaining himself any further when he knew Schneizel would never share his views, before coming to a decision. _Even if he won't agree, I'm not ashamed of the convictions that led me here._ It was so rare that Lelouch got the chance to be honest with someone who had some hope of matching his reasoning abilities.

"Even though we are used to calculating everything out, sometimes, the number of possibilities is simply too great, even for us. At those times, Schneizel, perhaps you simply want to retreat, until the potential outcomes become more clear, but there is another way. I have chosen to take those leaps of faith: to believe that if I'm willing to risk it all, I can obtain the future I want."

"Yet, that is also the quickest path to defeat," Schneizel pointed out.

"Yes, that's true, as well." _I have certainly tasted the bitterness of my own failures._ "But a kind world _requires _leaps of faith, Schneizel, because who has ever lived without knowing any pain, without ever being hurt or disappointed or betrayed? At any given moment, it is always safer to lock your doors and close your heart, and yet if everyone does that, it only leads to the cruelest of worlds. People must place their trust in each other, not because it's what their logic tells them would be best in any given moment, but in defiance of their present caution, for the sake of the world they want to create."

"I see. Because I only wish to take the sure path, I have ended up losing everything I fought for." The sadness was back in his eyes again.

Lelouch frowned, not wanting to be manipulated by what were probably feigned emotions, but curious despite himself. "Schneizel, tell me, what exactly is it that you would have asked for, if you had won?"

In response, Schneizel played one more recording. As it ended, Lelouch found himself staring at the other man with something uncomfortably close to pity. _Even if we'll always think differently, this is something I can understand._

"Since I destroyed Pendragon with F.L.I.E.J.A. and then launched the failed plan with the Damocles, there is only one person who has remained loyal to me. I thought these stakes would be enough, but it seems that not even this could change my way of thinking sufficiently."

Lelouch closed his eyes, pained, remembering how he'd focused on looking outwardly calm and assured as he made his live broadcast from the Damocles, declaring dominion over the whole world, and hopefully halting any remaining resistance from the Black Knights. Inside, he'd just been desperate to finish quickly so that he could turn his phone back on. The Lancelot Albion's IFF transponder had been down for a long time by that point, with no news from Suzaku.

After the announcement, Lelouch hadn't been able to stop pacing until the phone call had finally, finally come in from his Knight, although when Suzaku had confessed he needed "help" reaching the shuttle he was supposed to discreetly sneak away in, Lelouch had become frightened that the intended lie, that the Knight of Zero had been killed in action, might actually become reality.

_There was so much blood._

Staring at the still form he'd found slumped against a wall, the remains of Suzaku's shrapnel sliced uniform deeply charred by a too close explosion, Lelouch had thought, for one terrifying moment, that he'd finally succeeded in killing the last friend he had left. The next moment, Suzaku had breathed and opened his eyes, and the blind horror of being at once so guilty and so utterly alone had receded behind commands and bandages and desperation, the terror gone but never entirely forgotten.

_I understand why you would risk Zero's wrath, Schneizel, by coming after me._

"This isn't the sort of thing you needed to win a chess match for." _It was so easy to become trapped in thinking of all the ways that you could hurt me, but I should have seen that no matter how controlled you appear outwardly, there must still be things that you care about—and ways in which you can be hurt, yourself._

"If not a chess match, then what is it I needed to win, Lelouch?"

"Winning isn't the point. Whether it ends in success or failure, Schneizel, your intent to change still has meaning, doesn't it? Besides which, the whole point of this new world is that it should be kinder for everyone." He shook his head. "I'm sure Zero never meant to say such a thing to you, in the first place."


	14. Unintended Consequences

When Suzaku got out of the (for once) relatively interesting teleconference on Knightmare frame upgrades for the Black Knights, he found Nunnally and Sayoko waiting for him.

"Nunnally! I mean, Empress Nunnally," he corrected himself, because that really was proper protocol, even though, unlike Lelouch, Nunnally never scolded him for speaking her given name familiarly in public. "I'm so glad you're finally back from handling that land distribution on the east coast."

"Yes, so am I, Zero. I don't like to be away for so long, but Schneizel and I wanted to make sure that things were truly settled before I left this time."

"So everything was concluded successfully, then?" he asked, glad to hear that Nunnally and Schneizel had been able to smooth those bubbling tempers over.

"Yes. I should be able to spend at least the next week or two here."

"That's great! There's something wonderful I've really been wanting to show you, Nunnally."

"Is it about Cornelia?" she asked, brightening. "Schneizel told me she's been feeling much better lately."

"Well, you could definitely say it's related. It's not the sort of thing I'm supposed to explain here or over the phone, but if you have some time to come to my suite..."

"Now that I've caught up on the essential paperwork, that's exactly what I'd like to do," she said, smiling.

_Of course, to see Lelouch. Well, you'll just get an extra surprise when you get there._

"I'm surprised you actually forced yourself to get through that pile of forms," he told her, frowning in sympathy as he remembered what a forest had sprung up on her desk while she was gone.

"Well, not the whole thing, just everything that was time sensitive. I wish I could have just taken off like Schneizel did, as soon as we got back, but there are so many people counting on me, I wouldn't feel right enjoying myself until I did my duty. Besides, this way I can spend the evening truly relaxing, without having anything weighing on me."

"It's good that you'll have some time; I think tonight you'll want to stay late," he said, smiling widely behind his mask at the thought of the secret he was about to share. "Oh, I can take it from here, Sayoko," Suzaku said, moving to take the handles of Nunnally's wheelchair. As Sayoko stepped back, it occurred to him that there was something he should ask about, even though he was eager to head someplace else.

"Has it been healing alright?" he said, gesturing toward her left arm.

"Empress Nunnally asked the doctors to check it extensively, and it seems that only regular tissue is forming."

"So everything is just as it should be, then. That's good to hear."

"That is just it, Master Zero. Normally for a wound of this type, some scar tissue would be expected. It scabbed as usual, but it seems that there will be no scar remaining, if the healing continues as it has."

"Hmm..." _Is this a side effect of my Geass, that wounds I affected with it don't end up scarring? I guess that would make sense. I was so relieved to find out that Lelouch didn't have a scar from when I stabbed him. This seems like something that could be part of my wish._

"I'll have to tell L—my friend about that. He's interested in these sorts of circumstances, although I haven't really been supporting his...scientific curiosity."

_There's no way I can do any more testing, now. Not when using it on other people will essentially deprive Euphy of her life._

"Anyway, I'm glad you're doing okay, Sayoko. I'll make sure to get Nunnally back to her room, so please enjoy yourself for the rest of the evening."

She gave them each a polite goodbye, before Suzaku turned Nunnally around and headed for his suite at a slightly faster pace than usual.

_Euphy will be so excited to see Nunnally. _

It was a huge struggle not to mention anything secret until they were past the security perimeter of Zero's wing. As soon they'd turned a corner after the last checkpoint, Suzaku announced, "There's actually been a huge development since you left. We found out that my power can do a lot more than we first thought. In fact, I'm doing something really important with it, right now."

Nunnally blinked up at him in surprise. "You've done so much for this new world, Zero, but I think this is the first time I've heard you actually take credit for anything." She reached up to lay one of her hands over his, where he gripped the handles of her wheelchair. "It makes me happy to hear you feel proud of yourself, for once. You give so much."

He was glad the mask hid his blush. It was always embarrassing, the way Nunnally made his fumbling efforts sound so important. "I haven't done anything that other people couldn't do, but this...this is something really important to me. And to Lelouch. And to you as well, I think. I wish I could just tell you, but you know how it is."

_Lelouch would have an aneurism if he found out I used the word 'Geass' outside of a private, soundproofed suite._

It was a great relief when they finally reached his rooms. "Hey, Lelouch, you around?" he called after closing the door, but it was only C.C. who emerged from the dining room, a slice of pizza in hand.

"Oh, C.C., you're back!" Nunnally exclaimed, smiling in greeting.

C.C. managed a small smile in return. "If you're looking for Lelouch, he went to Euphy's suite a while ago," she told them.

"Euphy?" Nunnally asked, something pained filtering through her expression.

_You won't look that way once you realize what's really going on._

"That's what I've been wanting to tell you, Nunnally. My Geass—it can even be used on the dead. It deactivates when I sleep, unfortunately, and then she loses her memory of whatever happened since my Geass was activated, but she still remembers everything from before she died." _And even though C.C. seems pretty pessimistic, maybe Lelouch will find some way to make that memory transfer technique actually work. _ "Euphy asks about you every day."

"You mean, my sister Euphy is..."

"Right in the suite next door," he answered with a smile.

"But, I thought a Geass was all in people's minds," Nunnally said in confusion, looking as if she couldn't quite believe it yet, and it occurred to Suzaku that this was the second time he was asking her to believe the dead had risen. "How is it even possible for a Geass to affect the dead?"

Suzaku frowned, because all that had been important to him was that it worked. He hadn't even thought to ask how. Luckily, there was someone far more knowledgeable than him in the room.

"Lelouch insisted on discussing this with me at length," C.C. said, lying out over the couch with a contented sigh as she took another bite from her pizza slice, watching a lazy loop of cheese drift down toward her mouth. "Eye contact was required for his Geass because it was his way of establishing a connection, so that he could single out an individual within the collective unconscious of humanity to affect. Since the dead are also part of the collective unconscious, they can technically be affected by Geass as well, as long as there is a way for the user to target them. Perhaps visiting C's World helped Suzaku learn to make that connection."

C.C. shrugged, chewing thoughtfully on another bite of her slice before swallowing. "In any case, an individual holds a memory of who and what she was, so she should have enough information to restore herself accurately, if given sufficient power, by either Code or Geass."

_So that's how Marianne manifested a body in C's World, even though she was long dead_, Suzaku realized.

"So then Euphy—it's really her, she's really alive?" Nunnally asked, excitement beginning to steal over her face, and Suzaku nodded, happy to be the bearer of such good news. "Can I see her now?" she pleaded.

"Of course," he assured, wheeling her quickly over to Euphy's suite. Cornelia and Euphy were sitting in the living room when they arrived.

Euphy stood up immediately. "Nunnally!" she greeted happily, rushing over. "Your eyes! They really are open!"

"And you, you really are alive!" Nunnally responded, her shock and joy easily the equal of her older sister's.

They both seemed to see the humor in their oddly mirrored situations, because they were soon laughing together, even as they ecstatically embraced. Suzaku couldn't help laughing along with them a little himself, even as he cast his eyes around the room, searching for someone else. The slightest prickle of unease began to intrude on his high spirits when his search turned up empty.

_It's been a while since Lelouch has seen Nunnally. Why hasn't he come out to greet her, yet?_

Suzaku stepped closer to Cornelia, so that he could speak to her without drawing the attention of her younger sisters. "Cornelia, you didn't kill Lelouch again, did you?" he asked in a suspicious whisper.

"No," she answered with a confused frown. "I haven't seen him all day."

"Oh." _But C.C. told me that he came here, and Lelouch is way too paranoid to simply be out wandering the hallways, even if the guards aren't supposed to leave the perimeter._ Suzaku looked back toward Nunnally and Euphy, but it was obvious that they were still completely engrossed in their second round of hugs. "You'll be here for a while, right?"

Cornelia nodded, and Suzaku figured that with her protective streak, Euphy and Nunnally would be fine in her care for a few minutes, while he got to the bottom of this. "I'm just going to check with C.C. about something, but I'll be back soon, okay?" He double checked that the automatic lock on the suite door engaged as he exited, though, just in case.

_C.C. is probably just playing a trick on me, again._

Unfortunately, that didn't turn out to be the case, as his search of Zero's suite turned up nothing.

"I told you before—he left a couple of hours ago."

"But Cornelia says she hasn't seen him all day. You know how he gave us that lecture—check the peephole before exiting the door. Go directly to the other room without stopping. Lelouch wouldn't have just wandered off of his own free will!" Suzaku was almost ready to go back to confront Cornelia and search Euphy's entire suite (although maybe he'd ask Euphy to search her own bedroom, because Suzaku wasn't quite masochistic enough to want to draw that much of Cornelia's wrath), before another thought struck him. "Wait, when he left, did Lelouch have that cell phone that Nunnally gave him for emergencies?" he asked C.C.

She shrugged. "I think so. He normally carries it, so that she can contact him if she ever needs him."

"Good," Suzaku said, flipping his own phone open and calling the number. It was a tense three rings before the other side picked up.

"Lelouch! Are you okay?"

"Zero, don't just use my name before confirming that it's really me on the other end, and even if it is, think about what would happen if I were in a public place, where someone could overhear your shouting my name through the phone!"

"Oh for—_nevermind_ your security protocols! Where _are_ you?" Suzaku demanded.

"I'm in the suite directly across from ours."

Suzaku was already out in the hallway before Lelouch had even finished his sentence. The door to the suite Lelouch had mentioned didn't open for him, though, and Suzaku looked at the lock with an extremely uncomfortable feeling.

_Nunnally gave me the keys to every door on this corridor, and none of the locks should look like that._

In fact, on closer inspection, it was clear that the normal locking mechanism had been completely replaced, probably quite recently.

"Hold on, Zero," Lelouch said through the phone, "I still need to get the key from Schneizel—"

It was only then that Suzaku actually began to panic. _If Lelouch needs a key to open the door from the inside, that means he's __**locked in**__ with Schneizel!_

Considering the fact that Schneizel wasn't even supposed to know that Lelouch was alive and also how leery the former emperor was of being trapped, especially after his miserable stint in the coffin, Suzaku knew there was no way Lelouch would have willingly agreed to such an arrangement. He remembered uncomfortably what had happened when Cornelia had cornered Lelouch...

The next moment Suzaku had shoved his shoulder rather violently against the door. It might have been solid oak, but he counted extreme stubbornness among his short list of virtues. Two more sharp jolts went through his frame before he could feel the additional give in the door, splinters of wood starting to satisfyingly protrude around the edge of the lock. One more charge and the door crashed open with a loud crack.

Zero rushed in to see Schneizel standing at the far side of the room, a key on a chain dangling uselessly from his fingers. Lelouch was closer to the door, and both of them were blinking at him in what was probably shock.

Suzaku was well aware that Schneizel could plot the death of an emperor with an entirely bland look on his face, though, and so he was at Lelouch's side in an instant, taking him by the shoulders and looking him up and down frantically for any obvious injures. "Are you okay, Lelouch?" he asked, when it at least became clear that all his limbs were in their proper places.

"Yes, Zero, I'm okay," he replied wryly, before looking toward the door with a sigh. "You really are a bit _too_ impulsive, although I guess it's gratifying to know that you're willing to engage in mortal combat with two solid inches of wood in order to defend me, even if I'm incapable of sustaining permanent injury, anyway."

Suzaku frowned, worried about how easily Lelouch was dismissing threats to his safety. "You can still be hurt. Even if a wound heals, the pain of that memory doesn't just go away, does it?"

The expression on Lelouch's face softened a bit. "It's hard to believe it, but maybe you _were_ being thoughtful, after all." He smiled—one of the nice ones he usually reserved for Nunnally and Euphy. "Even if it was an unnecessarily dramatic entrance, thank you for coming for me," he finished sincerely, and of course the better Lelouch treated him, the more inclined Suzaku was to feel protective of him. He reflexively smiled back, although no one could see his expression through the mask. The glare he turned on Schneizel was similarly wasted.

"Tell me what you did to Lelouch!" he ordered.

"Lord Zero, I watched through the peephole of this door until I saw Lelouch exit your suite. I then crept up behind him and forcibly dragged him into this room. Once we were locked inside, I challenged him to a chess game."

"I won, by the way," Lelouch added unnecessarily, sounding unreasonably proud of himself.

_No wonder he's taking this so well._

"Let me try to get this straight. Schneizel, you basically kidnapped Lelouch...so that you could challenge him to a chess game?"

"Yes, Lord Zero." Because of the Geass, Suzaku was sure Schneizel wasn't lying, but...

"Lelouch, _is_ there any history of mental illness in your family?" It wasn't nice to say it, but actually, Lelouch's father had also been a bit...

"Very funny, Zero," Lelouch replied acerbically. "To Schneizel, his actions were perfectly logical."

"...That's why I'm asking about the mental illness," he replied, deadpan.

"Well, it can't be any worse than your entirely too frequent lapses in memory."

"What do you mean?" It was true that Lelouch's Geass had left some holes in his memory, but somehow Suzaku didn't think that was what his friend was referring to.

In response, Lelouch gestured at Schneizel, who played several audio files on his phone. Suzaku stared at Lelouch in shock.

"But, I told him to forget. You heard me—"

"You told him to _forget_, but you didn't tell him to 'destroy all evidence'. Schneizel probably had his phone set up to automatically record all conversations, and then periodically reviewed any new recordings. He didn't have to remember anything—he had a digital record."

"Oh. Like Anya."

"Yes, like Anya. Since you were friends with her and knew exactly what she did, I didn't think I had to explicitly point out that Schneizel could do the same. But it wouldn't have been a problem anyway, if you'd only followed the protocol and not mentioned my name, ever."

"I didn't mean to. I just—"

"Forgot. I realize that, but Schneizel never would have been able to ambush me like this, if you hadn't effectively told him that I was here."

"I'm sorry," Suzaku apologized, realizing that his carelessness had been the reason that both Schneizel and Cornelia had gotten to Lelouch.

Lelouch sighed. "Unfortunately, Zero, you're about to feel a lot sorrier," he said, in his most weary 'you have a very long and boring lecture coming' voice. He gestured at Schneizel again, who started playing another recording.

"Finally! Why didn't you answer before?! " Suzaku's own voice demanded.

"My apologies, Lord Zero. Kannon has been requesting regular updates on—"

"Ignore him! Can't you see my business is more important?! I need to find out where Cornelia is!"

Suzaku frowned. "But, I didn't use your name at all in there, Lelouch," he defended as the recording ended.

Lelouch just buried his face in his hand, shaking his head. "That wasn't how Schneizel found out I was here. That was his motive for forcefully challenging me to a game of chess in the first place."

"You mean, other than insanity?" he asked dryly.

Lelouch frowned. "The Geass prevents him from opposing you directly, so he wanted to play me for stakes, Zero, in the hopes that he could get _me_ to encourage you to reverse a command." Lelouch sighed. "Don't you remember what I told you about my Geass at all?"

"Of course I do. You pounded all that into my head before Zero Requiem."

"Then what is the first rule?"

"All commands are absolute."

"So, if you want to give a finite command to someone who is absolutely obedient, what should you do?"

"Make sure to qualify it with some specific time limit, completion condition, or situational circumstance," he replied dutifully, pretty sure that he'd memorized Lelouch's words verbatim.

"Then you realize that if you tell a man who's effectively been ordered to serve you to, let's say, ignore his only friend left in the world, he's going to stop answering the phone when his friend calls. He's going to disregard any resulting messages. He's going to turn his back and walk away when his friend tries to talk to him, or yells at him for not responding, or pleads with him to just listen to a word he's saying or at least explain what's wrong. He's going, in other words, to completely lose that friend."

"...Oh. But Lelouch, I didn't mean—"

"A Geass is absolute, Zero. The great tragedy of such power is that it _does not matter _what you meant."

Suzaku swallowed heavily, remembering exactly what had happened with Euphy, before looking over at Schneizel again. Even if he'd never been fond of the man, Suzaku could at least partly understand the weight of what he'd done.

_With just a few careless words, I may have taken away the closest person in his life..._

"I'm sorry. I take that order back. You can stop ignoring Kannon Maldini."

"Thank you, Lord Zero."

"Don't thank me for that sort of thing," he said, his voice strained. "It should never have happened in the first place."

_Even if Lelouch hadn't warned me so many times about how dangerous his Geass was, I should have known from my own experiences to be more careful. I was just distracted, worrying about where Cornelia had gotten off to, and I didn't even realize..._

"I'll be more careful in the future, I promise."

"Better than that, order Schneizel to inform you whenever he becomes aware that you may have given an order that you didn't mean or that may turn out to be unusually onerous, so that he can receive confirmation before he carries it out."

"I order you to do as Lelouch just said."

"Yes, Lord Zero."

"Good. Now order him to—"

The sound of Cornelia's voice interrupted them. "What in the _world_ happened to this door?!"

Lelouch tensed, and Suzaku had the unpleasant feeling the situation was about to get even more complicated.


	15. Security Protocol

In swift confirmation of Suzaku's concerns, Cornelia, Euphy, Nunnally, and even C.C. soon filed into the room.

"Does no one _ever_ follow the security protocol I laid out?" Lelouch complained, although it was quite clear by that point that the answer was "no".

"Brother!" Nunnally exclaimed, wheeling over to greet him instead.

"Brother Schneizel!" Euphy half echoed her. "No one told me you'd be visiting today!" Apparently, in what Suzaku was sure was a great misalignment of the universe, the man's mere presence was reason enough for her to go over to give him a hug.

"Don't hurt her!" Suzaku ordered him, more than a little mistrustful of what Schneizel might do otherwise.

"Of course, Lord Zero," he replied, carefully returning Euphy's embrace. The shock hadn't left his eyes, though, and Schneizel looked to Lelouch, as if he held all the answers (which was probably correct, but Schneizel's agile intelligence only made all the repugnant plans he'd tried to enact even more galling).

"I'll explain later," Lelouch mouthed in response.

"Schneizel, you wouldn't have anything to do with that splintered door, would you?" Cornelia inquired suspiciously, not seeming very happy with the fact that Euphy was hugging him, either.

"I believe it was Lord Zero who broke the door down."

Suzaku glared at him. _Don't make me out to be the bad guy, here._

"And he wouldn't have had to do that because of _you_, would he?" Cornelia pressed immediately, before Suzaku could speak up to defend himself. He was glad that she, at least, was on his side in this.

Lelouch, however, pointed frantically at Euphy and then shook his head with his hands over his ears, obviously not wanting to have this discussion in front of her.

"Ah, Schneizel wanted to play a chess match against me undisturbed, so the door was locked," he told them aloud. "There was some miscommunication about whether the key could be found in a timely enough fashion, which resulted in Zero's minor misunderstanding with the door."

"I see," Cornelia stated flatly. It was clear from her glare that she thought Lelouch was lying through his teeth. Fortunately, she wasn't eager to upset Euphy, either.

"Oh, you two are always so serious about your chess games," Euphy said with fond amusement, apparently finding nothing unusual about Lelouch's explanation. She looked over to examine the board.

"I won," Lelouch informed her, as if that were somehow the most important point in all of this.

"Really?" Euphy asked, turning to Schneizel for confirmation.

"Yes. His skills have increased tremendously."

"Wow! You always said you would win someday, Lelouch, but I didn't really think _anyone_ could beat Schneizel! You must have gotten really good!"

_Euphy, please don't encourage him._

"That's amazing, brother!" Nunnally joined in. Even Cornelia looked a little awed.

_Great. At this rate, he'll be insufferable for __**weeks**__._

"What's so great about winning one board game?" Suzaku muttered.

"Have you ever _played_ Schneizel in chess?" Cornelia asked incredulously.

"I've played _Lelouch_. I never believed anyone could be a harder opponent, and every time he won—" Suzaku shook his head, watching Euphy and Nunnally gush over what might have been some sort of godlike skill, for all that they were praising him. "He's going to be _so_ full of himself."

For some reason, that made Cornelia look almost sad. "...He really hasn't changed that much, has he?"

"Lelouch?" He thought about it seriously. "He's a bit less angry. Sadder, I think. He lies more, or maybe I just notice it more, but all in all..." He shrugged, with a small smile she couldn't see. "You're right, he's not that different. He's still the same friend I made all those years ago."

_Even when he would act so arrogantly back then, somehow, we were still inseparable. He's been so depressed lately, maybe there's even something to be said for a little nostalgic hubris._

Then Lelouch got that unholy grin on his face that sent an instinctive shiver down Suzaku's spine, and he amended his opinion slightly. _On second thought, I wish Schneizel had __**crushed**__ him._

Soon after, Lelouch was ordering them all back to the soundproofed suites in the most supercilious voice possible, only Nunnally's soothing intervention and Euphy's placating smiles preventing Cornelia from slugging him as hard as possible. The rest of them didn't want to risk the wrath of Lelouch's slighted pride by disobeying, so fifteen minutes later they all found themselves sitting in Euphy's living room, enjoying a cup of tea (or not, as the case might be).

Lelouch had finally come down from his chess high far enough to realize that his haughty self-absorption might be putting him in mortal peril from Cornelia. Perhaps tipped off by her furious glares, Schneizel seemed to have recognized that he might be a target as well, because the two of them finished their tea in record time before quickly leaving for Zero's suite, only pausing to bid hasty goodbyes to Nunnally and Euphy. As Suzaku certainly didn't trust Schneizel alone with Lelouch, he hurried to finish his tea as well.

"Leaving so soon?" C.C. asked him as he stood up. She smiled mischievously. "Are you sure you don't want one more cup?"

He narrowed his eyes at her. _Evil witch._

Unfortunately, she only responded by looking over at Euphy, who was innocently sitting right next to her, and so Suzaku had to paste a smile onto his face and reply with forced civility, "No thank you." The sound of C.C.'s laughter followed him on the way out, but he had a bigger problem to take care of.

"Have you done anything to him?" Suzaku demanded, as soon as he found Schneizel sitting with Lelouch in the dining room.

Schneizel blinked. "Of course not, Lord Zero. We have only been talking."

"You don't need to be so paranoid about it, Suzaku. Schneizel doesn't just take reckless actions, unlike someone else I know," Lelouch told him.

Suzaku just stood there in shock for a moment; Lelouch's gall in calling _him_ paranoid was astounding.

"He basically kidnapped you earlier today!"

"That issue has already been resolved."

_No, it hasn't, but I'll resolve it right here!_

"I order you never to attack Lelouch again!" he told Schneizel.

"Yes, Lord Zero."

Hearing that method of address finally prompted Suzaku to realize that he'd taken his mask off when they'd all sat down to tea, and yet Schneizel had shown no surprise.

_Does he have that good a poker face, or did he know all along?_

It unhappily occurred to him that he'd likely accidentally broken another of Lelouch's many security protocols and thereby inadvertently tipped Schneizel off. As Suzaku didn't particularly want to get another lecture, though, he quickly decided not to bring that matter up.

"So, now that I know you two can at least play nice, are you planning to just hide back here until Cornelia leaves?"

"We're not _hiding_," Lelouch objected, pride obviously wounded.

"Sometimes, discretion is the better part of valor."

Lelouch nodded in agreement. "Exactly what he said. She does seem _particularly_ aggressive today; I can't imagine what set her off," Lelouch said with seemingly perfect sincerity, as if he hadn't been acting like the most obnoxious, swaggering sort of aristocrat just a few minutes ago. "Actually, I was surprised at how many glares she sent your way, Schneizel, since she certainly doesn't have any reason to feel protectively toward me. Is she really still that angry about Pendragon?"

"While I doubt she has entirely made peace with the total destruction of our former capital, especially considering how quick she was to offer her mother's ancestral home as a temporary replacement, I believe her most potent source of anger is the fact that I shot her."

"You—you what?" Lelouch asked.

"I had a concealed SR machine gun mounted in the briefing room of the Damocles, and when she challenged my plan, I activated it."

"SR... You mean Shatter Rounds?" Lelouch asked, while Suzaku was still struggling to process Schneizel's admission.

_He __**shot**__ her? _Suzaku had noticed, of course, that Cornelia hadn't been among the forces defending the Damocles, but he and Lelouch had been so focused on Zero Requiem that they hadn't had the attention to spare on anyone who wasn't directly in their way.

Schneizel nodded. "Yes. They at last proved useful for something."

Schneizel's careless disdain dredged up an old memory from one of Suzaku's military briefing sessions. Britannia had tried unconvincingly to pass off the SR series as a great improvement in technology, but the fact was that the design and production contract had been awarded to an incompetent sham of a company based solely on nepotism and bribery. Instead of producing a bullet that would shatter on impact, they'd managed to produce a bullet that would shatter as soon as it was fired, scattering ineffectually before reaching the target. Rather than solving the root problem, the inept people in charge had then decided to simply slow the velocity the bullet was fired at.

The end result had been a weapon whose bullets _still_ often shattered before impact, producing an effect rather like low velocity buckshot. They had a good chance of hitting the target, but little hope of doing so accurately or effectively, which had been why Britannia had been quick to push them onto units comprised of Honorary Britannians. Suzaku had never known whether it was because they honestly believed Numbers couldn't aim or whether they just didn't trust non-Britannians with real guns, but he'd never fired his outside of training, in any case.

"Schneizel, even though SR rounds have a notoriously low lethality rate, it's still not zero," Lelouch pointed out, frowning. Suzaku was considerably more furious.

_How could you, Schneizel? Cornelia __**trusted**__ you._

"Yes. Cornelia and I are both well aware of that fact."

"But if you didn't want to kill her, then why not use a tranquilizer gun? If you did want to kill her, then why not use something more lethal?"

"After you captured Cornelia during the purge of the Geass Order, she rather handily escaped her imprisonment on the Ikaruga. I feared that much the same thing would happen if _I_ tried to hold her against her will—she was simply too resourceful, too determined, and too popular within the Britannian military for me to hold her securely. Therefore, I felt the only sure way to keep her out of the fight was to make it physically impossible for her to join in," Schneizel explained. "I notice that even with the rumors circulating about her lack of sanity, she still rather quickly slipped out of the medical imprisonment you recently had me place her under."

"I was _aware_ of that weakness in the plan from the beginning," Lelouch said, gritting his teeth as he slammed one palm flat against the table, half standing from his seat, "but the other option presents a grave risk as well, Schneizel. What would you have done if Cornelia had actually _died_?"

"Then I would have been very sad and given her a proper funeral."

"Do you really think that sentiment's enough to win her forgiveness?"

"No, hence my retreat back here."

Lelouch was quiet for a long moment, before sighing and slumping back into his seat. "...As much as Euphy would like it, I don't think she's going to forgive me, either," he admitted morosely.

"Lelouch, you're different," Suzaku objected, giving Schneizel an even more heated glare than he had earlier. "It was all a terrible accident with Euphy, and you were only trying to trick the world as the Demon Emperor."

"An accident?" Schneizel asked.

"Oh. I guess Lelouch hasn't explained that part, yet." Actually, Suzaku was rather hoping Lelouch would just tell him to make Schneizel forget everything and leave, because this was the man who'd wanted to place the whole world under the rule of fear—not to mention the fact that he'd given Nunnally the F.L.E.I.J.A. control switch and consequently that horrible stain on her innocent soul.

As time went on, though, the outcome Suzaku hoped for seemed less and less likely. _Is it because of Euphy? Even if Schneizel didn't deserve it, she did seem happy to see him. _Much as Lelouch might like to pretend otherwise, her happiness had always ended up trumping everything else, even Lelouch's own cherished security considerations. _I guess I will just have to get used to having Schneizel around, then, if it's important to her._

Even as he was resigning himself, Lelouch sighed and launched into the familiar morning explanation about Suzaku's Geass and Lelouch's accidental one, minus the sanitization performed for Euphy's sake.

"I see," Schneizel said when it was finished. "I miscalculated."

_Do they have to sound so alike? _

"You know, it's a bit creepy, how you say you miscalculated, just like Lelouch does."

Lelouch looked a bit uncomfortable in response to his statement. "Actually, Suzaku, it's the other way around. That's what Schneizel would say, when I did something surprising during one of our chess matches. I must have heard it enough to pick up the phrasing from him."

"That's perfectly understandable. You were often making very creative moves, Lelouch."

Given that Schneizel was recognized the world over for his skill in negotiation, Suzaku had been well aware that the man had a silver tongue. However, he had never seriously contemplated the possibility that Schneizel would use that skill on Lelouch, much less that he might actually meet with any success by doing so. Now, the pleased look on Lelouch's faced proved that was a glaring omission.

_Euphy is so innocent and sweet natured that I can understand how she'd be easily taken in, but why can't you show a bit of your paranoia now, Lelouch? Don't you remember that this is the toughest enemy that the two of us faced together? That he just admitted to shooting Cornelia? Are you really going to let yourself get this comfortable, just because you beat him at chess?_

"Lelouch, don't let your guard down around him," he admonished.

The former emperor flinched, staring down at the table so unhappily that Suzaku almost regretted saying anything. "Sorry. I was just remembering something," Lelouch admitted.

"You planned that deliberately, didn't you, Schneizel?" Suzaku accused, angry that Schneizel had indirectly caused him to wound his friend again. "Answer me truthfully: why are you being so nice to him?"

Lelouch shot him a glare because of that order, but of course Schneizel couldn't help but answer.

"...Because if he decides that I am not nice enough, then the little brother and sister I thought were dead will once more be relegated to mere memories, and I will never be allowed to see them again."

Even he had to admit Schneizel looked unhappy about that prospect, and Suzaku cringed under Lelouch's increasingly furious glower. "That's enough," the original Zero declared. "We won and have him in a disadvantaged position, Suzaku. You don't need to rub it in his face that we essentially control his future."

"I wasn't trying to gloat! I was just worried." _But_ _maybe I am a little paranoid, myself. _ The truth was, rather than fully thinking things through, he'd actually been trying his best _not_ to weigh the fact that Lelouch and Schneizel were half-brothers, because it had always been unpleasant to be reminded that most of the people Lelouch had fought against were his own blood relatives.

_Except for with Nunnally, he never said anything—not one word. _But Suzaku remembered how painful his own father's death had been, and the way Lelouch had flinched and stared down at the table a minute earlier proved that he wasn't as immune as he liked to pretend. _How can it not hurt, to have to fight the very people you should be protecting, the people who should be protecting you in return?_

"You know, sometimes, I just don't understand you, Schneizel," Suzaku admitted in frustration. _Actually, almost all the time. I know Lelouch would rather I just dropped this, but I have to protect him, even when he doesn't seem to want it._"If you actually care about him, then why would you try so hard to kill Lelouch with F.L.E.I.J.A.?"

"Because even when I cornered him, I could never hold him."

"So the only solution left in your mind was to _kill_ him?" Suzaku demanded in disgust. _And you're considered a genius?_

"That's where I miscalculated. I knew that Euphy couldn't possibly have taken such murderous actions of her own free will, and owing to the evidence I had, I deduced that Zero must be responsible. When I found out Lelouch was Zero, I believed that his actions had been motivated by an all consuming desire for revenge on Britannia. If he were willing to kill even Euphy, who had always been so close to him and who had only wanted to make peace, then there would be no hope of negotiating with him.

"No, more than that, I believed that such senseless, disproportionate acts of revenge invalidated Lelouch's rare mix of logic and passion."

"Invalidated?" Suzaku questioned, wishing that Schneizel didn't share Lelouch's penchant for thinking off into incomprehensible abstractions.

"I believed that his feelings had caused him to misuse his prodigious mental talents for wanton destruction. When he told me on the Damocles that he wanted to entrust the world to those fueled by their irrational, emotional hopes, I felt it was the height of foolishness, because if emotion had reduced even someone as intelligent as he was to rabid, thoughtless slaughter, then how could the rest of the world do any better?"

For the first time, Suzaku saw deep distress on Schneizel's face. "I did not understand that Euphy's death and the massacre at the Special Administration Zone had been only an accident caused by Lelouch's Geass running wild. My calculations were completely off."

Unexpectedly, Suzaku found that he could actually sympathize a little with the former White Prince. _If only you had told me the truth from the start, Lelouch... If I'd forgiven you earlier, how differently might things have gone?_

"If it makes you feel any better, for a long time, I cursed your name, thinking that you were party to my mother's assassination," Lelouch admitted to Schneizel, as if confessing to a former murderous grudge were an acceptable sort of peace offering.

Suzaku frowned, remembering Schneizel's unexpected confession that he'd shot Cornelia. "I want to finally hear the truth about that. Were you involved in the assassination, Schneizel?"

He shook his head. "Father only drew me in to help manage the aftermath. I thought if I played the dutiful son that he would eventually tell me what happened, but he always adamantly refused to answer my questions, only saying that there might be continued danger for Lelouch and Nunnally. Father told me _that_ was the reason he sent them to Japan, to keep them out of harm's way, but after he told us they'd been killed during the war, I never learned anything further about Marianne's death."

Suzaku shifted uncomfortably, because that sort of plan sounded all too familiar. "Play along, and perhaps you will eventually find yourself in a position to change things from the inside?"

Schneizel nodded, and Suzaku winced. It was painful to realize that even his worst enemies didn't think so very differently from him, although it did make it easier to finally go back to Euphy, leaving the two geniuses some privacy to talk, which was obviously what Lelouch wanted. Suzaku found he wasn't even very worried later that night, when they allowed Schneizel to leave the suite with his memories intact (plus a few extra secrecy orders carefully worded by Lelouch).

"I guess Euphy will be happy to get visits from him, even if he is such a cold person," Suzaku admitted as he closed the door. _If Lelouch does get memory projection working, then it would be really hard to explain to Euphy why we were always keeping him away._

"Yes," Lelouch agreed. "Although, that's not the only reason..." He had an odd look on his face, as if he were trying to hold some strong emotion in, and Suzaku wondered if Schneizel had said something troublesome, after all.

"Lelouch?"

"...I buried a little brother once," he finally replied, looking away with a seemingly carelessly blank expression on his face. "It wasn't any fun."

_Is he talking about Rolo?_

Despite his multiple attempts to question Lelouch about Nunnally's stand-in, especially after hearing that he'd been the one to shoot Shirley, Suzaku had never learned anything except that Rolo had apparently felt protectively toward Lelouch and that Lelouch blamed the Geass Order for training Rolo as an assassin. Exactly why Rolo had shot Shirley or how Lelouch himself had felt about that at the time had gone completely unvoiced, although the fact that he was so tight lipped about it hinted at a very deep wound. The very real sadness that had leaked into his voice when he'd spoken of burying his little brother basically guaranteed that Suzaku's ignorance would be continuing.

_No matter how I ask, I know he won't tell me about it._ Sighing, Suzaku chose a question he might possibly get an answer to. "Do you think _Schneizel_ was actually sad when he thought you'd died?"

"Yes," Lelouch said heavily, finally meeting his eyes again. "Both times."


	16. Prelude: Memorial

Piled on the center table of Cornelia's sitting room was a collection of pictures and mementos: a portrait of a young Lelouch holding a tiny Nunnally, the outer piece of an interlocking ring that Euphy had split with her younger half-sister, a story book that Lelouch had used to read to his younger siblings, a picture of Marianne smiling with her two children, the first chess board Lelouch had ever owned...

...It hurt to look at that, and Schneizel found his eyes wandering around the room, instead. Clovis was lounged at one end of the plush white couch, his normally confident and airy posture instead limp and subdued. Euphy was huddled at the other end of the couch with a stuffed rabbit Lelouch had given her several birthdays ago, while Cornelia sat in the chair across from Schneizel, her expression hard but her eyes red rimmed.

"You go first, sister," Euphy prompted her, and Cornelia stood shakily, going to stand beside their little pile of memories.

"Marianne's children were," she began, swallowing noticeably, "they were like her: brave and talented and full of energy." Her clenched fists trembled, and Schneizel knew that along with her grief there was bitterness and an impotent fury, that not only had Marianne been lost, but also the precious son and daughter she'd left behind.

In this case, her pain and frustration were keenly shared. Not even Schneizel's finest negotiations had been able to pry information about Marianne's assassination from their father's lips, nor dissuade the nobles from declaring war, and the Emperor had flatly denied Cornelia's strident requests, both to run an investigation of her own and to deploy to Japan, although they all knew no one in the regular army would be making any effort to retrieve the Prince and Princess alive. "Victory at any cost"—that had long been the motto of Britannia, and glory came from gaining ground and crushing the enemy, not saving the helpless children of a slain commoner.

"Lelouch was such a devoted brother, and Nunnally was always a sweet and happy little girl. She used to laugh so much." If only Schneizel and Cornelia had been a little older, a little more skilled, their political and military influences a bit more firmly established, things might have ended very differently. They might have been throwing a welcoming party, rather than holding a solemn memorial. As it was, Schneizel could only promise himself that the future would be different, that he wouldn't lose another sibling like this again. "Lelouch was..." Cornelia eventually swallowed back her grief far enough to continue speaking, but Schneizel wasn't really listening anymore, staring at the chess board on the table in front of them, trapped in memories of his own.

Lelouch had just turned seven, the first time they'd played an unhandicapped chess match. Schneizel had given him the board as a birthday gift, and Lelouch had insisted on an equal game. He had, of course, lost badly. He'd insisted again and lost just as badly the second time. The third defeat had nearly brought him to tears, and Nunnally had given Schneizel the meanest look he'd ever seen on her cherubic face. Even Cornelia had taken him aside to scold him: "You're not supposed to play for real against a little kid!"

"He said himself that he didn't want me to hold back," Schneizel had objected.

"That's why you shouldn't listen to everything a seven year old tells you!" Cornelia had admonished, and for six months, Schneizel had considered that the end of Lelouch's brief chess career.

_Nothing ends irrational challenges like crushing defeat._

Sometime the following June, though, he'd gone seeking Marianne for her opinion on a protoype Knightmare proposal from the newly formed A.S.E.E.C., only to find that Cornelia had gotten there first. She'd insisted that her desire to speak to Marianne in private about potentially joining her personal guard surely preempted his intended consultation, and through a decision making process Schneizel had not been privy to, the children had somehow been left temporarily in his care.

The first thing Euphy had done was throw herself at him in a full bodied hug, Nunnally impacting a moment later. "Brother Schneizel! Brother Schneizel, look what Euphy gave me!" the younger girl had shouted in excitement, holding up a gold medal that looked suspiciously like the one Cornelia had won in a Knightmare Frame tournament not too long ago. He'd worried for a moment that his sweet pink haired younger sister might soon be in some serious trouble, but then he'd remembered how much of a soft spot Cornelia had for her and figured it would work itself out.

"How very lovely, Nunnally," he'd responded placidly, with the intent to disavow all knowledge of the medal if asked.

The gentle tug at his sleeve had come as a surprise to him, though, as Lelouch was generally more reserved than his sisters. "Can we play a game?" the young boy had asked, looking up at him with hesitant violet eyes.

Considering that they were seven, six, and four, Schneizel hadn't really expected them to do much, if anything, else. "Of course, Lelouch," he'd told him gently, not really sure why his permission had been asked in the first place, until Lelouch had gotten out the chess board and Schneizel had realized it wasn't his sisters he intended to play with.

"But we don't want to watch you play chess again!" Euphy had complained to Lelouch.

"It's boring!" Nunnally added.

"It's not going to be boring," Lelouch had objected. "Schneizel is completely different from Clovis!"

"But it's still chess!" Euphy had insisted.

Lelouch had paused for a moment at that, his tiny brow wrinkled up in thought. "What about if we play in the garden and whoever isn't moving reads a story to you? We'll switch off reading when we switch turns."

"Mmmm..." Nunnally had considered that for a moment before brightening. "Okay!" she'd agreed, rushing off with Euphy to get a storybook for them to pass back and forth.

With Euphy humming happily in his lap while Nunnally curled up with Lelouch, tracing the golden embroidery on his shirt with idle fascination, Schneizel had thought his little brother's claims of incredible improvement no more than a child's idle boast—until he found himself having to actually pay attention to save his rook and keep his king out of check. At the end, though, Lelouch had of course still lost badly, and for a moment, his face had scrunched up so tightly that Schneizel had belatedly remembered Cornelia's admonishment not to play for real against a seven year old. His fears that Lelouch would cry had proved groundless, though, as the boy had only laid his head gently against a sleeping Nunnally's and sighed.

"I shouldn't have been that aggressive in the center," he'd said finally, worrying at his lip. "I was so eager to take the initiative, I overextended my queen, and when I had to pull her back, I lost tempo." If the game had been surprising, the depth and insight of the assessment that followed it had been even more so, and of course they had ended up playing again, as their younger sisters slept on in the light afternoon sun, lulled by the gentle breeze and melodious birdsong, their story long finished. Cornelia had emerged from the villa to find Lelouch and Schneizel still matching wits in the garden, nearly three hours later.

"You really _must_ be a genius negotiator, Schneizel," she'd said, looking over the four of them with a smile. "How is it that you got three children to agree to spend the entire afternoon playing _your_ favorite game?"

"I think you're looking in the wrong place, Cornelia. The genius responsible is the one on the other end of the table," he'd replied, with a nod of his head toward the true instigator.

Lelouch had blushed in response, mumbling something into Nunnally's hair, but Schneizel hadn't caught it, as the truth of his own words sunk in.

_He is a genius._

It had struck him for the first time, then, how alike they were, Lelouch sitting on one side of the chessboard with Nunnally, while Schneizel sat with Euphy on the other, each focusing on a mental pursuit that went far beyond their siblings' limits. Schneizel had easily remembered what it had been like to be that young and that bright, to have a mind bored to extremes by his age mates' simple games, though he'd been barred from more complex pursuits, as the adults around him claimed he was too young to participate.

_Cornelia is wrong. I __**should**__ play against a seven year old exactly like this, if that seven year old is Lelouch._

He'd offered to tutor his little brother in chess before he'd left that day, and—the memory broke apart as the room abruptly went silent, Cornelia's remembrance speech over. Her expression betrayed how dangerously close to tears she was, as she stroked her finger down a framed picture of Lelouch, Euphy, and Nunnally, peacefully asleep in the gardens of Aries Villa, before she stepped back, her turn over.

Euphy started her speech next, but of course, only halfway in, she was already bawling at the top of her tiny lungs. It took Cornelia's arms, Schneizel's best calming voice, and Clovis' multiple assurances that of course Lelouch and Nunnally might still be out there, somewhere (even though the look on his face betrayed the fact that he obviously didn't believe a word of what he was saying), in order to get her to stop.

When Euphy had at last finished her childish but painfully sweet speech, Clovis stepped up to take his turn. "Lelouch and Nunnally were beautiful children. It was incredible how well spoken and well mannered they were; you only had to look at them to tell that they were true royalty." Something in his expression darkened. "Those Japanese swine they were thrown to couldn't tell dross from gold..."

Unfortunately , his speech soon degenerated from enumerating the many virtues of Lelouch and Nunnally to enumerating the many failings of the Japanese—soon to be 11's—and his angry words nearly made poor tender hearted Euphy cry again.

"Clovis, I think that is enough on that matter," Schneizel admonished him. "Why don't you allow me to take my turn, now?" Clovis shot him a disgruntled look but finally sat down with a huff at Cornelia's severe, protective frown, her arms wrapped comfortingly around Euphy's small shoulders.

Schneizel stood, moving toward the center table. "Nunnally was such a warm and gentle hearted girl. She took after our dear Euphy here, so much," he said, nodding at his younger half-sister with a reassuring smile. As much as he disagreed with Clovis, it was hard not to dislike the Japanese in that moment, thinking of how small and sweet Nunnally had been, when she'd been entrusted to their care. Her death had been senseless.

_How could any logic possibly function in the midst of the madness of war, though? It has to be stopped. Peace must be achieved, in order for people to think and act reasonably._

The cycle of violence had been raging at least as long as recorded history, though, and probably for far longer still. On the outside, Schneizel was still speaking of Nunnally's charming traits, but inside, his thoughts were traveling in a far different direction.

_Ambition, greed, lust for power—all these things run so deeply within humanity. What could possibly keep such vices at bay?_

It seemed hopeless, yet looking at Euphy, he found he didn't want to think of a world that would rip apart her soft eyes and warm smile, as well.

_Even if we have such base emotions, there must be some way to achieve control, to make humans behave._

As his speech inevitably turned to Lelouch, Schneizel found it almost too difficult to continue smoothly.

_I was counting on you, little brother._

If Nunnally had held the promise of turning out like Euphy, then Lelouch had seemed like he might turn out more like Schneizel, with one important difference. The lonely, only child of a mother who was always busy and a father who couldn't be bothered to acknowledge his existence, his mind starved for the complexities of the adult world that seemed to be the only avenue of escape from his boredom and isolation, Schneizel had crushed out the childish emotions that seemed like they would just get in the way of the progress of his life.

Yet, as he'd grown to know Cornelia better and seen her bond with Euphy, he had begun to realize that as much as he had gained by single mindedly cultivating his detached logic, he had lost something, as well. It wasn't simply possible to make himself think and feel as Cornelia did, though. The entire blueprint of his mind was simply too different, and he'd almost despaired of ever reawakening the sort of warm, powerful spontaneity of feeling he'd once thought the mortal enemy of his logical thinking.

Then, of course, he had met Lelouch.

_Because our minds were so alike, just as you could pick up my chess strategies so easily, I thought I could learn from you, as well._

Lelouch had represented a beautiful, ephemeral dream, the improbable fusion of a warm, passionate heart with such precise, calculating logic, a combination so rare that none of Schneizel's other siblings, nor anyone he knew, truly, had ever shown it. Now, though, the promise of that, of someone who held the key to such an impossible balance, was gone, a precious, one of a kind treasure, lost forever in the tragedy of war.

_Gold before swine, indeed._

In that moment, it wasn't just the Japanese he disliked, but the whole world, for all its varied, thoughtless cruelty. _Was it inevitable that what I saw in Lelouch would be lost? Is that sort of combination impossible to maintain, or in a peaceful world, would Lelouch have been able..._

It was painful to think about his dead little brother, and yet Schneizel couldn't seem to stop, innocuous objects like tea cups or story books or checkerboard floors painfully reminding him of happier times, when he had spent his quiet afternoons teaching that bright young mind the subtle intricacies of the chess board. Schneizel still vividly remembered their last session and how he'd finished an explanation of a very complex chess strategy, only to find that in addition to Lelouch's miraculously swift comprehension, the likes of which Odysseus and Clovis had never managed, there had also been a broad smile on his face, so effusive and open hearted that Schneizel had almost wondered if Nunnally or Euphy had sneaked out into the garden with them. Lelouch had thanked him for the lesson, then, voice warm and bright, not even objecting when Schneizel had very gently ruffled his hair, and for just a moment, with those wide, trusting eyes shining up at him, the afternoon sun limning Lelouch's expression in gold, Schneizel had thought he understood what it was that Cornelia felt for Euphy.

Three days later, Lady Marianne had been assassinated, and Schneizel had never seen Lelouch smile again. _Human history is filled with senseless acts of violence. _

"He had such promising genius," Schneizel said aloud. "Such a bright smile," he continued, trying very hard not to think of the last one, because there is only so much the human mind is meant to bear. Schneizel hoped he wasn't simply repeating himself over and over, as he'd lost track of what he'd been saying several minutes ago, too engrossed in his own memories to properly share his thoughts with the rest of the room.

He looked over at Euphy, and the difference between their thinking felt huge and insurmountable, now. Like scrying performed with ancient runes, there was a sense of deep and precious meaning in her beliefs, but no logic, and so he could not understand. _I will never know what it is that you have, Euphy, the warmth that fuels your heart. _The only bridge between them had vanished with Lelouch's smile, the rare promise of his fragile young life shattered into powder, like fine crystal smashed beneath the merciless blows of war.

Old possessions and a few pictures—those were all that was left of the little brother who had been so small when Schneizel had last seen him, although one day he might have grown to be tall, grown to be something great, if only the world had granted him the chance. On the pile of memories before him, the black king was tipped over beside the white one, and Schneizel remembered those violet eyes shining up at him, so young and innocently hopeful, back when the future had seemed so very, very bright...

The next moment, Euphy had thrown her arms around his waist, her face buried in his stomach as she sobbed.

"Euphy, you promised you weren't going to cry anymore," Clovis chided her, although he might simply have been jealous that she was still young enough to get away with more emotional displays than him.

"But brother Schneizel started it!" she protested between sobs.

"That makes no sense—how could he start it?"

But when Schneizel raised his fingers to his own cheek, he pulled them away wet.

"My apologies," he offered. "I hadn't realized."

"Schneizel." There was a tremor in Cornelia's voice, as she placed her hand in the crook of his elbow, his own arm wrapped tightly around Euphy's trembling shoulders.

"No, no, we are not doing this again, do you hear me?" Clovis demanded. "I'm supposed to sit for a photo shoot in half an hour, and I'm not going there with red eyes!"

Clovis, as it turned out, rarely ever won in chess or in arguments where his older siblings were involved, and ten minutes later, he finally resigned himself to rescheduling with the photographer. For Schneizel, however, a world populated by four crying siblings and a table full of mementos was unacceptable, no matter when the photo shoot was set for.

_If the insanity of war hadn't taken hold, Lelouch and Nunnally would still be..._

The options for fighting such insanity, unfortunately, were limited.

_If the world were only filled with people like Euphy, then peace would be easy. But how can other people be taught to think like she does, when I can't even learn myself? _

_No, that way is impossible, now. If I want to see peace in my lifetime, if I want to see an end to all the senseless killing, then I must make the world terrified of war. I must make everyone see that greed and power lust will be met with swift defeat, so that no one will dare to resort to such violence again._

_If I can only do that, then we will never have to suffer a loss like this, ever again, _he thought, reaching out to set the black king upright beside the white one, once more.

_Peace, at any cost._


	17. Future

It was amazing, how much the world had changed between the time when she'd lost her sight and the time when she'd regained it. Screens were wider and flatter. Cell phones were thinner and faster. Even clothing styles and colors had changed so much, the whole face of the world altered by the constant flow of time. Some of the most difficult adjustments had been the purely personal ones, though.

Sometimes, when she was visiting the Chinese Federation, someone would announce the Empress' presence, and Nunnally's first thought was to listen for the Tianzi's voice. It was almost mindboggling to think that anybody could mean Nunnally herself.

Empress. Her. The girl in the wheelchair, who had once been nothing more than a convenient political hostage, a pawn for marriage pacts who had no choices of her own. It was touching how much Lelouch had done to change that reality for her—and heartbreaking, how much he'd sacrificed to do so.

_Suzaku, as well. _She looked up gratefully into the mask he currently wore and tried not to let any guilt show through. It wouldn't do to get him started again, especially when he was trying so hard to change.

Despite the fact that it had been outside his control, she knew he still blamed himself for firing F.L.E.I.J.A., and she rather suspected that Suzaku had also perversely chosen to blame himself because _she'd_ fired it, in order to fight her brother and his best friend. _Suzaku, just like I can't take responsibility for your choices, I wish you'd realize you aren't responsible for my own. If only I'd had a little more faith in the two of you, it never would have happened._

Of course, Schneizel would still have fired it anyway, and as angry as she was about his manipulations, Nunnally wasn't sure if she'd like for him to bear that sin, either. In his own perverse way, he'd been doing his best to make the world better, as well. Since no one had made public the fact that she'd held the control switch, he was still blamed by the general populace for the use of F.L.E.I.J.A., anyway, though in the end, she'd always favor Lelouch over Schneizel. Her only full brother had been desperate that she not announce her personal responsibility.

_If people got angry at me, you'd just blame yourself too, wouldn't you, Lelouch? _The last thing she wanted was to hurt him any further, and so she'd kept silent, even if she felt she should be shouldering more of the burden. _I can at least commit myself to doing better in the future—and to making sure that the future is better._

"Will you be okay, Zero, finishing up here alone?" she asked, as the latest presentation ended. She had really only put in an appearance at the emerging global trade conference in order assure the representatives of former Areas that Britannia would not be passing retaliatory tariffs in response to any new trade agreements they might form with the Chinese Federation. Now that she'd made her position clear, Zero should be able to handle the rest.

"Of course, Empress Nunnally. I know you have to get back to Britannia to chair that reconstruction meeting."

She nodded, giving him a warm goodbye before excusing herself from the Chinese congregation. Because the world had changed so much, so quickly, the fallout still hadn't been completely dealt with, and it was sometimes difficult, juggling all of her responsibilities during this transitional period. Of course, she knew she would always have many demands on her time as Empress, but Nunnally found herself wondering if she weren't starting to take uncomfortably after Suzaku.

_Am I working so hard because it's really necessary, or because I feel I have to atone?_

She didn't know for sure, but she was determined not to hurt Lelouch by running herself completely ragged or slipping into despair. _Once this foundational work has been completed, I'll have more time to better enjoy the peace that has finally been achieved. I will be certain to reassure Lelouch of that. __The whole point of all this is that everyone can be happier now, right?_

Knowing how much had been sacrificed for her sake, she made the effort to savor the little moments of joy when she could—and what a joy it had been, to see Euphy again, to know that Cornelia's seeming madness had not been a harbinger of disaster but rather the prelude to a miracle. _Things will be so different, with Euphy back._ _As soon as the reconstruction meeting is over, I'll go visit, even if Zero isn't there to provide a cover. Lelouch seems to have given up on that security provision, anyway._

Smiling, she waved goodbye to a few Chinese courtiers as she boarded her ride home. Unlike Zero's private transport, which had been modeled after the Tristan's flight mode (and which, incidentally, had been known to travel at excessive speeds when over international waters), Nunnally's preferred vehicle was not quite as fast, though it certainly featured a few more amenities.

"Everything's ready for takeoff, Empress Nunnally!" a voice called through the intercom.

"Thank you for agreeing to fly me home, Gino. I'm all set back here."

Her private transport featured a specialized harness to secure her wheelchair and a table she could fold out over her lap for the trip. Nunnally liked to sort through photographs during the frequently long hours she spent here, hoping to pick out and annotate a few items for Euphy's growing photo album. She smiled, thinking of her older sister again (although, since Euphy didn't age more than a day, she wouldn't be older forever).

_It's a shame Suzaku is stuck at that conference._

While he still worked too much, he never liked to be away from Euphy for very long. Thankfully, it seemed that there was basically no range limit on his Geass, so he had been spared some potentially wrenching decisions between his duty and his personal loyalties. Although it did seem to require deeper concentration, Suzaku had never failed at reviving Euphy, even from the opposite side of the globe, which was becoming something of a necessity, considering how frequently Zero traveled.

The time zone difference presented another problem, though, and Nunnally made a note to herself to stay there with Lelouch until Suzaku went to sleep. It was always hardest when Euphy suddenly collapsed during what was essentially the middle of the day for him. (Of course, if she didn't collapse, Lelouch would have to start urging Nunnally to call Suzaku, in order to scold and cajole him into going to sleep.) That was why, hours later, she found herself sipping quietly at her tea in Euphy's living room, fighting sleep herself because of the time difference, and trying to hope that Suzaku would get his proper rest that night, even though it would mean a premature goodbye to Euphy.

Nunnally turned her head slightly to smile at her favorite sister and saw her brother tense out of the corner of her eye. She turned back to face him with sorrowful resignation. Lelouch hadn't allowed her to sit facing Euphy for a reason. He never allowed it on days like this, when he kept a folded sheet by his side, where he could quickly reach for it at some signal Nunnally could never discern.

Ten minutes later, the sound of flesh and bone falling to dust was concealed by the crisp snap of the sheet, as he suddenly flipped it up, over Euphy's body.

"You're always so careful, that I never see it."

"I'm afraid I am a rather inveterate liar, Nunnally," Lelouch admitted, sadness in his voice. "I don't want you to see the truth."

"What truth is it, that you think you can keep me from seeing, Lelouch?"

"That her continued life is really just an illusion. It is long since over."

"Lelouch, I know you feel guilty, but she will wake up again tomorrow."

"But that will be just another lie!" he said, an edge of frustration creeping into his voice, although she knew he would never allow himself to get truly angry in front of her. "Even though she may exist every day, she still doesn't have the time to develop as a person, to go through the normal stages of life. She will never finish school, never deepen a relationship into marriage, never bear a child, never grow older and wiser with each anniversary. She can't spend her days hoping and building toward the future anymore, because for her, there will only ever be today. Every time Suzaku sleeps, she starts over, locked in an eternal present that repeats for her again and again, as the world grows farther and farther away from what she knows. It is the will of humanity to desire the future, and yet she has none!"

The muscles of his face trembled, desperate to suppress some painful emotion.

"...She has none because I took it away from her," he finished quietly, grief draining his previous anger out of him as he sagged bonelesssly back against the couch. As much as it still hurt to think back on Euphy's untimely death, it hurt more to see her brother in such obvious pain, right in front of her, now.

"Oh, Lelouch, I know you're sad about this. I'm sad for Euphy, too, but please don't start thinking that way. Just the other day, she and I talked about how different the world is now that the nobles have been stripped of their elite standing. The day before that, I brought her a flower from the gardens that had newly opened. She may not know how the nobles were disinherited, and she may not recall the day when that flower was first planted, but she will still get to greet the future with us, even if she doesn't remember the way we took to get there. I didn't see the world changing either, for years and years, but when I opened my eyes, there it was. Do you think me incapable of appreciating the results with you, just because I didn't see the increments in between?"

"Nunnally..." For a moment his eyes were pained, before his expression softened. "You're right. Of course she can still share these days with us as they come, and I'm grateful for that. I'm just frustrated because I know she deserves better, and yet no matter how hard I try, I can't seem to give it to her."

"What exactly do you mean, Lelouch? Is there something you're attempting to do?"

He hesitated a moment before answering. "Theoretically, a Code could be used to project memories, but even though I've been able to learn how to seal and unseal my own memories easily enough, when it comes to projecting into someone else's mind, it's apparently much harder. I can't even master the simple focusing exercises C.C. taught me, much less attempt to actually show someone else _any_ memories, even random ones. I'm trying so hard to get the very basics right, and yet it's like I'm making no progress at all. I just don't know what I'm doing wrong!"

She reached out to cover his hand with her own. "Maybe what you're doing wrong is expecting to be able to have perfect control of everything instantly," she suggested gently, knowing how impatient her brother could get when he felt he was failing someone important. "How long did it take C.C. to master these exercises?"

"...A few decades, she said."

Nunnally blinked. "Lelouch, we've only known Suzaku's Geass could revive Euphy for a few _weeks_."

"I know that, but C.C. wasn't focused on this like I am! I should be able to learn this faster!" he insisted in frustration, before deflating again. "At the pace that I'm progressing, I may be of no use to Euphy at all," he confessed dejectedly, turning his palm up to catch her hand for consolation, "and I'm worried about what will happen as we get farther and farther from being the people she remembers. What about thirty years from now, when Euphy expects a seventeen year old Suzaku, and she sees a nearly fifty year old man? Everything she knows will slowly disappear out from under her, while she wakes up sixteen every morning, for as long as Suzaku lives."

"She's not even able to go out and see what the world has become for herself, because she's the Massacre Princess." As much as Lelouch tried to hide his darker emotions from her, the grief and guilt in his voice were obvious. "...Because I made her the Massacre Princess, Nunnally."

_Oh, Lelouch, if only there were something I could do._

"There's no way to change the past, but please don't torment yourself for losses that aren't even real yet," she said, reaching out her other hand so that she could enfold his. "Since Euphy only lives a day at a time, she doesn't have the chance to worry about world opinion of her, and I promise you I'll keep her safe and bring the future in to greet her. As for that future, thirty years from now is thirty years. At least worry about how we'll handle the next few months first, big brother."

Lelouch smiled wryly. "...I _am_ getting a little ahead of myself, aren't I? Suzaku would say I'm needlessly overcomplicating things."

"Suzaku knows you very well. You should take the hint and learn to enjoy the present for what it is." Lelouch's expression suddenly turned pained again, his hand twitching tellingly, although he quickly smoothed his features over for her sake.

_I wish you wouldn't hide so much to protect me. Aren't I strong enough to help you, even a little?_

"Lelouch, what is it that's bothering you?" she asked. "Please tell me," she added, when he seemed to hesitate.

"Nunnally...it's precisely his impulsive nature which causes Suzaku to be blindsided by things. He can get his hopes up so high, so easily. I gave him this Geass even knowing that, so it's my duty to look out for him, to foresee problems before they occur."

She looked at him gently, touched by how much he and Suzaku still tried to protect each other, after everything. "You're a good friend."

"I'm not—"

"You _are_, and I wouldn't ask you to change that about yourself." _I know that you are a good person, brother, even if you can't see for it yourself._ "Please don't spend so much time worrying about the future, though, that you miss out on the present. These days are precious, too."

"Of course. You're right, Nunnally. Even if it is only a day at a time, Euphy can still share all the important moments of our lives with us. Suzaku, too. The four of us here together...that's more than I ever thought I could hope for."

_But of the four of us, it's only me that has a real future, isn't it?_

_The only difference between you and Euphy is that you can __**see**__ your cage. Like her, you won't age with the rest of the world. You will always wear the face of the Demon Emperor. You will never finish school or get married or plan out a future for yourself, because you cannot leave these rooms. Even Suzaku will never get to live as himself anymore; he will always be trapped behind Zero's mask._

Her fingers tightened, and she worked hard to keep the strain off her face.

_It's so __**unfair**__. Why is it that trying to give other people freedom and happiness has stolen the same from the three of you?_

"Nunnally?" Lelouch asked, the fingers of his other hand warm against the back of hers. His eyes were concerned.

_No, I can't show him how much it hurts me that he gave up his own future for my sake. If I can just smile, then he will smile with me. For once, let me protect him in return._

"It's nothing. I was just thinking that you and Euphy and I should have a game night again," she said, smiling with all her might. "It's been a long time, hasn't it?"

"Yes, it has."

"Maybe we could play charades?"

"Anything you want, Nunnally," Lelouch told her, finally starting to smile back.

_Lelouch... You're always trying to give me so many good things, but will there ever be a time when you get to enjoy life purely for yourself?_


	18. Repeat

"You," Lelouch declared, "are evil."

C.C. smiled at him, like a self-satisfied cat who'd gorged on cream. "Why Lelouch, I can't imagine what you mean," she replied, her voice a little too sweet to be genuine.

"You've told her that 'history of pizza' story a dozen times, now!"

"And she was just as riveted this time as she was the first," C.C. told him smugly.

"But _I'm_ bored out of my skull!"

"That's just like you, only thinking of yourself. Euphy and I were having a wonderful time."

He shot her an angry glare. "You're just doing this to annoy me, aren't you?"

"Why would I do that, when you only tell her once a day that you've beaten Schneizel at chess? Or perhaps you feel I'm neglecting the most important part. Would you rather I told her about the special bond we had, Lelouch?"

"No! I don't want her thinking you're my girlfriend again, either!"

"Why not have a little fun?" C.C. asked with a teasing smile. "She'll just forget about it, tomorrow."

"That's no excuse for taking advantage of her trusting nature!" Lelouch objected, indignant.

"You're scolding me about abusing trust, but aren't you the biggest offender?"

"I'm only trying to protect her, by not saying everything about the Special Administration Zone," he stressed, mindful to keep his voice down, as Euphy was in the next room, watching a movie Nunnally had brought her. At least it was only for the fourth time.

"How chivalrous. Then, since you're most concerned about her welfare, you won't object to the fact that Euphy and I decided we'll have pizza for lunch today!"

"Again?! C.C., I'm tired of eating pizza!"

"That's just because you have bad taste. Euphy and I never get tired of it."

"That's only because she can't remember she's had it every day for lunch for the past week!"

C.C. nodded. "I'm beginning to think that there are definite advantages to the way Suzaku's Geass operates."

Lelouch, however, had quite a few reservations, but as he was still struggling with his basic focusing exercises (who, besides Suzaku, actually only kept a single thought in mind?), that wasn't likely to change any time soon. He was at least grateful that over the month that they'd had Euphy back again, they'd managed to slip into a quiet routine—one made much quieter by the fact that he had finally acceded to Suzaku's request to have C.C. moved into her own suite. It still worried him a little, as the farther they spread out, the more obvious it would become that there was more than one person living in Zero's wing, and yet Lelouch had to admit that insisting the three of them stay, long term, in Zero's rooms was a completely untenable idea. He was already thoroughly tired of finding pizza crumbs everywhere.

Thankfully, Suzaku and Sayoko had also succeeded in putting doors in to join Zero's living room with the two suites to either side, so at least Lelouch wouldn't have to brave the short stretch of hallway where he'd been ambushed—twice—ever again. That left the current situation mostly livable. Sighing, Lelouch resigned himself to another pizza lunch and another evening spent quietly struggling to master in a few hours what had apparently taken C.C. decades to learn.

Suzaku, in all his infuriating stubbornness, was still insisting that Lelouch needed to get the basics down before actual testing could continue—not to mention the part about teaching him how to unseal memories, which Lelouch was particularly dreading. As expected, (though he'd been secretly hoping otherwise) Lelouch only made slow progress that night, as well, which just left him to wake up in the morning again and repeat the cycle. The monotony of it was beginning to grate on his nerves a bit.

Since Suzaku had finally gotten back from the conference in the Chinese Federation very late the previous night, he woke Euphy personally that morning, and together he and Lelouch gave her the usual very abbreviated version of history. After she recovered from the always uncomfortable revelation of her own death, Arthur showed up with perfect timing to join them for breakfast, and Euphy exclaimed a bit and lavished attention on him shamelessly, just like normal.

Since Suzaku had a few minutes to spare before Zero's next scheduled commitment, they all went to the living room to sit on the couch after breakfast. Right on cue, Euphy looked toward the desk lamp in the living room of her suite, the stained glass lamp shade throwing bright colors across the vase of fresh cut flowers Nunnally had brought from the garden yesterday. "You know, Cornelia bought me a lamp just like this—" Lelouch heard her words on the periphery of his awareness but tuned them out like white noise.

"For your twelfth birthday." He was surprised when Suzaku cut in, though. _So he does have his limits._

"How did you know?" Euphy asked, surprised.

"You've told us that story before, Euphy," Lelouch answered tiredly. "Thirty-two times before. Every time you see the lamp, it reminds you."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize."

"No, it's not your fault, Euphy," Suzaku quickly assured her. "There's no way for you to remember what you've already said."

"Maybe you could put a note—" Euphy cut herself off, as she noticed the yellow sticky note on the lamp. "Oh. There already is one." With wide eyes, Euphy looked around the room. "There are so many. These are all things I've said before?"

"Only things you've repeated more than three times," Lelouch specified.

"That many things?"

"You don't need to worry about it, Euphy," Suzaku assured her. "If you feel like it, you can take a tour and read all the notes. Lelouch wrote most of them, though, so some of them are a bit sarcastic. Oh, and Cornelia and Nunnally and I all wrote letters to you, because sometimes our other responsibilities keep us away on certain days. Cornelia is in China right now, on Horai Island, and Nunnally is busy this morning, so you can read their letters, if you like. Actually, I have to go in a few minutes, too, so you can read mine as well. Whatever you want to do."

"There's also an album of annotated photos that we've compiled," Lelouch added. "You like to look at that, most days."

After reading the letters, Euphy settled down on the couch with the photo album, as Suzaku said his goodbyes. It was quiet for an hour or so after that, as Euphy went through the album, occasionally opening her mouth to say something before shutting it quietly, on seeing the note spelling out just what she would say.

_Same input, same output._

Reading idly through a book Nunnally had brought him as he took a temporary break from those incredibly frustrating focusing exercises (was it honestly possible to think the _same one thing_ for more than half an hour without dying of boredom?), Lelouch occasionally looked up to steal glances at Euphy. She was sitting in the same place, wearing the same clothes (because she could never remember what she'd chosen to wear on previous days), looking at the same album she always looked at.

_I wish we could take you out of here, Euphy, so that you could see all the millions of ways the world has changed. If the input could be altered enough each day, I could even fool myself into thinking that you have a real life._

Euphy open her mouth to say something else, only to be thwarted by another note. She eventually did speak a minute later, though, a heavy frown on her face.

"Lelouch, if my memory is lost every night, then does that mean, the explanation you gave this morning, you give that every day?"

"Yes."

"Then, when you apologized for killing me, you have to do that every day, too?"

"Yes." _Those were new questions. Is it because the number of notes increased?_

"But you looked so sad, Lelouch. Are you that sad, every day?"

Even though he'd practiced his poker face for more than a decade, he was still nowhere as good as C.C. when it came to that, either, and Lelouch could feel a muscle in his jaw tightening against his will. _Euphy, I wish you wouldn't ask questions whose honest answer will only upset you._ It was bad enough that the beginning of her day was always spent coming to terms with the painful reality of her own death. Unfortunately, Lelouch didn't think he would ever be quite able to sidestep his own sin thoroughly enough to give her a kinder lie, even if telling her she'd developed a rare form of amnesia might have been easier on them all. Back to the pertinent question, though, was pretending that he didn't still feel badly a form of trivializing what he'd done to her?

_Probably. I don't know if I could endure her smiles, if I lie about this._

"...I deserve to be sad about it, Euphy," he finally replied.

She gave him a pained look that quickly reminded him of why he lied so often. "But how can you say that, Lelouch? I don't want you to be so sad all the time."

He sighed tiredly. "Euphy, part of the reason the world could be changed so quickly is that I did some extremely bad things in order to achieve my goal."

_I still remember how you smiled at me for the first time in seven years. After mother's death and our exile and the war, I'd convinced myself that there was no one in Pendragon that cared anything for me or Nunnally. That you could recognize me, after all that time and despite my mask, was proof that you were still looking. Your smile assured me that despite the coldness of this world, despite my killing Clovis, despite the way the rest of the family had turned their backs on us, Nunnally and I still had one sister left._

_As Zero, I told people that I could give them miracles, but the truth is, that was all just a sham. Your smile was the true miracle, Euphy, the greatest kindness Nunnally and I ever received from the world, and I butchered it with my own hands._

"But you meant well—"

"No. No, I didn't, Euphy," he told her, because his conscience would not allow her to think so highly of him. "I _meant_ to be a monster. Seeing how easily the good and the innocent were heartlessly killed, I long ago made a judgement: better that I become a monster in order to fight more terrible monsters, than to die just another helpless victim."

"Lelouch...isn't that more a case of the sheep wearing the wolf's clothing? I know you've lived through some terrible things. Maybe you've been angry or afraid and made the wrong decision sometimes, but no matter what you say, I don't believe that you're a monster."

"I am. I had to become one, Euphy. You don't know how many horrible things I did, how many people died because of me."

"...Like I died?"

"...Yes, like you, Euphy," Lelouch admitted, his calm finally crumpling in on itself. "Like Kururugi Suzaku is dead to the world. I stole both your lives—"

"That isn't your fault, Lelouch," she insisted. "Not for me or for Suzaku. I heard him tell you so, just this morning. Like he must tell you, every morning."

"It was my plan that led us here."

"So everything bad that's happened must be your fault?"

"Yes. I was the one who made the decisions."

"_All_ of them? Isn't that just your own conceit talking, Lelouch? You don't control the world, you know."

_I know that. Deep down, I know that. When I think of what has happened, all because I've been so desperate for control..._

"...But that's just the thing, Euphy. I would rather believe that I _do_ control it." It was very easy to confess to her, because she was so kind, and she wouldn't remember to judge him for it, a day later. "I am so desperate for power that I would rather be guilty of every sin, than to be helpless to stop the tragedies of the past from happening over and over again." _And how I've paid for that desperate wish for power._

"But you can't possibly be in control of _everything_, Lelouch. If you try to pretend that you are, then whenever something goes wrong, you'll just end up blaming yourself."

"I would rather feel guilty than helpless," he insisted, voice beginning to shake slightly, because his fragile belief that he had some control over the future was all that kept the past from overwhelming him sometimes. Beneath every surface thought lurked the bloody day of Euphy's death, and beneath even that, the memories of a suddenly motherless boy. He remembered seeing Nunnally lying across the hospital bed, arms like brittle twigs, pale skin covering her sternum like fragile tissue paper, as every labored breath shuddered through her frail, protruding ribs. He remembered clutching her tiny hand, as if that could give him any say over that most urgently important outcome: whether she would live or not.

For days, the doctors had thrown him disapproving, frustrated looks because he'd refused to leave her side, thinking in every moment desperately, helplessly: _please don't die!_

_Never again_, he had promised himself, later. He would _**never**_ feel that helpless again. It was the sort of thinking that reminded him of why he and Suzaku had become such good friends—and such bitter enemies, for a time.

_That sort of thinking leaves no room for compromise._

Euphy shook her head, pink locks spilling over her shoulders as she leaned forward determinedly. "It's not as if those are the only two choices, Lelouch. Just because something is outside of your own power, doesn't mean that you're helpless against it!"

"If it's outside of my power, then I'm obviously helpless!" he retorted, fists clenching.

"No, because you don't live in this world all alone," Euphy told him, sliding her fingers around his, until his hands finally unclenched under the gentle pressure of her own. "Even I know that helpless means that you are 'without help', but you can _always_ ask for help, Lelouch," she insisted, her voice becoming even gentler and more reassuring in response to his pain. "That is a power, in itself."

He drew in a breath. "...The power of wishing." _Geass_. "Of course." He smiled wryly. "I guess that's what I was using all along." He shook his head, smile going bitter. "But Euphy, it takes a lot more trust just to ask, not knowing whether you'll actually _get_ any help or not."

_How do you bear the admission that something isn't within your own power, if no one will help you, after that?_

He remembered the father who had heartlessly thrown his own children away, in their time of greatest need.

"I'll help you," Euphy assured him. "I may not be that powerful myself, but I'll help you as much as I can, Lelouch. I promise."

_Euphy, you've always had such a kind heart._

He turned his palms to meet hers and stared down at their linked hands. "...It means a lot, just to have you forgive me. Every day, you forgive me, even though you don't have to."

"I always will," she affirmed, her eyes kind but determined.

"...Thank you, for granting that wish." _Especially when I don't deserve it._

He tried his best to smile for her.

_You are such a beautiful person, Euphy. Even when you live only one day at a time, you are still so beautiful. When I think of what you could have been, how much you could have done, if I hadn't taken your life away from you..._

_I could be sad every day, for the rest of the eternity this Code will inevitably burden me with, and it still wouldn't be enough, to grieve for all the things I stole from you and from Suzaku._

_...And from myself, as well._

That night, he finally succeeded in the focusing exercises, because he'd realized he did remember how to think just one thing, over and over, after all.

_Don't die, Nunnally. Please don't die._

The terrible, singular concentration of that time was already engraved on his heart. Of course, that meant he had no excuse for putting off teaching Suzaku how to unseal his memories any longer, and Lelouch struggled to push his worries aside, because this was for Euphy's sake, and he already owed her far more than he could pay. _Besides, if there is anyone who can stand to face the terrible things inside my own mind, it will be Suzaku. In the most important ways, we are alike, aren't we?_

"Are you ready?" he asked his best friend later that night, trying his hardest to keep the anxiety out of his voice, even if he couldn't entirely conquer it.

Suzaku, with his usual mixture of confident ignorance and impulsive bravery, nodded easily. Lelouch, on the other hand, nearly lost his own nerve when he grasped Suzaku's hand, the power of the Code surging through his skin, only to find that they were standing in the room Euphy had once used for negotiations with Zero.

"Where is this...?" Suzaku asked, eyes roving across the room until they landed on the ghosts of the past playing out the doomed scene. He hissed in a breath, as he realized what he was seeing.

"...I was afraid this would happen." _Every night when she dies and every morning when I have to explain that I killed her, I remember this. _ "This memory waits just beneath the surface, for anyone who comes to look." _What a fool I am, to wish for control so that I can prevent tragedies like this, when it is that very wish for control which caused this._

His past self was shouting now, trying unsuccessfully to take back the command and then stop Euphy from running out, gun in hand. A younger Suzaku, in one of his last moments of freedom from the all consuming rage Euphy's death had brought, lay unconscious on the ground, as the memory rushed past him. Then, a horrified Zero was confessing to C.C. that the Geass had activated outside of his control, and Lelouch tried to shake himself out of his mesmerized horror long enough to act. As his past self gave his orders to the Black Knights, Lelouch tugged urgently at Suzaku's arm. Long since shed tears remanifested as he ordered her death, and in the present, Lelouch began pulling with all his strength against the immovable wall that Suzaku had become.

"Come on!" he half screamed, half growled. "We're not going to practice on this memory," _because I do not deserve to forget this, even for a moment_, "so we should go, now!"

"You never told me. I've heard about it from C.C. and Euphy, but you've never talked about this day, even once."

_And you've never told me how your father looked as he died, Suzaku, so I'd say we're even! _Thankfully, he had just enough sense not to broadcast that thought.

"Suzaku, please," he begging instead, "you already watched me shoot her once. Do you really want to see that again?" _Do you think __**I **__can bear to see that again?_

Suzaku grimaced, and Lelouch was finally able to pull him out of the memory before the worst happened.

"We'll find something else to practice on, something just important enough that I'll notice if it's sealed."

He already had something in mind, and soon they were back at Ashford Academy.

"Hey, I remember this," Suzaku said. "This is the day I joined the Student Council."

Perhaps because they were both looking for a little comfort just then, they were easily drawn into the memory. Watching Shirley's friendly energy and Milly's odd mixture of drill sergeant and mother hen, Lelouch found himself reluctant to seal away such rare contentment, even as the meeting was nearing its end.

_What if something goes wrong, and I can't unseal it?_

The scene shifted as the meeting broke up, and Lelouch frowned. "I think we've gotten off track, somehow. That memory of your joining the Student Council was shared between us, but this..."

He was watching Suzaku walking home.

"Oh, right. How did we end up in my memory?"

Lelouch stared at the past version of Suzaku in contemplation. "Theoretically, the link that the Contract provides can work both ways—just as you can reach my memories, I can reach yours, too. That's how C.C. was able to restore my memories after the Emperor sealed them. With the meeting as a prompt, you must have unconsciously called up your memory of the rest of this day, and since I've already opened the link, we're both seeing what you recalled. We can't let ourselves get sidetracked, though, Suzaku. I'll choose a new memory, one that you don't share, so we don't have this problem again."

Lelouch focused, and soon a young Milly was standing before them, giving a much younger version of himself a tour of Ashford campus. _It's hard to believe I used to be that short. _ Before Lelouch could let himself get caught up in the memory, he focused, and an amorphous fog rolled in to obscure it.

"There. I've locked the memory. You try to unlock it now, Suzaku."

Lelouch frowned as Suzaku began wildly waving his hands through the fog, before impulsively wading in, only to stumble back out a minute later, looking around in confusion as if his sense of direction was off.

"Suzaku, what exactly are you doing?" _Please don't just wander off inside my mind like that._

"That's the problem, Lelouch—I don't know what I'm supposed to do. You said to unseal the memory, but how exactly do I do that?"

"It's like C.C. explained earlier: this is all just a mental representation. You have to _think_ the fog away."

"Think it away?" Suzaku scrunched up his eyes, and his expression contorted strangely for a few seconds, before he hesitantly peeked one eye open. "Did you remember anything?"

Lelouch looked at the thick, utterly unaltered bank of fog and then back at Suzaku. "Suzaku, maybe the problem is that you don't see things quite the same way I do. Why don't you try visualizing the seal differently? Just rearrange this fog into something you can better understand."

Suzaku closed his eyes again for a moment, frowning in concentration, and the fog slowly coalesced into a door.

"Hey, it actually worked!" Suzaku exclaimed, staring at the heavy lock of the door, as if surprised to see it. Lelouch was just about to prompt him to visualize a key when the sharp crack of wood and the sight of careless splinters raining haphazardly across his pristine mental landscape stole the words out of his mouth.

Suzaku had broken the door down. "Did that do it?"

Lelouch just shook his head in exasperation as the memory of Milly playing tour guide returned. "You're always trying to solve problems with your most violent impulses, aren't you, Suzaku?"

"But it worked, didn't it?"

"Yes," he admitted grudgingly, "but now that you know how to do it, let's get out of here before you get the impulse to bang around any more of my memories."

Suzaku smiled with a familiar teasing edge. "You mean I'm not going to get the chance to see any of those soft, tender, romantic—"

Lelouch forcefully cut their mental connection, before his friend could finish that sentence.


	19. Insomnia

Lelouch heard the click of the lock opening from his seat in the dining room and had to force himself to stay out of sight until he was sure the door was closed. Because Suzaku had been away for almost a full week at the U.F.N. Sakuradite Management Conference, Lelouch was more than a little impatient to get another chance at attempted memory projection. C.C. was still stubbornly refusing to help him, on the grounds that she didn't have a taste for indulging his latent masochism, a judgement which Lelouch felt was just as frustrating as it was flawed. Granted, the last time he'd tried with Suzaku had been an unmitigated disaster which had knocked him into a catatonic state, complete with randomly jumbled nightmare images, for nearly twelve hours straight, but since Lelouch was already well acquainted with nightmares, he didn't see why a single, petty little setback like that should get in his way.

Unfortunately, whenever he tried to argue, C.C., in her usual encouraging fashion, had taken to pointing out that while having better focus had certainly increased the effect when he attempted to exert the power of his Code, he was still several centuries away from having enough control to actually make proper use of that greater power, which (entirely in her opinion) meant he was clearly asking for trouble if he continued the trials. Rationally, he knew she had a point. However, considering that the few short notes originally scattered around their suites had quickly multiplied into such a legion they resembled wallpaper and that the photo album had begun to stretch its bindings with all the added pages from Nunnally, Lelouch was increasingly, disturbingly aware of the fact that at some time in the not so terribly distant future, Euphy would need to spend every waking minute of her day to simply catch up on what she and the rest of the world had already done.

_She'll never have anything like a future, if this continues. Every day will become an increasingly vain attempt to avoid repeating the past._

With Nunnally and Schneizel also stuck at the Sakuradite Management Conference, he'd had no visitors to distract himself from that looming truth, and working constantly on his still unreliable focus and nearly non-existent control had only wound him up to higher and higher levels of tension. In another stroke of ill luck for him, Cornelia, who was well known for her regimented work ethic, had specifically taken a week off purely to spend time with her little sister. Considering that she was staying in Euphy's suite for the duration and had a habit of shooting him filthy, murderous glares if he intruded, Lelouch had given her a recorded explanation to play for Euphy every morning (with a note explaining the security precautions that should be taken with the recording) and left them thoroughly alone.

That being the case, even if Suzaku wasn't up for continued testing just then, Lelouch was still more than eager to have some company besides C.C. and Arthur; he could stand hearing only so much about pizza and cat food, respectively. As soon as the distinctive sound of the lock automatically reengaging reached his ears, Lelouch stepped through the doorway.

"Welcome back, Suzaku."

It was a little embarrassing to see Zero startle so much at his greeting, pressing back against the door for a moment before finally turning his still masked face toward his predecessor, his normally excellent reaction time clearly slowed. "Oh, hey, Lelouch," Suzaku murmured tiredly in reply.

Lelouch frowned. "I can _feel_ the bags underneath your eyes from here, and you haven't even taken the mask off yet," he scolded Suzaku bluntly. _I was afraid of this. Because I wasn't checking on Euphy every night like I normally do, I have no idea how much he was actually sleeping._

"T'morrow's Monday, right? So today's the last day Cornelia's spendin' with Euphy?" Suzaku asked, his words emerging much more slowly than the familiar cadence of his normal speech.

_And so you wanted to give them the most time possible, didn't you_? Lelouch sighed, knowing how hard it was to argue against anything Suzaku did for Euphy's sake. "I know you want to help her, but you have to take care of yourself, too, Suzaku," he said, knowing that he was probably being just a little bit hypocritical on that issue.

"I know," his friend agreed far too easily. He swayed a little on his feet. "I think I'm jus' gonna take a shower...kay?" Suzaku continued, his words sounding almost slurred, and Lelouch felt more than a little concerned when he dropped his travel bag in the middle of the floor and practically stumbled toward the bathroom. Lelouch hoped he wasn't going to fall asleep in the shower.

_My Geass would wake him up if he started to drown, right?_

Lelouch snorted, mildly exasperated that Suzaku had even forced him to wonder about such things.

_He's probably been going on three hours of sleep a night this entire week, so that he wouldn't be unconscious during our day time._

Shaking his head, Lelouch let him go, knowing Suzaku couldn't pay any attention to a lecture in the state he was in, even if he wanted to. _As annoyed as she'll be, I think I'd better go ask Cornelia how much time exactly Euphy has spent alive this week._

He found Euphy first, in her dining room.

"Oh, hello, Lelouch!" she said, looking up from what were apparently two newly potted miniature trees. "Look! Cornelia and I made a pair of bonsai to liven up the suite," she said, holding hers up for inspection. Her sister wasn't in sight, though. Picking up on his questioning glace, Euphy told him, "Cornelia's just washing the dirt off her hands. She'll be back in a moment."

"It's a very nice bonsai, Euphy," he said, sitting down beside her to wait.

She smiled even more deeply at him. "I saw some amazing ones in Area—I mean, Japan, so I wanted to try making one myself," she told him, obviously excited. "I didn't know it would be so hard, though! Cornelia got me this book that explained how to do it, but all this pruning and wiring worried me a bit. I mean, the tree looks so delicate! I hope it will do okay!"

"I'm sure it will, Euphy," he soothed. It was nice knowing he'd never have any fallout, if that turned out to be a lie. _If it dies, we'll just remove the pot before the next morning, and you'll never realize that you lost anything in the first place. _

"You know, the book said that taking care of a bonsai is almost like playing a game of strategy. You have to plan the development all out in advance, making tiny little moves until you reach your ultimate goal. It kind of reminded me of how you think sometimes, Lelouch."

"I do like games of strategy. I can even beat Schneizel in chess, now," he told her, expecting her usual expression of shock and excitement.

Euphy laughed good naturedly instead. "You just can't help repeating that, can you?"

A chill went through him. _It's possible Cornelia has told her I've said that, but..._

"Euphy...you're acting like you've heard me tell you that before," he said. _I haven't spoken to you in days._

"Of course I have, Lelouch. You remember—you told me just before Suzaku said goodbye and headed off on his trip."

He felt as if he'd been plunged into ice cold water, his breath seizing in his lungs.

"Euphy, that was almost a week ago. Suzaku's Geass..."

She blinked at him. "Oh, is that what's bothering you? He warned us that although his Geass has been getting stronger, you were still a bit paranoid and wanted him to shut it off every night. I know you're probably worried about him because it's been on a while," she said gently, "but he promised me it just makes him a _little_ more tired. With Cornelia staying here especially to spend time with me this week..."

_Could it be, that his Geass is actually—no, if the conditions had truly changed, Suzaku would have told me immediately. He lied, in order to keep Euphy from worrying._

"He told Cornelia the same thing?"

Euphy nodded. "He told us both at the same time."

"No _wonder_ she's been sending me such murderous looks," Lelouch exclaimed, mind already reformulating his inferences. "Well, more murderous than normal, at least. She thinks I was deliberately depriving you of your memories every night!"

Euphy frowned. "I've asked her not to be angry. I don't blame you for trying to look out for Suzaku, Lelouch. I don't want him to get run down, either, but just for this week, for Cornelia's sake—"

"Cornelia has no idea what's really going on!"

"I have no idea about what?" Cornelia asked archly, shooting him another signature murderous glare from the doorway.

"Cornelia, his Geass _can't_ remain active while he's asleep. When he says it only makes him a little more tired, he means he has to stay up the whole time!"

"Do you really think you can fool me with your lies, Lelouch? If that were the case, it would mean he's been up for almost a week straight!"

A sudden thought occurred to Lelouch. "His travel bag!" Cornelia followed him angrily as he rushed back to Zero's suite.

"Just what do you think you're doing?" she demanded, as Lelouch tore through the side pockets, before dumping the contents and pulling up the double thick bottom to find a small plastic bag of pills. He held them up like a sack of something extremely foul, fury in his eyes.

"What—"

Lelouch ignored Cornelia in favor of storming into the bedroom, where Suzaku had managed to remove his mask, cape, and shirt but was still fumbling uselessly with the cravat, all of his normal coordination gone.

"What. Is. _**T**__**his**_?" Lelouch demanded, practically shoving the bag in his face.

Suzaku's startle response was extremely belated.

"Leloushh..." he slurred pathetically, his eyes ringed in a sickly gray and his pupils hugely dilated, obviously unable to focus properly.

"You were taking these to stay up, weren't you? Did you fly home like this? Do you think it's safe to pilot _anything_ after being up a week straight?"

"Don' be mad at me. I only want'd to help her—"

"Do you think taking _drugs_ is going to fix anything?" he shouted, shaking the bag with forceful meaning.

Suzaku blinked, obviously struggling to focus. "But if I let you try..."

"If you let me try, what?"

"It's jush, I don' wanna see you screamin' like you were. And then, you wouldn' wake for hours, and I...I don' want you to try that again." Lelouch grimaced. It sounded worse, somehow, when Suzaku said it. "But the day I was leavin', Euphy said she'd been havin' so mush fun with Cornelia, it was a shame she'd forget, and I jush—just—I want'd her to 'member bein' that happy for a litt'l longer."

Lelouch flinched. _Suzaku...I want that too, but..._ "Do you think putting yourself at risk is really going to make her happy? What if something had happened to you, Suzaku? What if you'd had a bad reaction to these drugs and crashed your transport? She would have died along with you."

The doleful look Suzaku barely managed to aim in Lelouch's direction was one of the most pitiful things he had ever seen. "'m sorry."

Lelouch gritted his teeth one last time before sighing. It was hard to condemn Suzaku when his own feelings were so similar. "I know. I _know_ you just want to help, but that's why it's so easy for you to end up _hurting_ yourself—and you don't have a Code to heal you! I'm going to flush these now," he said, shaking the bag in his hand reproachfully one last time, "and I don't want to find you taking _anything_ ever again. Do you understand?" he demanded, threateningly.

Suzaku nodded slowly, hands still fumbling ineffectually with the cravat.

"Oh, let me do that!" Lelouch told him, frustratedly slapping his hands away in order to remove the cravat pin and pull the tie off in one fluid motion. "And I want to find you asleep when I get back!" he admonished, turning to head for the bathroom, and only then realizing that Cornelia and Euphy were standing in the doorway, likely having heard the entire conversation.

_Stupid. I was so upset, I didn't even __**think**__ before I started yelling._

Euphy was practically crying already. "I'm so sorry. I didn't know. When he said he'd only be a little tired, I didn't realize—"

"Of course not, Euphy," he said consolingly. "Don't blame yourself because Suzaku was being an idiot." Lelouch would have gone over to at least put a hand on her shoulder, but Cornelia was standing right there, so he decided to flush the current focus of his annoyance before risking extreme physical harm. When he got back, Euphy was sitting on the bed beside Suzaku, stroking his hair back as his eyes fluttered shut. Cornelia was standing by her side looking extremely unhappy, though whether that was because of what Suzaku had done (or couldn't really do) or what Euphy was currently up to, Lelouch couldn't determine.

"Euphy, you're going to—" It was too late, and her suddenly rotten body crumbled down onto the bed. If anything, the expression on Cornelia's face got even worse, then, and Lelouch was reminded painfully of the time when he'd thought Nunnally had been killed by F.L.E.I.J.A.

_I inflicted that same pain on Cornelia._

He knew Euphy and Suzaku and Nunnally all seemed to think she should forgive him, but none of them had ever lost a beloved younger sibling by his hand. _If it had been the other way around..._ Lelouch was too ashamed to speak a word to his older sister as she gently wrapped Euphy in a spare sheet and then turned, head raised proudly, and carried their dead little sister out, without even glancing at him.

_If she never speaks to me again, it will be better than I deserve. I only hope for the world's sake that she'll keep her vow of secrecy._

Of course, there was another option, a cold and permanent option, if he chose not to put his faith in a woman who clearly hated him. However, Lelouch had decided against that before and had no intention of ever changing his mind._ No matter how much the frigid safety of logic might demand it, I will not deprive Euphy of her sister. Besides, the world won't remain the kinder place Nunnally wants unless I'm willing to trust, just a little. Surely, Cornelia wouldn't choose against Euphy's cherished dream of a peace, just to spite me?_

He had to believe that love was stronger than hate. _That's exactly what we gambled on when we made this new world, isn't it, Suzaku?_ That was also why, as furious as he was about finding those pills, Lelouch still spent the next forty minutes making sure that Suzaku's breathing and pulse were even, before deciding that he would really like to curl up on his own bed and just go to sleep himself. He'd almost drifted off with the hope that the upsets of the day would feel a little farther away and easier to endure the next morning, when the doorbell rang, dragging him back into a rather wretched evening he'd been all too eager to say goodbye to.

Grumbling softly, Lelouch hauled himself out of bed to go look through the peephole. Nunnally was sitting outside. _She must have just gotten back from the Sakuradite conference, herself._

_Little sister, I love you, but right now, I would rather be asleep._

The expression on her face was so desperate, though, that he couldn't possibly turn her away—not that he'd ever be able to do such a thing under normal circumstances, either. Standing behind the door as he opened it, so that he wouldn't be visible to anyone out in the hallway, Lelouch quickly let her in. Nunnally looked up at him in surprise as he pushed the door shut again, no doubt because Lelouch generally made Suzaku handle this sort of thing.

"Lelouch, do you know where Zero is?" she asked worriedly.

"He's asleep in the bedroom. Let me guess—you came rushing over here because you heard he landed his transport like a drunken loon?"

Nunnally blinked. "I didn't hear anything like that. Actually, I just got off the phone with Prime Minister Ougi. He tried to catch Zero before the conference ended, but he must have ducked out prior to the closing panel—no one could find him. He hasn't been picking up his phone or answering his messages, and the situation has been deteriorating—"

"Hold on—what situation?"

"There's a large complex that was once the property of one of the Six Houses of Kyoto. It was commandeered by Britannian forces after the war to house occupying troops and then finally surrendered back to Lady Kaguya after Japan was freed. It was being used as low income housing, for people left homeless by the war. However, because unsound structural conditions contributed to some of the deaths in the recent earthquake, the government of Japan has been very preemptive about emptying potentially unsafe residences. Since structural maintenance on the building was delayed for many years under Britannian ownership, the complex was temporarily evacuated as precautionary measure before a recent typhoon."

"Unfortunately, that evacuation proved to be entirely necessary—it all but completely collapsed. Now, the poor people who were living there are blaming the Britannian company that formerly owned it for deliberately sabotaging the building, before returning it to the Japanese. To make matters worse, that same company submitted a successful bid and has partly completed construction on a new apartment building in the area, which means they directly benefit from the collapse of the competition, so to speak. The suspicious circumstances make it very hard for cooler heads to prevail."

"So, we have potential rioting on our hands."

"Yes. The Black Knights have been trying to diffuse the situation, but these poor people have been left homeless at least twice now. A lot of others sympathize with their anger, and there is now apparently a whole mob camped out around the new construction site. They're calling for the immediate arrest of everyone in the Britannian construction company."

"Is there any hard evidence of sabotage?"

"The typhoon only went through _yesterday_. There's been no time to even begin an investigation, but the protesters are taking the lack of immediate action as proof that the local authorities have been bought off by wealthy Britannians. That's why Lady Kaguya has specifically requested Zero's presence. Zero is considered the ultimate champion for standing against the corruption of Britannia, and he's even more popular in Japan than he is here. If Zero makes an appearance, then it would reassure the people that justice will be done, before they decide to destroy the new construction site and make a bad situation even worse."

"The Black Knights can't handle this on their own?"

"Lelouch, the situation is very volatile. It could rapidly escalate toward mob violence, and the Black Knights don't want to have to fight civilians! And with all the buildings destroyed or left unsafe by the war and the earthquake, this new apartment building is sorely needed. This is exactly the sort of time when a symbol like Zero is most necessary. I know Suzaku just got back, but it will take him long enough to get there as it is. We have to wake him up now."

"We can't," Lelouch said, stepping into her way as she moved to wheel herself forward.

"But Lelouch—"

"He's been up, continuously, for the past week, Nunnally."

"_What_?"

Lelouch sighed, exasperated. "He wanted Euphy to remember Cornelia's visit as much as possible. I don't even _know_ what sort of stimulants he was taking—I already flushed them." _I should have thought to keep a sample to check, but I was so worried he might try to take more..._ "Who knows if they've totally worn off, or what side effects they could have, or whether he'll have withdrawal symptoms. It's not safe for him to fly, much less do anything as Zero."

"Oh." Nunnally twisted her hands nervously in her lap. "Then, should I tell Ougi and Kaguya that Zero can't come?" she asked in a small voice, looking up at him with worried eyes.

_Tell them that Zero abandoned them when they called on him specifically in their time of need?_

He winced. "No, we _can't_ do that. For the sake of peace, people need to be able to believe in Zero."

"Then what should we do, Lelouch?" his little sister asked, obviously looking up to him for help.

"Nunnally, I..."

He stood, caught between the girl—and the world—he was supposed to protect and the best friend he had already destroyed.

_...I have a terrible feeling about this._


	20. World of Zero

Kallen stood nervously at the construction site, her voice already hoarse from trying to shout some sense into the protesters. The tarps and scaffolding that had been put up to protect the site from the recently passed typhoon had been torn down by the crowd late last night, probably because they felt their own homes hadn't been similarly protected, and the construction workers had refused to resume work that day, leery of the gathered mob despite reassurances from the Black Knights. The extreme volatility of the situation was exactly why she had heeded Ougi's request for help, even though she was missing the math test she'd been studying so hard for.

_Ougi is counting on the core members of the Black Knights to resolve this without violence._

That, unfortunately, was looking less and less likely.

Kallen jolted as a sharp crash sounded off to her left. Someone had thrown a stone, shattering the frame of a newly installed window. "Hey! Who threw that?" she tried to shout over the angry complaints of the crowd, but her already strained voice didn't carry very far. Another stone came crashing against a wall, and then a third.

"Stop them! Find the people who threw those!" she ordered, but it was impossible to single anyone out of the frothing mass of humanity.

_Don't these people realize that if they destroy this building, the housing situation will only get worse?_

Something large and black flashed across the corner of her vision, and Kallen turned, expecting to find more trouble. Instead, two floodlights, bright even in the cloudy afternoon, snapped on, drawing all eyes to Zero, who was standing at the top of a concrete pillar. She was currently so nervous over the situation that she was actually almost happy to see him.

Immediately the volume of the protesters increased, as everyone began shouting and pointing.

"Hear me!" his voice boomed over the roar of the crowd, cape swirling around him as he threw his hands high.

"The recent destruction has been devastating! The current state of things is unacceptable!" he shouted, one hand slashing out as if he might cut away everything about the situation that offended him.

The crowd shouted in discordant waves of approval, beginning to gather around him, and Kallen found her relief beginning to edge back into nervousness.

_Why is Zero saying things like this? Can't he just repeat his usual platitudes about maintaining the peaceful world we all sacrificed so much for?_

"Tell me! Are. You. Angry?" he demanded instead, biting off each word with distinct finality, his arms spread wide, palms turned outward, inviting the crowd's response. They screamed in affirmation, drawing closer still.

_What is he __**doing**__? That idiot will just get them even more stirred up!_

"Good, because the world _needs_ changing!" he responded, as if approving of the destructive bent of their mindset, and Kallen began to truly panic.

_If I can climb up the arm of that crane, I'll be able to slip down the hoist line and reach the top of the pillar..._

She began inching in that direction, wanting to believe that Zero had a solid plan behind his words and yet knowing that she couldn't allow things to go on like this much longer. _If I tackle Zero down, it could set off the protesters and even cause infighting among the Black Knights, but if he keeps on talking like he is..._

"_You_ are the right ones to change it!" he assured the seething throng.

_Please just stop speaking_, she thought desperately, beginning to wonder if something really bad had happened to Zero, as she took another step toward the crane.

"Because every one of you possesses the most powerful tool of all! Do you know what that is?"

There was confused murmuring from most of the people assembled, and Kallen crept a little closer, noticing with dismay that some of the other Black Knights were beginning to get drawn in to his speech.

_You idiot, Tamaki!_

Kallen cursed them all under her breath.

_This new Zero has never been able to hold people's attention with his speeches before. Why does he have to become so much more riveting now, when he's encouraging people in exactly the wrong direction?_

"I will tell you! Humans have discovered one concept that _no other_ creature has. That concept is _zero_, the number which represents the _absence_ of something. That means, if we can count _up_ the number of crimes and other cruelties committed by people against others, then we can also count _down_! We, as humans, have the imagination to see a world without injustice, and to make it our reality!"

He lifted his arms and the volume of the gathered protesters rose with them, their voices cascading over each other in their effort to be heard. Her heart pounded. She knew how they were feeling, because she'd felt that way before, when it was a different man behind Zero's mask. All of Lelouch's speeches had been powerful, unforgettable experiences, shaped by a reciprocal cycle of emotion as the speaker and audience fed off each other, the feeling building until everyone present was swept up in something huge.

_I can't stop him, _she realized._ Even if I could tackle him down right now, it's too late. Whatever he tells them to do, they're going to do it._

"We all have the power already!" Zero assured them. "The only thing we need is the will! If you are angry, then it must be because you _know_ things should be different. Tell me, do you have the _will _to change the world?" Zero asked them, arms snapped out and cape flaring around him like great wings.

The crowd exploded with proud, defiant cheering.

"Then follow me," Zero shouted in return, throwing one arm out to catch hold of the wire rope hoist of the crane, in order to slide down from the pillar he'd been standing on, "and I will _show_ you change!" He urged the crowd forward with an overhead sweep of his hand, his long strides placing him at the front of what was becoming a very determined procession.

Kallen blinked. _Zero...he's actually leading them away from the construction site!_

It was almost unbelievable that the new Zero had succeeded in something like that, although she was grateful for his new found leadership skills. _His speech, his confidence, even his gestures—it's like he's finally discovered some real charisma._

She'd actually begun thinking for a minute there that this Zero might be an imposter, sent to cause problems, even though Ougi had called ahead when Zero's transport had touched down at the airport, to inform the Black Knight's of his imminent arrival.

_Ougi said he flew over with Nunnally, so she'd know for sure if this weren't the right Zero. She's spent more time around him than anyone else._

Kallen frowned, beginning to wonder if, by avoiding Zero so much, she'd perhaps missed noticing some important things about him. His most recent speech had actually mirrored Lelouch's own distinctive intensity, the way he would stand, proud and confident, as he boldly declared his plans to the world. It reminded her of how Lelouch himself had once looked so alive, even with his expressions hidden, his motions all the more powerful because there was nothing non-essential to detract from the raw, vital gestures he made, hands so articulate and swift, calculated grace in a perfect economy of form.

_The world truly has no idea what it lost, in you._

For a brief time, though, this new Zero had come close to showing her what she really wanted to see, and even as it stirred up still aching memories, it comforted her that there was something of her Zero in his chosen inheritor. That only made her feel more guilty for doubting him at the start, though, and Kallen hurried, pushing through the marching crowd, to reach Zero's side.

"Leave a small contingent at the site. Then, make sure you round up the civilian stragglers and keep them with us, Kallen," Zero leaned in to whisper, when she caught up with him. She hesitated only a moment before nodding and turning back to do as he instructed.

He _was_ Zero, after all, and even though she wanted to resent him for taking Lelouch from her, she also knew that this Zero was Lelouch's last gift to the world. _You knew how much we depended on Zero, didn't you, Lelouch? How important a symbol he's become?_ She could easily get lost in memories of the charismatic speeches and daring plans that Lelouch had originally drawn her in with, had drawn them all in with, the focused, intense world he'd created where everyone present could share a single mind, one thought resonating through them all, like a ripple through an ocean.

_Oh, Lelouch, even though it was supposed to be the day of my own execution, from the moment I heard the whole crowd chanting "Zero", I knew. I knew it had been your plan all along, because who but you could capture people's hearts like that?_

She would have followed this new Zero halfway across the world, just to have that indirect connection to Lelouch. As it turned out, she only had to make it a few blocks away, to the building collapsed by the typhoon.

"Here, we will fix what has gone wrong. Here, we will change the world for the better!" Zero declared, raising his arms to the cheers of the crowd. "Are you ready? Do you still have the will?"

Her eyes were on Zero, but some part of her was still thinking of Lelouch. Surrounded by memories, she allowed herself to be swept along by the ghost of her past, following the directions Zero gave without question, alongside the other Black Knights and general members of the crowd, as Zero's flawless supervision inspired the belief that they could truly work as one.

Unfortunately, even the original had always had his detractors, and some individuals, faced with the prospect of doing actual work clearing debris rather than angrily rioting, decided to try to stir up more fury in their fellow crowd members. "Hey! Are we just going to put up with this? Just let those Brits get away with what they did?"

"I think _Japan_ has the strength to deal with the result of typhoons itself, regardless of what Britannia has done!" Zero declared, and it felt so good to hear him say "Japan" as if it were the focal point and Britannia the irrelevancy, as if he could affirm a nation's existence with the force of words alone. _We fought so hard, just to call our own country by name._ "Is this nation not strong and free enough to stand on its own?" Zero asked, extending his hands to the crowd on either side of his challenger, exhorting cheers of pride from them, and her heart swelled with emotion. Though Japan might have been left wounded and ragged by a long occupation and the bloody sacrifices of the war for liberation, there was something beautiful about being able to stand, even on this scarred ground, and call herself free.

Kallen smiled fiercely at that thought, even if deep down it still ached, that not everyone who'd fought so hard for this dream was there to share it with her. _Naoto, the first thing mother said after they released her was that she was so proud of me. But I would never have heard those words, I would never have been able to show her the better world I'd promised I would make, if not for the efforts of so many others._

_...Japan wouldn't even be Japan, if not for you, Lelouch._

"Do you not see the true strength of this great nation?" Zero pointedly asked a man who refused to join in the building euphoria.

He sputtered angrily. "You really think you can just make us forget about getting back at them?" he shouted back, clenching his fists.

"I do not merely think—I _know_ we do not need to attack where no crime has been proven!" Zero retorted, voice full of unwavering confidence. "But more than that, your anger here shows that _you_ know this sort of destruction is wrong! Since you know it to be wrong, since you want the world to change, surely you do not want to cause the same destruction yourself?"

Clearly left at a loss by Zero's logic, the man ground out a furious, "It's not that simple!"

"It is!" Zero boomed. "Where there were three thrown stones, it is within our power to count down to two. From two, to one. From one, to none." He spread his arms in an appeal to rest of crowd. "I ask you all to work toward that pinnacle of human achievement with me: toward a world where there is no hate, no violence, no crime against others. A world of zero!"

The crowd went wild, erupting into cheers and applause.

"Zero! Zero! Zero! Zero!"

The deafening sound of that name on so many tongues at once sent a shuddering, electric thrill dancing across her skin, some indefinable quality in the roar of the multitude reminding her keenly of the last day she'd seen Lelouch alive. _It's like he's still with us. Like he planned this all out, somehow. _

She had felt some sense of loyalty toward the current Zero, but it had only been second hand, a mere shadow of what she had felt toward Lelouch. Now, though, she wondered if maybe she would be able to put a little more of her faith in this man, whoever he was. _Even if the voice is just a little different, he's speaking like Lelouch himself._

Kallen hardly noticed the weight of the beams she carried under his direction or the sweat that dripped into her headband. Her arms must have gotten tired at some point, but she didn't feel it, some part of her desperate to prove herself all over again, to prove that she was worthy of this—the gleaming lines and tidy sidewalks, the sloped roofs and solid concrete, but most of all the people, proud and upright and strong, hopeful and united once again. Even if the dead would never know it, she needed to show herself that she was deserving of their final sacrifice, a worthy citizen of this newly freed country, her country, the Japan she'd known from when she was young, favored with her mother's caring arms and her brother's gentlest smiles.

"Thank you for taking care of that, Kallen," Zero had told her, after five hours of heavy lifting, and it made her eager to do five more, because she felt like it _meant_ something.

_I can't believe he actually noticed._ Before, she'd had the sense that the new Zero didn't pay particular attention to what any given person was doing, as he instead focused on his own activities. Now, it seemed like managing the entire effort was Zero's objective, and although she was just one of many, she somehow had the feeling that he'd personally taken note of her individual contribution. In fact, Zero seemed to be able to unerringly show up as soon as any task was completed or ran into difficulty.

_It's like he's keeping track of everyone at once._

That was impossible, of course. The current Zero had never shown the level of genius necessary to keep track of hundreds of people at the same time. Yet, all of a sudden, he had become an amazingly good organizer, somehow arranging for trucks to show up with gloves, tarps, garbage bags, bins, generators, wet vacuums, fans, and even portable toilets just as they were needed. He managed the Black Knights and civilians alike seamlessly, setting up an impromptu command structure, making sure everyone always had a task, shifting people just where they were needed, and coordinating different groups so that they would all finish together. Under his careful guidance, a solid sense of community had emerged, as if, rather than just being employed in related undertakings, they were all truly working hand in hand, together.

Of course, even with the number of people they had and Zero's expert direction, it had still taken hours of backbreaking labor before all the rubble was cleared, the furniture righted and drier personal belongings sorted neatly into boxes labeled with the apartment numbers they'd come from, while wet items were left out to dry on similarly labeled tarps, next to a wall of fans. What had changed the most, though, was that a sense of proud purpose had settled across everyone present, where before there had been only helpless rage.

Looking out across the now orderly site, Kallen felt a deep swell of satisfaction for all that they had accomplished, not as Black Knights and civilians, but as a group of people all working to make a better future.

_We'll rebuild Japan, one day at a time._

The thought filled her with so much hope, when not so long ago, she'd been just another one of the people thoughtlessly revolting, a terrorist without a plan or a real chance of success, just filled with anger against Britannia and against her mother and against herself—until him. _You told us we could be knights of justice, that our strength could be used to remake the world, rather than just rage against it, and it's only in looking back that I see how stealthily you insinuated your ideals into us. _

_Lelouch, you made us something better than we were._

Even now, it hurt to think it, because of her own unwitting ingratitude. _You took our raw anger and turned it into a force for good, you burdened your hands and your own heart to keep ours clean, and how we cursed you for hiding things from us, for sullying yourself with the deeds necessary to give us what we truly wanted._

"So, you finally cool with the new Zero, now?" Tamaki asked as they watched everyone peacefully disbursing.

Kallen snorted. _You're one to talk, Tamaki. I heard you whining when he put you in charge of setting up the portable toilets._ Actually, that had only made her fonder of Zero. "I guess he's okay, after all," she said, smiling softly.

"I'm glad you're finally coming around, Kallen. Hey, Zero!" Tamaki called, practically dragging her over toward the man himself. She thought about physically objecting to the manhandling, but even if he could be incredibly rude, Tamaki had been doing his best to help that day. It seemed a bit too cruel to knock him on his back now. "Me and Kallen just wanted to tell you how _awesome_ you were today!"

"I—I didn't say that!" she said, blushing as the words registered, and she hastily shrugging off Tamaki's arm. Zero was facing her expectantly. "I...I thought your speech was good, though." _For once._

"It is poignant, is it not?" Zero replied. "Humans have no power over natural disasters, so we have no choice but to accept the inevitable damage," he said, sweeping a hand out to indicate what the typhoon had wrought. "However, we do have control over ourselves. It is at once the most hopeful and the most painful thought, that the number of human crimes could drop to zero, right now, if only we would collectively choose to stop hurting each other."

_Wow, that sounded almost profound. _"I never realized you thought that deeply about things," she admitted, starting to feel more than a little ashamed. _Did I let my own resentment blind me to what he's really like? _Perhaps her suspicions that he might be Suzaku had misled her—she was absolutely sure this Zero wasn't Suzaku now.

"I have a duty to fulfill, and so I am always thinking of this world, Kallen, and the people in it." She'd halfheartedly listened to Zero deliver similar lines on T.V. before, only to dismiss his statements as vague and meaningless, but something in his posture and inflection now made her to realize that when Zero said "people", it was a term imbued with deep and personal meaning, as if there were real faces and names behind that generality, individuals that he truly cared about and wanted to protect. Although Kallen couldn't see his face, she could tell that Zero was waiting for her response to his words, and she wondered if she might be included in that group of people he thought about.

_I think I've really misjudged him._

"I'm glad you came today, Zero," she told him, suddenly feeling much more certain of her own words. "This incident could have ignited more violence if you hadn't shown up when you did."

"I won't abandon this new world when I'm needed," he assured her. "It's supposed to be a chance for everyone to finally be happy, after all. You should head home now, though, Kallen. You have school tomorrow, don't you?"

She nodded and was about to make her goodbyes when Tamaki distracted Zero by slapping him on the back.

"Yeah, thanks for saving our butts today, man! It seems like you're always doing boring stuff like going to meetings and pushing that silly Empress around," Tamaki said, apparently completely missing the way Zero's entire body tensed in fury at his disrespectful mention of Nunnally, "but since you killed the Demon Emperor, I knew you had to be an incredible guy!"

"...I'm glad you think so well of me," Zero bit out, obviously not feeling the same way toward Tamaki at the moment.

"Yeah! That was, like, the most epic moment in history! Dash around the gunfire, jump onto the platform, stab!" Tamaki shouted excitedly, pantomiming the motions.

Kallen blanched, as she recalled the final moments of Lelouch's life. At the time, her lingering anger and shock and fear for her own life and the lives of all her comrades had blunted the full effect of it, but as time passed and she forgave Lelouch for the underhanded schemes he'd used to achieve his goal of world peace, the thought of his death became more and more painful.

_You were just trying to give us the future we fought so hard for, and here this idiot is, celebrating your death._

"Tamaki, shut up," she told him rather harshly, before she could stop herself.

"Hey, what is _up_ with you, Kallen? How come you have to be so grumpy all the time?"

"...Nothing. It's nothing. I'm just tired," she told him, knowing she could never give her real reasons. "I had better head home to sleep." She looked one last time at Zero, at the form that had once meant so much to her. That still did.

"Goodnight, Zero."

"Goodnight, Kallen," he answered, and something in her heart twisted with the familiar swirl of Zero's cape as he turned to leave himself, because it reminded her so painfully of someone else.

_Lelouch, you were selfish and secretive and an unrepentant liar. You betrayed us all—only to give us the very miracle we dreamed of. Why did you have to leave me on the outside? Didn't you understand that I'd want to be part of it, that I would have done anything I could to help?_

The sudden resemblance of this new Zero to his predecessor was both a sweet balm and a bitter curse, and she found her thoughts kept coming back to the same place, again and again, as she walked away.

_Lelouch...I miss you, so much. If I'd helped you instead of following Schneizel, would it have made a difference? Would we have been able to see this new world, together?_

She'd been waiting at the station for a train to take her home to her mother when a loud voice hailed her from behind, for the second time that night.

"Hey, Kallen, guess what?"

"What, Tamaki?" she asked, trying to be patient. It was obvious that he hadn't figured out what Lelouch had actually been trying to do, so she knew she should try to be understanding when he spoke out against the Demon Emperor he believed had been planning to execute them all.

"Look at these awesome manly muscles!" Tamaki said, flexing his arms in a crass and self-important manner. "I out lifted Zero! Man, can you believe it?"

"Actually, I can't," she said, glad to hear the clatter of her approaching train. _I don't know if __**I**__ could out lift this new Zero. There's no way Tamaki could._

"But it's true! When Ayame told Zero she couldn't lift that _huge_ padlock and chain to put around the gate when we left, he said he was tired and had _me_ do it!"

Kallen shook her head as the train pulled in. "That little padlock? Come on, Tamaki. There's no way the new Zero could have any trouble lifting that!" She turned her back to the self-aggrandizing annoyance in order to step onto the thankfully deserted train, but Tamaki wasn't that easily dissuaded.

"Don't deny my moment of glory, Kallen!" he shouted from the platform. "This time, I really bailed Zero out!" he continued boasting, embarrassingly flexing his muscles again.

She snorted, grateful that no one else was there to witness his antics while he was wearing the Black Knights' uniform. "The only way this new Zero could have had a problem is if he suddenly got as lazy as Lelouch," she told him. _Actually, having Tamaki handle the grunt work for him sounds just like something Lelouch would do._

"Maybe he was just really tired from carrying stuff all day, but that only proves how incredible my stamina is!" Tamaki shouted, even as the doors shut and the train started on its way.

Kallen shook her head in disbelief. _How could he be that tired? I didn't see Zero lift anything heavy...all...day..._

Her thoughts suddenly ground to a halt, as everything she'd been noticing fell together. The way Zero was suddenly so good at organizing so many people, how he seemed to know the skills of all of the Black Knights so well, his talent with words and gestures, that unshakable confidence and charisma, his sudden distaste for difficult manual labor...

"Wait!" she shouted, banging on the train door, but it had already left the station. She had no idea where Zero had gone after leaving the typhoon site, anyway.

_But I have to find him! He said that he wouldn't abandon this new world, that it's supposed to be a chance for everyone to finally be happy! _

She stared at her reflection in the door window, at the unfamiliar, hopeful exhilaration on her face.

_Lelouch, does that mean..._


	21. Indecent

"Are you sure you really want to come, Kallen?" Ougi asked her. "I mean, I'm grateful for the offer, but don't you have school?"

She only felt a small twinge of guilt for playing hooky as she insisted, "This is more important."

"Well, I don't want you to get too far behind in class, but I would be glad to have some support at the meeting, for once. So many people don't take these budgeting sessions seriously, even though, when you think about it, nothing will get done if the U.F.N. runs out of money, right?"

"Yes, of course," she said, because Zero had apparently departed for Britannia soon after leaving the typhoon site, and it so happened that Ougi would also be making the trip in just a couple of hours. If she could only convince him to take her along... "I remember how we used to scrounge around for funds, when we were just a tiny resistance cell."

_Naoto, we finally did it. Japan is proud and strong and free once more, and the man most responsible...perhaps I haven't truly lost him, after all._

Ougi got a far off look on his face for a moment. "Yes. Well, if you're interested in coming, Kallen, then I'd be happy to have you along. I'll have another meeting with Schneizel immediately after we land, but if you're okay with amusing yourself for a few hours before the budget reconciliation meeting starts..."

"I'll be fine, Ougi," she told him, already knowing how she'd be spending the time. _If Zero won't answer his phone, then I'll just have to go to him._

She did feel a little guilty by the time she stepped out of Ougi's private jet onto Britannian soil, though. She'd been given the red carpet treatment the whole trip, people constantly bowing and speaking to her with the highest respect, just because she happened to be accompanying the Prime Minister.

_Ougi is representing all of Japan, and here I am, taking advantage of our past history to use him as a taxi service._

It felt uncomfortably like she was taking advantage of her country itself. Now that she thought of it, she wondered why Ougi had even made time to meet with a nobody like her, when she'd unexpectedly gone to see him earlier. _He's the __**Prime Minister**__._ Her shoes were probably too dirty to even step onto the carpeting of his office. Now that she'd permanently cast off her Stadtfeld name, the limo they'd taken to the airport was likely worth more than anything she'd ever be able to purchase for the rest of her life. Everything on Ougi's private jet had been sparklingly clean and brand new, a proud symbol of a reborn nation, which only made her feel more out of place in her well worn Black Knights uniform. Even Ougi's constant body guards were better dressed than her.

_I'm still just the girl from that shoestring resistance cell, but Ougi is the leader of the nation, now._

"I guess I'm really under dressed to be walking around with the Prime Minister, huh?" Kallen asked, nervously adjusting her collar as they walked into the Imperial Palace. Despite being a temporary location while Pendragon was being rebuilt, it still looked imposing, even more so than when she'd come for the peace summit, shortly after Lelouch's death.

_But maybe, he didn't really..._

Ougi gave her a warm, reassuring look. "I actually only wear such formal clothing because Viletta insists that I have to represent Japan well," he confided. He smiled soothingly. "Don't worry so much about it, Kallen. You look just fine. Besides which, you're every bit as much a war hero as I am, perhaps more. You deserve respect for much more important reasons than clothing."

His kindness actually only made her feel worse for deceiving him, but Viletta had always spoken so forcefully against Lelouch, Kallen didn't think Ougi would be able to see things the way she did any time soon.

"Thanks, Ougi," she told him instead. "I'll see you at the budget meeting, then?"

He nodded. "Wish me luck with Schneizel!"

"Good luck!" She plastered a smile onto her face as she waved goodbye. _If it's Schneizel you're negotiating with, you're going to need it._

Kallen had hoped at first that she might be able to get to Zero through Nunnally, but it turned out that the Empress was currently tied up in a disaster response meeting to address the brewing trouble that the drought in the M.E.F. had caused. Zero, surprisingly, hadn't turned out to be with her. _He doesn't answer his phone, and he's not even accompanying Nunnally like normal?_ If they were in the same location, he was almost always at her side.

It dampened her hopes of finding him, even though Kallen had heard from Ougi that Zero had actually cancelled a few public appearances, in favor of taking some time off. _Since he's not at any of the Black Knights' bases, that means he must be here, right?_ Kallen was soon pleasantly surprised to discover that Nunnally had apparently left a standing invitation for her, which got her into practically every room in the palace—except, of course, the one place she wanted to be.

_I'm sorry to take advantage of your hospitality like this, Nunnally, but..._

"I told you: I'm a very important member of the Black Knights. I need to see Zero about an extremely urgent matter!"

"I'm sorry, Ms. Kouzuki, but we absolutely cannot allow anyone through to Lord Zero's rooms, under any circumstances," the guard answered staunchly, for the third time.

"_Fine_," Kallen ground out, storming off to look for another way in. Unfortunately, every single entrance to the entire wing was covered—there were even multiple guards posted to second story windows. All the more amazingly, every one of them was heavily armed and looked _alert_.

_This is ridiculous. Why is there so much security?_ Kallen had of course seen bodyguards posted around VIP quarters before, but for a single residence inside the already well guarded palace, this was unheard of. _You'd think they were keeping the entire royal treasury in here, not just one man._

A sudden thought occurred to her.

_What if it's __**not**__ just __**one**__ man?_

That, of course, was the beginning of one of the stupidest plans of her life.

Well, perhaps "plan" was too auspicious a word for exactly what she did. It was more like impulse and adrenalin powered determination to find Lelouch again, if he still existed anywhere in the world. Unfortunately, even the surprise of using a set of tied draperies to swing out of an adjacent wing and in through the second story windows of Zero's didn't gain her much time. She'd barely dashed around the corner before the guards started giving chase.

Kallen was fast enough to outrun that set, but apparently there were another two posted further along down the hallway, and she barely had time to duck down another corridor before they brought their guns up. She sprinted blindly from that point on, not knowing anything about the layout of the wing, except that Zero's room was probably somewhere in the center, away from the windows.

Blood pounding through her ears, she rounded another corridor only to come face to face with a group of four guards. Before they could aim their guns, she kicked one back into another, hit the third in the solar plexus, and swept the feet out from under the last. Then she was running again, feet pounding so hard against the floor that she could feel the transmitted force of each impact rattling through her teeth. There was a set of stairs, and she took it down, as bullets chewed through the doorway above her, raining splinters into her hair.

_No, let me just get to him, please..._

She pulled down a decorative statue as she ran past, in order to stop the cadre of guards following her from coming at her from behind, only to see more coming from up ahead. _No choice_, she thought, her knees protesting as she turned without breaking her sprint, in order to run full tilt up the side of the wall, past the fallen statue and the shocked guards that had been behind her. She barely outpaced the hail of trailing gunfire.

_Damn it. I can't keep running like this. Where is..._

The sudden sight of what looked like a doorbell, installed into the wall in the middle of a windowless corridor, caught her eye.

_That must be..._

With renewed hope, she pushed her leaden legs a little harder, ignoring the protests of her burning lungs and the guards that were coming directly at her from the direction she was charging. It didn't matter if they got her boxed in now, as long as she could get to that door.

_Almost there. Almost..._

The door suddenly opened, and Zero stepped out into a corridor thundering with the footsteps of what might have been every member of the entire Britannian security force. "What is going on—"

_Zero!_

She wanted to call out to him. She would have, if only she had enough breath in her burning lungs to do so. Instead, she satisfied herself with at least closing the distance between them at a dead run.

"She's going to assassinate him! Protect Zero!" one of the guards screamed.

"No, don't—" Zero started saying, but he never got to finish.

They opened fire.

Kallen ducked and rolled, but there were so many guards firing so many guns, all she could really hope for was that they all had really bad aim. Her skin shivered with a sharp, almost painful staccato of electric jolts as her momentum carried her across the carpet, closer to Zero.

"Stop! Stop!" Zero screamed at what must have been the top of his lungs. He was at her side in the next instant, kneeling down over her still tucked form, and she looked up at him through the hands she had braced protectively over her head.

"Play dead," he whispered to her quietly, urgently. Because it was Zero saying that, she obeyed before she even thought to question the command.

"The intruder is dead!" Zero quickly announced, after only the most cursory examination, standing up to command the guards. "Back to your posts, all of you! I'll handle things here."

"But Lord Zero, we should—"

"You should get back to your posts, in case she wasn't alone! Now, move!" he barked.

"Yes, sir!" the guards chorused, the sounds of their footsteps heavy as they tromped away.

"Kallen..." Embarrassingly, he managed to pick her up before she could even think to protest and then proceeded to carry her into what must have been his suite.

As soon as the door locked behind them, Zero set her down to wrench off his mask, and Kallen got her first sight of a supposedly dead man for the day.

She gasped, taking a step back. _That traitor... _It made her feel filthy that she'd even let him lay a hand on her.

"Lelouch!" Suzaku screamed desperately. "Lelouch, please!"

The sound of a door opening came from further inside the suite, and then a second dead man came into view.

"Suzaku, did you find out what the security emergency w—" He stopped mid-sentence, staring at her in shock, violet eyes almost comically wide.

"The guards thought she was an assassin and _opened fire__!_" Suzaku told him, the distress clear in his voice. "I had to use my Geass on her," he admitted more quietly, but at that moment she couldn't be bothered to get upset if Suzaku had used a Geass to make her play dead or whatever it was he had commanded. All that she really cared about was the fact that Lelouch was standing there in front of her, alive.

"Lelouch!" she said, taking a step toward him and feeling her heart pound even harder, if possible. The muscles of her cheek almost hurt, she was smiling so widely. "Lelouch, you're alive!"

Instead of reflecting her joy, though, Lelouch was staring at her with an expression of intense agony.

"Oh, Kallen, I'm so sorry."

"You should be, for letting me think you betrayed us all—for making me think you were _dead__!_" She wanted to stay angry at him for a while, because it had _hurt_, but in the next moment she was moving toward him again, just so happy to see him breathing. "But I forgive you, Lelouch. I knew you couldn't really be a bad person. It was your plan all along, wasn't it, to bring the world peace?"

"I wanted you to enjoy that peace yourself, Kallen," he said, and his voice was still so strangely sad. "I wanted you to go back to school, and..."

"I _am_ back in school," she reassured him. _Because when we were in exile in the Chinese Federation, you said, after all this was over, you wanted me to come back to Ashford with you._

"But now, because of me, you'll never get to finish," Lelouch said, and for some reason she couldn't understand, he actually seemed to be on the verge of tears.

_Why does he think I'll never finish? It's true that I'd rather stay at his side, but if he really wants me to complete high school that much..._

"Maybe it's not as bad as it looks," Suzaku said, with an unusual undertone of hopeful desperation in his voice. "Maybe if we get her to the hospital—"

"Suzaku, she has so many bullet holes in her shirt, it's indecent!" Lelouch practically screamed in return, all semblance of patience gone. Kallen was caught off guard by his sudden fury, while Suzaku rapidly began looking very uncomfortable, casting his eyes down and away from both of them. Even more strangely, he seemed to be blushing a bit.

"Um, yes, well, I—I see your point," Suzaku stuttered out. Lelouch's face was also starting to get a bit red.

"What are you—" Kallen looked down, only to find that her shirt and jacket were almost completely shredded, the few remaining scraps of fabric doing very little to conceal anything at all. _Did something happen that I don't remember, because of Geass?_ Another thought occurred to her, and by the time she looked up again, she was furious, too. "You've just been standing there, _staring_ at me this whole time?!" She probably would have commenced with some sort of physical violence at that point, if the deft movements of Lelouch's fingers hadn't distracted her.

As soon as he'd finished unbuttoning his shirt, Lelouch slid it off his shoulders, holding it out to her while looking away. "Here." By that point, it would have been a little hypocritical to stay angry, considering that she was doing a lot of staring herself.

_Well, but he __**chose**__ to take it off in front of me, so..._

Lelouch frowned slightly and took a blind half step toward her, in order to hold the shirt out a little more closely. Belatedly, Kallen realized that he was offering it to her to cover up with.

_Oh. Of course. Right. I knew that._

She accepted the shirt with a small blush of her own, shrugging off her shredded garments before pulling it closed around herself. The sleeves were too long, and it was a little...tight around the chest. It smelled like him, though, and Kallen had always found Lelouch charming on those rare occasions where he actually acted like a gentleman.

"Thank you," she murmured, blushing a little harder.

Lelouch raised his eyes to look at her very sadly again. "I wish there were more I could do for you, Kallen." He hesitated for a moment, before asking, "You came here because I showed up at the typhoon site, didn't you?"

"So it _was_ you! I knew it!" she exclaimed.

_Lelouch, I would recognize you anywhere!_

Kallen wasn't sure what response she'd been expecting, but it definitely wasn't for his face to crease up in apparent agony. He turned away from her, bracing his arm against the wall and leaning his head down into it. "Then, this is all my fault. _Damn_ it!" he swore, pounding his fist against the wall for emphasis, the line of his shoulders trembling. "I never should have gone out—"

"It's _my_ fault, Lelouch," Suzaku interrupted. "I promised you that I would be Zero, and if I'd only been fit to do that, you never would have had to go in my place. And if I'd just been a little quicker earlier, going out to check on that reported security emergency myself, I might have been in time to get the guards to stop today..."

Suzaku suddenly reached out to grip Lelouch's shoulder, looking determined. "Listen, Lelouch, I can use my Geass to trade off days, you know? Kallen and Euphy. She'll—well, I know it's not the same, but..."

At that moment, Cornelia came in from the adjoining room. "Kururugi, what is _going on_? I came back from the bathroom, and Euphy..."

Suzaku winced, and Lelouch shouted, "Don't think it!"

"I..."

"You didn't use your Geass again, did you?" Lelouch asked desperately, before turning towards her. "Kallen..." Shockingly, he started reaching out as if he were going to paw at her chest, and Kallen brought an arm up around herself and took a scandalized step backwards, before he could lay a finger on her.

_What is he __**thinking**__?! There are people watching!_

Besides which, even if she _did_ like him, that didn't mean he could just—just—

Lelouch paused, hands still raised. He blushed, before quickly dropping them. "Ah, Kallen, that's not—I wasn't trying to—I just wanted to see if you're okay. You're not bleeding at all, are you?"

"I'm _fine_, Lelouch!" she told him. "I don't know why you and Suzaku are acting like I'm dead!"

"Kallen, it's because, in a sense, you _are_ dead," Lelouch told her, and that terrible sadness was back in his eyes.

"That makes _no sense_ at all!"

"I wish it could be just another of his lies, but he's telling the truth this time, Kallen," Suzaku told her, sorrowful and solemn, and Kallen looked toward Cornelia as the lone hope for sanity left in the room.

_I don't really know her all that well, and we did majorly get off on the wrong foot because she was Vicereine, but Cornelia is a member of the Black Knights, now. She has always seemed like a no nonsense sort of person_, _so __I'm sure she'll back me up here._

"What do you mean, she's dead?" Cornelia asked suspiciously.

"She came here looking for _me_," Lelouch said, the pain in his voice intimating that his heart was twisting inside his chest, "but the guards mistook her for an assassin and shot her to death. At least, what should have been death, but Suzaku used his Geass on her. Since his Geass can only have a single target..."

A pained expression passed over Cornelia's face. "I see. So that's why Euphy..."

"I'm sorry," Suzaku told her, and Kallen would really have been starting to wonder who this Euphy person was, if she weren't beginning to have a very cold, dark feeling in her own gut.

_The holes in my clothing—Lelouch called those bullet holes._

_I don't feel hurt, but what if not all of those bullets actually missed? What if..._

She worked very hard to keep breathing evenly.

_No, I feel alive, so I can't be..._

A woman's voice called from the adjoining room, breaking the tense silence. "Hello? Is anyone there? Can somebody help me?"

"Oh, no, I must have—" Suzaku turned back to look at Kallen, and the woman's voice abruptly cut off. Oddly, Kallen's left knee, which had begun twinging noticeably, probably from that sharp turn during the sprint earlier, suddenly felt fine again.

"Kallen, are you alright? Did you start bleeding anywhere?" Lelouch asked.

"I'm—I feel fine."

"But did you bleed any? Even a drop?"

She looked down at herself, running a hand along her stomach, but no blood showed through Lelouch's white shirt. "No, not that I can see."

"Suzaku, when did you use your Geass? Before, or after they shot?" Lelouch asked, suddenly turning around to crowd Suzaku, his expression extremely intent.

"Before, I think?" he answered nervously.

"Then wish Euphy alive again."

"But Kallen will—"

"There was a condition we never actually tested, remember? Because you wouldn't agree to injure anyone else in order to test your Geass, and stupidly suicidal as you are, you weren't able target yourself. We can test that condition now, though, Suzaku. Wish Euphy alive," Lelouch commanded, and apparently his words still held weight, because Suzaku nodded. A few seconds later, the woman's voice called out again.

"Hello? Can anyone help me? I'm a little lost..."

"Euphy, we're in here," Lelouch called back, and Kallen felt the tension in her belly uncoil. _If Lelouch sounds that calm, then everything will be okay._

"Oh! Here's the door," the voice exclaimed and in stepped the Massacre Princess.

Cornelia immediately went over to embrace her, whispering hurriedly into her ear.

"Euphy...Euphy is short for Euphemia!" Kallen exclaimed, finally understanding.

"How do you feel, Kallen?" Lelouch asked yet again, distracting her from the sight of a dead woman happily returning her older sister's embrace. "Any pain? Wounds? Blood? Scars?"

Kallen was getting tired of having to repeat herself. "Lelouch, there's _nothing_ wrong with me." _Well, except that twinging in my knee. _That wasn't exactly life threatening, though, and she had enough pride not to mention it.

Lelouch and Suzaku shared a glance.

"Test results: wounds inflicted while the Geass is active heal instantly, as if they never actually happened. They do not scar or recur."

Then Lelouch was smiling broadly and laughing, Suzaku joining in and thumping him on the back in what was practically an embrace, as if the two of them had won some sort of incredible victory. Kallen was actually a little annoyed, because why did that traitor Suzaku get the attention, when she'd come all the way here to see Lelouch, and—and then Lelouch turned around and grasped her by the forearms, smiling brilliantly.

"You're going to be okay. You're really going to be okay, Kallen," Lelouch said, joy and sheer relief in his voice.

_Wow. I've never seen him smile like that before._

She was so distracted by the fact that he was still shirtless, she almost forgot to smile back.


	22. Promises

Lelouch felt like it might possibly be alright to enjoy the smile Kallen had on, now that it had turned out he hadn't been the death of her, after all.

_Thank you, Suzaku, for saving her._

With the crushing press of grief miraculously released, Lelouch found that he could finally think clearly again.

"Zero, get on the phone; the standard firearms for the guards need to be changed. I only want them firing shatter rounds from now on. You also need to inform Sayoko that she'll need to bring the cleaning cart and a body bag here in order to sneak Kallen back out. Kallen's face may have been recognized, so the cover story will be that an imposter took advantage of the real Kallen's visit to the palace in order to sneak in to assassinate Zero in her guise. Cornelia, can you show Euphy the video I made to explain things? And Kallen, why don't we find someplace quiet to sit down? It seems we have a lot to discuss."

She nodded, only having time to shoot Euphy a single suspicious glance before Lelouch led Kallen into the living room of C.C.'s suite, for lack of any better option. The pepperoni and meatball end table, with it's tackily painted impression of pizza crust edging, still made Lelouch internally cringe, but thankfully Kallen only gave it a confused glance and didn't ask about its provenance.

"That was the Massacre Princess," she commented, instead.

Lelouch winced. "Kallen, you heard Suzaku accuse me of being responsible at Kamine Island, and Ougi told you it was the fault of my Geass, right? Euphemia certainly never wanted to hurt anyone."

"Ougi told me that, but considering how you deceived all of us, I was never completely sure I could believe it." Kallen gave him a hurt, uncertain look. "Are you saying that it really was your plan, Lelouch? You had her massacre all those innocent people in order to strengthen the rebellion?"

For a moment, he thought about lying to her, but it seemed unlikely that he could get everyone who already knew the truth to keep their mouths shut forever.

_This is the problem with letting too many people know a secret. It doesn't stay secret for long._

He sighed. "It was an accident, Kallen," he admitted with a barely concealed grimace. It hadn't exactly become painless to talk about this, but he'd explained enough times that the raw panic of remembering that day had melted into a bitter sort of resignation.

Lelouch looked toward the doorway, and much as his Geass had cost Euphy and everyone else at the Special Administration Zone, it did help to know that she had something resembling a life now. "With a power like mine, a joking statement like 'jump off a cliff' could kill someone. My Geass ran wild, activating beyond my control, just as I spoke a few ill placed words, and it didn't matter that a massacre was the last thing Euphy and I could have wanted. Once my command took hold, we were all powerless to choose any future but death."

"Then, you're saying you couldn't help it."

"What could I have done, instead?" he said, getting up to pace. It was a question he'd asked himself thousands of times, but there was no satisfactory answer, when he'd been forced to choose between a handful of horrible options. "If I'd told the Britannian military to ignore her orders because some supernatural power was controlling her, do you think they would have believed Zero? Or should I have stood idly back, because I knew she didn't truly want to be killing? Innocent people were dying, regardless of our intentions, and Euphy wasn't truly Euphy anymore. I felt the only way to atone was to stop her from violating her own morals any further and to at least make certain that Japan got its freedom out of all that horrible loss."

"Well, perhaps there is one more thing," he added, "but at that time, I didn't even know it could be done. I'm sure you've noticed that Euphemia is very much alive right now, though."

She nodded. "There are three people here that are supposed to be dead." Kallen looked at him searchingly. "How is that possible, Lelouch?"

"If a person develops Geass to its most powerful level, it is possible to trade that Geass for a Code—a power that makes a person immortal and allows the granting of Geass to others. I fully developed my own Geass before taking the throne, and then as Emperor, I falsely declared the Knight of Zero dead, so that Suzaku would be free to play Zero. On the day he assassinated me, I received a Code from C.C., and the Geass I subsequently granted Suzaku can give Euphy her life back—at least while it's active. Regrettably, it deactivates every time he sleeps, and then she loses all the memories she's formed since the last time the Geass was used."

_And with Suzaku still recovering from his drug use, I haven't wanted to chance another attempt at memory projection. If something went wrong, and he were the one trapped in a nightmare flashback..._ Of course, even if Lelouch could get past his own reluctance, it was going to be hard convincing Suzaku to resume practice, considering how upset he'd apparently been over the last result.

"So then Euphemia is—wait—you're saying that you're _immortal_ now, Lelouch?" Kallen asked, standing up in shock, as that statement finally seemed to sink in.

"Yes. No matter how many times I die, I will always revive in exactly the same state." _So I wish Suzaku would just stop worrying about me._

"I've seen enough crazy things that I think I can believe you," Kallen said, after a long moment of thought. "My only question is why you didn't explain this to me _before_ now? You just let me think you were dead!" she accused, obviously still feeling a bit hurt and betrayed.

"Kallen, it's dangerous for my continued survival to be known."

"I would have kept it a secret!"

_The danger isn't just in other people finding out. I don't want to drag you into my problems any more than I already have. Look what almost happened to you today!_

"Kallen, you will be better off just moving on and forgetting about me. Don't you remember all the things I put you through? Because of me, you have to carry the burden of all the lives you took, following my orders. Because of me, you faced the danger of the battlefield, again and again, even as I lied to you and abandoned you when you needed me most. Because of me, you were captured by Britannia, not once, but twice, the second time under my own rule. I personally menaced you with a public execution."

"Because of you, Japan was freed," Kallen objected. "We can finally live with dignity and in peace," she added, her voice proud. "_That's_ what I was fighting for, and I was fighting long before I met you. It was my choice, to go into battle for you...and my failing, to go into battle against you, Lelouch," she said, staring down at the lush carpeting. "You should have told me the truth, when I spoke to you at Ashford Academy, before you went in to talk to the U.F.N. representatives. What right did you have to decide that I shouldn't be part of this?" she demanded, stepping closer and meeting his eyes again, like she had at Ashford, before she'd kissed him.

_Don't you see the price Suzaku is paying for helping me? The price he will never stop paying?_

"Kallen, I don't want you to be hurt."

"That only makes me want to follow you more, Lelouch," she insisted, the look in her eyes growing softer.

He remembered that look. When everyone else had doubted him, Kallen had been the one who'd searched for any excuse to stay by his side, returning to rescue him from the invisible cage his father had placed him in, when Lelouch hadn't even realized his most precious memories had been hidden and adulterated. She was the ace he'd depended on to make his plans succeed, the bodyguard who had saved him from mortal peril time and again, and the friend who had tried to comfort him in his moments of deepest grief.

_When I think of what I was like when I believed Nunnally had been killed by F.L.E.I.J.A., it's hard to imagine how you could have found the strength to offer me so much support, Kallen, when all along, you had the loss of your own beloved sibling to bear. What a fierce conviction it must require, to shake off such grief in order to continue truly living, to tirelessly strive for a better future._

"You don't need to follow anyone, Kallen. You are a true Knight of Justice, all on your own," he told her sincerely.

"I only became that Knight because of you, Lelouch, and I'll never forget that," she insisted, and it was hard not to be moved by her unwavering loyalty. "I'll never forget what you've done for me—and for the world."

"Kallen..."

Without his being aware of exactly how it had happened, Lelouch found that he was standing very, very close to her. The straining button of the shirt he'd lent her was almost brushing his chest on each of her inhales, and he could feel the heat of each of her exhales tracing along the contours of his face. If he only leaned down a little further...

_I can't. _

Lelouch grasped hold of her shoulders, to keep her back—to remind himself that he had to keep her back—as he stepped away. "I'm sorry, Kallen," he told her heavily. "There is no future for us." _Because I have no future to give to you, to give to anyone. I am probably the most hated person to have ever lived._

"When I heard there was an emergency," a currently unwelcome voice drawled, "I didn't realize it would be the kind you had to take your clothes off for, Lelouch." He looked over to see C.C. standing in the doorway with her usual lazy smirk. "I would have come sooner."

"_She's_ here, too?" Kallen said, obviously not happy with the discovery. She gave the pizza themed end table another suspicious glance, and Lelouch knew it wouldn't be long before she'd worked things out.

"C.C., do you have to make everything sound so sordid? The only reason I don't have my shirt on is because Kallen is wearing it."

"It's not that unusual for the woman to end up wearing the man's shirt afterward, is it?" C.C. responded with a teasing lilt, and Lelouch clenched his fists, trying his hardest not to let her attempts get to him.

"You're _living_ with her?" Kallen asked, clearly having connected the décor to C.C.'s one true love and come to the correct conclusion.

Lelouch winced. "It's not what it seems like, Kallen. In that sense, I'm living with Suzaku and Euphy, as well."

"He is very promiscuous," C.C. said, smirking even more widely when his face heated up despite his best efforts.

"C.C., that's enough! You know what I meant!"

"You should learn to be more explicit, Lelouch. After all, this is the girl who went so far out of her way to bring you flowers," C.C. said, gesturing to indicate Kallen.

"Now you're just making things up," Lelouch said, narrowing his eyes.

"You're one to accuse me of lying," she replied archly. "Ask Jeremiah if you don't believe me."

Kallen gasped. "He _told_ you about that, C.C.?"

"Told her about what?"

C.C. opened her mouth, obviously planning on saying something embarrassing, but Kallen answered first. "When I came here for that peace summit, I brought flowers to your grave—what I thought was your grave! I still can't believe you tricked me like this!"

Now that he thought about it, he did recall seeing a bouquet of white lilies outside his sepulcher when Suzaku and C.C. had rescued him from his premature entombment. _So you had forgiven me, even back then. I'm sorry, Kallen, but that's all the more reason why I have to keep my distance. Don't you recall how hard it was on you, when you went to visit your mother in prison? Now that you've finally won your own freedom, why would you want to be tied to a prisoner yet again?_

"Kallen, you have to think realistically about—"

The doorbell interrupted him, and they all waited a few wary seconds until Suzaku announced from the other room, "Sayoko's here!"

"Good. You need to get out of here quickly and then make a prominent appearance somewhere in the palace far from Zero's wing. It would be better if we could say it was just an assassin impersonating you the whole time, but there are bound to be people who knew the real you was coming here. Your mother...she's home with you now, right?"

"Yes," Kallen said, startling as if something had just occurred to her. "_You're_ the one who wrote that Refrain amnesty bill, aren't you? Not Suzaku?"

Lelouch frowned. "How did you know?"

"When he writes things, it's always simple and straightforward; he would never use all that complicated legal language." Her eyes grew soft again, and she smiled gently. "Thank you, Lelouch, for helping me bring my mother home. It means so much to me," she added, the gratitude in her voice mingling with the warm relief in her expression.

_Don't look at me like that. It will only tempt me to do something stupid. _He still remembered how hard it had been to keep himself from reacting at all, when she'd kissed him before his meeting with the U.F.N. Council, the split lives of the 99th Emperor of Britannia and Lelouch Lamperouge of the Ashford Student Council intersecting painfully.

"I only wrote it, Kallen. Suzaku was the one who actually shepherded the bill through."

"Because you were playing dead."

"Yes. Just as you're going to have to play dead for a little while, until Sayoko can sneak you out of here. She should also be able to lend you a new uniform to change into, and then please remember to make a conspicuous appearance, so people can be sure that the 'real' Kallen and the dead assassin are two separate people," he said, leading her back to Zero's living room, where Sayoko already had a body bag laid out on the cleaning cart.

_Sayoko...I've already entrapped you, haven't I? I know you would rather spend more of your time in Japan, especially now that it truly is Japan again, and yet here you are, constantly trying to clean up the mess I never get finished making._

Kallen eyed the body bag with dismay.

"Oh, don't worry," he assured her. "You won't actually be _in_ the body bag. You'll be in the cleaning cart underneath it, where people won't notice it if you breathe—although please be careful not to make any excessive noise. We just need to stuff the body bag with some extra linens, and that should be enough to fool the guards." He hadn't even finished speaking before Sayoko, efficient as always, had begun doing as he's said. Lelouch opened the concealed compartment on the side of the cart. "You should be able to slide right in," he told Kallen, gesturing to the inside.

"What? Now?" she asked.

"Yes. Since Zero has already announced to the guards that the assassin was a mere imposter," Lelouch said, looking toward Suzaku for a nod of confirmation, "people are going to be wondering where the real Kallen is. You don't want to keep them waiting long, or they'll get suspicious." _And if I let you stay here any longer, then it will only be harder to say goodbye._

"Go on," he said, encouraging her in, when she only moved very reluctantly to comply. Kallen definitely didn't look pleased as she wriggled into the cramped space, and he ended up looking away himself because her movements made the already straining button of his shirt threaten to burst off.

_As if I need any more temptation to want the things I can't have._

"Lelouch—"

"I'm sure you already understand that you can't tell _anyone_ about what you saw here," he said in warning, wanting to reinforce that point before she left. He looked around carefully, to make sure Euphy wasn't in the room. "The Massacre Princess, the Knight of Zero, and the Demon Emperor—we're probably the most hated people in the world, Kallen." _You'll be better off staying far away from us._

"You don't need to worry. I would never betray your secrets, Lelouch," she assured him, and the look of devotion on her face was enough to make him believe her, enough to make what he was about to do even harder. _But if you're that loyal, then how can I betray you by wrecking the future you fought so hard for? _He reached out to close the compartment up, because sometimes you had to kill your hopes with your own hands, in order to be sure they didn't hang around to haunt you.

"W-wait!" Kallen reached out for him before he could close the door completely, and he caught her hand in both of his, gently guiding it back inside.

"Kallen...it was a relief to see you well, but you really do have to go, now."

"But when will I see you again?" she asked, her voice a little desperate. His hands tightened on hers.

_Probably never._ "I'll contact you, Kallen. I promise." _If I don't say at least that, then you won't leave, will you?_

She smiled, so terribly trusting for someone who knew how many lies he'd told, how many promises he'd broken. "I'll be waiting, Lelouch."

_Kallen..._

"Please have fun at school, for the both of us." He released her hand and closed the compartment. _Forgive me. You already nearly died today because of me, and I have nothing to give you but more trouble._

He nodded, and Sayoko began wheeling the cart out while Suzaku held the door.

"Have fun for the both of us?" Suzaku echoed, as the door clicked shut.

"I'm just being selfish. Because I can't return to those nostalgic times, I want her to enjoy them for me."

"You know," Suzaku began softly, "Euphy once told me to stay in school, because she never got the chance to finish herself." He offered Lelouch a small smile. "Do you think she was just being selfish, as well?" he asked, although it was clear from his teasing tone that he didn't believe it.

"Of course not. _She_ said that because she cares for you and wants you to have the good things she can't have for herself."

"Somehow, I don't really believe that your motivation is that different from Euphy's, _Liar Emperor_," Suzaku stressed, "because if you were truly that selfish, you would just feel jealous when someone else had something better than you. If you're capable of being happy for Kallen, then it must be because your heart isn't as cold as you pretend."

"You know," Lelouch said crossly, "it's extremely inconvenient when you point the truth out to me."

Suzaku's lips curled up. "Just trying to keep you honest."

"Impossible," Lelouch scoffed.

His friend winced unexpectedly, bringing a hand up to rub his forehead.

"Suzaku?" _He can't suddenly be that upset about my dishonesty, can he?_

"It's nothing," Suzaku replied, shaking his head. "I've just had this headache since earlier—I guess because of all the excitement with Kallen."

"It could be a lingering symptom from those pills you took. I noticed that you didn't seem to have any dreams last night, either." _At least, you didn't have any thrashing nightmares, so it's hard to believe you actually hit R.E.M. sleep. _"I'm glad Nunnally and I stopped you from going anywhere today; you're probably still recovering. You should definitely get back to sleep, now."

"But Euphy will—"

"She will wake up in the morning and be happy to see you well rested," Lelouch insisted, glaring Suzaku down. Luckily, he was still ashamed enough of his reckless actions to be cowed by that—the lecture he'd gotten from Euphy that morning, when she'd found out he'd been taking drugs for her sake, certainly hadn't hurt. "I'll even inform Cornelia for you," Lelouch offered, although he was frankly dreading that task.

Suzaku sighed. "Fine, but I really think I'm caught up on my sleep."

"Now who's the liar?" Lelouch muttered, as Suzaku trudged off to the bedroom, already yawning.

_Actually, it might not be so bad to turn in early, for once, myself. Since I always stay up to make sure Suzaku gets to sleep, I'm losing sleep, too._

He rubbed at the bridge of his nose, but it did nothing to alleviate the pressure building behind his eyes.

_I think I may be getting a headache myself._

"Something bothering you, Lelouch?" C.C. asked, looking in from the doorway to her suite.

"Just a headache." He sighed. "Actually, I've got a bigger problem than that," he said, looking around to make sure no one else was present before sliding down morosely onto the couch. "Originally, it was only going to be you and Suzaku and Nunnally who knew. Well, and Sayoko and Jeremiah, because that couldn't really be helped. Five people. I could count them on one hand. Now, it's only been a few months and Schneizel and Cornelia and now Kallen all know. I'm starting to run out of fingers on my second hand, and the more people who've seen me alive, the more likely that something will accidentally slip out."

He looked at her worriedly. "C.C., it may be that one day, I will have to leave here."

"Planning a trip to the sun?" Her face was suspiciously blank, and Lelouch quickly shook his head.

_I'm not going to hurt you like that again._

"I can't do that to Nunnally, and I promised Suzaku that I would remain with him until the end. It may be that I can only support them from a distance, but I _won't_ abandon them."

"Oh? Finally admitting some concern for someone besides yourself?"

He crossed his arms and turned his face away with a smirk. "I admit nothing."

C.C. smiled softly. "The heartless Demon Emperor: it may be the biggest lie anyone ever told, Lelouch."

"I take it as a point of pride that I can defy my father's ideals so thoroughly. That's how the world changes, isn't it? We imagine something else, and then, if our will is strong enough and we can gather enough support, we make it true."

"A handy excuse for your own bad behavior, but it's not going to make me believe you any better, the next time you call to tell me people are rising from the dead."

"Ah, well there is that one _minor_ drawback to being an incurable liar..."


	23. Your Every Wish

"Good morning, Euphy," he greeted her, feeling pretty cheerful after a long and apparently dreamless sleep.

"Oh! Good morning, Suzaku," she said, smiling.

"Euphy, something bad happened to you that affected your memory. I have a video that will explain it—"

"I know. Cornelia played me the video that Lelouch made."

"Already? I haven't been up that long this morning," he said, looking around for Cornelia. Although Lelouch had lectured him about not using his Geass until he was showered and properly dressed (because Cornelia would have his hide if she ever caught Suzaku visiting her little sister in something as unpresentable as pajamas and sleep mussed hair), Suzaku still often accidentally revived Euphy in those cloudy moments between sleep and waking, resulting in her being conscious for a little while before he actually came to her bedroom. However, it was really unusual for Cornelia to come visiting so early, when she couldn't be sure that Suzaku would be up yet.

_Funny, I didn't hear the doorbell, either, and Lelouch normally wakes me to go answer it..._

"No, it was last night, silly," Euphy answered. "I just got up myself."

For a moment his heart stopped, before continuing, double time. He leaned forward eagerly. "You're telling me that you remember last night, Euphy?"

She nodded and then frowned. "I guess that doesn't make sense. According to the video, I shouldn't remember, but I do." She looked at him suspiciously. "You didn't stay awake, did you, Suzaku?"

"No. I even went to sleep early." He smiled so widely his lips were in danger of splitting. "Euphy, this is wonderful!" he said, squeezing her hands in his own. "I can't believe it! I slept, and you still remember!"

"It's never happened before?"

"No. You still know where everything is, right? Closet, bathroom, dining room?"

She nodded.

"Great! Why don't you get up and have breakfast while I tell Lelouch about this—he'll be able to figure out what happened!" _There must be some special condition we don't know about—a side effect of the drugs, or because I didn't have any dreams?_ _Maybe he can find a way to make this happen again! _

"Lelouch!" he called, as he charged back into their bedroom, hurrying forward to catch and hold the covers down so that Lelouch couldn't simply drag them over his head and roll over, as he was wont to do.

"Mmph. Why can't disasters wait until a little later in the morning to occur?" his friend complained, slowly sitting up and rubbing his eyes, when he grudgingly lost the tug of war over the blanket.

"It's not a disaster, Lelouch! Something amazing has happened!"

"I'd prefer it if that amazing thing were my sleeping in for once, but I guess you have other ideas," Lelouch said, shooting him a baleful look.

"I woke Euphy up this morning, and she still remembers last night!"

Instead of sharing his joy, Lelouch immediately scowled. "You think it's so amazing that you tricked me?"

"Tricked you?"

"Into thinking you were asleep last night! Suzaku, I'll admit that your acting skills must have become quite impressive, but how can you think it would be okay to do this, after you specifically _promised_ me—"

"Lelouch, I _did_ go to sleep last night! That's why it's so amazing—she remembers last night _even though_ I slept!"

Lelouch only scowled harder. "Do I look stupid to you? There's no way I'll fall for the same deception you tried with Cornelia and Euphy!"

Suzaku winced. _Okay, I deserved that, but..._ "Lelouch, I'm sorry I lied like that before, but I wouldn't do it again! Besides, I never lied to you in the first place, because I knew you'd just catch me at it. This time I really am telling the truth! There must be something about my Geass we haven't figured out yet!"

Lelouch finally slid out of bed, standing up to eye him suspiciously, something hurt lingering in his eyes. "Don't let me think there's some chance she can keep her memories, if it's not really true, Suzaku," he said, voice half-way pleading.

"I swear to you, Lelouch, I'm telling the truth this time! I slept, and she really did remember," he insisted, looking back in the direction of Euphy's suite and thinking of all the things he'd love to tell her, once they figured out how to let her keep that knowledge. _It wouldn't feel right, to repeat something important over and over, until it had no meaning. If I'm going to say that sort of thing, I want her to remember it with me..._

Lelouch caught his chin sharply in his fingers, turning Suzaku's head back so that they were facing each other. "Let me see your eyes, Suzaku." He felt that odd jolt beneath his skin that he'd come to associate with Lelouch's exertion of the power of his Code.

"Your eye," Lelouch whispered, his hand dropping as he took a step back in horror. "Your left eye is burning."

"Huh?" _What is wrong with him?_ "Lelouch, my eye feels just fine." He brought a hand up to run over the lid, just in case. _Nope. No fire. Maybe he's just being paranoid, again._

"No, Suzaku, I mean the symbol that manifests in your eye when you activate your Geass _isn't_ going out." There was an extremely pained expression on Lelouch's face as he whispered a single word more. "Runaway."

"You mean, my Geass won't turn off anymore?"

"Yes," Lelouch answered, his voice strained. "Since it's no longer under your conscious control, even when you're unconscious—in other words, sleeping—it still remains activate. I just dismissed it as a side effect of the drugs, but that headache you had after the incident with Kallen was probably a sign! I was also in pain, just before I lost control of my own Geass." Lelouch shook his head, making a disgusted sound. "How could I be so stupid! I had a headache last night, too—my Code was probably reacting to the instability of the Geass I granted!"

He slammed his palm down against the bedside table, clearly frustrated. "I should have seen this! You've been using your Geass every single day, all day, from farther and farther distances away. You even used it for a week straight, and yesterday, of course you were straining with all your power, trying to prevent a friend from being killed in front of you! That was probably the final trigger, because your Geass is based on the wish that those you care for won't die!"

"You're saying that Kallen's near death caused this?"

"Just as the effect of each Geass and the placement of each Code sigil has its own unique reason, there is no consistent cause for Runaway. Therefore, I can't be absolutely certain, but I can tell you that it reminds me of what happened with my own Geass."

"And what exactly was that, Lelouch?" Suzaku asked, wondering if he would finally get an explanation of a little of what had happened that day, in Lelouch's own words. However, his friend's only response to the question was to stare silently off to the side, as if he expected the secrets of the universe to rise up out of the floor.

Suzaku sighed. "You still don't trust me enough, do you?"

"That's not true," Lelouch countered immediately, giving him what seemed like a sincere look.

"But you won't ever say anything, not even to explain this!" Suzaku complained.

"I..." Lelouch sighed heavily, staring down at the floor again. "Fine. Just this once, I'll explain," he conceded, in his smallest, weariest voice. "When Euphy and I were negotiating at the Special Administration Zone...I could feel my plans falling apart all around me. She was dismantling them with her every kind gesture and gentle word. Even though I _was_ willing to adapt, to accept her vision of peace, I was frightened, too, Suzaku, of accepting a future I wasn't in charge of."

"The more afraid I became, the more desperately I wished for control. The more I wished for control, the stronger my Geass, which granted me absolute control over others, became. That's the terrible irony of it. I wished for control so deeply, I actually completely lost it all. I lost Euphy, and with her you, and every part of myself that believed I had any right to live in a peaceful world. Now, I've just proved that further, by giving you a powerful Geass that you can't control any longer!" Lelouch finished, having obviously worked himself into some sort of guilt laden panic.

"Lelouch, calm down. You're always telling me to think things through logically, so you should do the same." He put a hand on his friend's shoulder, hoping that would keep him grounded. "Right now, I know you're upset because you didn't plan for this, but for me, Geass Runaway actually sounds like a great thing!"

"What are you saying?" Lelouch demanded, stepping away from him, clearly horrified. "How can you think losing control of you Geass is great?"

"I sleep, and Euphy doesn't die!" he exclaimed, taking his friend by both shoulders, and trying hard to remind himself that shaking sense into people didn't actually work. "Lelouch, how can you not be excited about this?"

"Suzaku, this is _not_ a good thing! You can't just wear contacts to stop your power, like with my own! Your Geass is like Mao's—worse than Mao's, because you have practically no range limit. Don't you realize the implications?"

"Lelouch, my Geass is totally different from Mao's. It's not like other people's thoughts will be continuously intruding on my mind. Euphy just gets to keep her _own_ thoughts. That's all." He imagined how wonderful it would be, for her to remember every conversation, every visit from Cornelia or picture from Nunnally. Lelouch could stop apologizing every day, too. "No, that's _everything_. It will be like she has a real life, again," he said, overjoyed at the possibilities.

_All the things she couldn't do before... All the things __**we**__ couldn't do before..._

"Suzaku, I know where your thoughts are going, but you have to be realistic and assess the negative possibilities, as well as the positive ones. Geass Runaway is extremely dangerous, particularly with a Geass like yours!"

Suzaku sighed, trying to be compassionate about this, even if Lelouch was doing his best to dampen what had been a wonderful mood. "The day you lost control of your Geass was one of the worst of our lives, Lelouch, so I can understand why you'd feel so worried." _You're paranoid enough, to begin with._ "But you're just letting your own bad experience cloud your judgement, in this case. For me, Geass Runaway will be different!"

Lelouch kept talking, but Suzaku wasn't really listening to his frenzied warnings anymore, too busy thinking on the fact that Euphy had remembered everything they'd talked about yesterday. Thankfully, the sound of the doorbell interrupted Lelouch mid-rant.

"That's probably Cornelia," Suzaku said excitedly. "I can't wait to tell her—"

"_Not_ until we've figured out what this really means!" Lelouch cut in, but Suzaku didn't see how they were going to keep Euphy's retained memories a secret. Surely Lelouch wouldn't expect Euphy to feign amnesia with her sister just for the sake of his own paranoia? "I'm going to check on Euphy now, so remember, don't prematurely get Cornelia's hopes up!" Lelouch commanded, throwing a bath robe on over his pajamas and dashing off as fast as his admittedly limited physical capabilities would allow.

_Of course, he needs to snatch the opportunity to talk Euphy before Cornelia comes in to see her, because he still insists on running away from his older sister._ Suzaku shook his head in exasperation, putting on his mask before leisurely going to get the door.

Looking through the peephole, he could see Cornelia standing outside, frowning down at her feet. _Maybe she doesn't like the new carpeting?_ With all the bullet holes the guards had put in the floor when they'd been trying to shoot Kallen, Sayoko had been forced to replace the carpeting along the entire hallway. With a shiver for how close a call they'd had, Suzaku opened the door.

_My Geass saved Kallen yesterday, and now it can truly save Euphy. I don't understand why Lelouch insists on being so eternally pessimistic about things._

"Lady Cornelia, come in!" he said, stepping aside to let her into the suite. He pulled off his mask again as soon as the door closed, and it was impossible to keep a smile off his face.

She blinked at him. "Well, you certainly look happy this morning."

"Something wonderful has happened, but I think I better let Euphy explain it to you herself." _If I say something, I'll just earn an unpleasant lecture from Lelouch. _"She should be having breakfast right now, so if you'll just follow me back to—"

"She's already died and revived once since I last spoke to you," Lelouch said, rushing in from Euphy's suite.

"_What?_" Suzaku exclaimed, hoping with all his heart that Lelouch was lying.

"I _told_ you—once you've reached Geass Runaway, you have no conscious control left, anymore. You thought about Kallen, didn't you, when you opened the door to the hallway where she almost died? Even though you didn't _mean_ to use your Geass, it must have targeted her anyway. Then, you must have thought of Euphy again, and she revived. Now, instead of a fixed death whenever you sleep, she will die every time your thoughts happen to wander."

Suzaku barely had time to notice Cornelia's horrified face as he rushed through to Euphy's living room to watch her sitting up from the couch.

"Oh, Suzaku!" She frowned. "Why are you dressed like—Lelouch! Cornelia! You're all here!" She smiled. "I can't believe it—the three of you together!" Her eyes flickered between Lelouch and Cornelia, as if searching for any sign of trouble, but at the moment, they were both too focused on her to worry about each other.

"Euphy..." _It's okay. I just won't think of anyone else, and it will be fine._ He knew that wouldn't really be as simple as it sounded, though, and Suzaku was beginning to see why Lelouch had gotten so upset earlier. _I guess I should have been listening harder to his warnings._ He shot his best friend an apologetic glance as Lelouch even braved Cornelia's presence, so that the four of them could sit and watch the video together.

Unfortunately, they only made it as far as the mention of the "nightmare" she'd been trapped in. Before he'd known the truth, Suzaku had spent so long thinking of all the innocent victims of Zero's seemingly heartless scheme that some of their faces, caught forever in the news footage, had been burned into his memory. Even though this video contained only euphemisms, Suzaku couldn't help thinking of those the cameras had captured in their final moments.

His best friend reached frantically for the sheet he'd been keeping beside him, but it was too late. For the first time, Suzaku saw what happened when his Geass deactivated—her pale skin sunk away to blackness, gentle eyes melting into gaping holes, as the soft lips that so often smiled shriveled into a rigid grimace, the whole of her warm, vibrant life disappearing as swiftly as sand through an hourglass.

"No, Euphy!" he screamed. She woke up.

"Suzaku! Cornelia! Lelouch! What are the three of you—"

"I'll handle the explanation, this time, Suzaku," Lelouch told him, flipping desperately through one of her photo albums to pull out a picture of Euphy. "Take this and go wait back in our suite, okay? And don't you dare think of anything but this picture!"

He nodded. The problem was, the more he tried _not_ to think of something, the more he couldn't help _but_ think of it. It was another two hours before Lelouch succeeded in actually getting through a full explanation.

"I'm sorry, Euphy. I'm trying. I really am," Suzaku told her.

She frowned at him. "I know you and Cornelia expect me to just believe Lelouch's crazy story about how I keep dying, but this isn't a very funny trick, Suzaku. You all think I'm very gullible, don't you?" Euphy complained, giving him a hurt look.

_Of course. Lelouch very carefully tailored the explanation he used to be as short as possible while still getting her to believe it. Trying to rush through it like this must not be as effective._

"Look, why don't we watch the news, Euphy? I'm sure if you can see the world the way it is today, you'll know that what Lelouch has told you is the truth."

The first news worthy item was apparently the opening of a new, faster rail line in the E.U., which didn't actually prove anything one way or another. Next up was the release of some updated model of cell phone neither of them cared about, and Suzaku began to feel slightly impatient. Finally, the news gave some coverage to the famine situation in the M.E.F., cutting from shots of the Black Knights arriving to the sunken eyed refugees in the camps.

"There. You see, Euphy? The Black Knights went there on a U.F.N. resolution, so—" He turned to see her reaction, but all that faced him was a badly decomposing corpse.

"The refugees," Lelouch whispered. "You can't help it, can you?"

Suzaku stared in horror at the sunken, skeletal face in front of him and wished her back, as Lelouch hit the power button on the remote and turned the news off. He couldn't help thinking one last time of those starving people, though, and—

"Kururugi, think of her!" Cornelia yelled. "Don't you _dare_ think of anyone besides Euphy!"

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," he told her, concentrating with all his might on Euphy's sweet face, which thankfully soon returned to its normal state.

_Cornelia and Lelouch, they must have always taken so much care to cover her up, so that I never had to see..._

"Oh! Suzaku! What is—Cornelia, I didn't know you would be—Lelouch! How—"

"It's a long story, Euphy," Lelouch told her tiredly. "Why don't you follow me into the next room, and I'll explain some things, alright? Cornelia will keep Suzaku busy in the mean time," he said, taking Euphy by the arm in order to lead her away.

Cornelia didn't look terribly pleased as they stepped out of the room, and Suzaku remembered that first time in Euphy's sepulcher, when he'd had such difficulty letting Lelouch take her out of his sight.

"Cornelia, he wouldn't hurt her," Suzaku said, trying to be reassuring.

"He already _did_," she insisted with a cold fury, and he flinched away from her glare.

"He's, you can't know how sorry he is."

She shook her head, obviously at the limit of her patience over the situation with Euphy, without adding her problems with Lelouch to it. "Is he _truly_ sorry, or is that just another of his lies?"

"Cornelia, I know you and he have a...difficult history, but—"

Lelouch stepped back into the room, his eyes despairing. "What did you think of this time?" he asked with a painful resignation.

"I didn't—" _Oh_. "Your...history, with Cornelia."

"What?"

_I really don't want to bring that up, with Cornelia right here, but..._ "There was that time in Narita, when Euphy sent me in the Lancelot to..." _If I say rescue, I will offend Cornelia's pride._ "To help out. I was worried that something might happen to Euphy's big sister, and that she wouldn't forgive me. And at the first battle between the Black Knights and Britannia in Tokyo, by the time I reached Cornelia, she was bleeding badly, and I—"

"You used your Geass on _me_?" Cornelia asked, indignant.

"He can't help it, Cornelia," Lelouch said, coming to his defense. "He truly can't. A person's Geass is the deepest wish of his heart. He wouldn't have this Geass in the first place, if he didn't keep making this sort of wish."

"So you're saying that the very reason he's able to revive Euphy is also the reason he can't _keep_ her alive?" Cornelia demanded.

"Essentially...yes. That's the irony of Geass Runaway. I wished for control and lost it. He wished for her to live, and yet he now must watch her die, over and over again." Lines of stress creased Lelouch's face. "I'm sorry, Suzaku. I've cursed you with a Geass that is going against your nature yet again."

"Lelouch..." _This is not your fault. I'm the one who can't keep my own thoughts focused._

"If this sort of wish is in his very nature, then you're saying that anything could trigger it? You've died in front of him, as well!"

"Cornelia, don't remind him of that!" Lelouch said, but it was already too late.

"Oh! I thought I heard voices!" Euphy said, unexpectedly stepping into the room.

Lelouch looked at her and then back at Suzaku. "Do you remember how you stabbed me, Suzaku?" he asked, eyes suddenly focused and calculating.

"You just said _not_ to remind him!" Cornelia objected.

"Remember—how my blood ran out all over, and I leaned against you shoulder as I was struggling to breathe?"

"Lelouch, stop, please!" he said, wanting to duck his head and cover his ears against the reminder of his own sin. _Don't make me think of that awful day!_

"But Euphy is still alive," Lelouch said, looking over his shoulder at her. She was wearing a look of horror on her face.

"T-this is just a nightmare, isn't it? No one really stabbed anyone," she said.

Suzaku winced when she mentioned stabbing, but she kept standing there, looking confused and upset, and still very much alive. "What? But I—I must have..."

"You _tried_ to use it on me," Lelouch explained. "I only had to see the look on your face to know that. But your Geass must only be canceled on one target when you _successfully_ target someone else. Because my Code blocks your Geass, you can never actually use it on me."

Suzaku sighed in relief. "Thank goodness! Then, I only have to worry about Cornelia—" Of course, as soon as his thoughts turned back to her, Euphy died again.

Cornelia stood abruptly, every muscle in her body tense.

"Lady Cornelia, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean—"

"Silence, Kururugi!" she barked, fury in her eyes. It was only when she looked down at her dead little sister that any pain entered her expression. "If you can't control yourself, then for now, for Euphy's sake, I will leave. I expect you to have improved your focus by the time I return, though!" she commanded, giving him one last disgusted look before storming out.

"I'm sorry," he whispered guiltily to her retreating back, as Euphy stirred on the floor once more.

"Suzaku?"

"Oh, Euphy, I'm so, so sorry."

_My sincerest wish is to keep you alive, and yet because of me, you will die again and again._


	24. Good Will

Lelouch glared angrily at Suzaku as his friend (the term had to be applied very loosely at the moment) went to answer the doorbell.

_How can you be so incredibly stubborn?_

They had argued for four hours and still not come to any resolution.

"Lelouch, it's Nunnally," Suzaku called from the living room, and Lelouch gratefully got up to greet her. Of course, he didn't miss the fact that Suzaku shot him an annoyed glare of his own as he retreated back to the bedroom.

"Nunnally, it's good to see you," Lelouch said warmly, as if he weren't ready to grind his own teeth into powder.

She gave him her sweet, gentle smile, and it eased something in his heart. "I'm glad I found a chance to visit before Zero and I have to leave for the M.E.F.," she told him, and Lelouch's mood immediately plummeted.

The trip in the newly restored Middle Eastern Federation was exactly what he'd spent the last several hours arguing over. Nunnally and Zero were supposed to head there the next morning as goodwill ambassadors, to support the Black Knights who had already been dispatched to help with the struggling famine relief effort.

Lelouch thought painfully of what his Code allowed him to see: the demonic light blazing over what used to the vibrant green of Suzaku's left eye. "About that...Nunnally, is there any way you can cancel the trip?

"What?" She stared at him, shocked. "Lelouch, I know we haven't gotten a lot of time together lately, but—"

"I'm not thinking of myself," he objected. _Do you really believe I'm __**that**__ selfish?_

"Are you worried about the danger, then? Lelouch, you know Suzaku will protect me, and this is exactly the sort of thing that the U.F.N. has to do. I'm sure you realize how hard it is for the exiled governments of the former Areas to get back on their feet. The M.E.F. is counting on us all to show our full support."

"But why does it have to be you two that go?"

"Because we _want_ to help, Lelouch," she told him, looking indignant for a moment before her gaze grew hurt. "Isn't that what _you_ wanted? For us to have the freedom to choose a kinder future?"

"Of course. You're completely right, Nunnally," he said, feeling like an absolute heel. "I'm sorry. I should never have asked such a thing. It's only..."

He was quiet for a moment, wondering how much he should tell her, and she laid a reassuring hand on his knee. "Brother?" she prompted.

"...Suzaku shouldn't go. He shouldn't go, but he's being so stubborn, saying that he promised to protect you, that he promised to be Zero... He feels badly because he already broke his promise to me to share the Code, and he feels guilty on top of that because when he wasn't able to fulfill his duties before, it led to Kallen's near death. He just isn't being reasonable about this."

"But why shouldn't he go?"

"Because his Geass has run out of his control; he'll end up using it on anyone he sees who happens to be in any sort of physical distress. The whole reason you're going to the M.E.F. in the first place is that there's been civil unrest. The distribution of food and water and medical supplies has broken down, and crime is rampant in the refugee camps. In short, there are going to be a lot of sick, starving, injured people around, and so it's one of the worst locations for him to go, if he wants to keep his Geass a secret."

Lelouch shook his head in exasperation. "The curiosity around Zero's identity is high enough already. If Suzaku starts obviously manifesting some strange power, the level of scrutiny will skyrocket, along with the chance that his real identity will be accidentally or forcibly uncovered. But worse than that, Nunnally, is the possibility that the existence of Geass could be revealed publicly. Although I destroyed the Geass Order, the fact of the matter is that they only discovered what was always there to begin with. If the whole world starts looking..."

_Damn it._ He curled his nails into his own palms, clenching his jaw so hard his teeth hurt. "I worked so hard to make a peaceful world for you, and then I did this, granted Geass, knowing how hard such a power is to conceal! The last thing this world needs is another megalomaniac like our father getting his hands on more power, and I as good as put a sign out saying 'come get it'."

He shoved his fingers back through his hair, tightening his nails into his own scalp. "I'm sorry, Nunnally. I've been so selfish, so stupid. Suzaku and I thought we would bear the burden of this Code together, but instead..."

"Brother, please calm down," she said, reaching out to pull his fingers out of his hair and take them in her own. "You have all these grand ideas inside your head about what sort of future you want to create, but sometimes I think you forget exactly how much the 'little' things matter. I'm not saying that you shouldn't care about world peace, but having Euphy back makes me happy, too. Wasn't that worth some risk? Just because something doesn't go exactly according to plan doesn't mean it's necessarily a bad thing. You can always make a new plan."

"Of course," he said, sighing. "Getting upset isn't helping anything. Rather than ranting here uselessly, I should try thinking constructively. There has to be a solution to this problem." _Even if Suzaku's not listening to a word I'm saying._

"That's the spirit. I know you'll think of something," Nunnally said encouragingly, her sweet smile easing his heart.

He nodded, glad that his little sister, at least, still had some faith in him. "In the mean time, we can call Jeremiah and ask him to travel along with Zero. His Geass Canceller doesn't have the unlimited range or the continuous activation necessary to truly block Suzaku's Geass, but he may be able to cover up the issue long enough for us to come up with a real solution."

Coming up with a viable plan proved to be much easier said than done, though, and Lelouch found himself worriedly bidding goodbye to Suzaku the next morning without any further ideas on how to improve the situation, given that his best friend was still stubbornly refusing his advice. _In the end, it is his Geass and his actions that will determine the outcome._ Of course, there were cruel and traitorous options Lelouch could take to remove the choice from his hands, but it was bad enough trying to live with the knowledge of what he'd _already_ done to Suzaku. _There's no way I could bear an eternal life if I turned on my own best friend __**again**__. _Eternal regret could be intensely punishing.

Unfortunately, that left him with little to do except plan out his future arguments and hope. _Well, and play chess, of course. _He still wasn't exactly sure how he felt about Schneizel, and he'd be strongly inclined to hold a grudge simply for Nunnally's sake, if she weren't the one most determinedly encouraging them to spend time together. Regardless of emotional complexities, though, it was hard to turn down a good game of chess, and beating Schneizel always put him in a better mood.

As always when Lelouch called and suggested they should play a few games, Schneizel came to the suite quickly, and the orderly patterns that formed as they began did a lot to settle Lelouch's nerves. It was, in hindsight, a mistake to have become so relaxed about things, but familiarity was often the first step toward complacency. All too soon Lelouch found himself in the endgame, staring at the board in shock.

"Shall we play it out?" Schneizel asked, and Lelouch nodded dumbly.

For a few seconds, the only sound was the soft click of pieces.

"Checkmate," Schneizel declared, breaking the silence.

Lelouch glared at the board, as if it had somehow committed the ultimate betrayal against him. "I didn't expect you to do that!"

"That, little brother, was precisely the point."

"But that wasn't like you at all! How could you just suddenly change your strategy that much!"

"It's funny you should ask, when you're the one who gave me the ability in the first place. Didn't you wish for a world of change?"

Lelouch looked at him in shock, as the implication of Schneizel's words hit him. "My Geass..."

"Yes. When I destroyed all F.L.E.I.J.A. research, as per Lord Zero's orders following your supposed death, I happened to find out that in addition to requiring a very difficult calculation, the F.L.E.I.J.A. Eliminator has only a 0.04 second effective firing window. Yet, during the battle for the Damocles, you preceded with such absolute certainty that Suzaku Kururugi would be able to fire it at precisely the right instant—the absolute certainty of Geass."

Lelouch nodded, following the logic.

"Your command forces him to live, is that not so? Yet, even though his Geass must have activated in reaction to the mortal peril he was in, the Knight of Zero didn't float around aimlessly afterward, like someone whose train of thought had been thoroughly disrupted. He _used_ your command to help him achieve his own ends."

"And you worked it out from there."

Schneizel smiled. "You told me before, Lelouch, that a kind future requires people to take risks. Zero, in either incarnation, has wanted the world to reject stagnation and embrace such a future above all else. Therefore, if I am to serve Zero..."

"You can use the Geass to help you embrace the risky moves you're smart enough to come up with but normally too cautious to take."

"Precisely."

"Schneizel, you..." He clenched his fists. _You really are a genius. Even from a handicapped position, you turned a weakness into a strength. _"Very well played." There was part of him that was actually slightly frightened, because Schneizel's abilities were terrifying enough without a Geass to back them up—and Lelouch wasn't so sure how his brother felt about him, either. _Longing for the joy of reconciliation is not the same as actually forgiving. It is completely possible to hate the present at the same time as wishing for a better future._

Lelouch was well aware that he'd done an awful lot of things to draw Schneizel's wrath, though being in a weaker position, the former White Prince was likely too strategically minded to show it. For a moment Lelouch almost wished that Suzaku were there to interrogate him, before being thankful that he'd been spared the temptation. _I won't become like my father, attempting to invade the privacy of everyone else's mind. If Schneizel wants to hide his true feelings and intentions, then so be it. _ Lelouch was sure that he could handle whatever his brother had in store. "I _demand_ a rematch! Now that I know what to expect, Schneizel, don't think the next game will be so easy!"

"Of course," he agreed, a mask of fond amusement over his pale blue eyes, as he began to set the pieces up again.

It was about then that Euphy died for the thirtieth time that day. From his own seat in the dining room, Lelouch could just see the withered outline of her skull over the back of the living room couch, and he and Schneizel shared a heavy sigh. Cornelia had thankfully left about a dozen deaths ago, muttering something about how she needed to go test drive the new Knightmare Frame developed for the Black Knights. Neither Lelouch or Schneizel had challenged her excuse or remarked on the suspicious redness of her eyes.

A few seconds later, Euphy stirred, the soft pink fall of her hair shifting as she turned her head, looking around until she finally saw them through the doorway. "Brother Schneizel, what is—" She blinked in surprise. "Lelouch!" she exclaimed, half standing in shock and looking quickly back and forth between them. "Am I dreaming?"

"No, Euphy, this is real. We're actually about to play a chess game right now, so why don't you watch this video I made to explain everything," Lelouch suggested, carefully angling the remote to start it again without having to get up.

"I can't believe it. No, wait, I can believe it!" Euphy said changing her mind. "You really haven't changed at all, Lelouch—always so serious about chess!" she exclaimed, before the video caught her attention. She didn't even make it half-way through, this time, before dying.

To make matters even worse, Lelouch lost a chess game for the second time that day.

_...Damn it. Under normal circumstances, it takes a while for a person to adapt to a new thinking pattern, so even though I've told myself to adjust my strategy, it's still so easy for me to fall back on my old habits, while the Geass allows Schneizel to neatly circumvent that hurdle._

Of course, the only person he had to blame for the existence of that Geass was himself. Lelouch clenched his fists, even more frustrated than before, as Euphy died on the couch, yet again. By that point, the only certainties he had left in his mind were that Schneizel was going to lose, and Zero was going to be in for a very, very nasty argument when he got back.

_There is no way I'm losing for a third time in a row!_


	25. Faith Healer

Zero and Jeremiah walked back to the suite in dread.

_Maybe no one noticed._

That thought was so completely delusional that even in his own mind, Suzaku was forced to hastily amend it.

_Maybe it wasn't as bad as it looked._

He unlocked the door to his suite and the two of them headed to the dining room to find Lelouch and Nunnally already there, Arthur happily curled up on her lap. As Suzaku removed his mask, he took a look at his best friend's face, and it required every shred of courage he had not to shamefully cower behind the former noble standing at perfect attention beside him.

_Oh, gods, he hates me._

"Master Lelouch, my sincerest apologies are not enough," Jeremiah said, kneeling with precisely graceful humility on the clean tile, as if this were a throne room and Lelouch were still an emperor.

"_Your_ apologies are entirely unnecessary, Jeremiah. I am certain you rendered Zero your aid to the utmost limit of your abilities, a service for which I am sincerely grateful. Sadly, I find I cannot say I think the same of your own actions, Suzaku," Lelouch said, glaring at him with narrowed eyes.

"Lelouch, I was trying—"

"Enough. I have no interest in your excuses. This time, you are going to listen to me," he vowed threateningly, before his expression instantly became much gentler as he turned to his little sister. "Nunnally, why don't you catch up with Jeremiah for a bit? Suzaku and I need to have a discussion in private, right now," he said, his hand darting out to seize Suzaku's wrist in a vice like grip, so that he could drag him off for what would surely be the most unpleasant lecture of his life.

"Brother, wait!"

"What is it, Nunnally?" he asked tightly, only partly turning around with a patently false smile. His hand was actually grinding the bones of Suzaku's wrist together. Considering his general level of physical fitness, it said a lot about his mood at the moment.

"Promise me one thing?" she asked with her huge, soft eyes.

"Yes, Nunnally?" Lelouch prompted, using a much nicer tone. He even eased up a little on Suzaku's wrist.

"Promise me you won't say anything you'll regret later?"

Lelouch was silent for a moment, a muscle in his cheek spasming.

"Please, brother!" Nunnally begged, clasping her hands beseechingly in front of herself, and Suzaku felt awful for driving her to it.

_I don't deserve this, Nunnally, but thank you for trying to rescue me._

"...Very well, Nunnally. I promise," Lelouch eventually grudgingly agreed, as he'd never been proof against her pleading. "Come along, Suzaku." He said it as if he were delivering a death sentence.

For a moment as they walked out, Suzaku wished desperately for an excuse to stay in dining room just a little longer, where he could hear Nunnally thanking Jeremiah for restoring the student council's memories of her. Lelouch, however, led him straight back to the bedroom, where he closed the door much more forcefully than necessary. Prey successfully trapped, he finally dropped Suzaku's wrist and stood totally silent for a very long, uncomfortable minute, slowly clenching and unclenching his fists.

"Um, Lelouch?" The glare directed at him was piercing, and Suzaku swallowed thickly, knowing that he was well and truly at fault. _He tried to warn me over and over again, but I was so worried about what happened last time with Kallen... _"You, um, said we were going to talk." _I only wanted to keep everyone safe. "_Aren't you going to...you know...say something?"

"...I just promised Nunnally I wouldn't say anything I would regret," Lelouch grit out.

"Oh." _And everything you want to say to me right now would be regrettable. _"Lelouch, I'm really, really sorry. I truly am." _I didn't want to let you down again—but now, I've let you down even worse than __before, haven't I? I thought if I just tried hard enough, I'd be able to control my focus better, but... "_I never meant to—"

"I know you didn't mean to!" Lelouch shouted back, his face pulled into a snarl. He took a deep breath before stalking over to snap open the laptop Nunnally had given him. "Since you were so _busy_, Suzaku, I'm sure you didn't have time to watch T.V., so I recorded a few interesting clips for you."

"What does that have to do with—"

"Not. One. Word. More." Lelouch shot him a quelling glare for good measure, before starting a video file with a sharp flick of his wrist.

"Zero - Hero and Faith Healer?" appeared in bold white letters on the screen, and Suzaku had a horrible, nauseous feeling as he watched footage from the goodwill visit to the M.E.F. If anything, it looked even worse than it had seemed in person, people suddenly smiling, straightening, and breathing easier as Zero's head turned in their direction, before slumping down again as he turned away, creating a veritable wave of rising and falling refugees, every time his gaze swept across them.

No sooner had it ended than Lelouch started another clip, this time an advertisement for a new T.V. series. "Have you ever wondered what comes after? Are our loved ones lost to us forever? Or can the dead return for Final Conversations? Join us at eight next Tuesday for the story of a girl declared dead...but was that really the end?" There was a shot of badly damaged little town in E.U. that was painfully familiar to Suzaku. _That was the place all those civilians were killed, when I was sent out to fight as the Knight of Seven._

He winced at the start of the next file. "This is a special Investigative Report on the miraculous man known only as Zero. Details have been hard to obtain about this mysterious hero—just what are the Black Knights concealing? In order to find out what lies behind Zero's ever present mask, the strange situation at the M.E.F., and the round the clock guard at Kururugi Genbu's grave, our reporters took to the streets, searching for clues."

"It's great that the new Prime Minister made this peace memorial and all," a young Japanese man said when he found a microphone thrust at him, "but why move Genbu's grave there? Why are there so many Black Knights guarding the place, twenty four hours a day? If you ask me, they gotta be hiding something."

"It's aliens," a teen with a flamboyant dye job insisted. "Everybody saw how fast Zero moved when he killed the Demon Emperor—how he dodged those bullets and jumped so high. It's 'cause he's an alien! That's why he wears a mask and is impossible to kill! He's got some super healing powers, and the Black Knights just don't want to admit the truth!"

Lelouch hesitated a moment before starting the next clip. "This is from the show, 'True Mysteries'. The current episode aired just last night. It's about...well, you'll see," he said, heavily.

"Ms. Fennette," the host asked, "can you tell us a little bit about your daughter's death?"

Suzaku's entire body went cold, as he remembered the nightmare he sometimes had. _I'll see her standing at a ledge. She'll be falling, but she's so far off, tipping in slow motion._ In the dream, he would always think, _If I'm just a little faster... _When he got there, though, it wasn't going over the ledge that was the problem. Instead, she'd be on the ground bleeding to death, and there would be nothing he could do.

Except, he apparently had done something. A terrible something.

"Shirley...she was such a lively girl, so full of energy. So much energy she struggled out of her own coffin!" the vaguely familiar woman said tearfully.

_When I had nightmares before, the Geass would eventually be cancelled when I got back to sleep. But now, it's active until I actually target someone else, which I might not do until the next morning, so..._

"Her death was ruled a suicide, but she told me herself she was shot!"

"Do you know anything about the culprit she named: Rolo Lamperouge?" the host asked, and Suzaku tensed further.

"I found a few students who remember that he attended Ashford for years, but the school has no records of anyone named Lamperouge. He has no birth certificate on file. No one knows who he truly is, and he's disappeared without a trace, along with his supposed brother!" she declared, bursting into tears.

"You can't find anything?"

"No. It's like someone deliberately destroyed all evidence of his existence! And his brother—they say he looked just like the Demon Emperor!"

Lelouch stopped the clip and snapped the laptop lid down, before turning to Suzaku with dangerous eyes.

"I know you think you can manage this by focus and willpower, but you can't," he stated grimly. "As I have told you many times, once you have Geass Runaway, you have _no_ control," Lelouch insisted, in sharp, cold fury. "You could watch the news and have corpses sitting up in the morgue, read an illustrated history book and have people turning over in their graves. The populace will start to notice strange things happening."

Lelouch grimaced. "No, they have already noticed. If you don't start taking my warnings seriously _right now_, the dangerous power of Geass that we must keep secret—the power I slaughtered so many to keep secret—is going to be made public to everyone with a T.V., a radio, or an internet connection! Do you understand why that is a bad thing, Suzaku?!"

"Yes. I understand, Lelouch," he answered in a small voice, cringing shamefully. _I'm sorry. I didn't know it would be so bad. I didn't know about Shirley. I'm so sorry. I never meant to endanger this peace..._

"I'm relieved to see you possess that small amount of sense, at least," Lelouch said bitingly. "I'm going to ask Nunnally to speak to Shirley's mother personally, but Suzaku, you must see that we can't allow things to go on like this. No matter what your intentions are, you just can't help yourself. This peaceful world we worked so hard for...you're going to end up disturbing it, if you continue being so stubborn."

"I'll listen to you from now on, Lelouch. I promise," he swore and meant it, knowing that it was only Nunnally's intervention that had held Lelouch to any approximation of civility.

_He must be so angry._ Suzaku had always envied his friend his predictive abilities just a little, but times like this reminded him that such abilities could be a curse, too. _I'm always charging in without thinking, only dealing with problems in the aftermath. How much worse must it be, to see something coming with such terrible clarity and yet be unable to change it? To be fenced in by logic while I rush freely, foolishly forward? Or if you choose to breech those fences, Lelouch, to deliberately commit yourself to sin and sacrifice, how much harder is it to bear, when you actually understand the full significance and cost before even beginning to undertake the task?_

"I'm sorry I was so stupid." _If only I had listened to you. I wanted to succeed so badly I was too stubborn to accept my own failure._

"If you're actually planning on being obedient for once, then revive Euphy and take these," Lelouch said, shoving a pile of papers into his arms with distaste, "and don't think about anything but her or what's on these pages!"

Suzaku nodded, retreating to the dining room with what turned out to be the past month's worth of resolutions of the secondary budget committee of the U.F.N.—probably the most boring reading material known to man.

_Oh, gods, he really __**does**__ hate me now._

Unfortunately, no matter how sincerely Suzaku had promised to listen to Lelouch, he couldn't actually focus on the reports. His friend hadn't said it, but truth was that Suzaku had _already_ made an incredibly grave error. The tenuous secret of his Geass was now a huge threat to the world they'd sacrificed so much for, and he had no way to stop dropping more and more hints.

_If it were only my own life..._

He couldn't take that option, though, because even if Jeremiah would help, Suzaku's Geass was the only thing keeping Euphy alive.

_I can't give up on her, not after I failed her so badly in the first place. There must be some way to get my Geass back under control, to save Euphy and to protect this world, as well!_

Reality had already thoroughly proven, though, that his attempts to prevent his mind from wandering into dangerous territory by willpower alone were futile. _Even if I avoid seeing anything new, every time I worry about anyone, every time I have a nightmare, every time I remember something deadly—that's it!_

He rushed into the bedroom. "Lelouch! If you can reach my memories, then you can seal them, too, right?"

"I know what you're thinking, Suzaku, but—"

"You already know?" he asked, before answering his own question. "Of course you know, you're a genius." Suzaku frowned suspiciously. "Actually, you probably figured this out a long time ago, so why didn't you suggest it to me?" he asked, feeling slightly betrayed.

"Suzaku, do you have any idea what it's like to have so many important memories stolen from you?" Lelouch asked angrily.

"Oh." He remembered with a shudder what Lelouch's father had done to him—what he'd helped Lelouch's father do. "Lelouch..."

_Even as angry as you are, you still don't want to do that to me._

"Thank you," he told him sincerely. "Thank you for worrying about me, but we both know the peace of this world is more important than my own life. You _have_ to seal away my memories, Lelouch."

Lelouch gave him an extremely pained look. "Even if I seal away the memories of everyone you know that's died..."

"Not just the people who have died, Lelouch. You need to seal off my memories of _everyone_, except yourself and Euphy."

"Suzaku, do you even understand what you're asking?" Lelouch asked, standing up in alarm.

"Of course I understand. It's not only the dead that I worry for—you saw what happened to Euphy when I thought about Cornelia being in danger." _And I've probably just killed Euphy again with that thought._ He winced. "Gino, Anya, Guilford, everyone I know from the military has been in mortal danger at one time or another. When F.L.E.I.J.A. devastated Tokyo, I didn't know at first who had been a casualty. Milly, Rivalz, and all the others from Ashford could have been killed. We even believed Nunnally was dead for a time. You have to seal my memories of all of them, in order to keep Euphy alive."

"You want me to make you forget—even Nunnally?" Lelouch asked in horror.

"It would only be fair, wouldn't it?" Suzaku remembered with a sick, pervasive guilt the feel of a slender frame thrashing beneath his grip in the Emperor's cold throne room, along with the feverish heat of Lelouch's skin as he'd held his right eye open. _Though I cursed you for using Geass on me..._ Physically weak as he was, Lelouch had never to Suzaku's knowledge struggled so hard, so absolutely desperately, as he had then. "I held you down, while your father made you forget the person most precious to you, the one you'd done everything for. I helped him take Nunnally away from you. So I would deserve it, if you did the same."

"No, Suzaku," Lelouch said firmly, shaking his head almost violently. "You're completely wrong again. _No one_ could deserve _**that**_. Besides which, haven't I already destroyed enough of your life as it is?" he asked, some deep shame lurking under his furious expression.

_After everything I've done, you could really still care that much about my own wretched life?_

"Lelouch..." _You are a better friend than I deserve._ "Don't think of it as taking away my memories, then. Think of it as giving Euphy back the chance to keep hers—the chance she always should have had." Lelouch's slight flinch betrayed the fact that the last point of argument had struck home. _As badly as you feel for what you did to me, you feel even worse about what happened to her, don't you? So of course you want to give Euphy her life back._

"If I could just get the memory projection working—"

"Lelouch, even if you force yourself to endure failure after failure, even if I could somehow stand to see you scream and suffer that much, we both know it could take longer than my natural life to make that work. I know you're trying your hardest, but we both heard what C.C. said. Just like with my Geass, you can't control your Code through sheer willpower." _Please, stop hurting yourself, when there is a way I can save you from that._

Lelouch clenched his fists, looking away. "Suzaku, you know Euphy wouldn't want me to take your memories, even if it's for the sake of keeping her own."

"But this is _my_ life, isn't it? In the World of C, we decided that the future should be something that we each have a part in choosing. My choice is for her to have a place in this kinder world, just as you wanted there to be a place for Nunnally. The future we struggled so hard for was intended for people exactly like her, Lelouch! And it's not like I'll be dead, right? I'll still have Euphy and you, as well." _That's so much more than I'm worthy of._ "I won't even remember what I'm missing."

"That doesn't mean you won't be missing it!"

Suzaku winced. _I know. Even though at first you were unaware, it doesn't excuse my actions or justify what was stolen from you. After the way the Emperor violated your mind, you probably can't help but see the suppression of such precious memories as one of the most repugnant acts possible. Even so..._

"Please, Lelouch. Geass stole her future, so isn't it right that Geass should restore it? This is her one hope for a _real_ life, a true future of her own!"

"And what about you? What about _your_ future?"

"I already swore mine away twice, as Zero and as her Knight. If I can't be Zero anymore because of this Geass, then at least let me be her Knight, and protect her life, as I should have, before."

_I know becoming like your father is one of your greatest fears, but this time, for Euphy, I can't afford to spare even your feelings, Lelouch. This is the path to make a better world._

"You forced me to endure the pain of failing to protect her once. At least let me save her this time, Lelouch. I'm begging you," he said, getting down on his knees. "Please."

"Suzaku..." Lelouch's expression was heavy with guilt, caught halfway between old agony and raw horror, and Suzaku felt like absolute scum for manipulating his best friend's emotions like this. _But you'll see, Lelouch. It won't be so bad. Unlike you, I'm completely willing, and we'll both get to have Euphy back, really back, once it's done. _ His rationalizations didn't exactly expunge his own guilt, but even that feeling was dwarfed by the relief he felt for Euphy's continued existence, when Lelouch finally nodded.

"If you're saying this is the only way I can truly atone for what I did to her and the pain I consequently caused you... If you're sure this is the future you want, Suzaku, then I will help you reach it."


	26. Gate of Memory

"Are you ready?" Lelouch asked.

Suzaku looked back at him steadily. "Somehow, I feel like I'm the one who should be asking you."

Lelouch tightened his jaw. It was true. He was the one who wanted desperately to delay this, but they'd already cleared the suites out of any troublesome pictures and packed C.C. off to the Cheese-kun History of Pizza Museum again (with a bribe of more money than Lelouch had wanted to give her, though less than she probably would have liked). Nunnally had finished her (hopefully) temporary goodbye only a few minutes ago, and all other preparations had been completed.

_I agreed to this, because it is currently best for the world and best for Euphy, and so..._

Lelouch held out his hands, feeling the power of the Code surge up to course beneath his skin. He was sure his friend would be able to sense the gathering whispers of ancient intent. "...Forgive me, Suzaku."

Suzaku took his hands without hesitation, only jolting slightly as Code intersected with his own mind. "Lelouch, I forgave you long ago."

Then, Lelouch was standing someplace that existed only in Suzaku's mind, memories arrayed like overlapping photographs around him. Reaching out to touch the freshest, Nunnally's tearful goodbye, was a painful process, because Lelouch knew what a heinous violation he was about to commit.

_To make him forget, even her..._

Unfortunately, because he did not have the talent of his Father's memory altering Geass, he wouldn't be able to just surgically cut people out. Any memory that contained someone other than Lelouch or Euphy would have to be completely sealed. Thankfully, if Suzaku just spent time remembering something previous while doing something else, that secondary memory would be sealed along with the original instance. Frequently repeated, monotonous actions, like walking to school or buying groceries, so long as they held no features to distinguish various occurrences in memory, fell into intertwined sets which could be sealed all at once. However, anything that formed a distinct event in memory, even just an unusual dream that persisted after waking, would have to be individually removed.

He looked around Suzaku's mental landscape bleakly.

_Except for solo intercontinental flights in Zero's private transport and some reading and document signing he did alone, all of his accomplishments as Zero will have to be sealed._

At least most mornings in the suite could be left as they were, as C.C. didn't tend to get up very early, but all of Nunnally's and Cornelia's visits had to be thoroughly whitewashed. It was surprisingly easy to sort through everything, because nearly every memory outside of the suite had to be sealed.

With a sinking feeling of guilt in his heart, Lelouch looked around at the blank white images that now comprised Suzaku's recent past, before stepping back into the time when Lelouch himself had been dead to the world. Contrary to his expectations, though, after sorting through only a few more memories, Lelouch found himself almost wishing for an excuse to seal off _more_.

_Oh, Suzaku, I never meant for you to suffer like this over my death._

The fit of masochism which had apparently inspired Zero to watch the recorded broadcast of the 99th Emperor's assassination certainly hadn't helped any, if the way Suzaku had flinched at the sword strike and cried along with a digitally immortalized Nunnally, apologizing to her again and again, was any indication. Lelouch was almost happy to see that fade to oblivion, but Suzaku's tormented, sleepless nights, filled with hours spent clutching his Knight of Zero pin, face contorted with overwhelming guilt, were left untouched.

_I'm sorry, Suzaku._

Lelouch wondered what sort of memories would be left, if so many of the feelings he caused his friend were so painful. _What would your life have been like, if you'd never met me? How much worse will it seem, when it is only me you remember, except for those short periods where Euphy is alive and you spend time with her alone?_

Certainly, no one in the Britannian military would want a Princess to be left on her own with an Eleven. In fact, bystanders were a huge problem. With so many people in the execution procession and standing in the crowd, Lelouch had no choice but to seal Suzaku's memory of the culmination of Zero Requiem, as well.

_The most important moments of your life will have to be..._

He viewed the memory where C.C. had explained about Geass Runaway and Euphy's death with a brief flash of annoyance (_Suzaku wouldn't have felt so guilty if you hadn't told him __**that**_) before sealing it, too. Since Suzaku hadn't gone anywhere between when he had been declared dead and Zero Requiem, most of those memories could stay, and Lelouch soon found himself stepping back into Suzaku's time as the Knight of Zero.

It was strange, seeing the lead up to Zero Requiem from Suzaku's perspective. Because his friend had mostly kept his thoughts to himself during that time, there were things that caught Lelouch off guard.

_**You**__ told C.C. to be my shield?_

"Suzaku..."

"You're not going to get cold feet now, are you?"

Lelouch whirled around to see Suzaku standing behind him, the dark cloak of the Knight of Zero heavy around his shoulders. Lelouch looked back to see the same form standing paused in mid-speech in the memory before him.

_You're not part of the memory._

"Of course. This is your mind, so it makes sense that I'd find incarnations of you here. I'm sorry, Suzaku, but this memory..."

"Why would you need to say anything, Lelouch? You know I'll only tell you not to falter in your strike."

"Because you are my sword?"

"Yes, and after all that's been sacrificed already, I can't tolerate a weak swing."

Lelouch nodded slowly. "The plan, was that your only reason for..." He gestured back to the frozen memory, where C.C. listened to Suzaku request a gentleness from her that he wouldn't give himself.

"...You always ask the difficult questions, don't you? Some part of me wanted to protect you myself, Lelouch, but," he gritted his teeth, eyes narrowed, "you _killed_ Euphy." His fists clenched in anger. "Any kindness I showed you would be a direct betrayal of her." Suzaku eyes remained hard, locked in the conflict of that time, as he stared directly into Lelouch's own. "You're the Demon Emperor, aren't you? You promised to finish what you started, so do it without remorse!"

Since this was Suzaku's mind, not his own, Lelouch soon found himself standing in the robes of the 99th Emperor. He nodded to his Knight, because the tie of loyalty had always bound both ways. "Yes. I swear to you, I will see this through, no matter what." _For Euphy's sake._ The memory before him disappeared, and the one before that, and the one before that, Suzaku's life evaporating into blankness, one day at a time.

_There's so much, so much of what made you who you are, that I'm taking..._

Shirley's death and the second attempt at a Special Administration Zone were similarly sealed away. Suzaku's agony, as Charles vi Britannia celebrated the Knight of Seven for the unparalleled destruction he'd wrought on the battlefield, disappeared along with Rolo, Gino, and Anya. Lelouch came back to the time when Suzaku sat at Euphy's bedside as she died, leaving the memory of that grief and her final words in place.

_I'm sorry, Euphy. He never did finish school, but the wish he made that day, he will finally see granted—just as Nunnally was restored to me after her 'death', you also will truly live now._

Then, they were all back at Ashford Academy together. Kallen and Nunnally and Shirley and Nina were there peacefully beside Suzaku himself, and it took everything Lelouch had to start blotting out those few, precious months of joy.

"Hey, don't look so closely at that one, alright?" A fresh faced Suzaku, dressed in his Ashford Academy uniform, stood behind Lelouch, as he tried to figure out whether the lazy Sunday morning memory in front of him would need to be sealed.

"It shows up as a memory, so you must have had a dream that caused you to wake up enough to remember it. If it involves other people, then I need to seal it."

Suzaku blushed and shifted uncomfortably. "You'll only find thoughts of Euphy there."

"...Oh?" Lelouch's lips curved upwards. "Then, why are you so uncomfortable?" he asked teasingly, sure he knew the answer. "Perhaps there's something you want to keep secret?"

"Cornelia would skin me alive if she found out," Suzaku muttered almost under his breath, looking away and rapidly turning scarlet.

_Always getting yourself into trouble, aren't you?_ "Don't worry, Suzaku. I'll leave the memory, and I am _very_ good at keeping secrets."

"Um...when you say that about secrets, it sounds kind of ominous, but...thanks, Lelouch," Suzaku said, smiling with slightly less embarrassment than before. There were a few more memories that Suzaku steered him away from, but all too soon, Lelouch reached the point where Suzaku was first introduced to the Ashford Student Council members.

_This is his earliest memory of them, and therefore the last remaining._

"You'll completely forget all of them. You understand that, right? Milly, Rivalz, Nina, Kallen...Shirley."

Suzaku looked at him sadly. "I know, but Lelouch, the thing is, about Euphy, I already kinda..."

He smiled knowingly. "She has that effect on people."

Suzaku laughed. "Yes. It's not like this has to be forever, either, because you never know what the future holds, right? I believe the world will grow kinder, with Euphy in it."

"...Of course, Suzaku."

_I will find a better way, somehow. I won't leave you like this forever!_

It wasn't long until Lelouch found himself at the time when Suzaku had first met Euphemia.

_Fell right out of a window into your arms, huh?_

He smiled. _The two of you—so impulsive._

There were very few things Lelouch could leave as he moved further back, only years and years worth of solitude, as he sealed away every casual friend and acquaintance Suzaku had managed to gather: the old woman whose motorcycle he fixed, the guy he shared meals with in the army cafeteria, the girl at the Chinese restaurant that always gave him an extra fortune cookie.

"Hey, why am I fixing this?" a barely teenaged Suzaku asked, staring at pictures of solitary evening after evening spent working on a motorcycle he didn't own.

"I'm sorry, Suzaku. It's for a reason you've forgotten."

"I can't remember it?"

"No. Not now." _At least, I hope it's only for now._

"Oh. But it's for a good reason?"

"Yes. I promise." It got harder and harder to believe in his own words, though, the more solitude he forced on Suzaku. _So many lonely years. I always had Nunnally, but..._

The end of the short but terrible war was wiped into obscurity, and then the three of them were together once more: Lelouch and Suzaku and Nunnally. In Suzaku's memory, there would be no parting. With a deep breath, Lelouch followed a young, passionate Suzaku in to beseech Kururugi Genbu to end the war.

_I should feel guilty about this_, Lelouch thought, but wiping away the tears and the terrible screams of a tormented, fatherless boy, begging an already cold body not to die, somehow caused him no qualms.

The boy stood behind him, hands unstained. "Do you think the war will end?"

"I _know_ it will, Suzaku," he assured him, before forcing himself to move on.

As hard as it had been with the Student Council, it was far more terrible, sealing Suzaku's first and last memory of Nunnally. _Oh please forgive me. I know this is exactly what my father did, but please forgive me._

_Even in the blackest depths of my anger, I have never wanted to hurt you like this._

When Lelouch was finished, a young Suzaku remained staring up at him with bright green eyes, so forthright and helplessly innocent, before the simple world he'd trusted in had been irrevocably shattered.

"Are you...my friend?" he asked, more confused than suspicious.

"Yes." _Even if I don't deserve to be called that right now, Suzaku, I will always be your friend._

"Hmm...I think I knew that, but I can't remember exactly how it happened. Did I take you to my fort?"

"We were there." _With Nunnally, where you reminded me what her laughter sounded like, and in that moment, you were more precious to me than my own life._

"Even though you're Britannian?"

"Things like that don't matter."

Suzaku frowned, as if he were thinking over the toughest riddle the young boy had ever been confronted with. "I think I decided that. There's a lady, too, isn't there? A pretty lady with pink hair. She's going to tell me that."

"Yes, Suzaku. There is. She's going to remind you of so many beautiful things, that you might have lost sight of for a few years. It..." He thought of all the terrible memories that lay ahead, the ones he had already gone through. "It might be hard, but you're going to save her at the end, no matter what the cost. So, that's why..."

He reached out toward the mental photographs again, hand trembling with the vestiges of mortal frailty, even as the power of the Code, sure and endless, surged beneath his fingers and wiped Sumeragi Kaguya from thought. More memories fell away, like a house of scattered cards, all swallowed by the blankness spreading through Suzaku's memory like an insatiable fog.

"Is anyone there?" a tiny voice called.

"I'm here," he said, turning around to look down at a Suzaku so much shorter than he'd ever seen him before, bright eyes huge in his small face and hair an absolute riot of messy brown curls.

"Who are you?" he asked, as if each word required careful effort to enunciate.

"I'm a friend," Lelouch replied, kneeling by the little boy in order to block his view, as the memory of his mother's funeral disappeared.

"A friend? Then you'll stay with me?"

"Oh yes, Suzaku," he said, reaching out to pull him close so that he couldn't see the last memory of his mother alive fade right before his eyes.

The top of his brown curls didn't even reach the bottom of Lelouch's chin.

"We made a Contract, you see, so I will stay with you, until the very end."

"The end? Do you mean when you die? Like my—" he frowned, obviously unable to remember.

"No, Suzaku," he said, smoothing a hand across his temple. "For me, there is no end."

"Then you won't leave me? Everyone else is..."

Maids and politicians and dignitaries flickered from his memory, like cards shuffled out of a deck.

_Because I am deliberately sealing them off from you._

"_Never_," he vowed, thinking of Mao's mad desperation for C.C., of the way his own father had abandoned him. "I will _never_ leave you alone, Suzaku," he promised, clutching onto the tiny boy a little too tightly, as the first time Suzaku had been introduced to his future mentor, Toudou, disappeared.

"You really mean it? You'll stay with me forever and ever?"

"Yes. Because I have a Code that makes me immortal, Suzaku. Even after you die, I..."

For a moment, he thought painfully of the future that awaited him, endless years that would dwarf even the solitude he was inflicting on Suzaku now, where Lelouch would be the only one left who truly remembered any of this—the war, or how large Shirley's heart had been, Kallen's deadly grace, Schneizel's brilliancies, Cornelia's protective fierceness, the sound of Euphy's laughter...and the brave heart of one Kururugi Suzaku.

Ahead awaited a life where he watched even Nunnally's smile fail and turn to dust, and yet Lelouch would live on.

_How truly cruel a Geass I placed on you, Suzaku, when you simply wished to die._

_...Yet, every moment of this life I've inflicted on you, I will cherish in my __**own**__ memories._

"Long after you are gone, even if it's centuries and centuries, more years than anyone can count, the name of Kururugi Suzaku will live with me. Because you were my first friend and my best, and that truth will never disappear."

"Am I really that great, that you'll remember me forever?"

He smiled, trying to hide the pain in it. "Did you know, Suzaku, that you are going to become a Knight without peer, and slay a Demon Emperor, and save a Princess, and become a Hero to the whole world?"

"I'll do all that?" he asked, childish voice high and disbelieving.

"Yes. All that and more," he promised, stroking a hand over those unruly curls, as all the happy, carefree memories of Suzaku's early childhood evaporated into the voracious unknown.

"Okay. I promise I'll be brave, then."

"I know that you will be."

_No matter how young, you have always been brave, Suzaku. So very brave, indeed._

They were coming to the last of Suzaku's memories, all that came before mere sense impressions of light and heat and warmth.

"But for the sake of saving that Princess, you have to say goodbye to your parents now, Suzaku."

"Goodbye forever?" he asked with the small, scared voice of a child.

"That depends," Lelouch whispered softly, trying to keep his voice steady.

"On what?"

"On whether you believe I can find another solution."

"Oh...it's okay, then," he said, suddenly brightening. "I trust you." His crooked smile was wide and guileless.

_You always did make impulsive decisions._

"You believe in me, just like that?" he asked, slightly incredulous, despite what his logic had already predicted. _While I seal away your most precious moments, you still..._

"You said that we're best friends, right?"

"...Yes. Yes, we are." Which just made it worse, when Lelouch sealed away Suzaku's first and last memory of his parents, leaving him alone from the day he'd been born until the moment they'd first met.

"Forgive me, Suzaku, for making you forget everything else."

A moment later, he was standing in Zero's suite again, Suzaku staring at him in mild confusion, his left eye blazing with the infernal light of a Geass that never went out.

_I did this to him, _Lelouch thought, the guilt making it almost impossible to meet those newly mismatched eyes.

"Hey, Lelouch, can you explain something to me?"

"Anything—any answer I'm able to give you," he replied quickly, willing to admit even his most painful secrets at that moment, if only it would lessen the guilt.

"You see, I can't remember, but...there are a lot of other people in the world besides you and me and Euphy, right?"

"Of course."

"Yes, I thought there must be, because why else would we work so hard to make a new world for them? So, there are actually lots and lots, right? Hundreds. Thousands, maybe."

For a moment, it was hard to breathe through his shock.

"...Billions. There are _billions_ of people in the world, Suzaku."

His friend only laughed. "Now you're just pulling my leg, right? I haven't forgotten how you like to tell lies, Lelouch," Suzaku said good naturedly.

Lelouch would have answered, but he was too busy staring at Suzaku in cold horror.

"So, thousands of people. It's good that we could help them, I guess. What are they like? In general, I mean. Are people mostly like you, or like Euphy, or—"

"They're individuals. There are _billions_ of individuals, each with their own hopes and fears and dreams for the future, and that's what _makes_ it a future, because there are so many people working together and arguing and negotiating and compromising, so that we each can end up with our own precious chance at happiness." He clenched his jaw shut until the urge to shout furiously passed, because that wasn't going to help Suzaku understand anything. "You...you worked _so hard_, Suzaku, to make sure that continues, to make sure that _everyone's_ dreams for peace will be answered, that all voices will be heard in a kinder world."

"You talk about billions, Lelouch, but I can't even imagine..." Suzaku shook his head.

_This world we worked so hard for—you don't even know it, anymore. I've haven't just taken the future away from you, I've taken even the ability to __**conceive**__ of any future._

"Are you okay, Lelouch? Your face looks really..."

He clenched his fists, telling himself he wasn't going to cry or scream or laugh madly, because he needed to _think_.

_I __**can't**__ let things go on as they are. _

_The current possibilities are __**all**__ unacceptable. I need a way to increase my options, some way to change the path we're on for the better._

_What I need is..._

He met Suzaku's mismatched eyes again.

_A power beyond myself!_

"Suzaku, I need to talk to Euphy."

"...We've got to tell her it's done, huh?" Suzaku shifted uncomfortably for a moment, looking guilty and uncertain. "She's going to be upset."

"Yes, she is," Lelouch acknowledged, remembering how unusually fierce she'd been in her objections. "But before you start making your explanations to her again, Suzaku, there's something I want to ask her about, first."

"Right now?"

"Yes. Just give me a few minutes."

"Well, if you want to face her alone..."

Lelouch nodded, striding off to her suite before he could lose his nerve.

Euphy looked up from where she'd buried her face in the arm of the couch, her lashes still moist with with the remains of her tears. "You did it, didn't you?" she asked, her voice pained.

"Yes."

The look she gave him was full of sorrow and such deep reproach that it somehow succeeded in making even his already unbearable guilt worse. "I know the two of you think you're protecting me, Lelouch, but I don't _want_ this sort of help. Even if you were going to seal off his memories of the dead anyway, I know the only reason you had to seal off his memories of the living is because of _me_, because when he targets someone living, _I_ die. But Lelouch, I'm _already_ dead, aren't I? I don't want to steal away Suzaku's life, just to have my own!"

"You want the power to change things, then, Euphy?"

"Of course I want to change things! I don't want Suzaku to be stuck like this forever!"

_Neither do I, and so I will have to be brave enough to put my total trust in someone else, one more time._

He extended his hands toward her.

_Even if you don't remember it, you told me once that you would help me, so..._

"If you seek the power to change the future, then make a Contract with me!"

* * *

Author's Notes: The many versions of Suzaku were inspired by the C.C. Lelouch meets when she shields him from the Emperor in the World of C. That C.C. recognizes the Lelouch in her mind must be a person from her "future", even though she doesn't remember him, so she's obviously C.C. from some mysterious point in her past.


	27. Double Down

"A contract?" She shook her head at him, frustrated with his odd formality. "Lelouch, you don't have to talk like a lawyer. If there's anything I can do to help Suzaku, just tell me what it is!"

"The thing you can do is make a Geass Contract with me. It will grant you the Power of Kings."

"Geass? You mean, the power Suzaku is using to keep me alive?"

"Each Geass is unique to the user, because it reflects the deepest wish within an individual's heart. Euphy, you have a kind heart. You have always wanted to help people. That's why...I want to gamble on your Geass. Just as mine caused a problem that Suzaku's solved, I want to believe that yours can solve the problem his created."

"It could really do that?"

"We can't know until you try. Of course, it took us a while to figure out exactly what Suzaku's Geass could do, but a fully developed Geass is guaranteed to be the most powerful force for change anyone can possess." Lelouch shivered, as if a chill had gone through him. "I must warn you, though, to accept a Geass, Euphy, is not without risk." She remembered the sadness on his face, when Lelouch had apologized for what his own Geass had done to her, while the price Suzaku's Geass demanded of him was currently foremost on her mind.

"Just as Suzaku's Geass has left him cut off from the entire world, except for the two of us, this Geass will isolate you. More than that, the Power of Kings will magnify the effects of your beliefs, so that your every choice will bring great change and your every mistake, great tragedy. But if you want to alter the path we are currently on, then you need a power greater than you have now. Geass will allow you to command the aid of anyone in the world, for the sake of the deepest wish of your heart."

Lelouch stepped closer to her, his hands still outstretched.

"Euphemia, are you willing to risk everything for the future you want?"

She stood, willing her legs to be steady. "I already decided that, didn't I, Lelouch? I want to do anything I can to help Suzaku," she finished firmly, grasping his outstretched hands.

She took in a shocked breath, as she suddenly found herself standing in the room they'd used for negotiations when the Special Administration Zone had opened. Even her clothes looked the same as that day. When she looked up, Lelouch was dressed as Zero, though his mask was off.

"Euphy..." A pained expression passed over his face, before it smoothed out once more. "It was my fault things ended the way they did, last time. Maybe I'm just a pathetic fool, to take yet another risk for the sake of a better world, when there is still so much I can't bear to lose in this one... However, I won't consign Suzaku to this fate, while there is any hope left!"

He extended his hand, movements sharp with the unnatural energy flowing through his frame and lighting a pattern like bird's wings across his chest.

"I offer you the greatest power I am able to grant, Euphemia, and in return, I ask for your help, to save Suzaku from this mental imprisonment. If you accept, then I promise you will face more important and more difficult choices than you have ever known—but you will not face them alone, because I will stay with you, until the very end. For Suzaku's sake, for the sake of the world you want to create, will you accept my Contract?"

Echoing voices rose in volume around her, cold and unspeakably ancient, something vast and deep, beyond the limit of individual consciousness, pressing against her mind.

_Is this...what true power feels like?_

It was terrifying, and she felt so flimsy in comparison, like a paper doll amongst statues carved through ages in stone, a tiny child among giants. Euphy looked into Lelouch's eyes, and although they were still the same violet she remembered from the last time they had stood in this room, there was something so old in them now, dark shadows murmuring immortal truths.

_Is this the weight you've been trying to carry all alone, Lelouch?_

She remembered the sweet, innocent boy she'd known all those years ago, the brother who'd patiently read and re-read Nunnally's favorite stories, while Euphy wove lopsided crowns out of the flowers he'd gathered for her.

_Maybe I'll never understand exactly what these years have done to you, but as long as you're willing to extend your hand to me, you won't face anything more on your own!_

"I accept," she said, reaching back. "Lelouch, let's save Suzaku, together!"

For a moment those whispers were a roar within her ears, and then she was standing in her own suite again, some part of that ancient power humming behind her eyes.

"It's done?" she asked, feeling a little light headed. Lelouch caught her elbows to steady her.

"The Contract has been formed, Euphy. What you do next is up to you."

"Suzaku. I want to see him. Even if he'll have forgotten any time we spent together when other people were around, I..."

Lelouch nodded. "I'm sure he wants to see you too, Euphy." He hesitated a moment, before continuing. "I know you don't agree with our decision, but try not to be too hard on him, okay? You're half his world, now."

Somehow, his words brought the cruel truth of the matter home more clearly than anything else. "His world...it's gotten so much smaller." _Oh, Suzaku, why would you choose this? I would have been happier if you had remembered all the people around you, even if I could only share that with you for a few hours at a time. What would make my memories any more important than your own?_

"I know. I know it's gotten smaller, Euphy," Lelouch whispered in acknowledgment, and for a moment, his eyes were hollowed out by horror and grief.

"But Lelouch, if you understand how bad this is, then why agree to seal his memories like this?"

"...You accepted him as your Knight, didn't you?"

"Yes, but what does that have to do with—"

"He even got down on his knees, didn't he? He knelt in front of you and swore his fealty, swore to forsake his own life, and you accepted. So then, when he does just that, protects your life no matter the cost to himself, what right do you have to object to what you already agreed to?"

"But Lelouch, I never meant it like this!" she whispered, horrified at what he was implying.

"Often, the greatest truths of any power are its unintended consequences. I would know that better than anyone, and particularly in this case," Lelouch told her.

"What do you mean?"

"When I was Emperor, Euphy, I had a Knight, too. That plan to fake my death that I told you about? It wasn't supposed to be fake at all."

_No, he can't mean..._

"Lelouch, you wouldn't really—"

"I would," he cut her off sharply, the strength of a cold forged conviction in his voice. "But you know, this astounding, impulsive, _idiot_ of a Knight decided he was going to save my life, no matter the cost, no matter how much blood is on my hands or how very much my very existence endangers this peaceful world. That wasn't what I intended either, Euphy, but Kururugi Suzaku is an extremely stubborn individual."

_Lelouch, to give up on your own life like that..._

"Well, I don't see how you can call _him_ an idiot, when you are the one who came up with such a horrible plan!"

_Even besides what you'd have lost yourself, what would your death have done to Suzaku, to Schneizel, to __**Nunnally**__?_

Lelouch looked extremely indignant for a moment, probably because he always had been a little overfond of his pet ideas, before he shook his head, sighing. "Sometimes, life doesn't give you any good options. I'm sure you think the plan to seal Suzaku's memories is horrible, too. But even if I hadn't helped him, Euphy, Suzaku would still have shut himself away and refused all visitors but us, in order to protect you as best he could. If we'd tried to force the world on him, he'd simply have run and completely isolated himself—he can revive you from even the remotest mountain hut."

"Oh. Well, I can see why you didn't want to try to force him to interact with people. I don't think that would be the right way, anyway, but how can that make it okay to take so many of his most precious memories away from him like this?"

"Of course it's not okay. No part of this situation is okay, but do you truly believe the other option is so much better? He would have agonized over it again and again, every time his best measures inevitably failed, and you died. _Neither_ of you would have had a life. This way, at least you'll have a chance to breathe for more than a few hours at a time."

"But Lelouch, does my life really have to come at such a cost?" _I don't want to hurt him. The last thing I could want is to live by stealing life from someone else, someone dear to me._

"I can't accept it either, Euphy. That's why, even though it endangers the current peace to grant yet another Geass, I've gambled on a better world, one more time. It's an incredibly selfish thing to do, but the most dangerous thing about idiocy is that it's apparently quite contagious," he said, an almost teasing edge to his small smile, as he headed toward the door.

"Lelouch! Stop calling my Knight an idiot!" she admonished him, as she finally caught his meaning. She had to hurry to catch up with his longer strides and quicker mind.

"Oh? But you know, he became my Knight too, so—"

"Well, too bad, because I had him first!" she teased back. They were both smiling as they walked through the door, but it was impossible to keep doing so as they came face to face with Suzaku and everything that had been so recently sacrificed.

She slowly walked closer to him, unsure of how much might have changed, now that so many of his memories had been sealed away. "Suzaku?"

He ducked his head, looking contrite. "I know you're upset about this, Euphy, but I don't want to fail to protect you, ever again. This is the choice I've made for myself, so..."

"Oh, Suzaku." Even though she'd told herself to be cautious, because he might not feel the same way as he had before, she barely had the words out before she'd stepped forward to touch the spot on his collar bone where he'd once worn the Knight pin she'd given him.

_Lelouch is right. I let you kneel before me. I let you swear away your life in service of my own. I accepted, not understanding what it meant, but I accepted, nonetheless, so now I'll have to pay the price for that._

"My faithful Knight, I am so sorry. I never knew what your oath would cost you, but I promise, I promise I won't leave you like this. There has to be a way—and Lelouch and I will find it," she assured him.

_If Geass really is a power that can grant wishes, then please, __**please**__, the only thing I want is for all of us to be happy together..._

"You don't have to worry about anything, Euphy. I'm sure Lelouch will come up with a plan."

"Actually, Suzaku, my plan was to ask for help," Lelouch told him.

"Are you just pulling my leg again?" Suzaku asked, half amused. "That really doesn't sound like you."

"A Geass is a way of asking others to grant a wish beyond your own power, right?"

"Yes, but that's in the past. You can't have a Geass while you have a Code; I still remember that much."

"Exactly. _I_ can't have a Geass," Lelouch told him.

Suzaku went rigid for a moment, before turning his eyes back to her. The next instant, he was desperately looking her up and down, as if he might discover she'd suddenly misplaced a limb or two. It was a reassuringly familiar habit. "Euphy...did you...did you accept—"

"A Geass Contract? Yes," she told him brightly, "so now I'll have the power to help you!"

"Lelouch, how could you _do_ this to her!" Suzaku shouted angrily, taking a sudden stride forward to place himself between her and Lelouch, one arm stretched out to the side, as if to bar her brother from approaching.

"The tie of duty: do you imagine it only binds one way, Suzaku?" Lelouch asked grimly.

"It's the Knight that's supposed to do the protecting, not the other way around!"

"Only the cruelest master could accept a Knight's fealty and then abandon him in return!" Lelouch retorted. "Do you really think so little of us?" he said, extending his hand to indicate Euphy.

"But Lelouch, a Geass, it's—"

"Dangerous? I _know_ that, Suzaku," he declared, a bitter conviction in his voice. "I know that even better than you do. But I also know that each person's Geass reflects the heart's deepest wish. What do you think is inside Euphy's heart?"

Suzaku turned back to look at her, and she met his eyes squarely, fully committed to the course she'd chosen. Thankfully, the anger slowly drained out of his face as his eyes went soft. Suzaku smiled at her, and she smiled back in relief, grateful that they hadn't lost their easy familiarity, at least.

"You're right, Lelouch. The wish repeated again and again inside her heart—it must be something beautiful." He looked at her very, very gently for a moment, and she found her heart was definitely beating a little faster than normal, as she looked up into his handsome face. It was a very keen disappointment when Suzaku turned back to Lelouch with some obviously lingering anger. "Still, you should have warned me about what you were going to do!"

"Then you would only have tried to stop me."

"Because I have to protect her—"

She reached out to stop him mid-yell, with a hand on his arm.

"Suzaku, I don't like it, but I've accepted that you had your memories sealed, because in the end, it's your life and your choice. But if you mean to give me a life again, a real life, then that means I have to be able to make choices, too, even if you don't like all of them."

"Euphy..."

"I know I've put you through so much already, but won't you put your faith in me just a little longer, my Knight?"

He looked searchingly into her eyes for only a moment, before kneeling before her once more, pressing his forehead to the back of her hand in a traditional gesture of obeisance.

"I will, my Princess."

_Oh, Suzaku, I wish I had realized earlier, what sort of sacrifices this loyalty would require of you!_

She only hoped that when the time came to make the difficult choices which Lelouch had spoken of, she could prove herself worthy of it.


	28. Forgiveness

Cornelia stared at the door in confusion.

_Why was the doorbell moved from Zero's suite to Euphy's? And why is there a second peephole, set so much lower in the door?_

Shrugging, she walked to Euphy's suite and pressed the new button. To her further surprise, it was Nunnally who opened the door instead of Zero, inadvertently answering the mystery of the lower peephole, though not of the moved doorbell.

"Cornelia! Thank goodness you're finally back!" she said, expertly maneuvering her wheelchair in order to let her sister in and then close the door behind her. "You haven't answered any of our calls."

Cornelia flinched guiltily. "I was just testing out Rakshata's prototype Knightmare Frame. She claimed the new flight mode would allow the Black Knights to respond to international difficulties more quickly. I didn't want any interruptions while I was verifying her data."

Nunnally frowned suspiciously. "So you needed to test it for five days straight?"

_Does she think I'm as bad as Suzaku?_ "Not straight. I slept," Cornelia insisted.

"According to the Black Knights, Guilford left with some extra energy filters and provisions, but you never returned to the hangar."

"I slept in the cockpit. I'm fine, Nunnally." _Except that I'll have to watch Euphy die, again and again._ It had taken her a while to work up the courage to come back to that, though in the end, Cornelia would never willingly be parted from Euphy, no matter what she had to endure.

_Oh, my poor baby sister._

"Cornelia, you missed an awful lot while you were gone, I'm afraid. Come on, we'd better let Lelouch explain," Nunnally said, wheeling herself toward Euphy's dining room.

Cornelia frowned at the door to Zero's suite as they passed it. _Why put a lock and a doorbell on an inner door? Another of Lelouch's over the top security measures?_

All they found in the dining room were two cooling cups of tea. Nunnally stared at the one with a chair in front of it in confusion. "He was here just a minute ago."

Cornelia looked at the abandoned cup, reaching out to turn it with her finger, so that the floral design faced her. She'd brought this tea set over from Euphy's old room, and it reminded her of happier times, before Lady Marianne had been killed and Nunnally crippled and Lelouch twisted into some desperate, vengeful creature.

"He always runs away when I show up, Nunnally," she said with a sigh, tired of being tormented by memories of what had been lost long ago.

"I wish Lelouch would be a little braver," Nunnally said sadly, staring down into her own tea cup, "but he still feels that no words will help what happened with Euphy."

_You think he's running because he feels __**guilty**__? If you'd seen his eyes after he killed her, so cold and full of hate... _"His words won't change what he is." Her crippled little sister winced, and Cornelia immediately wished she had thought to gentle her condemning tone for Nunnally's sake. _She can't help it if she's so easily taken in by Lelouch's lies. Like Euphy, she's just too innocent for her own good. _

"It's true," Nunnally acknowledged. "Words can't change what Lelouch has done or what's in his heart, but they _could_ explain it a little better. He wears so many masks to hide his raw, painful feelings, but I know he truly loves Euphy. No matter how distant he pretends to be, I'm sure he would like to make up with you, too, Cornelia. If you would just talk to him—"

"You've always been more than slightly biased when it comes to Lelouch, Nunnally," Cornelia told her, making sure to allow her fondness for her little sister to soften the gruff words. "After Lady Marianne's death, Lelouch has only ever seemed to want to fight with me." _I was supposed to be protecting her, and I failed at it—and allowed her only daughter to be crippled, as well. After that, the least I could have done would have been to save my motherless little sister and brother from the invasion of Japan, but my pleas to father were all rejected—and I was too weak to do anything on my own._

No matter how strong she became, Cornelia could never entirely escape the corrosive pit of that shame, the shame that she had been so weak precisely when she'd been needed most. Though Nunnally had never spoken a word against her, Cornelia could well understand how Lelouch's rage could boil over at the things his little sister had suffered through. Cornelia would have felt the same way, if it had been her sweet little Euphy in Nunnally's place; she'd been more than angry enough at herself as it was. "Are you really so sure that he wants to make peace with me?" In truth, she still didn't know why Lelouch hadn't just killed her when he'd had the chance, either in Tokyo or when he'd cornered her amidst the ruins of the Geass Order.

"Of course he does! Cornelia, his whole plan was to create a peaceful world!"

_How can I trust him after what he did to Euphy, though? No matter how much of his wrath I might have deserved, he had no right to target my little sister! Euphy was innocent!_

Yet, despite that innocence, Euphy had always been able to read people's emotions so much more clearly than Cornelia could. Nunnally had that same sort of perceptive ability, and they both seemed to trust Lelouch completely.

Cornelia turned her gaze down to stare at the teacup again, reaching out to feel the heat draining out of it, as it had once drained out of Lelouch. Regardless of how much easier it would have been for her if she could simply forget, Cornelia could never completely bury her memories of the sweet, thoughtful, protective brother Lelouch had once been.

_What if he really was only trying to make a world that kind people like Euphy and Nunnally can be happy in?_

She looked over into Nunnally's pleading eyes.

_But he was the Demon Emperor. He killed Euphy and Clovis, seemingly without remorse. Darlton and the Glaston Knights are all dead because of him. What if he is deceiving us, even now?_

She just didn't know.

_It would mean so much, if Marianne's son could finally forgive me for my failures, but not even that is worth the cost of failing to protect my little sisters, again. I have to be the cautious one, for all our sakes. I have to make sure that nothing else happens, even if Euphy is already..._

"Oh, Cornelia, you're finally back!"

"Euphy," she greeted, opening her arms to accept her little sister's hug. _How long will I get to hold you this time, before you..._

"We've been so worried!" Euphy lovingly scolded her. "You didn't answer any of our phone calls. You even missed your chance to say goodbye to Suzaku!"

"Zero went somewhere?" When she'd returned to civilization, the first thing she'd heard from Guilford was how crazed the press coverage of the goodwill visit to the M.E.F. had gotten. She'd assumed Kururugi would be lying low for a while, after that.

"No," Euphy said, suddenly beginning to tearing up. "He didn't go anywhere."

Nunnally looked agonized. "I'm so sorry, Cornelia," she said, "but with his Geass running wild like that, we couldn't wait."

Cornelia felt a sudden chill. _He didn't go anywhere, and yet I've lost my chance to say goodbye to him? _

_No. Surely they wouldn't have killed him, just to keep his Geass secret... Schneizel and Lelouch might have agreed to a plan like that, but not Nunnally. Besides which, Euphy is here, so he __**must**__ still be alive._

"What exactly happened to Kururugi?"

"He asked Lelouch to seal away almost all of his memories," Euphy told her tearfully, "because if he can't remember anyone else, then he can't use his Geass on them. That's why _I_ can remember that you've been gone for days—because Suzaku's Geass is active all the time now, and he has no one to target but me."

"Euphy, you mean, you won't drop dead again?"

"She'll be alive all the time and remember everything," Nunnally confirmed. "But aside from Euphy and Lelouch, whose Code prevents the Geass from affecting him, everyone else has to be kept away from Suzaku, in order for this to work." _So that's why the doorbell was moved._ "If Suzaku were to meet you again, Cornelia, you'd be a possible target for his Geass, and so..."

"I see. That's what you meant about losing my chance to say goodbye."

"Yes," Nunnally confirmed, her shoulders hunched unhappily.

Cornelia knew she should be feeling worse right then. Whatever else he'd done, there was no question that Kururugi had been a loyal Knight to Euphemia. Part of her, though, had always been terrified that one day, he would decide on another target for his Geass. The simplest choice, made purely on his own whim, would have taken the greatest happiness of her life away.

_If I lost Euphy again... But now, h__e's basically traded away his own life, so that she can live._

The thought made her feel guilty for previously doubting him. No matter how saddened she was by how much Kururugi had recently given up (thereby also depriving Nunnally of a dear friend), though, the promise of having Euphy fully restored to her was so overwhelming that it temporarily crushed all her concerns. _No more weighing whether letting him act familiarly or not will decide if Euphy lives tomorrow. No more fearing that if someone else perishes, Euphy will lose her own chance at life. _

Most importantly of all: _No more watching my little sister die, over and over again._

"Oh, Euphy," she said, pulling her into a tight hug, "we'll have all the time together we want now, and you'll remember every part of it." Euphy hugged her back, the coils of her soft pink hair settling onto Cornelia's shoulder.

For a moment she just stood breathing her in, letting some of Euphy's warmth soak into her heart. When Cornelia could finally think slightly beyond the circumstances of her little sister's miraculous restoration, she raised her head to find Nunnally smiling at them softly. "There's just one more thing we need to explain, but I think I'd better get Lelouch for this," Nunnally said, giving his abandoned teacup a slightly cross look before brightening again. "I'll be right back, okay?"

Even as she gently stroked her Euphy's long hair, Cornelia couldn't help worrying just a bit. "This thing Lelouch has to explain, it's not something about you, is it?"

"Well..." Euphy started, obviously trying to stall.

"Euphy, is it something bad?" Cornelia asked, immediately tensing up.

"Do you trust me?" Euphy asked, looking up at her imploringly. "Do you think I have a good heart?"

"Of course, Euphy. You _know_ I do," she said reassuringly, cupping Euphy's cheek.

"Then, it's not bad," Euphy concluded.

"But what _is_ it?"

"Cornelia, it would be really dishonorable to expect a Knight to serve and protect you, to ask him to make terrible sacrifices for your sake, and then just abandon him, if doing that gets him into trouble. I'm sure you feel that way, right?"

Cornelia thought of Guilford, immediately. "Of course. Euphy, you know I would never treat a Knight of mine that way." _He's done so much to support me, even though he doesn't understand what's going on. I could never turn my back, if he needed me._

"I wouldn't either," Euphy told her. "That's why..."

"I granted her a Geass," Lelouch announced, stepping into the room, Nunnally at his heels.

"You _what_?" Cornelia exclaimed.

"I made a Contract with her, which granted her Geass."

Cornelia turned back to Euphy, who nodded serenely.

"Are you alright, Euphy?" Cornelia asked, worried about exactly what receiving a Geass entailed. "What exactly does your Geass _do_?"

"Um...well, that's the thing," Euphy said, idly pressing the tips of her index fingers together in a sign of nervousness she'd had since she was a small child. "I don't really know, yet. Lelouch says something will happen that will be a triggering condition for my Geass and then using it will be kind of like a reflex."

Cornelia turned toward him in fury. "You gave her an incredibly dangerous power, and _you don't even_ _know what it __**does**_?"

Lelouch looked slightly uncomfortable, but he was too accomplished an actor for her to actually guess what he was thinking. "Cornelia, a Geass reflects the deepest wish in someone's heart. Euphy's wish couldn't possibly be that dangerous. I mean, look at her," he said, gesturing. Cornelia turned to find Euphy looking up at her with lambent eyes, hands clasped before her.

"_Please_ don't be so upset, Cornelia. I know you're worried, but I wish you would just forgive Lelouch."

It was like a jolt went through her heart. When she turned back, she couldn't see the Demon Emperor anymore. Oh, she still remembered all the terrible things Lelouch had done, all the people he'd killed. Yet, suddenly all the resentful fury and bitter distrust, which had kept her from really appreciating the abject depths of sorrow he'd shown for killing Euphy, simply evaporated. His protectiveness toward Suzaku and concern for Kallen, his kindness toward Nunnally and his mercy toward Schneizel—all these things were currently at the forefront of her mind, unopposed, and Lelouch was once more Marianne's precious son, the sweet boy Euphy had adored in their youth, and the little brother who'd once been so dear to Cornelia herself.

_Lelouch..._

She took a step toward him and was hurt when he stepped back, as if he intended to run off. "Lelouch, don't leave again." She hurried forward to catch him.

Her advance only seemed to make him retreat faster, though. "Cornelia, I know you're upset—"

"Cornelia, please—" Euphy began.

"Don't hurt him!" Nunnally shouted, frantically trying to turn her wheelchair around in the cramped space.

"Lelouch..." Cornelia had him cornered and could now see how his eyes were fixed on the hilt of her sword. She felt a painful flash of guilt. "I—I didn't mean what I did before. I'm not going to hurt you again."

Lelouch looked at her suspiciously. "You're not?"

"Of course not. Lelouch...little brother, I just want to mend things between us."

"You're not angry anymore?" he asked intently, suddenly leaning forward instead of away. "Even though I killed Euphy?"

It still hurt so much to think of her death, yet the hateful fury was no longer there. The words she'd struggled futilely with only a few minutes ago came so easily, now: "I forgive you."

Lelouch smiled. "Then actually, Cornelia, I may be able to tell you what Euphy's Geass does, after all."


	29. Deception

She looked at Lelouch in annoyance. She'd been trying to get through to him for the past twenty minutes, but he'd always been incredibly stubborn when he got focused on something.

"Lelouch, I'm trying to tell you—"

The sound of the doorbell interrupted her.

"Hold on, Euphy. Since there's no one here but the two of us, I'll have to get it."

She sighed. Trying to follow him toward the door would only result in another lecture about security protocols. Pouting, Euphy folded her arms across her lap and waited for him to get back.

A minute passed.

_...What could be taking him so long?_

Frowning, she got up and headed to the living room, where she could hear Lelouch's voice.

"In fact, now that Suzaku isn't around to keep me in check anymore, there's something I want to tell you, Schneizel. You're a cold, selfish, stagnant hearted person, and I'll never forgive you for opposing me. I—"

"Intend to test Euphy's Geass on me by getting me angry?" Schneizel asked placidly, obviously not upset in the least.

Euphy, on the other hand, found herself fuming.

Lelouch sputtered. "Cornelia _told_ you? I thought you two weren't on speaking terms!"

_She's upset with Schneizel, too? _The longer Euphy lived with her memories, the more she discovered she'd forgotten. _Cornelia, what is going on?_

"We're not," Schneizel confirmed, much to Euphy's distress. "I ducked into a side hallway when I saw her walking down the corridor muttering to herself, because she always does that when she's worried about something. There being only a fine line between worry and anger for Cornelia, it didn't seem like a particularly good opportunity to mend relations."

Lelouch sighed loudly. "She was ignoring the security protocol _again_? Why can't she just listen?"

"Why can't _you_ just listen, Lelouch?" Euphy asked, stepping up behind him, hands on hips.

He startled slightly before turning, a nervous look on his face. "Euphy...ah, I was just—"

"Getting Schneizel upset?"

"Well, not very successfully," Lelouch admitted.

"It's alright, Euphy," Schneizel told her.

"You're really not mad at him?" she asked, surprised. "Even though he tried to play such a mean trick?"

Schneizel nodded.

She smiled, glad that at least one sibling was trying to get along with the rest of the family. "Even after he's boasted so much about finally beating you at chess?" she teased.

Schneizel smiled gently. "I've had to cultivate quite a bit of humility recently, as he's beaten me at something much more important than that."

"What could be more important to you two than chess?" she asked, still teasing but also more than a little curious.

"The fate of the world," Lelouch answered.

"You're telling me you fought over the whole world?" she said, good naturedly humoring him. _They probably mean some sort of World Chess Tournament. _She thought about it for a moment. _I can understand how Lelouch would feel if he lost, because I've seen that before, but as for Schneizel..._ She wasn't sure if he'd ever lost a chess game in his life, before Lelouch had apparently beaten him. "...But if you didn't feel angry when you lost, Schneizel, then what did you feel?"

Schneizel was silent for a long moment, and it was Lelouch that answered. "Fear. I've thought a lot about what must be under your mask, and it was fear, wasn't it?"

"And what led you to that conclusion?" Schneizel asked, certainly not looking the least bit afraid.

"Because you rely so heavily on your own plans. You're used to adapting, but to have someone challenge your underlying philosophy, which would invalidate every plan and counter plan you could have at once... That's it, isn't it, Schneizel? After you kidnapped me at Kururugi Shrine, I didn't believe it when you said you carried no grudge against me, but you were actually telling the truth, weren't you?"

Schneizel nodded.

_Wait, he kidnapped Lelouch? That's just a joke, too, right?_

Although she'd agreed to keep his identity as Zero a secret after he'd revealed himself on Kamine Island, Euphy had never actually believed in most of Lelouch's dire predictions. _Lelouch, what __**happened**__ to you?_ She wanted to ask him about it, but it seemed like Lelouch and Schneizel had something important to say to each other just then.

"Then, if it's the same as when Euphy challenged _my_ plans...you never hated me, after all. You were only afraid, because I showed you a different way forward," Lelouch concluded.

"...You read me more accurately than anyone else ever has," Schneizel admitted.

"It's not that unexpected, is it?" Lelouch asked quietly. "We are brothers, after all."

Lelouch had one of his small, soft smiles on, and Schneizel mirrored it.

_I don't know what happened between you two, but this is what I wished for, since the moment I learned you were alive, Lelouch!_

"I'm so happy to see you two getting along!" she said, tugging on their arms until they were standing close enough together that she could hug them both at once.

_A place where all the people precious to me can be happy together—that is what I want!_

Lelouch accepted her affection with a wry smile. "For a couple of geniuses, I guess it took us a while."

"But you did it all on your own! This is the right way to do things, Lelouch. Instead of using my Geass—"

"That's right! We never did finish testing it," Lelouch exclaimed, getting that look of deep concentration on his face again.

"Lelouch, you're not going to start on that again, are you?"

In response, he broke away from her and started pacing back and forth, speaking rapidly, mostly to himself. "So far, we know that your Geass can make Cornelia forgive me for all past crimes, but if I do something new to annoy her, she can get angry again. You have no problem using your Geass multiple times on the same person, though, and if I do several things to upset her, you can target specific acts to make her forgive, rather than everything in the past. However, you cannot make someone forgive an act that will occur in the future or which the target isn't aware of yet. Your Geass will only work if the target and the person to be forgiven are both in your presence—either line of sight or physical contact will do. Now, the next condition we should test is—"

"We're not," Euphy interrupted, tempted to stomp her foot in a very unladylike fashion.

"What?" Lelouch said, finally turning distractedly toward her.

"We're _not_ testing any more conditions, Lelouch," Euphy told him firmly. "I won't take advantage of Cornelia or Schneizel or anyone else like this!"

"But Euphy, we need to find out how your Geass operates—"

"Not at the cost of hurting other people!"

"But Cornelia was fine after you used your Geass—all was forgiven."

"That doesn't change the fact that she was upset in the first place!" Her frown deepened, despite her best efforts, because as much as she cared for Lelouch, Cornelia would always be her beloved big sister. "You should _never_ have threatened to kill me again in front of her."

"That does sound ill advised, Lelouch," Schneizel said, backing her up. She gave him a grateful look for the reassuring hand he placed on her shoulder.

Lelouch winced. "I _had_ to pick something extreme to test, to be sure of the conclusions I was drawing. The fact that she could get angry so quickly and so deeply proves that she remembered exactly how she felt about your death, and that you'd only changed the way she felt toward me at the time the Geass was used, not prevented her from feeling that way again. If I'd chosen something more minor, then we might not have been able to tell—"

"Lelouch, you have to stop talking like Cornelia is some sort of _test subject _that we can expose to whatever conditions you want! At that time, I was so scared that she would kill you again," Euphy said, eyeing the dark bruise that still hadn't completely faded from Lelouch's throat, "I used my Geass without thinking! It was _wrong_ of me to make her just forgive you for that, though!"

"But you had no problem making her forgive me for _actually_ killing you?"

"Because you're truly, deeply sorry for that! Cornelia even said herself that she had _wanted_ to forgive you. She said she was happier, afterward, too." Euphy thought guiltily on the fact that she was indirectly responsible for tearing apart the very siblings she'd wanted so badly to bring together again. "It was only all the lies you told that confused her, Lelouch, so she felt like she _had_ to stay angry, in order to protect me, in case it wasn't really an accident."

Euphy worked very hard not to get angry herself. "But what you did earlier today was _different_—you _meant_ to say something upsetting!" she accused. "Because you knew you would be forgiven, you were totally careless with Cornelia's feelings. I don't want to use my Geass to encourage any more cruelty!"

"Euphy..." Lelouch shifted his eyes away guiltily, rubbing at his bruised throat. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you a party to my own transgressions," he said, obviously ashamed of what he'd done, now that it had occurred to him that it had made _her_ feel badly.

_But it's completely okay if you put another sin on your own hands? _Euphy couldn't help but be saddened by how Lelouch thought.

"...I'm sorry, too, Lelouch." _Just as Cornelia felt she had to stay angry for my sake, you felt you had to be so callous for the same reason._ "Even if I disagree, you were doing this to help me, and you got hurt because of it."

"You shouldn't worry about me, Euphy. My Code will heal the injury, and I carry so many sins already, it hardly matters," Lelouch said, waving off her concern carelessly.

"Of course it matters! I don't want anyone I know to suffer any further!"

Schneizel squeezed her shoulder gently. "Euphy is right, Lelouch. You have other options, now."

"What exactly are you implying?"

"As you mentioned to me earlier, with his memories sealed like this, Suzaku can't act as Zero any longer."

"Temporarily," Lelouch stressed.

"Yes, of course," Schneizel easily acknowledged. "Temporarily, you have a whole world full of options, if you simply wear the mask again."

"And as I told you before, _you_ would be the better temporary substitute, especially if you can convince people that Zero needs to make his appearance by teleconference only, due to the media frenzy. While it's true that you would have to split your time between two identities—"

"Lelouch, the only reason I was the better choice is because of the danger that you would be recognized. However, there is now a solution to that recognition problem standing right here in this room."

"We can't ask her to do that," Lelouch objected.

"Of course we can," Schneizel countered, turning to her with a gentle look. "Euphy, Lelouch explained his master plan, didn't he? Our well meaning but imprudent brother has caused the whole world to hate him, although this hatred is most undeserved."

"Schneizel, I don't think 'undeserved' is really the right word," Lelouch ground out, looking a bit nervous despite his clear annoyance.

"Please don't listen to his self-effacing comments, Euphy," Schneizel continued smoothly, his voice as warm and assuring as always. "There are very few people who knew him closely enough that they'll be able to recognize him if he's dressed as Zero, especially because no one will be expecting it, since in the eyes of the world, Zero killed Lelouch. Surely, this inner circle is suffering grievously, wrongly believing that they were betrayed by someone close to them."

"Schneizel, what are you thinking, suggesting this?" Lelouch demanded, before she could respond. "If you would just replace Zero yourself, then you wouldn't have to take orders from anyone. Why would you want me to do it, instead?"

"Because I do not wish to see my little brother trapped here like a prisoner, forever," Scheniezel told him simply, before smiling with rare humor, "and your Geass _is_ incredibly useful when I'm playing chess against you." _Wait, Lelouch gave him some sort of chess Geass?_ Schneizel turned back to her, while Lelouch spluttered. "If you would only use your own Geass on these few people, Euphy, then Lelouch would at last be able to safely venture out of these rooms."

_Poor Lelouch! When he described things, he certainly glossed over all of this... _"Of course I'll help! Why didn't you explain this to me earlier, Lelouch?"

"Because I don't deserve to be forgiven!"

"But you only tricked these people into hating you!" she objected. "It's important to learn how to mend a real wrong, but how would you ever be able to sincerely apologize for acting with bad intent, when you intent was good all along? There is too much hatred in the world already, without adding on betrayals that aren't even real! If I use my Geass to get rid of the bad feelings that are getting in the way, then they will be able to finally see the truth about you on their own, like Cornelia did."

"But if they see the truth, then they might leak it to others!"

"If they know you well enough to recognize you, then surely, once you are forgiven, they will also care enough to protect your identity," Schneizel countered. "Even if some mistake should be made and someone else finds out, Euphy would be able to take care of it."

"That's right, Lelouch! Let me use my Geass to undo this awful deception you committed, trying to make a peaceful world!"

"...My deception." Lelouch had a faraway look on his face for a moment, a familiar clue that he was planning something out. "Euphy, if you really feel that way, then will you use your power to counteract another of my lies?"

"Another?"

"You see, I told an awful lie before then, Euphy, that made people hate a wonderful person who had only wanted to bring them peace. Because of that lie, Cornelia still can't talk honestly about her own little sister in public, since no one will believe her."

_Little sister? Is he talking about me?_

"...The truth is, I haven't been totally honest with you, about exactly what my Geass did, Euphy."

"What do you mean, Lelouch?"

He was quiet for a long moment, the dark expression on his face beginning to make her feel a bit anxious.

"If she is to have a true place in the world again, Lelouch, she must eventually be told," Schneizel said.

"Yes. You're right." Lelouch looked at her with the same sad eyes he had whenever he apologized for her death, but he didn't seem inclined to say anything further.

"Lelouch?" she prompted.

"It's...difficult to speak of. But there are recordings, Euphy, of that terrible day. The day of the—"

She thought the way he cut himself off, as if he couldn't bear to continue, made her more worried than whatever he might actually have told her. "You should...it will be so painful, but you need to know the depth of sin that I'm responsible for," Lelouch conceded.

Schneizel looked at her sadly, as well. "I'm afraid you must face the past before you'll be prepared to turn toward the future, Euphy."

_What could be so terrible, to make them both look so upset?_

_Suzaku told me the Special Administration Zone was a success, so..._

Sometimes, it was very hard to decipher what exactly geniuses were thinking.


	30. They Will Come

"Euphy, the truth is, my Geass didn't just trap you in a nightmare. When it ran wild, it trapped _everyone_ in the Special Administration Zone in a nightmare, from which the only escape was death—yours or everyone else's."

With only a slight tremble in his fingers, Lelouch forced himself to press play. Instead of the screen, though, he looked toward Euphy, watching her curiosity turn to confusion, confusion to dread as her own Geass motivated announcement sunk in, and dread into shocked, aching horror as she watched herself fire the first shot.

By the time she'd seen herself shoot Darlton because he tried to intervene when she ordered the Britannian army to kill the Japanese, Euphy was shaking her head silently back and forth, back and forth, as if she could deny what was happening in front of her. Then the Britannian army opened fire, and the casualties truly started mounting.

Only forty seconds into the wholesale slaughter, she curled into herself, hand pressed over her mouth, as if she might be ill, the sound of screams and wails and gunshots covering her own ragged breathing. Schneizel rubbed soothing circles on her back, but she still flinched with every explosion, every aborted cry.

"Oh, no, no," Euphy whispered in a small voice, slender, trembling fingers reaching out to press against the screen, as if she could somehow aid a group of civilians, mostly young mothers encumbered by their children, who were futilely trying to flee from Britannian Knightmare Frames, their senseless deaths caught forever in recorded time. She wrapped her other arm around herself, rocking back and forth as tears streamed down her face.

"Oh, please tell me it stops soon. _Please_."

_It doesn't. I'm sorry, Euphy, it doesn't._ A mangled, indecipherable apology fell from his lips. The elderly and already injured fell similarly.

"Please, all those people. All those poor, poor people," she gasped out through her tears. The high pitched wail of a tiny girl vibrated in the air for an instant, before the rattle of gunfire abruptly silenced it.

Euphy's whole body jolted along with her. "_Why_?" she pleaded. "Why this? I only wanted everyone to live happily together. I only wanted—" Neither brother had any words that could combat the merciless staccato of gunfire, and she broke off into disjointed sobs.

_I wanted for us to be happy too, Euphy. I wanted that so badly, I was willing to change all of my own plans, to sacrifice my desire for absolute control for the sake of taking your hand. But instead..._

"It's because I was a fool," he admitted, knowing the confession would do nothing to change the massacre replaying in front of them. "You said that I must have thought so little of you, to believe that I could make you shoot me, but I wanted you to understand exactly how very _much_ faith I was placing in you. So when I explained that my Geass could make people do anything, I chose the most extreme example, the anti-thesis of what you wanted, of everything you were. I...with my own words, I destroyed what I wanted so desperately to hold on to."

The recording cut to a shot of Japanese civilians calling out to Zero for help, even as they were gunned down. "They begged me," he said, trying to keep his voice steady and failing miserably, because nothing could undo the blood spilled on that day, the lives ended and dreams crushed. "Even the wounded and dying, they wasted their last words begging _me_ for help, the person who had truly killed them."

He didn't want to cry, because he had no right to grieve over this himself, when he'd been the cause, but the high, keening sound Euphy made as a mother tried to shield her baby, only to be fired on from the other direction as well, broke down his resolve.

_We were all so helpless, that day. I wanted to save Euphy, to save them all, but despite my foolish arrogance, I was truly nothing more than a struggling pawn, this whole war just my father's sick, selfish idea to draw C.C. out of hiding._

Lelouch nearly startled off the couch when he felt an arm settle around his shoulders, and he looked over at Schneizel in surprise.

"Don't. I don't want your pity," Lelouch hissed, trying to pull away. _I don't deserve it, either. No matter our father's intentions, if I had only held my tongue that day..._

"Then think of it as mutual understanding, little brother. Have you forgotten how many lives my own failed plans cost?"

Lelouch thought of the hole F.L.E.I.J.A. had left where Pendragon once stood and grudgingly leaned his head against Schneizel's shoulder, when his brother insisted on pulling him closer to his side. Anything would be better than having to meet his eyes at that moment, where there might be a sharp reflection of his own pain, of the merciless choices involved in fighting over the fate of the world. Euphy was already sobbing brokenly under Schneizel's other arm.

They stayed like that until the slaughter was finally over, and Lelouch heard his recorded self beginning to speak.

He spoke over the lies, sick with the hypocrisy of his own words. "Those people who called out to Zero...it's really the way humanity is programmed to think: if something bad happens, it must be because of a great evil. So, you just need a _hero_ to come slay it," he said, lips twisting bitterly at the way he had been described at that time, "and things will be better. I couldn't—I couldn't bear to think that all those lives had been lost for nothing, so I created the story of the Massacre Princess. It ignited a rebellion, and people laid aside their differences to come together to fight for the freedom of Japan."

"That's why I knew Zero Requiem would work so well—because the same sort of deception had _already_ worked so well, in the past."

"How could you use _this_ as an example to be repeated?" Euphy choked out, clearly still not finished crying.

"Because for Zero Requiem, it was only my _own_ execution that was required." Unfortunately, that only seemed to make Euphy cry harder.

"Lelouch, it may be that reminding a family member of your violent death is not the best strategy, if your objective is to provide comfort," Schneizel pointed out.

"I know that!" he snapped back, patience stretched paper thin. "I just...well, please don't cry any more, Euphy," he said, trying to be calm and gentle for her sake, even if all he really wanted to do was crawl into a hole and die. "You'll...you'll just make me start again, so..." _If I start, then how will I ever stop? How could I possibly cry enough for this? _

He still remembered that look of quiet surprise on her face when he'd shot her, the innocent confusion as blood, raw and brightly scarlet, soaked across her dress. Her preternatural calm had been in complete contrast to Suzaku's desperation, the roar of gunfire and screams of the other dying, and even as his best friend cursed him, even to the very end in Suzaku's memories, his little sister had never spoken a single word against her killer.

_Oh, gods, what I did to you that day, Euphy!_

She hadn't spoken against him now, either, although her tears wouldn't stop; it took several more minutes of supportive hugs and soothing words before conversation could even resume. Lelouch knew he shouldn't have left the responsibility for providing that comfort solely to Schneizel, but he was too ashamed to even touch Euphy at the moment, the revelation of his greatest mistake made all the more viscerally painful by the fresh tears of his innocent victim. The Code, though, ensured that he'd never be able to permanently run from this, and so he would have to face it in the only way left: by asking for help to handle a burden too great for any one person to bear.

"Euphy, I'm sure you can see now why my deception caused such undeserved hatred toward you. I once told Suzaku that the Demon Emperor would so far outdo the Massacre Princess, that no one would remember you. That was the best I could do, to erase my sin. But now, you can do something even better. You could actually make people _forgive_ you for a crime that was really my own."

"Lelouch," she said sadly, "you say it's a crime, as if you meant for it to happen, but you wouldn't cry over getting something you wanted, would you? The truth is, this is a terrible tragedy. So if I use my Geass, what I want to know is, will _you_ feel forgiven?" Euphy asked, her eyes still wet, and it cut into his heart.

_I killed you and then utterly destroyed the only legacy you wanted to leave, and yet you're still worried about how I see myself?_"Euphy..."

"Will it help you if I do this, Lelouch?" she pressed.

"I have so many sins to atone for, but if the Japanese would at least stop hating you, I would have one less. It's important to me, Euphy," he stressed, "and to Nunnally and Cornelia."

_And it would mean so much to Suzaku, if only he had the memories to realize it._

"I would like to see your name restored as well, Euphy," Schneizel added.

She nodded. "...I don't want to use my Geass simply because it's convenient, though. There's really no way to explain things normally?"

"A believable explanation would be extremely hard to craft, even if we could risk giving away that much information. Besides which, how could it be just for you to have to struggle to provide an suitable apology, as if you were the guilty party, to those who are surely filled with unreasoning hate? We all know these actions were truly not your own," Schneizel pointed out.

"Yes, I would _never_ have chosen to do that, so it's not really fair that they hate me for what I was forced into myself," she admitted. "If it's hurting all the people closest to me, too..." Euphy twisted a strand of her hair sharply around her index finger, the way she used to on those rare occasions when she'd attempted to play chess against her older siblings.

"I'm sure such intense, completely gainless hatred can only interfere with the lives of the survivors, as well," Schneizel assured her, taking one of her hands in his own, and Lelouch was glad to have their brother on his side, for once, instead of having to painstakingly maneuver around his schemes and manipulations.

"...You're right, brother," Euphy finally agreed. "Feelings like that never make anyone happy." She nodded to herself, before looking back at them. "Okay, I've decided: I'll use my Geass as much as possible to fix what your Geass accidentally caused, Lelouch!"

"Thank you, Euphy," he told her, feeling almost hopeful for the first time since he'd started the video. "If I go to Japan with you, I should be able to arrange things so that the problem comes directly to us. Of course, I will try my best not to be recognized, but there are people there who know me well. If we get into trouble, you might have to use your Geass on them too," he warned her.

"I understand. They only hate you because of a deception you used to help them, so I will fix that for you, as well."

_I wouldn't say it's only because of Zero Requiem, but if someone actually uncovers my identity, I can't afford for you to hesitate, Euphy. I just hope it won't come to that._

By the next morning, Lelouch and Euphy had finished their preparations for leaving. Cornelia had gone ahead of them to ensure that their arrival would be securely private, and they'd already said goodbye to Suzaku—although truth be told, both of them were a bit worried about leaving him, no matter how confidently he urged them on.

"You're all Suzaku has left, now, so I'm counting on you to look after him, you understand?" Euphy said.

Curious eyes blinked at her.

"You'll have to keep him on a proper schedule for meal times and make sure he sleeps," she continued sternly. "Don't let him sit around alone too much, either, okay?"

"Mrrow!"

She patted his head gently. "I'm counting on you, Arthur!"

Lelouch shook his head as she headed back to her own suite. "I don't think cats are very good at taking orders, Euphy..."

While she got her disguise on, Lelouch fished the last of the kitty treats out of their hiding spot, because even if cats disliked orders, surely bribery would still work? Kneeling, he offered the treat to Arthur. "Make sure to bite him right away if he starts moping, okay? Trust me, if you don't nip that in the bud, Suzaku will just sit around feeling depressed all day."

Lelouch took Arthur's voracious acceptance of the treat as a sign that the deal had been agreed to.

"Good boy, Arthur," he said, giving him a small scratch behind the ear before grabbing his suitcase and putting on Zero's mask. Schneizel met him at the door.

"I've rearranged the guards as you asked, Lord Zero." It was strange to have Schneizel calling him that, again.

_Someone needs to appear as Zero to calm the public down, though, and Euphy needs my help with this. It's only for a little while, so..._

"I'm sorry about always leaving you to take care of the guards, Schneizel."

"As long as Ms. Shinozaki is taking care of the catfood this time, I think I got the better part of the deal."

Lelouch smiled. "Make sure you take good care of Nunnally for me."

"I will, Lord Zero." The Geass, of course, would ensure it, and Lelouch was certain that Schneizel would be able to manipulate it to its best advantage, anyway. After bidding a brief goodbye to Nunnally herself, Lelouch and Euphy were on their way to the launch pad that he'd avoided on his last trip to Japan by hitching a ride with his little sister. This time, though, he'd be stuck piloting.

_I watched Suzaku pilot this before, when we were going to the Damocles launch site, and I read the manual, especially about the high speed capabilities, so it should be okay_, Lelouch reassured himself, as he took hold of the controls of Zero's private transport. _Besides which, I'm immortal, and Suzaku's Geass will keep Euphy from dying, so we should be fine no matter what._

Thankfully, the weather was good, and they made it to Japan without having to test that theory out. Then came the really hard part: dealing with his older sister.

"Are you _sure_ this is going to work, Lelouch?" she asked, as soon as they'd arrived.

Lelouch nearly had a heart attack. "Cornelia, the protocol! Remember the security protocol!"

She gave him an exasperated look. "It's only the three of us here. The whole point of my going on ahead was to ensure that."

"What if there are listening devices? What if you get so used to calling me by name when I'm in the mask, that you slip up and call me that in public?"

Cornelia gave him what she seemed to believe was a long suffering sigh. "Do you guarantee that it will it work, _Zero_?"

"Of course! It's _my_ plan, isn't it?"

Euphy gave him a doubtful look. "Your plans may be effective, Lelouch, but that doesn't necessarily make them _good_."

"Euphy, you know I only want to make things better," he insisted, slightly wounded, though it was hard to say whether the injury was more to his heart or to his pride.

"I know that, Lelouch," she soothed, "but it seems like your determination just makes you all too willing to hurt _yourself_, in order to achieve your goals."

_...Suzaku and I, we really do have too many similarities, don't we?_

"I promise you, Euphemia, I will do my very best to make sure _no one_ gets hurt," he said, looking into her sweet, gentle face.

_But if one of us has to suffer, then let it be me, because I cannot bear to see you hurt any more._


	31. Call

Kallen snatched up the ringing phone with a growl. _This number is only supposed to be used for official Black Knight communications! _ "Tamaki, for the last time, I am _not_ going out drinking with you!" she shouted, as soon as she'd flipped it open.

"Ah, it seems there's been a rather serious case of misidentification," a voice replied, with much more refined wording than she'd been expecting.

_Lelouch!_ The caller ID only confirmed her mortification. "Zero! I'm sorry. Tamaki was just calling over and over again—"

"Believe me, Kallen, I understand _exactly_ how frustrating that can be. I'm pleased that you've already turned down your other engagement, though, because I've just arrived at the Black Knight headquarters in Tokyo and I was rather hoping you could come meet me tonight."

"O-Of course! I'll be there as soon as I can!" she promised, scrambling up from the couch immediately. She'd been getting a little frustrated waiting for the promised contact from Lelouch, particularly because something crazy had obviously been going on in the M.E.F. and no one had explained anything to her, but now it seemed that her patience would finally be rewarded.

"Excellent. I will be waiting for you in my suite, Kallen," Zero said, before the line went dead.

_He came to see me! He really came to see me!_

She was so happy she was actually caught skipping out the door. Kallen wasn't sure if her mother believed it when she told her she was going off to visit an old school friend, but...

_I'm going to see Lelouch again!_

That was the only thing she could think about on the way over. Of course, when she'd imagined the meeting in her head, she'd pictured the two of them alone, having a long conversation where he finally explained all his plans and feelings, so it was a rather distinct disappointment when she got to Zero's private rooms at headquarters, only to find that Cornelia and her younger sister were already there.

"What is _she_ doing here?" Kallen asked, pointing at the Massacre Princess.

"Easy, Kallen, I'll explain everything," Lelouch assured her, sitting her down in the soundproofed office to tell her what had gone wrong with Suzaku's Geass—and about the new one he'd granted. It wasn't the sort of explanation Kallen had been hoping to hear, no matter what claims Lelouch made about how nice a person the Massacre Princess was.

_How can you just trust her with a Geass, when you couldn't even tell me you were still alive?_

Kallen scowled. "So, her Geass is like yours, except that the only command she can give is for people to forgive each other?"

"It may seem that way, but the differences are important," Lelouch told her. "She needs both parties present, but she doesn't require eye contact—just seeing both people will do. Physical contact also works. The biggest difference, of course, is that the effects of her Geass immediately mesh with the target's consciousness."

"Um..." _I'm glad he'd finally explaining Geass to me, but _w_hat exactly does that last part __**mean**__?_

"Kallen, when I used my Geass, I was just compelling an action, regardless of the will of the target. Because there would be no way for most of them to get from their natural mental processes to the actions required by the Geass, the Geass would end up disruptively hijacking their consciousness. Consequently, they can't remember their Geass enforced actions—because those actions weren't truly their own. Well, in most cases."

"Most cases?"

"My Geass only activates if a person's normal actions would go against the command, but what if a person _wants_ to obey a command in a situation in which it would be extremely difficult to follow? If he aligns his will with the given command, he can actually use the Geass to reinforce what he has chosen to do. In such cases, he will of course remember his actions, because they were executed in conjunction with his own will—his mind has adapted to use the Geass, rather than being circumvented by it."

"The effect of Euphy's Geass is always like that. It alters the minds of her targets in a way that works in concert with their normal thoughts and feelings, so it feels natural. From their standpoint, they made the decision to forgive of their own will, so there are no mysterious actions or memory gaps from the standpoint of the targets."

"And you want her to use this power on all the survivors of the massacre?"

"Yes, but since Euphy can only target one person at a time, I'm not willing to risk exposing her to a whole crowd of people that hate her at once. We need to handle this individually, which is why we need your help, Kallen. Ougi has so many demands on his time already, so it will be hard for him to rearrange his schedule for this on short notice. If you present this idea to him, though, I'm confident he will agree."

_To take advantage of our friendship, again..._

"Lelouch, I'm not sure I'm the right person to do this."

His expression seemed to fall. "I see."

She bit her lip. "It's just that I don't understand why you'd choose _me_ for this." _I want to help you, but the Massacre Princess is different._

"Kallen, there are very few people left that I can rely on, after the things I've done to earn the world's hatred. You're really the only person who can help me clear the necessary conditions quickly, and I've done Euphy such a grave injustice," he said, the pain in his voice obvious, "that I don't want it to continue any longer than it absolutely has to." _Then, this is something that hurts you too, Lelouch? _ "You're right, though. You don't have any reason to solve my problems for me. I shouldn't have tried to drag you into this, after I've already—"

"W-Wait! I didn't say I wouldn't do it!" _I don't want to take advantage of Ougi, but I can't bear to let Lelouch down, either. Maybe this is the very reason he left me out of his master plan in the first place, the reason he said we have no future—because I have these doubts, because I question his decisions and motivations... I have to be more loyal, if I want to earn his trust back! _"I want to help you, Lelouch. I'm not the best at subterfuge or persuading people, but if you think this will work, then I'll do it!"

Lelouch looked at her uncertainly for a moment before nodding, his expression turning grateful. "Thank you, Kallen. I know you can do this."

She was nervous when she set out the next morning, but aside from the guilt, all her other concerns turned out to be unwarranted, as convincing Ougi didn't take much convincing at all.

"This is a great idea, Kallen. When Nunnally contacted me this morning to tell me that the Massa—I mean, that Euphemia li Britannia had actually been in a coma all this time, rather than dead, I know I was really upset. Even being aware that it was just Lelouch's Geass that made her...do what she did, it's still going to be hard, getting used to her. This plan you and Zero came up with," he said, nodding his head at the two of them, "may be just the thing to help the survivors get over their shock and anger."

Ougi still looked troubled about something, though, and he soon made it clear what that was. "I just wish Britannia hadn't kept this hidden until the morning after she woke up. I'd hoped we'd developed a little more trust and honesty between us, with Nunnally and Cornelia in particular."

"Ougi..." Kallen glanced over to catch her own anxious reflection in the dark curve of Zero's mask, but she knew she had to be the one to address Ougi's concerns. _I can't tell him that Euphemia actually __**was**__ dead, or I'll give away the secret of Suzaku's Geass, which would raise really dangerous questions about where he got it._ "Maybe because she wasn't expected to ever wake, they thought announcing her survival would just have upset people needlessly."

"You're right, Kallen," Ougi replied wearily. "I shouldn't read bad intentions into this, when I don't even know their motivations." His deep frown smoothed out, and Kallen breathed a quiet sigh of relief. "I know people don't always tell lies for hurtful reasons. We'll have to lie about the real reason for her actions ourselves, since most people would never accept the existence of Geass; Nunnally has suggested a brain tumor."

"I guess that could work." _Lelouch even has his little sister lying for this?_ She looked over at Zero's mask again in dismay. _Euphemia must be really important, for him to go so far. He was always trying to shield Nunnally from everything. _"Ougi, there's just one more little detail."

"Yes, Kallen?"

_Forgive me. You're about to get a very nasty surprise when that mask comes off._ "Zero suggested that...that Euphemia be there, when you individually present each of the valor medals to the survivors."

"What? Kallen, I'm not sure that's a good idea. These people are bound to be very upset."

"I know that," said the voice from inside Zero's mask. "That's why..." The next moment, the mask was off and long pink curls were spilling out of it.

"Please forgive me," Euphemia told Ougi.

"Oh, it's you," he said, looking surprised for a moment before compassion overtook his expression.

"I'm sorry for using Zero's guise in order to get in to see you," Euphemia told him, "but it's dangerous for me to reveal my face right now, because of what happened."

"I understand," Ougi told her immediately. "It must have been so awful for you, to be under that Geass. Now, everyone is—" He paused, as an expression of mortified embarrassment came over his face. "How callous of me! I was just saying a minute ago how hard it would be to get used to you. I'm so sorry—I had no business holding a grudge against you, when you're just as much a victim as any other survivor of the massacre. No, even more so, because you were only trying to bring peace, and yet you were unfairly blamed for all of this."

Euphemia looked at him gently, standing with perfect poise even though Kallen knew the odd platforms, which Lelouch had designed to get her to Suzaku's height, couldn't be easy to stand in. "When people are unfairly hurt, they have a right to be angry and demand better treatment, but to keep holding onto unnecessary, misdirected negative feelings only makes things worse for everyone involved. That's why I'm asking you to allow me to personally apologize to each survivor."

"But they will probably react very negatively. Are you sure you want to do this?"

"It's a terrible thing for a person to hold on to hatred in his heart, Prime Minister Ougi. So I must correct that as soon as possible."

Kallen nodded, looking at Ougi encouragingly. "The real Zero said we can probably keep her presence secret for at least a little while," Kallen added, "to decrease security concerns."

Ougi nodded. "I understand, but are you really sure—"

Euphemia nodded. "Please forgive me for asking for such an inconvenient arrangement."

"...Of course."

They were able to work out the details quickly after that, which was especially good because Kallen was losing more and more patience, watching Euphemia effortlessly charm Ougi further with every passing minute. He even went so far as to help her get all of her hair concealed inside the mask again when it was time to leave.

_Ougi, how can you just blindly trust her like this?_

Kallen did her best to be civil on their way back, but she found it was even more annoying to see Euphemia dressed as Zero than it had been with Suzaku.

_There's only one person who truly deserves to wear that mask._

"Lelouch, we're back!" she called, as soon as the door to Zero's rooms shut.

"How did it go?" he asked, poking his head out of the office.

"I got him to agree to everything," Kallen announced proudly, while Euphemia walked over to a chair at the same annoyingly sedate pace she'd used the entire time.

She sat down with a small sigh, and Lelouch went quickly over to her side. "Here, let me help you get that mask off, Euphy," he said, easily removing it. _Everyone is always helping her._ Euphemia shook out her hair with a grateful smile.

"Thank you, Lelouch, but I'd rather have your help with these," she said, pulling at the fabric of the pants she was wearing.

"Of course," he said, kneeling at her feet to begin detaching the boot covers from the soles of the custom platforms she'd been wearing. Because the material of the pants of the normal Zero costume also came all the way down over the shoes, ensuring that there could be no gaps at the ankle, the platforms had been easy to disguise. However, Euphemia's feet had been pointed almost straight down in order to avoid disturbing the line of the pants. Then, they'd been strapped to the platforms used to fill the space Lelouch or Suzaku's feet and longer legs would have occupied.

"Oh, it's such a relief to have those off!" Euphemia exclaimed, flexing her ankles as soon as Lelouch got the straps undone and removed the top pieces that had completed the encasement of her feet.

"I'm sorry it was so uncomfortable, Euphy," Lelouch apologized, gently rubbing the top of her foot where a strap had cut in, and Kallen practically saw red.

_I did this to help him and I don't get so much as a thank you, but he's kneeling in front of her, rubbing her feet?!_

"Oh, please don't worry about it, Lelouch," Euphemia said. "I'm actually relieved you didn't spend weeks trying to design the perfect shoe, when it only needed to be used this once."

"If I'd had the time, I would have, but then we'd have had to delay the whole plan. I know how you hate being cooped up, Euphy. It's going to take a while as it is, before we can reach enough people that it will be safe for you to walk around."

"I can't wait until I'm finally free to do that!" she exclaimed, her expression immediately brightening. "Cornelia promised to show me the new Diet building and Ueno Park and the peace memorial in Kyoto!"

Lelouch smiled back at her, as if they were the only two people in the room.

"Have you forgotten that I'm even here?" Kallen demanded.

He turned toward her with a confused expression. "Is there something wrong, Kallen?"

She opened her mouth but somehow confessing her livid jealousy didn't seem like the best way to get Lelouch to trust her more. "Do you have any idea how slowly she was walking, Lelouch? It was so annoying, having to constantly wait for her to catch up."

Lelouch frowned. "I do realize the shoe design was difficult to walk in. As I said to Euphy—"

"No, Lelouch, it's my fault, really," Euphemia objected. "I mean, I could have walked faster, I just wasn't so sure of my balance. I'm sorry I delayed you so much, Kallen."

"Well, just as long as you realize," Kallen grumbled.

"Actually, this might be a good test," Lelouch said, a look of calculation stealing over his face.

"Test?" Kallen asked in confusion, while Euphemia frowned at him.

"We both share the blame you've assigned," Lelouch told Kallen, before turning to Euphemia. "We know you can't use your Geass on more than one person at once—"

"Even though it was important to know that for this plan, I still think you were a bit insensitive, bullying Schneizel and Cornelia into that test before we left," she complained.

"Well, I'm glad you can at least see that it was important, Euphy," Lelouch said, and Kallen suppressed a small, vicious smile. _So he doesn't always agree with you, after all._ "Now we can test the reverse: can you make one target forgive multiple people at once?"

"Lelouch, I believe I have _already_ sufficiently explained why I won't casually use my Geass on people," Euphemia said sternly.

"It's such a small thing, Euphy—just have her forgive us for the trouble we've caused her this morning. She'll be happier for it. It's okay, isn't it, Kallen?" Lelouch said, turning to look at her. "It would be a big help."

As annoyed as she was, when he actually focused on at her like that, she found she just didn't want to disappoint him—especially because she knew how badly she'd failed in the past. _You thought you'd just lost Nunnally, and I was supposed to be the captain of your guard, the one who would protect you in your most vulnerable moments. Yet, Rolo was the one who actually saved you from that ambush, while I walked away and left you to die. _"It's fine. Like you said, it's just a small thing, and I'm sure I'll be better off." _Staying angry won't help me show you that I'm sorry, that I can do better. It won't give me a place by your side._

"You see, Euphy? Kallen agrees."

Euphemia frowned uncertainly. "Well, I guess if she thinks it would help her... But just this once, Lelouch."

"Of course," he assured, but Kallen knew well enough that if his plans required it, Lelouch would quickly be making a liar out of himself again.

_I know you mean well, but... _Kallen winced, realizing that she was doubting Lelouch yet again. _No, I have to stop doing that. No matter how bad his actions have looked at times, Lelouch's plans are what brought freedom to Japan and peace to the world. He even brought my mother home to me. What right do I have to question his methods, when he's the only one who's ever been able to make my impossible dreams come true?_

She looked back over at Euphemia in time to catch her giving Lelouch a suspicious look, before turning to meet Kallen's eyes. "Please forgive the both of us for all the trouble we've caused you this morning, Kallen," she enunciated clearly.

Kallen hadn't thought she'd really been so angry, but immediately after those words, she felt much less tense. _How could Euphemia possibly have walked faster, in those crippling things? And of course Lelouch would look after her. She's his younger sister, isn't she? He's just the same way with Nunnally, the way Naoto was with me._

She remembered how protective Lelouch could be, how kind, and it warmed her heart.

"How do you feel, Kallen?" he asked her.

"Of course I forgive you both."

"Excellent!"

For some reason, Euphemia didn't look quite as happy as Lelouch did, but they were interrupted by a knock before Kallen could really think too deeply on that. The two siblings quickly retreated to the office while she went to answer it.

"Sorry for just leaving you with that mob," Kallen apologized, as she let Cornelia in.

The former princess had a tired, somewhat grim expression on. "It's my duty to protect Euphy, even if she goes out impersonating Zero. Still, I didn't expect that people would be this berserk."

Kallen sympathized. "It's incredible, isn't it? Incredibly annoying. The tabloids worldwide have been going into a frenzy. Even here in Japan, the T.V. stations have been airing all sorts of rumors about what happened in the M.E.F., and reporters have mobbed the Tokyo headquarters a few times, just on suspicions that Zero might show up. Now that he's actually here, it's gotten even worse."

"Yes, I watched some of the broadcasts this morning," Lelouch said, coming back into the room. "It looks like it will take a while for this to blow over, but if Zero completely disappears from the public eye, that would seem like an admission that there's something to hide and would only heighten scrutiny and media interest."

"We'll just have to maintain elevated security around here for a while," Cornelia said, clearly resigned to her fate.

"Yes. Thankfully, the media outlets which jumped on this first and loudest are also the most sensationalist and dishonest ones," Lelouch said. "Schneizel is working hard to discredit them, and now that I'm acting as Zero again, people will see that nothing strange happens when the masked hero makes an appearance."

"I wish you would let us assign some of the senior Black Knights to help with security in the mean time, though, Lelouch," Kallen said, hoping that he would relent this time.

"You know those are the people most likely to recognize me, Kallen. You must realize why I don't want a repeat of what happened with you. No, it would likely be much worse, since those who haven't guessed the nature of Zero Requiem will be _much_ more hostile toward me."

"I understand that, but the junior recruits aren't exactly the best at maintaining a secure perimeter," she admitted with a grimace. _Not that we aren't trying to train them, but..._ "You keep insisting that I not skip school—"

"Cornelia will be here, so it should be fine, Kallen," Lelouch insisted.

"I assure you, I am quite capable of maintaining order on a single base," Cornelia affirmed, with that regal pride that reminded Kallen uncomfortably of the fact that she had once been Vicereine of Area 11, the sworn enemy of the Black Knights.

_No, we've put all that behind us_, Kallen reminded herself._ Right now, we are both working toward the same goal._

Considering how new some of the recruits assigned to security duty were, Kallen was more than grateful to have Cornelia's help keeping them focused and disciplined. Truthfully, the thought of what would happen, when it inevitably leaked out that the Massacre Princess was here, worried Kallen more than a little, but that worry only made her more determined.

_We will keep you safe, Lelouch. This time, I will show you how loyal I can be._


	32. Valor

Kallen blew a sigh through her hair, as Lelouch, like always, insisted on calling Suzaku before they left. The only thing different about that morning was that he could at least inform Suzaku that they were about to embark on the last currently scheduled day of valor medal presentations (though there were bound to be a lot of stragglers the government had trouble tracking down, who might necessitate the scheduling of other sessions later). Since Lelouch had warned Kallen that Suzaku must not hear her voice under any circumstances, these phone calls were extremely boring for her, but she knew all too well that if she complained afterward again, Lelouch would only respond by trying to convince her to go off to school once more.

_Ougi's too busy to do this every day, and I agreed not to miss two full school days in a row, besides. That's more than a fair compromise, isn't it, considering that I what I want most right now is to stay close to you, Lelouch?_

As it was, though, Lelouch had little time for her, and Kallen had to fight down her nausea as he and Euphemia traded the cell phone back and forth, delivering a long string of saccharine encouragements before finally hanging up.

"I wish we could send someone to check in on him," Euphemia said.

"You know as well as I do why that can't be done."

"Yes." Euphemia looked sadly down at the floor. "No matter what you say, Lelouch, I just can't help feeling that this is my fault; he's doing this all for me. If only we could go back right now..."

"Euphy, I know I have been pushing for this, but—"

She shook her head. "Please don't misunderstand, Lelouch. The more I meet these people, the more I want to help them let go of the sense of hatred and betrayal that has been poisoning them. However, I also know that our being away is making this so much harder for Suzaku. I'm worried for him, Lelouch. The whole point of your granting me this Geass was to help _him_, but now..."

"I'm worried about him too, Euphy, but please try to be patient just a little longer."

Kallen found she needed a lot of patience, as well. Currently, it seemed like Lelouch worried more about Suzaku than he did about _Nunnally_, which had to be causing some sort of massive cosmic imbalance. _Suzaku betrayed you, Lelouch. He traded you to the Emperor for a title, for his own personal gain! How can he be dearer to you than the people who really care about you?_

That, of course, was the crux of her frustration. She wanted desperately to reach out to Lelouch and actually get through, but these long days of dealing with the results of the massacre left him so subdued and withdrawn that it nearly broke her heart. _What am I supposed to say to make him feel better?_ She knew Lelouch hadn't intended for this tragedy to happen, but that didn't change the painful truth when an injured survivor slowly hobbled up on stage or worse, when a family member came to receive a posthumous medal from the Prime Minister.

Thankfully, the last scheduled day of presentations hadn't started off with any horrific injuries. Kallen still remembered with an ache of sympathy the last time a wheelchair had to be brought around the back, and how Lelouch had flinched. _It must have reminded him of Nunnally._ So far, the injuries they'd confronted that day had all been solely emotional, which didn't mean they were less serious, but it left more room for optimism that a complete recovery could eventually be made. As security let the next batch of twenty people into the auditorium, Kallen hoped for a continuation of their good luck.

_Good. It doesn't seem like there's anyone in this group with a lasting physical impairment. _Of course, some impediments didn't become clear until the individuals were allowed up onto the stage, one by one, but in an odd sort of fairness, there was one very important thing the audience couldn't see with respect to those in front of them, until they actually came up themselves.

Unlike the usual arrangement, the stage of the Black Knight's auditorium was currently set up with a curtain running parallel to the edge but only half as long as the stage itself. Ougi and Zero stood just beyond the edge of it so that people could see them from any angle. Euphemia, who stood just to Ougi's side but behind the curtain, could only be seen once the intended recipient walked all the way past the length of the curtain and turned to face Ougi. As Ougi presented medal, Euphemia would quietly make her apologies, still hidden from the rest of the audience, and security would then escort the individual out, valor medal in hand.

Naturally, they had been heavily encouraging people to keep Euphemia's presence secret after they got off stage. Not only did Ougi personally request it, but Zero had also arranged to have individuals transported to free counseling sessions and support group meetings in a nearby building, after they left the auditorium. The hope was that survivors could talk to carefully vetted psychologists and amongst themselves, without catching the ears of the media. Of course, once they got off the premises of the Black Knight's base, there was nothing that could be done to completely stop reporters from getting to them, and the rumors had long since begun circulating.

Accordingly, Zero had recommended that Ougi bring increased security, on top of what the Prime Minister usually had with him and what the auditorium was always afforded by nature of being on the Black Knight's Tokyo base, and Kallen had to admit there was no real reason she was needed at all. _Even though I want to support Lelouch, I can't really do anything here._ Kallen heaved a small sigh as the last of the group of twenty came up, and Euphemia used her Geass on him.

"I couldn't protect them," he said afterward, obviously overcome with with emotion. "My wife and daughter—I lost everything that day!"

Ougi made his usual sympathetic comment in response, the words repeated so many times over the past couple of weeks that it had practically become ritual. The only difference was, this time, the man pulled a gun.

The adrenalin hit her system instantly.

_How did he get that past security?!_

"Get down, Prime Minister!" It seemed like a wall of body guards descended on Ougi in the next second, even though the man had pointed his gun at Euphemia.

"You can't forgive me?" she asked, hands clasped in front of herself as she gave the man a soulful look.

"He _has_ forgiven you, Euphy," Zero insisted. "That is absolute. But he's still hurting, still desperate to find a villain. Intellectually, you're a convenient choice, so he's decided to use you as a scapegoat for the things he can't deal with, regardless of how he feels toward you personally."

"I see," she said, her eyes growing soft with sympathy. "You must be in so much pain."

_While you're making soft eyes at him, I'm going to actually do something useful_, Kallen decided, noting that the other security personnel were all busy dragging Ougi off stage. _I know he's the Prime Minister of Japan, but you'd think there would be enough of them to worry about someone else, too._

"Maybe it's simply too much for you to face the feelings in your own heart right now," Euphemia continued. "That's why you're trying to force all the blame on to me."

"Shut up!" the man screamed, eyes wide, and now that Kallen was looking, she could see the terror in them. _If I can just manage to circle around the curtain without drawing his attention..._ If she tackled him from behind, she knew she could wrestle the gun away before he could fire it.

"A gun cannot rewrite the past," Zero told him, stepping closer to Euphemia. "When you point it at the innocent, it can only write another tragedy."

"Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! What would any of you know about how I feel!"

Kallen looked nervously over at Lelouch. The part of her that had been Zero's bodyguard wanted to rush back and place herself between him and the threat, even though she knew the smarter plan was to keep creeping around, until she could take the weapon by surprise.

"I used to feel helpless, too," Euphemia said, thankfully drawing the man's attention again. "That's why you have a gun, right? It gives you an illusion of strength. It's like being named Deputy Vicereine, a figure head who can't change anything," Euphy told him with a sad smile. She shook her head. "No, I only _thought_ I couldn't do anything," she said, her face growing more determined. "Maybe that's why we _can_ feel disappointed in ourselves in the first place, so that we know we should try harder, be kinder! You must feel like you have to do something, but how can hurting others possibly improve anything?" she asked beseechingly, one hand extended toward him.

The man stared at her earnest face for a moment, before turning the gun toward his own head. _Damn it! What is he thinking?! _

_Now it will be that much harder to get the gun away without someone being hurt!_

"No, please, that wasn't what I meant!" Euphemia cried. "You mustn't throw your life away!" She took a half step toward him, but the man only took a step backward in return, his finger tightening on the trigger.

Kallen cursed silently. _You're making it more difficult for me to get around behind him. Now, he might see me in his peripheral vision as I come around the curtain._

"I have nothing left!" he screamed, eyes wildly darting around the room, and Kallen forced herself to stillness, so as not to draw his attention. Her heart had started a fantastic pounding in her chest. _As soon as he looks away, I have to slip around and into his blind spot._

"That's not true, because there are people all around you!" Euphemia insisted, and for an instant, his eyes locked on her.

_Here it goes..._ Kallen darted forward.

"They can't replace my family!" he said, eyes still glued to Euphemia, and now that Kallen had made it to the other side, she could see that he'd brought the gun closer to his own head. She itched to dash over and grab it away, but she forced herself to be patient. _I have to move farther behind him, nearer to the edge of the stage, so he won't notice me as I'm closing on him._

Her palms were starting to sweat, and she wiped her fingers on her pants, in preparation for making the grab.

"That means that you can never love anyone else? I don't believe that," Euphemia said. "You haven't lost that ability. It's still right here, in your heart," she said, pressing a hand over hers, in a display of naïve sentimentality.

"I can't," he replied, shaking his head as the gun shook in his hands.

_Slowly. Slowly._ _If I can get just a bit closer, just a few more steps..._ As long as he didn't turn his head, she'd soon be able to dive and grab for the weapon.

Her heart nearly froze when the wooden floor of the stage creaked softly beneath her next step.

"Because you are afraid of being hurt again?" Zero asked loudly, as if to cover the sound. "If you're willing to throw your life away, then at least risk it on something worthwhile!" he declared, flaring his cape with a sweep of his arm and thereby drawing the man's attention.

"There's nothing worthwhile left!" the man shouted in return, and from this distance, she could see the individual beads of sweat tracing down the back of his neck to soak into the collar of his shirt.

_Almost there. _Her own breathing sounded incredibly loud, even though Kallen was doing her best to remain utterly silent as she covered the remaining gap, each step a slow, careful shifting of weight, as she dreaded the possibility of another creaking piece of wood.

"What made your life worthwhile in the first place?" Euphemia asked. "Isn't it the ability to care for others? To see the people important to you smile? It's not so hard to improve things. You can start small, right?" she asked, smiling encouragingly at him, hope clear in her eyes. _Does she really think that's going to work?_

"I don't even remember what that feels like to smile!" he shouted, his expression twisting. "I hate myself so much," he admitted brokenly, the gun shaking in his hand.

"You hate...?" Eupehmia's expression grew pained before clearing. "I think I finally understand, now. You feel guilty, and that's the same thing as holding a grudge against yourself. If we can see the good in each other and in ourselves, though, I believe that is the path to a kinder world, where everyone can be happy." Something in her face shifted, her expression becoming much more serious. "So please forgive yourself."

The response was almost instantaneous. His entire body relaxed as he suddenly smiled back at Euphemia, his gun arm lowering limply. Kallen immediately took the opportunity to dive forward to snatch the weapon away.

_His mood changed so completely—did her Geass do this?_

In the next moment, Ougi's security forces were rushing forward to capture him. _Sure, now you help out._

"Oh, no, please forgive him!" Euphemia said, stepping into their way. "Please forgive him! Forgive him! Forgive him! Forgive him!" she repeated, until no one else came forward.

"Why did you _do_ that?!" Kallen demanded in a furious whisper, stepping close to her.

"Don't we all want a peaceful world—a world without hate? But there will never be peace, until we forgive each other and ourselves," Euphemia said. Kallen, however, had her reservations.

_Aside from broadcasting it to the general public, Ougi made sure all the survivors are individually informed of Euphemia's cover story before being allowed in here.__ That man __pointed a gun at someone he knew was innocent, so he wouldn't have to acknowledge his own problems._

"Idealism doesn't stop bullets," Kallen hissed back, wanting very much to physically shake some sense into the absurd woman in front of her.

"Enough," Zero said, interrupting the argument before it could really get started. With a wary turn of his head toward the security forces that had fallen back to mill around Ougi, Zero stepped closer, continuing in a whisper, "It should be alright in this case, Kallen, because his motivation for violence—his inability to accept the circumstances of his own life—is gone now. But Euphy, you have to be careful how easily you forgive. Someone whose motivation is ambition or greed will just commit the same crimes over and over, if there is no punishment. If you trust the wrong people, you could end up destroying the very future you're seeking."

As Euphemia seemed to consider his words, Kallen shot her one last glare, before turning back toward Ougi, who seemed to be in the midst of his own disagreement with security.

"Sir, given the situation, shouldn't we at least initiate a complete security lock down?" the acting head of security asked him.

"No," Ougi said, as he dusted himself off and moved back toward the stage. "This only makes me more determined to continue. These people are obviously all hurting badly. If we don't address this, then we're just leaving the problem for someone else."

"But sir—"

"This country is my responsibility. If the Prime Minister and Zero won't help, then who will?"

"Well said, Prime Minister Ougi," Lelouch seconded, helping him back onto the stage.

Ougi looked at the would be assassin so compassionately that Kallen suspected he'd been effected by Euphemia's Geass as well. "It's alright," Ougi told the man. "I understand how hard things must have been for you. You're forgiven," he said, pressing the medal into his hands. "You're free to go." Kallen watched in dismay as the man burst into tears, murmuring a few grateful words to Ougi before being escorted out by security.

_Is it really okay to just let him off without so much as a warning?_

"Kallen, you could head out as well," Ougi said. "You really should be in school, instead of putting yourself in danger like this."

She gaped at him, shocked and hurt for a moment, before her anger took over. "You too now, Ougi?" _Even if Euphemia's Geass was what made him stop, I'm still the one who got the gun away._ "I'm every bit as competent as any of the other security personnel," _and probably more,_ "so why do you want to get rid of me?"

"Kallen, we're all just concerned for you—"

"Well, I know how to take care of myself," she insisted, glaring him down, because even if he was Prime Minister, Japan was still a democracy of free people, and she was going to exercise the freedom she'd fought so hard for, in case next time, Geass wasn't enough to solve their problems. _Lelouch, I will find some way to prove myself to you!_

Contrary to her worries (and secret hopes), though, everything went smoothly for the next few hours. The only break from the usual routine was that Euphemia added an extra entreaty for people to forgive themselves to her repertoire, and eventually, the long day ended without another incident. Just as Kallen thought she might get a moment alone with Lelouch, though, Ougi decided that instead of leaving immediately as he usually did, he wanted to stay and talk to Zero about the secondary U.F.N. budgetary meetings, which Ougi was still chairing. The next was scheduled for tomorrow afternoon.

_Not that._

There were only two things Kallen had learned during that one meeting she'd gone to Britannia to ostensibly attend. The first was that the purpose of the meetings was to reconcile the actuals with the U.F.N. master budget when the amount allocated to a proposition didn't match up with the amount spent. The second was that the meetings were intensely boring. Consequently, she was almost jealous when Cornelia showed up to rescue Euphemia from the grinding monotony of budgetary minutia.

_School is over by now, though, and since I pretended to be interested in this earlier, I can't just leave._

"Zero, I'm beginning to think that the whole budget reconciliation process needs to be overhauled," Ougi admitted tiredly. "I'm just not getting much support, and while I'm grateful for the interest you've shown, Kallen," he said, sparing her a fond glance, "I don't want to pull you out of school that frequently." For once, she was thankful for her scholastic obligations. "Sometimes, Zero," Ougi continued, "I feel like you're the only regular attendee who actually pays attention during the meetings."

"...I always take my duties very seriously," Lelouch said.

_But he's not the Zero who has been going to these meetings, Ougi._

"Yes, that's why I want to ask for your advice. Do you think there's any way we can improve the process?"

"Ah..." _Are you going to tell him Lelouch?_ Kallen wondered, noting his hesitation. _It would be easy to call Euphemia back over._ Even if Ougi did still try to treat her like a kid sometimes, Kallen would really prefer it if they could stop lying to him. "Since you're the chair, do you have a copy of the minutes from all of the meetings?" Zero asked instead, causing her a flash of disappointment. "If I sit down and read through them all at once, I may be able to find a pattern for how the problems are occurring."

"That's a good idea, Zero. I'll have one of my secretaries get those for you, right away!" Ten minutes later, an extremely serious looking man, who seemed very much over muscled to be a secretary, came striding into the room, with a stack of papers half as tall as he was. "I had him print out the original U.F.N. resolutions where the funding projections were laid out, as well."

"Thank you, Prime Minister Ougi. That was very...conscientious of you," Zero responded, and from the movement of his head, Kallen could imagine that his eyes were sweeping over the stack in dread.

Lelouch staggered under the weight of the papers the man handed over. "Ah, actually, is anyone using the back room this evening? I can just take a look at these there."

The back room was generally employed for smaller, focused briefing sessions which sometimes followed larger presentations in the auditorium, so it was hardly ever used except in conjunction with activities on stage. Additionally, Kallen knew that Ougi's security personnel had insisted the Black Knights not schedule anything else in the building on the days the Prime Minister would be there, in order to simplify security.

"There's no one else using it tonight," Kallen assured Zero, before quickly stepping in to take half of the papers...well, two thirds, because Lelouch was obviously not the sort to leave with any physically taxing task. By the time they'd bid goodbye to Ougi and reached the back room, Zero was moving noticeably slower than normal, and he set the papers down on the desk, which doubled as a podium during briefing sessions, with a audible sigh of relief. Lelouch practically collapsed into the chair.

Kallen herself didn't feel the least bit of strain as she set her portion down, and she couldn't help smiling fondly. _The more things change..._

"You know, Zero, you could have just told Ougi the truth. Now, he's going to expect you to actually read through these and give him some constructive comments."

"...Yes, it seems like this lie is going to require a heavy penance," Lelouch said, his voice carrying a note of resignation. Although the Black Knights maintained security around every building that was part of the Tokyo base, he still looked around carefully before adding, "Our former classmate," by which Kallen knew he meant Suzaku, "would be laughing at me if he knew."

"But it would be so easy for Euphemia to—"

"It would be easy, but that doesn't mean that it would be the best thing to do. Every person who knows endangers the plan further. Besides which, what right do I have, to obtain forgiveness by force? I'll pay for my own sins my own way, Kallen."

"...If you say so, Zero." _I know you took extreme actions to achieve this peace—I suffered because of some of those plans, myself—but is it really better, to let people hate you for trying to help them?_


	33. Celebrity

"Zero, we're heading out, now," Cornelia said, jolting him out of the almost soporific daze the reports in front of him had lulled him into. Lelouch hadn't had the focus to get through them the night before and so he'd been forced to come back to them that morning, thinking that he'd do better if he were well rested. Unfortunately, reading through them first thing in the morning had only inclined him to get back to sleep.

Euphy, in sharp contrast, was almost bouncing with energy in front of him. _Even at this hour, I can hardly expect anything else. She's been eager to go out and see what Japan is like since we got here, and with the initial batch of people that responded to Ougi's invitation already handled, those with the most reason to hate her have finally been neutralized._

Of course, that didn't mean that Euphy was exactly popular, but the security forces had also detained everyone who'd tried to sneak into the auditorium, giving her a chance to use her Geass on them while they were kept in holding cells overnight. _That should take care of the most hostile threats around. _Euphy could always use her Geass on any individuals that happened to give her trouble, so it would be next to impossible for Lelouch and Cornelia to continue denying her now, despite their concerns.

"I'm so excited!" she said, smiling widely. "I can finally walk around like normal!"

_I can't go out myself until the media frenzy dies down a little more, but... _ "Are you sure you don't want me to send some of the Black Knights with you?"

"I had enough of that when I was a Princess, Lelouch. I'm tired of all the special security treatment. Besides, Cornelia will be with me," Euphy said, latching onto her older sister's arm, "so I'm sure I'll be just fine. Isn't that right, Cornelia?"

"Of course," Cornelia said, giving Lelouch a look of fond amusement. "You're not the only one in the world who knows how to look after a little sister. In case you've forgotten, I have more years of experience at it than you do, Lelouch."

"Very well," he conceded. "I'll trust that she is in capable hands." _And Suzaku's Geass will protect Euphy if something goes wrong, in any case._

Of course, nothing could entirely stop him from worrying about his little sisters, but he had to believe that Schneizel and Cornelia knew what they were doing. Besides which, he currently had something else he was supposed to be focusing on. Lelouch looked at the half read pile of U.F.N. resolutions and budget reports and sighed.

It was very hard to keep his mind from drifting. _If Euphy's Geass can be used to make people forgive themselves, then she could at least help Suzaku a little that way. But even if she would agree to do that, if—no, __**when**__—he gets his memories back, he'd likely see it as a betrayal that we pushed such aid on him, when he didn't understand the true ramifications. If only Euphy would agree to a little more testing, maybe we could find some other unexpected uses of her Geass, like we did with Suzaku's—but worrying about Euphy's Geass isn't going to get all these reports analyzed before the meeting, is it?_

He gave the still towering unread stack a sour look. Four hours and a bit of currency rate research later, Lelouch was even more disgusted.

"Ougi, what were you thinking? Every one of these secondary U.F.N. budgetary meetings has been useless. You're just wasting time trying to patch up symptoms of the same root problem: you're losing so much money on currency rate fluctuations, when freed areas go back to their native currencies. If you just used gold as the default storage medium, you could save—"

Kallen burst into the briefing room then, hurriedly closing and locking the door behind her. Now that Lelouch was listening, he could hear the sound of voices in the distance, rapidly coming closer.

_She promised me she'd go to school today._

"Kallen, what is—"

"Zero, those junior personnel are all useless morons! They called me in the middle of class, saying they were having a small problem, but by the time I got here, it was already a disaster! It looks like one of those shady reporters somehow slipped into a support group and stirred up a crowd—now, they've overrun our defenses here. I tried calling Cornelia, but she's out with Euphemia, and it's going to take a while for backup to arrive."

It was then that the ominous pounding on door started. _Well, at least this might count as an excuse not to go to that budget meeting, _he thought, trying to be optimistic, even as the sinking feeling in his stomach grew stronger. Some of the voices outside were distinct enough to make out.

"Zero! You can't keep us out!"

"Zero, give me an interview! Tell me how you perform these miracles!"

"Use your powers on me!"

"No, use your power on me!"

"Make me walk straight again!"

"My daughter, please let me see my daughter again, just one more time!"

"Let me say goodbye to my son!"

"Heal my eyes!"

"My wife! Zero, let me say 'I love you' to my wife!"

He tried to shut their words out of his heart, not wanting to be infected by the level of aching emotion spilling in from the other side of the door. _I have to keep calm and think my way out of this._

Just then, another ominous bang shook the very frame around the entrance, and a shiver went through him, as the situation began to coalesce in his mind. "So many people lost so much that day, and we unwittingly gathered them all together for those support sessions," he said in mounting dread. _I thought they could be helped by these programs, but instead, someone decided to take advantage of such a large group of vulnerable people._ "The injured, the lonely survivors, those whose hopes have been stolen—they have all this pain, all this loss looking for an outlet, a purpose, a meaning." _They're looking for an enemy to fight against, like that man from yesterday._

His hissed in a breath. "Kallen, this is very dangerous." He looked around quickly, in case he had somehow missed something, but the room had only one exit. _If they believe Zero can help them, and yet is refusing to..._ "As soon as they get through the door, you need to push your way out past them and bring reinforcements back."

"But only the junior recruits are here right now, and it will still take me a few minutes to get back to you. What will you do in the mean time?" she asked, looking nervously toward the door.

"I'm Zero. I'll be fine."

Kallen scowled. "You didn't see what they were like out there! That scummy reporter has them convinced that you can instantly heal injuries and raise the dead! There's no reasoning with them now!"

"That's exactly why you have to get out of here. You know I'll eventually heal from anything, Kallen, and as long as you're not with me, they'll let you go. They're only interested in Zero."

There was a sharp, resounding crack as something very heavy was rammed against the door on the other side.

"No. I won't abandon you!" Kallen insisted, and the first shiver of true fear went through his spine. _Kallen, please, don't put yourself in danger for my sake. Not again..._

The shrill, metallic straining of the door rattled through his mask as the assault grew louder and more frantic, jolting his vocal cords into motion. "Don't be stubborn about this! Don't you understand? I'm just a selfish person using you for his own ends! You need to get out of here!"

Kallen faced him obstinately. "When the rest of the Black Knights betrayed you, I believed your cold words and walked away. That's exactly why you left me out of your master plan, isn't it? If I had been more loyal, I could have escaped together with you and Rolo. I would have been there, right along with Suzaku and C.C.! I would have had a place in your heart!"

"Kallen, you might have died, right along with Rolo!" _Please, don't do this now._ The sound of sharply whining metal joined the cacophony of shouts, as the door quivered under the latest blow. "You don't understand—"

"Of course I do. You told me we don't have a future! How can we, if I won't take the risk of believing in you? We can never stay together, if I run and leave you when you need me most! On Kamine island, I abandoned you to Suzaku. On the Ikaruga, I abandoned you to the other Black Knights! I won't fail the same test a third time, Lelouch!"

_All this time, you've been blaming __**yourself**__?_

The door was rammed again, and its hinges shuddered and twisted, the metal deforming under the continuing onslaught.

"Kallen, there was never a test you failed! _I_ was the one who wasn't worthy of _you_!"

_Just like with Shirley, loving me will only get you killed!_

The whining tear of steel sang terribly in the air, as the door strained, buckled, and finally fell with a deafening crash against the ground. Dozens of people immediately surged forward, with more following.

"Stay back!" Kallen shouted, tackling two people to the ground, but that only allowed another three to rush around the desk and reach him.

"Zero, please let me see my little boy again!" a man said, running up to grasp onto his sleeve.

"Zero, my daughter! Just a few more minutes with my daughter!" The woman latched onto his shoulder in a frantic effort to get his undivided attention.

"I lost this arm in the attack! Please! You can't just turn your back on us!"

He stared at their pleading faces, the evidence of his past sin.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I can't do the things you're asking. I can't heal injuries. I can't raise the dead." _Only Suzaku can do that, and he's..._

"Lord Zero has the power!" the reporter shouted over him. "Lord Zero, show us a miracle!"

A new wave of people surged forward.

"No! Stop!" Kallen yelled, rushing forward to reach Lelouch, even as he stumbled away from the desk, retreating to press against the back wall.

"Please help us Zero! Don't deny us your power!"

"You're the one who healed Euphemia, aren't you? Why her and not us?"

"You're our only hope! Our children! Revive our dead children!"

"My hand! Give me back my hand!"

"I can't. I'm sorry! You must understand, I don't have that power!" he said, knowing Kallen couldn't keep shoving them away forever.

"Zero, give us a miracle! Like at the M.E.F. refugee camp!"

"You can bring them back, Zero! You can save us!" Just like the day of the massacre, the faces of so many desperate people turned to him for help, begging once more. He was no more their savior this time than he had been the last.

"Don't look at me like that!" he commanded, ashamed of what he was and what he'd unwittingly done to all of them. "Don't you understand? I can't save _anyone_!" _I tried, but there is no way I can ever make up for what I've done to all of you!_

"Get _off_ him!" Kallen pried one man away from his arm, while a tearful middle aged woman clutched at his knees, sobbing out the name of her slain son.

"Look! He's walking!" someone shouted, pointing at one of the men Kallen had tackled earlier. "Zero must have healed him!"

"Zero!"

"Zero, me next!"

The flash of a camera went off.

"What's happening?" someone shouted, his face lost among the sea of people.

"Zero's healing people!"

"Let me closer!" a young woman with a horrible scar down her face screamed piercingly; he thought he remembered her from when Ougi had presented the medals. _ Shrapnel, I think she said. We had to __destroy the Britannian Knightmares, but we didn't have the luxury of being able to wait until the civilians were clear._

_...I did this. I ordered this._

"Zero, help me!"

"I want to see!"

"Heal me, Zero! Why won't you heal me, too?!"

"Kallen," he shouted, leaning close so she could hear him over so many straining voices, "try to clear a path along the wall. We need to follow it back to the door!"

She nodded, shoving with more purpose. "Alright, that's enough! Move back! Move back!"

"That's not fair! You can't heal him and not me!" a young man with a burn mark creeping up from under his collar shouted.

"I haven't healed anyone!" _Don't you understand? No matter how many lies I tell, I won't ever be able to save you!_

"He's only trying to conceal his secret powers! Lord Zero, tell us the truth! The people have a right to know!" The camera went off again, nearly blinding him even through the mask. Kallen brought a hand up over her eyes, trying to fend people off sightlessly.

"Okay, who's got the camera? You're about to be sorry!" she threatened, shoving harder, perhaps to make up for her lack of aim. Unfortunately, Lelouch was momentarily unable to follow, as six pairs of hands latched on to his cape. Frantic, he loosed the clasp and slipped out of it, more than willing to sacrifice a bit of fabric, if only it would get him free of this. _If I don't keep up, she will turn back for me, and I can't get her into any more trouble than I already have. _

"I have his cape! Lord Zero's cape!"

_If only I had listened to her about assigning more experienced guards! _He'd been too worried to chance recognition, though, because he understood the wider circumstances much better than Kallen and Euphy did. _Out of all the manipulations I committed, the one thing I never did was use my Geass to force the Black Knights to follow me—because a revolution is meaningless if people don't learn how to judge evil for themselves. _

_If the Black Knights can't solidly rely on their own ability to recognize monstrous behavior and root it out, they will never be able to protect society from corruption when it tries to creep back in. _He wanted this new world to last, and so having the defenders of justice develop a sudden, overriding compassion for the Demon Emperor was high on his list of undesirable outcomes.

_Besides which, after all the ways I used them, they at least deserve to make their own decisions about how they feel toward me._

"Give it to me!"

"I had it first!"

Several people were fighting over his cape now, quickly tearing it to shreds, and Lelouch used the distraction to make it back to Kallen's side. That was as far as he got.

"No, Lord Zero, don't leave without healing me!" Hands seized his wrist and refused to let go.

"Don't abandon us!"

"Zero, please! You must be able to do something!"

"I don't have that power!" he insisted futilely.

"We need you to give us a miracle!"

"I'm sorry! I'm telling you, I can't!" _Suzaku is your hero, not me! I've only ever been a charlatan._

"No! We saw you use your power on T.V.!"

"He's lying! Keeping secrets! He just doesn't want to heal us!"

"He's going to leave before _we_ get a chance!"

"Don't let him go!"

It was like everyone in the room had decided to charge at once, and it was all Kallen could do to shove people back far enough for him to get his free arm up, warding them away from his mask.

_I can't let them get it off!_

"ZERO!" a familiar voice called over the din, and Lelouch looked over toward the entrance, which might have been halfway across the world for all that he could reach it, only to see Cornelia wearing an expression that was better suited to the battlefield.

_No, not you too, sister. After all I've done to you already... _

"Cornelia, stay back!" he shouted at the top of his lungs.

"Get away out of my way!" she roared in complete defiance, shoving through the crowd like a fierce lioness coming for a wayward cub.

_I never should have let you call me little brother again. Look what it's done to you!_

"Cornelia, no! Go back to Euphy! She _needs_ you!" Since he was still on the slightly elevated area surrounding the podium, he had just enough height to make out a few curls of pink hair peaking in through the doorway, but there was no way their little sister would have the strength to push through as Cornelia was doing.

_Stay back there, where it's safe, Euphy._

"He can't help you, so please forgive him!" her frightened voice called, almost totally obscured by the overlapped screams of the mob, and he felt a wave of affection for her. _ You've always tried to save me, haven't you? Even though I am beyond help._ "Forgive him! Forgive him! Forgive him!" One of the people in front of him stopped reaching for his mask and then another and another, but there was no room for them to move back. The crowd behind them was simply too thick.

_Thank you for trying._

"Get away from him!" Cornelia screamed, forcefully shoving a pair of people affected by Geass out of her path, so that she could join Kallen in a protective semicircle around him, the two of them bracing their arms against the wall to either side of him and shoving their backs out against the force of the crowd.

_Why? After all the things I've done, why?_

"The both of you—don't stupidly risk your lives protecting mine! You know I won't die here! Just leave me!" he yelled, struggling to make himself heard over the deafening clamor of so many voices echoing in such a confined space.

_No matter what they do to me, I would deserve it, but you two shouldn't have to pay for my sins!_

"No, Zero!" Kallen shouted. "I won't fail as your bodyguard again! I won't go!"

Cornelia looked just as stubborn. "You won't be abandoned here a second time!" his elder sister vowed, and he wondered if she were thinking back on the time when Britannia had forsaken him and Nunnally to make war on Japan. However, the current crisis easily pressed thoughts of the past from his mind, as a grasping hand managed to hook a finger around his cravat, nearly choking him before he managed to dislodge it.

"Zero knows how to beat death!" a middle aged man off to his left shouted, as if he were experiencing some divine rapture. Joyous shouts erupted and someone seemed to faint, only to be held up by the press of the crowd. Every face was turned fixedly toward him now and dozens of reaching hands clawed at Zero's cuffs, his lapels, the folds of his collar. He was already covered in sweat from the heat of so many bodies packed in so close, and now the high temperature and stale air were combining to make him lightheaded. Memories of being trapped inside a coffin assaulted him, the visceral terror of being unable to move, unable to breathe...

"Zero, give us your miracles!"

"Show us your power, Lord Zero!"

"Don't betray us like this! We know you can heal us!"

Arms shifted around him, renewing their protection against the press of the crowd, and he forced his phantom traumas down. _Focus! Kallen and Cornelia won't leave me. Then, the only way to save them is..._

"Get ready to force them back at my signal!" Two heads nodded. "Back up!" Kallen and Cornelia gave a coordinated shove, and Lelouch had just enough room to draw his gun. He fired two shots into the air.

"I _said_, back up! Form a line, and I promise I will speak to all of you, one at a time!" he shouted, still clearly brandishing the gun. The row of people in front of him looked frightened, clearly cowed by the weapon, but the ones behind them couldn't see the threat and only continued pushing.

"What was that sound?" someone shouted in terror.

"Lord Zero, save us!" a man cried.

"What did he say?" a voice asked in confusion. "I can't hear!"

"Let me through! I need him to heal my injury!" a man called out, reaching forward with a mangled hand that had only two fingers, the hand he'd accepted his valor medal with.

"It should be women first!"

"Children!" a woman shrieked. "Let us see our children again!"

"I should be at the front! I came first! Stop pushing me back!"

"Don't let him leave until he's healed us!"

_Damn it! I hoped since these people knew the terrible sound of gunshots, it would snap them out of this, but I can't reach the ones in back. The ones closest are apprehensive, but they're not frightened enough to start pushing away yet. If I actually fired into the crowd... _

"Please, Lord Zero! My baby! Give me back my baby!" a woman pleaded, tears in her eyes. _I remember you, from the video. You were..._

He shook his head.

_Zero, the defender of justice, can never fire on the unarmed! Suzaku could never wear the mantle of a Zero who would do that! And these are the very people who begged me to save them that terrible day—who are still begging me to save them. After all my Geass has cost them, there's no way I can..._

He emptied his gun into the ceiling, momentarily stunning those immediately around him into silence.

"Kallen, Cornelia, this is your last chance!"

_The crowd is only interested in getting at me, so you should still be able to escape this, if you shove your way out right now!_

"You _have_ to run! Your lives are in danger! Just leave me and push your way out!"

"I may not be a Princess anymore, but I still have my pride! I will not flee before rabble!" Cornelia told him.

"We are _not_ abandoning you, Zero!" Kallen insisted yet again, and the chance was gone, as a sudden surge of the crowd pressed the wall of people even closer.

He could see both of his protectors gritting their teeth, muscles bunching around the thick cords of their tendons as their arms strained, but they could no longer even clear enough space for the three of them to breathe. His blood pounded with incredible pressure, spiking a dull pain through his head in an attempt to compensate for the blood trapped in his limbs, unable to circulate. The muscles of his diaphragm quaked with vacuous fire against the impossible pressure, even as Kallen and Cornelia were crushed closer still, and Lelouch could feel the outline of every button and crease of cloth he wore, his cell phone like a knife against his ribs.

_No, I have to..._

Black spots started to cloud in around his vision, darkening the periphery in warning of what was to come. He shoved with everything he had against the crushing claustrophobia, despite the lack of leverage, only to find that it was impossible to move the crowd back even a millimeter.

_I'm not strong enough to so much as move a muscle, with so many rows of people pushing mindlessly from behind. If only I still had my Geass, I could..._

As close as they were, he couldn't even hear Kallen's grunts of effort or Cornelia's growls of strain, couldn't hear them breathing, any more than he was.

_No. Not them too. Please, not them too._

He couldn't even turn his head to see them anymore, only felt the weight of their lives pressed so heavily against his heart. He thought of how easily Cornelia had smiled with Euphy hanging off her arm just that morning, the warm relief on Kallen's face when she'd told him how her mother had come home.

_Kallen, Cornelia, I wanted you to have a future. I wanted you to have the chance to be happy!_

His body strained, one last time in desperation, for air it wasn't going to get, for words he wouldn't be able to say.

_Please. Please don't die! __**Don't die!**_

The pattern of blackness in front of his eyes spread to cover everything.


	34. Will

"Please stop!" Euphy screamed, trying her best to press through the crowd, but it was no use.

She'd hoped for a moment, when Cornelia had reached Lelouch, that her big sister would be able to take care of everything, like she so often did. It was terrifying to discover that even Cornelia wasn't able to fix this, and Euphy tried in vain to get closer to her siblings, when a sudden pain behind her eyes nearly brought her to her knees.

_No, I can't collapse now!_

She tried using her Geass on those in front of her again, hoping for a way through, but the people she affected were merely pushed around by the more fervent ones beside them. It reminded her horribly of watching that recording of the massacre, of these same people, futilely struggling for aid no one would render, until so much had already been lost. She'd even thought she'd heard gunshots earlier, but she couldn't really be sure. If anything, people had only seemed to press forward toward Zero more desperately.

She couldn't even _see_ Cornelia and Lelouch and Kallen anymore, even though the back of the room was raised several steps in comparison to the door, and that terrified her more than anything.

_There's no room—they must be being crushed back against the wall!_

"Cornelia! Sister, please answer me! Zero! I don't know what to do!" Her voice was consumed by the chaos of the mob. "Kallen! How can I help?" Only the shouts of unfamiliar and despairing answered.

Her trembling knees were jostled by the heaving surge of so much desperate humanity every time she tried to get close or help up the people who'd been pushed down when she used her Geass on them. Despite her power, she had no more effect on the swell of the crowd than a grain of sand tossed by the pounding waves of the sea. To make matters worse, the pain behind her eye was nearly blinding now, piercing through the left half of her skull, but she had no time to worry about anything except the people she couldn't bear to lose.

"Please! Please stop! He can't do anything for you now! Forgive him! Forgive him! Forgive him! Forgive him! Forgive him!" There were too many, too many individuals to go through one by one, and now the poor woman in front of her was being shoved down and stepped over, because she was no longer as savage as the rest.

"Wait, don't—" Splitting pain painted a sunburst across her vision and radiated in waves from her eye socket. Her sight blurred so badly, she couldn't make out the features of the man right next to her, let alone the woman she'd just used her Geass on.

"Please, please don't—let her up, at least!" she cried, trying to see the woman who'd been pushed down earlier. No matter how her knees strained or ankles protested the twisting, those pains were gone an instant later, thanks to Suzaku's Geass, but she just didn't have the strength to push very far into the room. A tiny space opened up in the shifting of bodies, and for just a fraction of a second, she could see blood on the floor. Someone had lost a molar.

_She'll be trampled. Everyone I used my Geass on, they'll be pushed down, stepped on, suffocated—_

_I'm killing them_, she realized in sudden horror, the icy grasp of fear choking her heart. _ I thought I should be forgiven because I would __**never**__ do such a thing, but these very same people are now dying at my feet. My sister and brother and Kallen will die in front of me because I can't reach them!_

"Stop! Everyone stop this, please! You can't gain anything this way!" Her words were lost in the roar of ceaseless demands.

_This Geass was supposed to help grant my deepest wish, but instead it's led to this...this heartless tragedy!_

There was no concern for others in the people in front of her, only desperation to make Zero deliver personal miracles that he would already gladly have granted, if only it were possible.

_Why?! He only wanted to ease your burdens and give you a peaceful world, so why treat him like this?_

"Stop! Listen to me, everyone! Please! Don't you see what you're doing?!"

_How can this be the sort of future everyone worked so hard for? _

"You're better than this! I know it! So please stop!" The front of the crowd was compressed into an impossibly small space, her siblings and her dreams for a happy future being crushed along with them.

_Is it true that I'm really so naïve? That what I want can never be?_

It had become a sharp agony to remember the hopeful joy which had once suffused her, when Lelouch had first taken her hand the day the Special Administration Zone had opened. How easily the sweet memories of a young prince and his adorable little sister had blissfully filled her heart! She'd truly believed that she could help them, then, along with the Japanese people. She'd even been secure in her blind certainty that the day would quickly come when Cornelia would accept the same peace in her heart, as well.

_Why? Why this? My wish can't be that impossible. I only want for everyone to be happy together! That's all I ever really wanted, so please, __**please**__..._

"FORGIVE HIM!" she shouted at the top of her lungs, pain lancing through her skull, and in a wave, from those closest to those farthest from her, the room went silent.

Everyone had gone still.

"Get back! He can't help you, so get back!" Euphy cried, finally able to reach the woman who'd been knocked down earlier. Blood was streaming from her nose, her battered face slack with shock, as Euphy helped her up.

_Such callousness. How can people be so cruel to each other? _ It frightened her even more to think of what might have happened to her siblings and Kallen, and she could only hope that there was no one else seriously injured, as she pushed through toward where she'd last seen Lelouch. "He can't help you, so let him be! Please, everyone, let him be!" The mob, from the back to the front, slowly started to disburse, as security reinforcements finally began making their way into the room.

_Oh, please let everyone be alright. Please! We only meant to help!_

She found Cornelia with her back slumped awkwardly against the wall, muttering and curled forward. She was holding her ribs as if they pained her. Kallen was coughing on her hands and knees on the floor beside her. Lelouch was lying motionless; he wasn't breathing.

"Zero!" Kallen hissed covertly between coughs, reaching out to shake him with one hand, while obviously trying not to draw attention. "You won't die, right?" she whispered. "Don't have been lying, this time!" she hissed. "Not about this!"

"He'll be alright," Cornelia assured, sitting up a little straighter when Euphy finally reached her side.

"Cornelia!" Euphy gently put her arms around her big sister, mindful of her injured ribs. "I was so worried!" Truthfully, the sight of Lelouch lying so still more than just worried her, but she had no choice but to put her faith in Cornelia's assurances.

_The Code will heal any injury, right? That's what Lelouch told me, as well._

"Euphy, what happened to you?" Cornelia asked, stroking her hand through the fine hair at her temple. Her fingers came away spotted with blood.

"Oh," Euphy exclaimed, looking down at her own hands. "It's not mine. I must have brushed my hair back after I helped that woman up. The crowd was so...so cruel. She was bleeding on the floor, and they just..." Euphy looked back in distress. "It's my fault. If I hadn't...distracted her, she wouldn't have been injured." The woman was swaying on her feet, in the same spot she'd been when Euphy had helped her up from the floor.

"I requested medical teams when I called for backup," Kallen said, nodding off to the side to indicate a group of people in the uniform of the Black Knights, clearing stragglers away from Zero. "Standard procedure is for security forces to secure the perimeter and make their way inside, while the medics set up out front." She waved her hand toward the entrance to the building. "I'd start helping the wounded out myself, but I have to stay here to stop anyone from examining Zero," she added under her breath.

Cornelia nodded. "If someone thinks he mysteriously revived, it will only add fuel to already dangerous rumors," she whispered with an apprehensive frown. "I'd rather not have a repeat of this."

Euphy looked back and forth between her siblings and the injured woman, torn.

"Go on, Euphy," Cornelia said, smiling reassuringly. "There's nothing wrong here that won't heal soon, and Kallen and I can handle playing bodyguards to Zero a little longer."

She smiled gratefully at her big sister. "I'll be right back!"

It ended up taking a while to get the woman out to a waiting ambulance, though, because even with help, she walked very slowly, and Euphy certainly didn't want to rush her. However, she did feel a great deal of relief when the woman was finally safely stretched out on the cot, under the medics' watchful care. Euphy squeezed her hand one last time in parting, before turning to head back to her brother and sister.

"Can't you just let me go?" a loud voice asked. Euphy looked toward the source of the words and saw the reporter from earlier standing in handcuffs.

"I'm supposed to arrest the person who instigated this whole mob," the Black Knight who was holding him explained apologetically.

"But I was only trying to capture Zero's true story!" the reporter insisted.

"Well..." To Euphy's great disquiet, the security officer actually reached into his pocket and pulled out his handcuff keys. "I guess I can let you go, just this one time."

She frowned. It didn't seem like the best idea to let the man go just like that, but then she looked at the reporter's pleading face. Even though she'd been terrified earlier that someone would be hurt or killed, it was so hard to be angry at the perpetrator.

"Now that you've seen what happened, you must feel so very sorry that you stirred up such trouble, right?" she asked, stepping over to speak to him.

The reporter smiled easily. "Nah. I've already forgiven myself. Hey, thanks for letting me go," he told the Black Knight, giving him a friendly slap on the back.

"No problem, sir. We're cool."

Euphy watched the man confidently stride off with a nagging feeling of worry. Even though she wasn't holding a grudge, she still didn't want to see Lelouch threatened like that again. "But shouldn't you at least take him in for questioning and make sure he's learned his lesson?" she asked the security officer. "If he doesn't understand how serious this is, he could stir up another mob later."

The Black Knight frowned. "I hear what you're saying, but I just can't stay angry with him, you know?" He shrugged. "He's got such a friendly smile, I guess I just forgave him."

"You just forgave him?" she asked, something about the words filling her with dread.

"Yes. It's funny. I was so angry at first, but then all of a sudden, just—" He snapped his fingers, to indicate something instantaneous. "I forgave him just like that."

The blood drained out of her face, but Euphy found she couldn't manage to stay angry at herself, either.

_I need to talk to Lelouch about this._

Lelouch, unfortunately, hadn't even woken up by the time she rejoined Cornelia and Kallen in the safety of Zero's private on-base suite. Kallen had even resorted to shaking him a bit, in the hopes that it would quicken his rise to consciousness.

"Suzaku, quit it," Lelouch finally murmured, attempting to pull the covers up over his head.

Kallen frowned. "I'm not Suzaku."

"Hmm?" Lelouch murmured hazily, finally opening his eyes. The sight of Kallen seemed to jolt him back to reality, and he sat up with a gasp, seizing her shoulders. "Kallen, are you alright?"

She smiled wryly. "Lelouch, is this what all our conversations are going to turn into?" She shook her head. "No scars or blood this time, either."

His shoulders relaxed marginally before tensing again, and Lelouch's eyes darted frantically around the room until he saw Cornelia sitting in a chair at the foot of the bed. "Sister, you're alright, as well?" Euphy smiled a little, despite her current worries. It always warmed her heart when Lelouch called Cornelia "sister", because it meant they were a family again.

"Why wouldn't I be?" Cornelia replied, her chin lifting in a familiar show of pride.

"Because it was dangerous!" Lelouch sputtered, frustration warring with incredulity on his face. "Why couldn't the two of you _listen_ to me? You know I would have been fine no matter what happened! How could you just blithely place yourselves in mortal peril like a pair of careless idiots!"

Euphy frowned and stepped forward to object before he could continue. "Lelouch, what you're saying isn't fair."

"But their actions were completely foolhardy!"

She shook her head. "I told you before that the only thing that's really important to me in life is being together with the people I care about. I think it works the other way, too: life is only important because I can be with the people I care for, the people who care for me in return. Lelouch, if the people closest to you stopped caring about whether you even lived or died, then how could you call that a life, anymore? What is living worth, if everyone is so callous toward you?"

"I see," Lelouch acknowledged, looking a bit chastised. "That would be the ultimate isolation, wouldn't it? Life is just a meaningless collection of experiences, unless there are true feelings involved."

"Yes. Even if the Code will eventually heal your injuries, that doesn't mean they don't hurt, and if they hurt, then we have to care about it. Otherwise, we couldn't be important people to you."

He sighed. "I understand what you're saying, Euphy. I am grateful, that you've all tried so hard to help me, but how can I not be upset, if you put yourselves in danger for my sake? If I lose everyone because they perish trying to defend me, then I'll end up just as alone anyway, but so much more guilt ridden." His eyes lost focus for a moment, and she wondered if he were remembering someone he'd already lost. "Still, I didn't mean to yell like that earlier," Lelouch conceded, cringing slightly as he looked over toward Cornelia, as if he'd just realized that some of his words might have been insulting.

"I'm not angry," Cornelia told him.

"You aren't?" Lelouch asked, a little surprised. "Even though I called you a pair of careless idiots earlier?" he questioned, looking at Kallen.

"I don't feel mad at all," Kallen assured him.

Lelouch sat frozen for a moment, before turning toward his younger sister.

"Lelouch, I...I don't mean to use it. But when the crowd was going crazy, I had this terrible headache, even though Suzaku's Geass normally keeps me from being injured, and afterward..."

"Euphy...come here..." he said, fear in his voice, and she sat down at his side on the bed. For a second she felt the rippling echo of invisible voices as he lifted her chin, so that they were staring directly into each others eyes.

"No, it can't be. Not already. Not so quickly!" Lelouch objected, as if there were some force that might heed his words.

"Lelouch, what's wrong?" Cornelia asked, clearly worried.

"It shouldn't be possible! She's only had Geass for—" Lelouch cut himself off. "Oh, Euphy," he said sadly. "You've been using your Geass on so many people, and then, earlier today, you were doing everything you could to protect us from the crowd, weren't you? Because you just want a world where we can all live happily together."

"Of course I was protecting you, Lelouch."

He hid his expression in his hand. "...I saw it, before I even granted you this power, but I didn't want to face the implications. You were kind to the Japanese, despite our family's influence. You were willing to give up your right to the throne, just to see Nunnally happy. You forgave me, even though I killed Clovis. Even though I killed _you_. You didn't want Suzaku's memories sealed, even knowing it would give you back your life."

"Like Suzaku and I, Euphy...you are also a person of intensely strong conviction, someone willing to make deep sacrifices for what you believe in."

"And what exactly are the implications of that, Lelouch?" Cornelia asked, with a shrewd, focused look, the same expression she wore when making calculations on the battle field.

"The stronger the conviction, the stronger the Geass." Lelouch looked back over at Euphy. "The more intense your will, the more quickly you can develop it under pressure. But if you try to push the development too far, if the power exceeds your level of control, then you hit Geass Runaway. You...wanted to help us very badly, Euphy, and so..."

"So...there's no way to turn it off, now?" she asked.

"Not by your own will," Lelouch admitted heavily. "We'll have to go back to Britannia right away. Considering the conditions of your Geass, there might be something that could help, if I can get a hold of C.C. again. We just have to be very careful who you come in contact with on the way back, Euphy. If you accidentally caused someone dangerous to be forgiven..."

"Actually, Lelouch, the reporter who started all this trouble...the Black Knights just let him go earlier."

"What? They _released_ him?" Cornelia demanded furiously, though only because he wasn't in the room.

Kallen clenched her fists. "After what he pulled? How could they?!"

"Please don't get mad at them," Euphy begged. "It was really my fault."

Cornelia's eyes softened immediately, along with Kallen's.

"I guess it's alright then, Euphy," her sister told her.

"After all, you didn't mean it," Kallen seconded.

"Lelouch...are they..."

"You're looking at them, so the moment they accepted the thought that you bore any blame, they were affected by your Geass."

"Oh, but I didn't mean..."

"It's fine, Euphy. I could never stay angry with you for long, anyway," Cornelia told her kindly.

"But now, you'll just forgive me instantly, no matter what I do."

"And what's wrong with that?"

"When you forgave Lelouch instantly, it made it so easy for him to try all those callous tests."

_Will I become cruel, too, if I'm never admonished, if everyone automatically forgives me when I do something hurtful, so that I never even have the chance to realize I've wronged someone else?_

"I don't know what tests you're talking about," Kallen said, "but I'm sure Lelouch had a good reason. The both of you should just stop being so hard on yourselves, right Cornelia?"

Her sister nodded, but Euphy found she was not similarly convinced.

_There has to be some way to stop this. You'll help me this time, won't you, Lelouch?_


	35. Cruelty

"Who is the best cat in the world?" Suzaku cooed. "The very best cat? The best? It's you!" he answered himself, scratching affectionately beneath Arthur's chin.

"I know he was your only companion while we were in Japan, but you have that cat so spoiled, it's embarrassing me, Suzaku."

"Lelouch! You're back!" Suzaku shouted, rushing over to latch onto his friend's biceps with almost bruising force. Lelouch noticed every one of his fingers was bandaged.

_Arthur?_

"He chews on you incessantly, and he's the best cat in the world?" Lelouch teased, hoping that Suzaku would relax his grip if he just calmed down a bit.

"To me, he's the only cat in the world," Suzaku answered simply.

Lelouch was about to retort when he realized that his friend was completely serious. _There must have been other people around when you saw other cats, and so Arthur is the only one you remember..._

That only made him more worried. "Suzaku, tell me honestly, how have you been while we were away?"

"Oh, um, I've...I've been great, Lelouch. I mean, all those books and games you left have been...good." As if to prove he was even more pathetic at lying, Suzaku pasted a fake smile on at the end of his speech. He still hadn't released his death grip on Lelouch's arms.

"Euphy's back too, right?" he asked eagerly.

"Yes. She and...someone related to her just went to drop off her luggage in her own suite. She should be here any minute. But remember, Suzaku, as I told you on the phone, you can't touch her, and she mustn't look at you, or else her Geass will automatically target you."

"But Lelouch, what does it matter, if it makes me forgive you and Euphy? I'm not angry in the first place."

"You're not angry according to what you remember, but you don't have all your memories. Although we can't know for sure without testing it, her Geass can likely make you forgive sins that I've sealed off, as well. It will even make you forgive yourself, which could change you in ways contrary to what your will would be, if you remembered everything. That's why Euphy and I have agreed that we need to take precautions. Please just try to be patient. You can still talk to her, and because of the way her Geass targeting works, there may be a way for her to see you again, very soon."

"Good. That's good," Suzaku said, wretchedly failing to produce a real smile, again.

"Suzaku, are you sure you've been alright?" Lelouch pressed.

"How could I not be? I have no responsibilities." _No purpose._ "I can just sit here and play games all day long." _Sinking ever deeper into depression._ "I don't have to do anything...or see anyone." _Totally alone._ "All my meals appear under the door, as if by magic." S_lid under door by Sayoko, as if she were feeding a prisoner. _ "I...I just..."

"You're alone, isolated by the Power of the King," Lelouch stated bluntly.

"I guess...that's true. I feel like you and Euphy are the only people that exist, and when you went away... I just, I wondered if you were ever coming back. If you would forget about me."

_Oh, Suzaku, you have no idea how much the two of us worried about you. _ "No. No, there's no way we could ever do that," he assured him, reaching up to pat Suzaku comfortingly on the elbow before the lack of blood flow in Lelouch's arms completely immobilized them.

"But, for you, there's a whole world out there—"

"That's right. A peaceful world, that we both worked so hard for. You will get to see it again someday, Suzaku, I promise."

"Suzaku, are you in here?" Euphy called, smiling as she stepped into the room, blackout goggles firmly in place. Her expression dimmed a bit, though, as she heard no immediate response.

Putting on a smile for Suzaku's benefit that was surely much more convincing than the one Lelouch himself had received, he tried very hard to pretend that that his best friend hadn't tightened his grip well past the point of pain as soon as he'd seen Euphy. _It's probably taking everything he has not to rush over to her right now._ Intent on distracting her from the fact that Suzaku was teetering on the edge of an impending mental breakdown, Lelouch told her lightly, "Suzaku was just telling me how good Arthur has been while we've been away."

"I'm glad to hear that. Then, he hasn't been biting you, Suzaku?" Euphy asked, letting go of the wall in order to blindly step a little closer. Even though Lelouch knew it was only a temporary and easily reversible measure, it caused him a surprisingly sharp flash of pain to see her tilting her head around in order to find their location, the way Nunnally had when she was first blinded by their father's Geass.

"You know, I don't know what it is, Euphy. While you were gone, sometimes, when I'd get to...thinking a bit, Arthur would just walk up and bite me."

"For no reason?"

"I wasn't doing anything."

_Just moping around depressed, I'll bet_, Lelouch thought.

"Hmmm. I'll have a talk with him," Euphy promised.

_That never works with cats, Euphy. I'll just have to send Sayoko out for more kitty treats, so we can get Arthur to lay off a bit now that we're back._

Unluckily, when the bribery of the feline was complete, Lelouch was stuck trying to deal with yet another intractable creature, in the impromptu workshop Nunnally had hurriedly set up for him in her private rooms.

"I wish you would explain this in more detail, C.C.," Lelouch grumbled. At least he could take solace in the fact that when he needed to accomplish something secretly and on short notice, it was incredibly handy to have a little sister who also happened to be Empress. _I'll try not to mess up your carpet, Nunnally...any more than I already have. _Lelouch winced as he surveyed the strange pattern of bleached and somewhat charred spots he'd created so far. Some of it was also soaking wet.

"Are you sure I'm focusing right?" he asked. It was all well and good for C.C. to offhandedly tell him that he could project the power of the Code in order to imbue an object with the basic building blocks that formed both Code and Geass, but it was quite another thing to actually try to do it with her vague instructions.

"You are if you're doing what I told you," C.C. replied, not even looking up from her perusal of a pizza menu, although she already had a slice in her hand. _It would serve her right if she finally got fat._

Lelouch glared at her in frustration. "Can't you take this a little more seriously?"

"What is there to be so serious about?"

He struggled to keep hold of his temper. "I have one Contractee who could accidentally get every mass murderer on the planet pardoned, and another living in a very small prison he can't even imagine the outside of."

"Maybe it's not so bad. She'd make a great defense lawyer, and at least he can catch up on his sleep."

Lelouch scowled at her attempt to make light of the situation. "She's unwillingly violating her own morals, and his entire world consists of three people and a cat!"

"Lelouch, your focus is off," C.C. responded, deadpan.

"My fo—" With a start, he dropped the blackened, smoking item he'd been holding. _Great. Now I'm going to have to start all over again._ His latest failure produced an annoying hiss as he poured half a glass of water over it, and the best he could hope for was that he'd at least prevented it from becoming a potential fire hazard. Sighing, Lelouch looked glumly around Nunnally's tastefully decorated office, taking in the soft leather and cream of the upholstery, the whimsical watercolor landscapes hung on the walls, and the antique hardwood furniture, polished to an almost mirror finish. His eyes landed on the photos placed prominently on Nunnally's desk with a sharp pang of guilt. _She must have gone to some trouble to get that picture of the two of us with Euphy when we were children, and that one of Suzaku—it's so rare for him to smile like that._

Lelouch's fists clenched. Although Nunnally tried not to let the enforced separation drag her spirits down, he knew it hurt her deeply to be completely forgotten by such a close friend. _Now, Euphy can't even look at her, either. _The thought of everything they'd lost already made him fiercely determined to succeed in at least his current endeavor, even if it did end up costing several more hours of his strained patience and three more burnt patches of carpet.

"Well?" he asked, holding the clear disk up to the light.

C.C. nodded. "It's as good as the first. I still don't see why you insisted on making two, when you don't even know if these will block her Geass yet."

"Cornelia is already complaining about how much pizza you charged to her credit card. I don't want to know what it would cost to get you back here a second time."

The witch smiled, stretching luxuriously across the arm of the couch (which she'd forced Lelouch to drag in from the living room), in order to reach for another slice. "I have centuries of experience; she should expect high consulting fees. Speaking of which—"

"You know I don't have any money, C.C.," he told her.

"I happen to know that Zero has access to a great deal of funding."

"I'm not stealing money from Suzaku, especially not when he's helpless like this!" Lelouch exclaimed, scandalized.

"Then why don't you—"

"I'm not going to abuse my Geass by ordering Schneizel to give you money, either!"

"Well, you could always—"

"And I'm not bumming money off my little sister, even if she is Empress!"

C.C. pouted. "Such a grave misuse of your predictive talents, Lelouch. Instead of heartlessly shooting down my attempts to further my culinary education before I even voice them, why don't you predict what style of pizza I want to eat next?" she asked, closing the empty box.

"How can you be finished with that, already?!" he shouted, staring at the box in blind shock for a moment. Shaking his head, Lelouch finally decided that some things were beyond even his genius level of understanding. After grudgingly seeing to it that C.C. was once more appeased by the gods of crust and cheese, he was more than grateful to call Cornelia and leave for Euphy's suite. Thankfully, his older sister didn't keep him waiting there long.

"It's good that you got here so quickly, Cornelia," he said, as soon as she'd finished greeting Euphy, who was keeping her eyes closed for the moment. "We need to test this out right away. You understand what will happen if it fails, though, right?"

"You've warned me more than enough times about what can go wrong, Lelouch. I only wish C.C. could have been clearer about the initial explanation," Cornelia grumbled.

"Yes, she was annoyingly vague," he commiserated, remembering his own lingering frustration. "Well, since you went to the trouble of hauling her back here, I'll see if I can explain it a little better, now that I've actually completed the process." He frowned, trying to think of how to phrase things so that Cornelia would understand. "Essentially, forming a 'false Contract' with an object, which obviously has no will or wishes to manifest, results in the creation of an 'anti-Geass', an inverse echo of what Geass should be, which is what makes it capable of cancelling a normal Geass out."

_Of course, since it doesn't have the will to accept a Contract gracefully, the object is often overwhelmed by the power of the Code searching in vain for a connection, which apparently ends up cooking small items and carpets—but I'd rather forget about that part. _ "While it's nowhere near as flexible as Jeremiah's volitional, range capable Geass Canceller, which was produced by binding a Contract to a cyborg—both man and object at once—the advantage of using a totally mindless object is that its 'false Contract', not having a human will directing it, relies passively on the immortal strength of the Code it's bound to. Therefore, it will work continuously, constantly blocking Euphy's Geass, without someone having to deliberately will that Geass off. Theoretically, at least. Now, we'll get to see if what I made actually works."

"Euphy, open your eyes." She did, looking straight at Cornelia. "Do you feel any differently now?" he asked their older sister. "Any sudden urges to forgive yourself for everything you've been guilty of since the last time Euphy looked at you?"

"No," Cornelia answered slowly, frowning, "but as you insisted on pointing out to me back in Japan, I already forgave myself for everything that happened before then." Sadness briefly tugged the corners of her mouth down. "Even about Lady Marianne's death, and what happened to you and Nunnally afterward—even about Euphy herself..."

Lelouch winced, and Euphy gave their sister a sympathetic look. "You know you weren't to blame for my death to begin with, Cornelia."

"None of that was your fault," Lelouch agreed.

Cornelia shook her head. "Even if the guilt is gone, I still know it was my responsibility to protect my little sister—just as it was my duty to guard Lady Marianne. You blamed me for her death yourself, didn't you, Lelouch? That's why you—"

"I was _wrong_, Cornelia," he said, forcefully cutting her off. _When Clovis told me that you and Schneizel would know more, I just assumed..._ "I am sorry, for that," he added, much more quietly. _The truth of my mother's assassination was so very different than what any of us imagined. _"I'm glad you've forgiven yourself for my mother's death and for Euphy's. The invasion of Japan while Nunnally and I were there was never your fault, either. But there are things you _do_ hold responsibility for—no one wants to see a repeat of what happened in Saitama Ghetto, even if you no longer feel any guilt over it."

He sighed. "Remember, too, that the big, obvious things aren't all you have to worry about, Cornelia. As I explained to you and Kallen before we returned home, you need to spend some time thinking very critically about how you've treated people in the past, because you're not going to feel like you have anything to apologize for. Also—"

"You already gave me that lecture twice, Lelouch. I assure you, I don't need reminding," Cornelia said, her patience for his warnings obviously beginning to wear thin. _So, the contacts really are working._

"Very well," he agreed grudgingly. "Then tell me, are you still mad at me for sending you off to retrieve C.C.?"

She grimaced. "I know Zero has a media problem right now, Lelouch, but you could at least have warned me about that woman. The moment she got her greasy fingers on my credit card—"

"Okay, Euphy, that's your cue."

"Right!" she said and promptly dumped a glass of water over Cornelia's head.

"Euphy, what in the world are you _doing_?" Cornelia sputtered.

"Testing if the contacts work," Euphy answered straightforwardly, apparently not feeling the least bit ashamed of her behavior.

"Lelouch! You put her up to this," Cornelia growled.

"Euphy, grab her hand, now!"

Thankfully, the instant she did, Cornelia's expression gentled. "Well, I supposed it was only a harmless test," she conceded, lifting her hand as soon as Euphy released it, in order to wipe her wet bangs out of her face. "Actually, I suddenly feel much—" Lelouch dumped another glass of water on her.

"Lelouch!" Cornelia snarled, fury returned. "I swear I'm going to—"

He grabbed Euphy's hand.

"To forgive my annoying little brother for his annoying little stunt," Cornelia finished with a wry smile, shaking her head at him fondly.

"Hmm. So it appears that blocking Euphy's eyes does not prevent the Geass from working through physical contact, even just one sided contact. Perhaps it's enough for her to know the other person is present? And Cornelia, you forgave yourself, didn't you? When Euphy first touched your hand?"

"I...yes," she said after a moment's hesitation. "I had to lie to Guilford when we returned here, in order to keep Euphy's Geass and your own survival a secret, Lelouch, but now, thinking back on that deception doesn't make me uncomfortable at all."

"I see," Lelouch said, frowning heavily. "We should probably continue with the test—"

"Lelouch, I may have forgiven you," Cornelia interrupted, "but there's nothing wrong with my logic. I'm not stupid enough to passively stand around and let you to use me as a guinea pig, in order to work out the minor details of your pet theories," she informed him, accepting a towel from Euphy with a small smile.

"Fine," he grumbled, not exactly pleased with her decision or the condescending way she had described his "pet theories". "Well, I guess I know enough to extrapolate," he said. "But the conclusions are..." He trailed off, frowning.

"How bad can it be, Lelouch?" Cornelia asked. "At least with the contacts in, it's not affecting everyone."

"It's not her affect on _other_ people that is going to be the biggest problem, anymore," he replied, trying not to sound as worried as he felt. "Cornelia, I'm sure you realize that Euphy is normally an extremely kind person. That's partly because she's so sensitive to the suffering of others that she feels very badly if she hurts someone else, intentionally or not. That feeling motivates her to be kinder in the future. Now, however, with her Geass constantly active, no matter what she intellectually knows, she will never truly _feel_ the weight of any harm she causes."

Euphy nodded. "I can feel sad that you suffered something unpleasant, Cornelia, when you were unexpectedly soaked. I can feel disappointed because we all hoped these contacts would solve everything, and that didn't happen. I don't feel guilty, though," Euphy told them solemnly. "Not even for doing this test without asking. I really tried to it, and I know I should, but I just don't," she confessed, beginning to reach out for her elder sister's hand, as if to give comfort or receive it, before aborting the gesture. "I guess I shouldn't touch people anymore," she said sadly, "since I can't control it."

"Euphy, no," Cornelia said, reaching out to take her hand, anyway. "I don't care if I have to forgive Lelouch for his annoying tests. I just want to be close to my little sister."

Euphy smiled gratefully up at her for a moment before impulsively throwing herself into her sister's arms, headless of her still damp hair and clothes. "Thank you, Cornelia! You are the best big sister ever!" she said, tucking her head under Cornelia's chin.

"You know I'll always be here for you, Euphy," she answered fondly, fiercely hugging her little sister back.

_Of course, her Geass won't allow you to get angry enough to leave._

It was a particularly dangerous combination. _At the same time as it erases your anger, her Geass now constantly dissolves the greatest incentives she would have to be careful with others' feelings—all the little guilty reminders that help people continually readjust their behavior and thereby grow closer to each other. If her normal modus operandi were to follow a very regimented set of rules, it would be different, but Euphy is not an analytical person. She doesn't make decisions by dispassionately considering every option in minute detail and then logically selecting the one with the best risk to reward ratio. She just does what feels right, but now __**everything**__ feels equally right to her._

_...How long will Euphy still be Euphy?_

It only took until the next morning for things to go horribly wrong.

"But Lelouch, you told me last night that I have to be more analytical from now on, and that's exactly what I did—I sat down and thought about all the conditions, just like you do. After thinking it completely through, this is _definitely_ the best solution."

"Euphy, you can't have actually considered all the implications of what you're asking, or you wouldn't have suggested this in the first place. You're just thinking of the ends, without being able to understand the true impact of the means."

She shook her head. "You always make things so complicated, Lelouch, but it's actually very simple. You made him forget everyone who is alive in order to save me, when you should have just made him forget one single person: me. Then he could keep his memories of Nunnally and Cornelia and Schneizel and everyone else. While it's true that Cornelia will be sad to lose me, it's not fair for me to keep living as a parasite. Besides, if I tell her ahead of time what we're going to do, I can make sure that she forgives us for making this decision. Then, as soon as its done, Suzaku will be free and all the people who are sad about losing him will have a chance to be happy again."

"You forgot just one important thing, Euphy," Lelouch told her, gesturing toward the doorway.

"Oh! Suzaku! I didn't know you were there." If she had been herself, she would have been aching with guilt for putting that shocked, agonized look on his face. Instead, she only seemed a little sad. "I know you want to help me, but please understand that it would be much better for you to just forget about me."

"No! No, there's no way that could be better for me!" Suzaku objected, taking a few rapid steps forward into the room.

"Of course it would be better. Once it's done, you'll be reunited with everyone else, and you'll have forgotten that I even existed," she told him reassuringly. He responded with a look of pure horror.

"Euphy, pleases stop saying this! You haven't thought it through fully!" Lelouch insisted, wondering how Suzaku would react if he tried to temporarily gag her in front of him. _Don't you realize what you're suggesting, Euphy? It's terrible enough to lose someone important, but to forget that person completely, to lose all the beautiful memories and everything you learned together..._

Lelouch felt a vibration creeping across his skin, like some deep impact had hit somewhere far off, and the rippling waves of it were just beginning to reach him.

_What __**was**__ that?_

He only had to wonder for the few seconds it took him to turn toward his best friend. Thanks to his focusing work with C.C., Lelouch had finally gained the skill to see the light of Geass manifested in the eyes of his Contractees, without needing any physical contact at all.

_Suzaku's right eye is..._

"Euphy, no matter what, I don't want to forget you!" he shouted.

"But this is for your own good, Suzaku," she told him patiently.

"Euphy, don't say another word," Lelouch commanded, "not until you understand. You're half his world, and you're threatening to take his sole purpose in life away! There's no way he'll agree."She frowned, and the ensuing moment of silence allowed him to believe he'd gotten through to her.

"But Lelouch, you can just _make_ him forget me, can't you?" she responded eventually, her frown clearing as Euphy broke both the silence and his naïve optimism. "That way he can finally have his _real_ life back."

"Suzaku, no!" Lelouch shouted, his eyes registering a flicker of movement off to his side, but it was too late. Suzaku was already dashing forward in response to her words, the light of Geass blazing in both of his eyes with the ferocity of his singular focus of will.

"No! No! Don't take her from me, Lelouch!" he screamed, reaching out to clutch her close before Lelouch could even take a step in her direction. "Don't make Euphy die!" he pleaded, his Geass working overtime to tether her to life, even as his anger faded completely away into fear.

_Oh, Suzaku, I warned you not to touch her._

"I won't make you forget Euphy," he promised. "Suzaku, you don't remember this, but someone once made _me_ forget the person I wanted to protect more than anything." He faced Euphy squarely. "Euphy, do you truly think I could bear to rob _anyone_ of such irreplaceable memories? Do you want me to become just like that—that _thief_, who took something so precious from me?" _ I am __**not**__ my father._ "No, not even for you will I betray my best friend like this." _Not after all the ways I've betrayed him already._

She blinked, looking back and forth between him and Suzaku, seeming to slowly realize some of the nasty implications of doing what she'd just suggested. "Lelouch, Suzaku...I've made a terrible mistake, haven't I? I missed something very important. I thought Suzaku could just give up on me, but the truth is, he would feel so guilty if he did that, wouldn't he? And you would feel so guilty if you took his memories away, Lelouch. But when I tried to think about how the two of you would feel..."

He sucked in a shocked breath. "You couldn't even properly _imagine_ our guilt," Lelouch realized in alarm. "You normally empathize by putting yourself in the other person's place and thinking about how you'd feel in that situation. Of course, for you, there's no guilt in any situation now, hypothetical or not. The Geass goes that far in erasing all guilt from your mind."

"Yes," she admitted sadly. "I didn't mean to suggest something so upsetting. I just—"

"Wanted to help. I know that, Euphy," he acknowledged. "That's why Geass Runaway is so dangerous—it twists your true wish into something that can work against you. In this case, your Geass destroys the moral compass that you would normally have to guide you toward the happy future you want." He sighed. "I'll keep searching for something better than the contacts. I know we can't just leave things as they are, Euphy."

"Don't make the situation sound so dire in front of her, Lelouch," Suzaku pleaded. "This was all just a misunderstanding, Euphy, so please don't look so sad. It's okay, really," he insisted, any anger he might have held unnaturally soothed by her Geass.

"It is _not_ okay, Suzaku," Lelouch insisted. _She won't have her normal guilt to caution her against doing something like this again, so she has to be told explicitly._ "As terrible and wretched and destructive as the darker human emotions are, we can feel hate and anger and guilt for a _reason_. To take the risk of trusting another person is the only path toward peace—but to trust unwisely is the surest path to destruction." He shivered as he thought of what V.V. had done to his mother and Nunnally, of how Rolo had killed Shirley, of how the Black Knights had turned on Zero.

_If I'd stupidly reconciled with my parents and placed my trust in my father's path, then the whole world..._

"These negative feelings should teach us caution towards others and even more importantly, caution about our own actions. Even though a person can't find happiness without eventually forgiving himself, if he feels no guilt for the harm he does, he will eventually destroy the happiness of everyone around—including himself." _The Mt. Fuji landslide that crushed so many civilians, the massacre at the Special Administration Zone, F.L.E.I.J.A.—sometimes I can't even bear to think about how much suffering my own foolish decisions have caused. What if I'd learned nothing at all from my mistakes? How many more people would have died because of me? _

Euphy looked at Suzaku very sadly. "The truth is I owe you a very deep apology. I wish that I could feel remorse the way I should—"

"You don't have to apologize, Euphy. I forgive you."

"I know you do," she said, giving him a soft, tired smile, but something in her tone sounded almost despairing. "I just wish I could tell, whether you would have chosen to forgive me of your own free will or not," she said, looking down at one of the hands he still clutched her with, her left eye burning with the inextinguishable Power of Kings. "Lelouch, I think I can understand a little bit of what you must have been through, at last. The power of Geass...it can leave the wielder so cold."

"I'm truly sorry, Euphy," he told her, feeling the awful chill in the pit of his stomach, which had set in when Suzaku's left eye first began to burn, ice further up his spine. "I only wanted to make things better, and yet I've granted you the very power that is destroying your kindness."

"I warned you at the start. I wish you hadn't done something so dangerous," Suzaku said tiredly, apparently content to admit the truth now that Lelouch had refused to sugar coat things for Euphy.

"You were right to censure me, Suzaku," he admitted, feeling the guilt all the more keenly now that he had to handle Euphy's share as well. "I shouldn't have pushed this on her."

Pink locks spilled over her shoulders as Euphy shook her head. "You're being a bit conceited, aren't you, Lelouch? You didn't make the decision for me, and it's not only you that wants a better world," she objected. "When you offered me this Geass, you never once claimed that it came without drawbacks, or that change would be easy. But even if my choices are much heavier now, I won't simply abandon the things I believe in." She looked at him earnestly. "Just as you and Suzaku have shouldered the weight of your own decisions, I will bear the cost, too, for the sake of the kinder world _I_ want."

"So please don't feel guilty anymore," she added, giving Lelouch a pleading look, "because this is the path Ichose for myself, and just like always, I forgive you, Lelouch."

He laughed, half amused and half bitter. "If only I could tell whether that's your true forgiveness or just an effect of your own Geass."

She smiled. "Lelouch, you told me that my Geass is the wish that repeated again and again inside my heart, so either way, if I've forgiven you, it's because it was my wish to do so."

"Euphy..." He smiled wryly. "You're right. This is the path you've chosen to follow. Since that's so, you must press forward, for the sake of the future you want."

"Is there a way to that future, Lelouch? A future where all of us can be happy together?"

Lelouch looked at Suzaku's burning eyes and made the calculations.

"There might still be a way, Euphy," he answered hesitantly. "It depends on how much you're willing to risk."


	36. Stagnation

"You understand what I'm saying, right? Developing a Geass is something like training a muscle."

"So that means you have no experience in it?" Euphy teased.

"Hey, there were mandatory physical education classes at Ashford Academy," Lelouch objected. "I even showed up, on occasion," he quipped, smiling with good humor. _I want to enjoy these moments together, in case..._ "Essentially, what I'm telling you is that the more you exert your Geass, the stronger it will get. To develop Geass to the highest level, though, you need a very strong desire and an intense focus."

"So I need to be as determined as Suzaku."

"I think in the case of our local exercise nut, it's more like desperate, blind recklessness, but you get the idea. It's only when your Geass is fully developed that you'll have the power to effectively clear your own name, as well as Suzaku's. The only question is whether you feel you have enough incentive."

He studied her face carefully. "You have always been more concerned for others than you have been for yourself, Euphy, so I know if you ask for forgiveness for both yourself and Suzaku at the same time, that would be a much greater incentive than for yourself alone, right?"

"Of course. You _know_ how much I want to help him, Lelouch," she said sincerely.

"I'm afraid just wanting to help in general won't be enough. If Suzaku asked you for a glass of water, you would bring it to him without really thinking too much of it, right?"

"I don't understand where you're going with this," she admitted, frowning, "but yes, I would."

"Now, if he were dying of thirst, and he asked you to bring him a glass of water, even though the required action would be the same, your will to do so would be much greater, because you would know completing that task was much more vital. That's why...we're going to watch some videos."

"Ah, I'm not quite sure how that follows, Lelouch," Euphy said, looking more confused than anything else.

"You soon will be," he told her ominously, thinking through the titles he had on hand. It was hard to decide which to show first. "Hmmm...Knight of Betrayal: A Documentary? The Emperor's Reaper? Or maybe White Nightmare: The Crimes of Lancelot... Do you have a preference, Euphy?"

Given how rare it was for Suzaku to fall asleep as early as he had that night, Lelouch couldn't afford to waste the opportunity to show Euphy the things their friend had temporarily forgotten, no matter how much he would have preferred to be making more pleasant memories instead. Consequently, it soon turned into an awful evening, indeed.

At first Euphy had just stared at the T.V. in shock, as if unable to entirely comprehend the vitriol that was playing in front of her. She had started crying during the documentary coverage of the damages from F.L.E.I.J.A., though, as they watched body bags, large and small, stacked against the Tokyo skyline. Schneizel had shown up soon after, and Lelouch had to wonder if it were really a coincidence he'd come over so late, or if his older brother had an uncanny knack for predicting when his younger siblings were in distress. _I wonder if that task I gave him with C.C. tipped him off?_

For his own part, Lelouch was still trying his stubborn best to act like he wasn't affected at all, although he didn't think he had either his brother or sister entirely fooled. _If I had just listened to Suzaku back then, he wouldn't have been forced to fire F.L.E.I.J.A. in Tokyo. If I hadn't put my __**Geass**__ on him, he would never have fired it at all._

It wasn't much better, being reminded of all the pitched battles he'd sent Suzaku into as the Knight of Zero, gambling on that same Geass to keep him alive against all odds. _Suzaku, I don't know if I'll ever deserve to be entirely forgiven for the things I did to you, but I wanted to try to earn your forgiveness on my own._ Unfortunately, Euphy's Runaway Geass had taken that choice out of Suzaku's hands, the moment he'd reached for her. On the other hand, it had also finally caused him to completely forgive himself for everything he'd ever done (at least, that he could remember), a side effect which Lelouch probably should have felt much more upset over than he actually did.

"Is that the end, finally?" Euphy asked, as the credits of the last video began to scroll across the screen.

"Yes. How do you feel about it, Euphy?"

"It was awful, Lelouch! They made him out to be an absolute villain! A villain! Our kind hearted Suzaku!" she wailed, burying her face in Schneizel's shoulder again. Like Cornelia, their elder brother apparently didn't see any problem with being subjected to Euphy's Geass in present company, a fact which also made Lelouch mildly uncomfortable.

_What was I supposed to do, though? Tell him he couldn't even reach out to comfort her, when she was sobbing like that? Schneizel is very analytical, anyway. Even without a guilt laden conscience, I'm sure __he won't repeat the mistakes of the past. _Unfortunately, Lelouch didn't have the same confidence where Suzaku and Cornelia were concerned. _Suzaku, especially, is more than impulsive enough as it is. _

Of course, from that standpoint, it wasn't possible to entirely keep from worrying about Kallen, either. _Will she really be okay, with just the instructions I gave her before I left Japan?_ She'd certainly have her hands full, dealing with all the people whose mental landscapes had been suddenly altered by Euphy's uncontrolled Geass. Lelouch was deeply tempted to go back to check on her personally, because he knew Kallen tended to downplay her own problems almost as much as Suzaku.

Both the media frenzy surrounding Zero and his own emotional entanglement with her made a personal visit a bad idea, though. _It was difficult enough convincing her to accept another goodbye, even though someone needs to stay in Tokyo to keep an eye on the situation. Who knows how she'll react if I show up briefly, only to say goodbye yet again? Besides which, I can't just abandon Euphy and Suzaku to fly half-way around the world right now, not when they need me here so much._ Lelouch knew he would have to solve the bigger problem of Geass Runaway first and then hope that he'd still be in a position to help Kallen afterward.

"They certainly did make Suzaku out to be a monster, Euphy," he finally got around to contributing, forcing his mind back onto the videos they'd just watched, unpleasant as they had been. _After the deliberately inflammatory level of media suppression I engaged in as Emperor, they probably started producing dozens of these sorts of films the very day I died, in retaliation for all I prevented them from saying._

"Even though he never wanted to fire it, even though your 'despotic reign' was only a horrible trick..." Euph's inhale trembled noticeably. "People...they actually hate him. They really hate him!" she said, clearly still not over her shock.

"Yes, they do," he confirmed. _Do you have a deeper conviction to change that now, Euphy? Will it be enough?_

"In fact, the only person in the entire history of the world that they made out to be worse is _you_!"

"I am the Demon Emperor, after all," he acknowledged quietly, but Euphy didn't seem quite as sanguine about it, if the pained look she was giving him was any indication.

"Why don't you show her the final act, Lelouch?" Schneizel suggested.

Lelouch gave his brother a betrayed look, feeling like he'd just been stabbed in the back. "What does that have to do with anything? Suzaku was dead to the world, by that time!"

"To most of the world, yes, but to the people who care most for you, that is also a sin which needs to be forgiven."

"What is he talking about, Lelouch?"

He gave Schneizel and extremely sour look. "He's talking about Zero Requiem: when Suzaku killed me."

"Oh. But he didn't mean that, either!"

"At the time of the assassination, _everyone_ involved believed that Lelouch would truly die, never to revive."

"Schneizel!" Lelouch shouted, over Euphy's horrified gasp. _Why would you tell her that?_

"In order for this plan to succeed," Schneizel defended, "she must cultivate a deep incentive to use her power—is that not the very reason you gave me for showing this hateful ignorance mascaraing as truth, Lelouch? So if you make Kururugi's sins sound less grave than they are, it will clearly work against your objective."

Lelouch clenched his fists, unable to escape Schneizel's logic, no matter how much he detested the conclusion.

"Although you refuse to tell me the details, I know this plan must be very important," Schneizel continued, "or you wouldn't have asked me to work with C.C. to reactivate the Thought Elevators. Can you really afford to hold back?"

"...No," he acknowledged through gritted teeth, though his anger did nothing to change the situation. Schneizel only looked back at him placidly, a gentle arm wrapped comfortingly around Euphy's shoulders, and eventually Lelouch sighed, feeling the fight go out of him. "Fine. Your logic is correct, Schneizel. I...I'll have to show her Zero Requiem, too."

_I haven't seen it myself since I tried to solve the mystery of how I ended up with a Code._

He definitely wasn't looking forward to Nunnally's screams, and Lelouch stood frozen with his fingers poised to start the recording, feeling that he should at least explain a bit for the sake of defending Suzaku's honor.

"In the end, Euphy, since I could never take back my accidental Geass, the only thing I could do was continue on the path it set me on. I became the ultimate evil, so that Suzaku, as Zero, could slay me and bring peace, not just to Japan, but to the world."

"That, Euphy, was Zero Requiem—a desperately important but very costly plan that both Suzaku and I and many others paid for, each in our own ways. I...before I saw his memories, I couldn't even have imagined how much it would cost him to kill me on my own orders. He deeply grieved over what happened and did everything in his power to stop me from dying a second time." Lelouch started the video, and the three people on the couch remained completely silent, in varying shades of shock, pain, and revulsion, until its completion.

"Horrible. It was _horrible_," Euphy said at the end of it, shuddering. "I wanted to scream right along with Nunnally, and I can't even imagine how this must have been for Suzaku! You even had _Schneizel_ chained up in rags!" She looked at Lelouch with hurt eyes, as if wondering whether he'd really made up with their brother or not.

"I had no choice, Euphy. After the things he did, I had to treat him so poorly, in order to turn public sympathy in his favor again," Lelouch explained, cringing just a bit, because he didn't really want to be reminded of what he'd done with Schneizel sitting _right there_ beside him, looking kind and sympathetic. _He __**did**__ try to kill me and rule the world through fear. _

It felt almost unfair that no matter the depth of someone else's sins, it didn't seem to absolve him of his own.

"It must have been so awful for everyone," Euphy responded, looking back and forth between the two of them for a moment, before fixing her tearful gaze on him. "How could something like that have been your master plan, Lelouch? To have your best friend kill you in front of your little sister and all the friends you pretended to betray? To have thousands cheering your violent death on live international television?" She shook her head. "I know you're supposed to be a genius, but this...this is the worst plan I've ever heard of, Lelouch!" she declared, looking ready to cry again over everything her friends and family had suffered through.

Lelouch scowled, because if there were one thing that could make him question his own plans, it was seeing someone he felt he should protect in pain. _I know Zero Requiem doesn't match up with your idealism or with Nunnally's, but sometimes idealism doesn't get results, Euphy. I did the best I could._ "It was necessary at the time, not because it was good in itself, but because the alternative, the unbroken continuation of the senseless, hate fueled cycle of violence, was even more unacceptable. Suzaku and I simply did what we had to do, but I'm sure you see why I want him to be forgiven for his actions."

Lelouch thought of all the vicious, condemning things that had been said about his best friend in the supposedly unbiased documentary. "Although there were terrible sacrifices made, Euphy, it was all done under my own orders. It was my Geass and my flawed decisions that caused F.L.E.I.J.A. to be fired in Tokyo, too. Suzaku doesn't deserve to be blamed for any of this, and he was only ever trying to help people, anyway. Will you save him from this unreasonable hatred, Euphy?" he pleaded, taking her hands, although of course the gesture cost him nothing, as he was unaffected by her Geass.

"I will," she declared, determined, before frowning. "But it seems like everyone in the whole _world_ hates him, Lelouch. How do I reach so many people with my Geass?"

"That's why I told you that you need a deep incentive. We won't know for certain until you try, but I believe that with your Geass fully developed, you'll have the power to affect everyone on the planet, at once. That's what I asked Schneizel to help with—finding us a path to reach the combined unconscious of humanity."

"We can do that?" Euphy asked, shocked.

"Yes," he said, before adding hesitantly, "but in order to achieve the future you want, there are risks even beyond that." It was already well into the small hours of the morning by then, though, and his fatigue from the long and unpleasant evening hadn't exactly boosted his fortitude. Not even Euphy protested too much when he begged off giving an explanation immediately. Of course, just then, she would have forgiven him for anything, but Lelouch was too tired to feel guilty about taking advantage of that fact.

Painful conversation thankfully concluded for the night, he had wearily shown Schneizel out before bidding goodnight to Euphy as well, hoping that a long rest would make the inevitable explanation a little easier. Late morning came without providing any relief from his worries about what would happen if his plan failed, though, and with Suzaku up early and so desperate for company, there was never a good time during the day to explain. Even when Schneizel finished making the necessary preparations three days later, Lelouch still found himself stalling, because revealing his plan to Euphy would be like committing to it, and he wasn't sure he had the strength for such cold hearted decision making anymore.

Finally, Schneizel had called him on his reluctance. "Why are you hesitating, Lelouch?"

_Because I have no control over this. Because it's like watching Nunnally in that hospital bed all over again, wishing with all my heart and yet not knowing if my little sister will live or die._

_But you already suspect that, don't you, Schneizel?_

"The usage of her Geass is only the first part of the plan. After all, even if Euphy succeeds in making the entire world forgive him, we know Suzaku won't benefit from that, as he is. The cost of freeing him, though..."

"Is Euphy," Schneizel finished, an unusually intent look in his eyes.

Lelouch's fingers dug into his palms. "If I just allow things to continue as they are, her Runaway Geass will eventually destroy the Euphy we know, anyway. But even so, I..."

_Why can't I find some other way out of this? Haven't I gone through the pain of losing a little sister enough times? _He stared furiously down at the table in front of him, because it was very hard to appreciate the point of all the sacrifices they'd already endured, if the future they'd crafted had no place for someone like her. _I only want for Euphy to live. That's all. How is it that I can try so hard and still be left with only pain and doubts?_

"What happens next is not your choice, though, is it, Lelouch?"

"...Correct," he admitted grudgingly. "Circumstances don't care about human will, and it's not my will that matters most in this case, anyway. Euphy tells me that she is determined not to continue living as a leech, and the feelings behind that decision aren't going to change, no matter how much I try to argue. However, now that she feels no guilt, even extreme, coercive action wouldn't be out of the question for her. After what she threatened to do this morning, I know I have to act quickly, but..."

_I don't know if I can bear to go through with this._

"Yes, it is very frustrating when your younger sibling grows up and decides to make extremely dangerous decisions without even consulting you," Schneizel said.

Lelouch glared at him. _Is this because of Zero Requiem? I put you through that, and so you don't have any sympathy now that I'm in such an unpleasant circumstance myself?_

"Even if I did 'die' twice on you, you don't have to be so cold about it when it's Euphy on the line."

"Do you remember our game at the Hidden City?" Schneizel asked, unexpectedly. "To repeat the same monotonous cycle again and again—it's unacceptable, isn't it? Even back then, I wanted to discover a new path."

"I'm _trying_ to do that, Schneizel, but it's obviously not working!"

"Then the best way to change the flow of things is to put the king in check, is it not?"

"Just what are you getting at?"

"I challenge you to a game of chess, Lelouch."

He scowled. _No matter how hard I try, I can't find any way forward that doesn't have the potential to destroy either Suzaku or Euphy. Now, you want to poke fun at my wavering strategy, by using my own Geass to beat me at a game of chess?_

He fetched the board and set it down on the table with a hard clack, setting the pieces up in a frenzy of fury and wounded pride. "You won't defeat me this time, Schneizel!" he said with narrowed eyes. _Maybe I can't clear the most important challenge, but I will at least prove that it's not for lack of effort! To match a Geass, I will just have to ensure that my will to win is absolute, as well!_

The next half hour was filled with the sharp click of the pieces and the careful building of patterns, as his anger faded into determined confidence, mind endlessly calculating through the shifting positions of white on black and black on white, maneuvering for the tiniest opening and fighting for the smallest advantage. _I can't be too reckless, but I can't let caution narrow my options too far, either. I believe in the superiority of my own strategies, and I will ensure that my vision of the future comes true!_

Lelouch smiled as they played through the last couple of moves. "Checkmate," he declared with deep satisfaction.

"Brilliant, as always. _That_ is the little brother I remember. Do you remember now as well, Lelouch?" Schneizel asked, not unkindly.

Lelouch blinked, remembering so many long passed strategy lessons delivered in the same voice. _Of course. You didn't want to see me lose at all. You only wanted to remind me of what I'd lost sight of._

"...Yes. There's no way I can win if I'm too afraid of losing to take any risks. Although it will mean my defeat if I actually end up sacrificing all my pieces, even so, I cannot achieve victory unless I am at least _willing_ to sacrifice any of them, for the goal I need to achieve."

"Yes, indeed."

Lelouch studied the board, eyes lingering on the victorious black king. "It's so much easier, when the losses are only chess pieces," he said with something very close to despair, "but it _can't_ be called life if the three of us just stay huddled in these rooms, suffering, but unwilling to move forward because we have too much to lose." _Unlike father, I won't choose a world of stagnant memories._ "If we have no future, then we have _nothing_ in the first place."

_It seems, no matter the cost, I __**must**__ be willing to take this risk!_


	37. Heart's Desire

She got up early that morning to thoroughly brush her hair out, before carefully braiding and coiling several strands at either side of her head. Euphy stared into the mirror, smoothing down the folds of her finest dress, the white one Cornelia was so fond of.

"You look beautiful."

She turned away from the mirror to see Lelouch standing behind her. "You really think so?"

"Yes," Lelouch answered, with the sort of conviction that he generally reserved for conquering the world or the chess board. She couldn't help but blush a bit.

"Thank you, Lelouch. Maybe it's selfish, but...if this is going to be the last time Suzaku sees me, then I want him to remember me as beautiful."

"Euphy, it would be impossible for him not to," Lelouch assured her kindly. "I've seen the inside of his mind, you know. He doesn't have a memory of you that _isn't_ beautiful."

She smiled. "Then, you're saying my wish has already been granted."

"Yes, but Euphy, I...I want more than just that wish to be fulfilled." His eyes were aching.

"Oh, Lelouch," she whispered, throwing her arms around him and not caring if it put misplaced creases in her dress. "Thank you. Thank you for everything you've done."

"I don't deserve _thanks_ for the things I've done to you," he replied, turning his head away, the sharp edge of bitterness in his voice. Sometimes, she really wished her Geass would work on him.

"What could be more painful, than to kill someone you love?" she asked him sadly. "Yet you did it for me, knowing that you would only be hated for it, because you knew _I_ would rather die than kill the people I wanted to protect. You granted that most important, painful wish. Afterward, you and Suzaku forgave each other, even though you had so many reasons not to, and granted another wish, although I wasn't there to see it at the time. As much as it cost you, you did everything in your power to bring this world peace and to protect Nunnally. You made up with Schneizel all on your own. You called Cornelia 'sister' again. Then, with so much to lose, you took one more risk and put your faith in me."

"Thank you, Lelouch," she repeated. "I will be worthy of it, of the loyalty both you and Suzaku have shown me," she promised him.

Lelouch's arms tightened around her waist, and he leaned his face into her hair, as Cornelia sometimes did. "I will miss you," he admitted in a strained voice. "I will miss you so much, Euphy, if—"

"Euphy? Lelouch?" Suzaku called from the other room.

For a moment, she stayed pressed against him, remembering a little girl and a little boy, a garden, and all the innocent, boundless joy of childhood. She recalled how she'd learned to love, so simply and without caution, when the gentleness of the world and her big sister's protective arms had been all she'd known.

_For everyone to be happy together—that's all I ever truly wanted._

She held the preciousness of that wish in her heart and let sweet memories of the past expand within her mind for just a second more, before stepping back from the man in front of her and the little girl she'd once been, in order to turn toward the love she'd come to as an adult, full of sorrows and doubts, and yet still so much hope.

"We're coming, Suzaku!"

_I could never want to leave you, but when the time comes, my Knight, please forgive me for what I'm going to do._

When they reached the living room, Suzaku was standing there with Arthur in his arms.

"Good kitty!" she said, reaching out to scratch behind his ear when she noticed that Suzaku actually had a few fingers that weren't currently bandaged. Arthur purred appreciatively. "I see you two have been getting along better."

"Suzaku, don't tell me we're going to have to pry you away from Arthur when we have to leave?" Lelouch teased. "You know I'm not bringing him to C's World. Who knows what mischief he'd get up to?"

"I know we can't bring him. It's just...he'll be all alone, won't he? Because it's only the three of us who live here."

_He must be worried that Arthur will be lonely like he was. _ Euphy looked at him tenderly. _The world is wrong—you are __**not**__ a monster, Suzaku! I will show that to everyone, very soon._

"Since there are a few people Euphy and I are going to say goodbye to before we leave, I can ask one of them to look in on Arthur while we're gone, alright?" Lelouch offered.

Suzaku nodded, obviously relieved. "You hear that, Arthur? When I'm gone, you'll be able to have a visitor."

_I guess even Arthur has suffered because of this arrangement. _Euphy gave him an extra pet or two to make up for the attention he'd been missing. _Poor kitty._

"Euphy, we had better make our goodbyes to them now. Suzaku, you'll have to wait back in the bedroom."

Suzaku nodded and dutifully retreated to the aforementioned room, so that Lelouch could unlock the adjoining door to what had once been C.C.'s suite. Cornelia, Nunnally, and Schneizel waited for them there.

Euphy smiled, starting to rush over to give Cornelia a hug, before Lelouch put a hand on her shoulder to stop her, cutting a warning glance between their big sister and Schneizel. _Oh. If I touch her now, she'll be forced to forgive him._

"Euphy, are you sure you want to do this?" Cornelia asked, coming up to her instead. "I understand this is the only way to ensure that _everyone_ in the world forgives you, but Lelouch seems to think there may be some risk involved in this plan."

"It's not just for my own sake, Cornelia, and yes, I'm sure. You would look after Guilford if he needed it, wouldn't you?"

"Yes," Cornelia answered, with an look on her face that Euphy found extremely difficult to place. _I thought I knew all of my sister's expressions._ "Actually, I may have to spend some time reassuring him soon," she admitted. "Because I haven't been able to explain anything, he's been growing more and more concerned about my mysterious activities. I had to refuse to answer his questions about what was weighing on my mind this morning, too." Cornelia had complained to Lelouch a number of times that she found it difficult to conceal so much from Guilford, and Euphy finally realized what it was that she had just seen. _That expression was guilt. I should have recognized it earlier. _

"Guilford even once suspected me of having an affair with Zero, before Nunnally announced that you were still alive," Cornelia admitted with a wry smile. "Now, because of the cover story, he thinks I hid your survival from him all this time, so I have to make sure he knows he still has my full faith and trust."

"Then you should go see him as soon as we leave, Cornelia."

She frowned. "I want to wait for your re—"

"Nope! On your honor, you have to look after your Knight, as well! Promise you'll go see him, Cornelia?" she pleaded. _I don't want you to be alone, waiting._

"Well, if you really want me to," Cornelia hesitantly agreed.

"Yes. I don't want Guilford to suffer because I've selfishly chosen to do something risky."

"It's my own choice to put you first, Euphy," Cornelia objected.

"And while I'm grateful to you for always looking after me, I want Guilford to be happy, too!"

"You've always had such a big heart, Euphy," her sister said, looking at her tenderly. "You're always thinking of others." Cornelia glanced over at Schneizel for a long, measuring moment, before deliberately reaching out to cup Euphy's cheek. _So you've chosen to forgive him? I'm so glad you two are going to get along again! _ She smiled deeply at her big sister. "Alright. You win, Euphy," Cornelia told her. "I'll go see Guilford, but make sure you call me the moment you get back."

"Of course." _If I get back..._

If it hadn't been for the Geass, the guilt of deceiving her own sister like this, especially when Cornelia did everything in her power to make Euphy happy, would have been crushing, but as it was, she felt no more than an aching sadness for what she might put Cornelia through.

_I wish I could tell you the truth, but if I did, you would surely try to stop us. I don't want to make you and Lelouch fight again, so..._

She leaned up to hug her big sister tightly. "Thank you, Cornelia, for everything. I'm sure you already know I love you." She pulled back. "Now go see Guilford, immediately!" she playfully ordered, smiling as she physically pushed Cornelia toward the door. She could tell that her sister was humoring her by the fact that they were actually moving, as Cornelia could stonewall with the best when she wanted to, and Euphy had never been known for her physical strength.

"Alright, alright, Euphy," Cornelia conceded as they finally reached the door, laughing a bit as she reached out to ruffle the hair Euphy had spent all morning fixing perfectly. Neither of them regretted it. "I will see you when you get back," she assured, smiling.

"Goodbye, Cornelia," Euphy said, smiling in return for all she was worth.

"Goodbye, Euphy." The door clicked shut.

_You're the best big sister anyone could ask for, so forgive me, for making this choice without your council._

Her heart aching with the thought that she might never see Cornelia again, Euphy turned toward Schneizel, as Lelouch was still busy giving Nunnally a description of Arthur's favorite kitty treats.

"I guess you'll have to handle the guards again, so that we can sneak Suzaku out without his seeing anyone."

"Yes. Sneaking supposedly dead people in and out of the palace has almost become a permanent occupation for me, although perhaps that will be changing soon?"

_Lelouch said he doesn't know all of the conditions, but has Schneizel figured things out, anyway? _ He'd certainly proven himself smart enough over the years to be capable of surprisingly accurate guesswork.

"I don't know for sure how things will turn out myself," she told him honestly, "but thank you for taking care of the security forces and the Elevators and that kitty litter emergency—"

"Believe me, Euphy, you don't need to mention the kitty litter," he said graciously. "Really. I insist."

"Well, alright," she said, smiling. Even if his expression never gave it away, she could tell from Schneizel's words when her teasing had succeeded in hitting the mark. "It was a big help, though." She paused a moment, looking at Nunnally for a confirming nod, before leaning up to hug Schneizel, in case she didn't get another chance. "Thank you for everything, brother."

"You have always been a wonderful little sister, Euphy," he told her, his arms tightening around her to an unusual degree. _So he has guessed._

"If I keep quiet about the kitty litter, you won't say anything to Cornelia, will you?"

"My lips are sealed."

Then Lelouch stepped back from Nunnally, and Euphy stepped in to say her last goodbye. "Please be careful, Euphy," Nunnally told her. "Lelouch says C's World is a very strange place."

"Don't worry, Nunnally," she said reassuringly. "It's true this step is a little risky, but I'm going to make _sure_ the world is safe for Suzaku again." _I know how much you've missed him._ "You believe in me, right?"

Nunnally smiled, looking up at her with innocent eyes. "I do. From the moment I heard your announcement about the Special Administration Zone, I knew you would make the world a kinder place."

_Nunnally... I know I should feel guilty for abusing your trust, but..._ "Thank you, for believing in me."

"I'll be so happy when you can finally go outside these rooms like normal," her little sister gushed. "I can show you the flowers in the garden, and we can go out and see a play or visit the beach. We're making amazing progress on the Pendragon reconstruction effort, and there are so many other projects I want you to see first hand, as well." Nunnally darted a quick glance at Lelouch, a sudden, swiftly hidden flash of sadness in her eyes. "It must be so terrible to be cooped up like this, unable to smell the breeze or even see the sun. I want you to be truly free," she said, looking up at her sister earnestly.

_Nunnally, it's so sweet of you to worry for us, after everything you've been through yourself._ Euphy remembered the way her little sister used to dash around the garden like a woodland sprite, tiny legs carrying her so fast, and she grieved for it. _You would know what it's like, suddenly not being able to walk out in the open anymore. The truth is, we've all been trapped by the cruelty of the world in one way or another. _Euphy recalled the terrible sound of her little sister's screams from the recording of Zero Requiem, and it steeled her determination. _I don't know if I can live up to the legacy of a big sister like Cornelia, but for Nunnally's sake, I will try!_

Euphy nodded. "I'm going to give this my all, Nunnally! Wish me luck, okay?"

"Of course!" Nunnally told her, reaching up for a hug, even though Lelouch had probably warned her a half dozen time about what would happen if they touched.

Smiling, Euphy leaned down to hold her little sister close. The Geass didn't seem to change anything about her demeanor. _Nunnally, you've always had a warm and forgiving heart. If only I were truly as good and as strong as you seem to think me—but even if I'm weak and selfish and impulsive, I will still do everything I can to give you a kinder world._

"Goodbye, Euphy. I'll be waiting for all of you to return."

"Goodbye, Nunnally," she said, waving as Schneizel wheeled her out.

_I know you want all of us to be happy together, too, so please, let there be a way._

"I guess all that's left is to collect Suzaku, right?"

Lelouch nodded, and thanks to Schneizel's careful arrangements, the three of them made it to Zero's private transport undisturbed. Despite Lelouch's dire warnings about what he'd seen in Suzaku's memories, it wasn't until they took off that Euphy really began to worry about exactly how reckless a pilot he could be.

"But your Geass would keep him from doing anything life threatening, so it must be okay to fly this fast, right?" she asked Lelouch in a whisper.

"It's only the threat of _imminent_ death that activates it, so until that point, he'll have no trouble flying into greater and greater danger." Lelouch grimaced. "This flight is actually making me temporarily grateful for my immortality." Needless to say, his answer hadn't exactly put her at ease. _I thought the dangerous part wasn't supposed to come until we got to C's World?_

Euphy watched the various gauges in growing apprehension. "I didn't even think ships could go this fast!" she worried softly.

"Actually, the only things that can currently match this speed are the new Knightmare Frames Cornelia tested out for the Black Knights, which use the same experimental engine for flight mode," Lelouch confided. "I think they're doing their final test run today. Luckily, no design problems have been discovered so far."

_So far?!_

"...Ah, Suzaku," she said, speaking up, "you're really sure you remember how to fly this?"

He smiled back at her easily, apparently totally unconcerned about taking his eyes off the controls for a heart stopping moment. "Don't worry, Euphy. I made a lot of solo intercontinental trips as Zero, so I still have all those memories. I only accelerated so quickly out of the launch site because there's a hurricane brewing in the gulf that's going to get in our flight path."

"Oh, we accelerated to get away from it," she said, seeing the logic in that.

"No, we accelerated to get through it. You see, if we're going at top speed at this altitude, we should be able to punch through like a bullet."

"We're going _through_ the hurricane?" She and Lelouch shared an extremely nervous glance. "Have you done this before, Suzaku?"

"Sure, lots of times. Oh, don't look so worried back there. Hurricanes are enormous—we're actually just going to nick the side of this one, not plow through the center." Suzaku apparently found this prospect perfectly satisfactory, grinning as red warning panels began to sprout up across the screen like wild mushrooms. "Wow, it's been a while since I've had this much fun. I really missed flying!" he said, handling the controls with seemingly boundless confidence.

_It's like Lelouch said—since he touched me, he forgave himself for everything. It's as if he has never felt the guilt of accidentally hurting anyone else or the shame of letting someone important down. There is nothing in his heart to make him cautious._

They could have tried to point that out to Suzaku, but as neither of them wanted to risk distracting the pilot at that point, Euphy and Lelouch instead double checked their safety harnesses, pasted identical fake smiles on their faces, and linked white knuckled hands, as they hoped fervently to make it through this ordeal alive. Luckily, despite the occasional ominous shudder that passed through the frame of their transport, it seemed that not even the combined karma of the three of them was enough to sink the ship, this time.

_It must be Nunnally's good influence._

Lelouch heaved a deep sigh of relief as the last of the red warning panels finally blinked out, and Suzaku turned back to look at them, opening his mouth to say something, before giving them a slightly hurt look. "Hey, how come you two are holding hands like that?" By then, their fingers were so cramped and bloodless, it was actually hard to shake them apart.

"We were just in awe of the moment, Suzaku," Lelouch said. "I've never seen anyone fly quite like you do."

_This may be one of the last conversations you have with him_, Euphy reminded herself firmly. "Yes. In terms of piloting ability, you really are one of a kind, Suzaku," she said, making sure to smile just as hard as Lelouch.

"Really? Thanks," he said, turning back to the controls with a naively embarrassed expression that should have made her feel ashamed for so blatantly misleading him.

_You really don't remember how often people lie, do you, Suzaku? But that's all the more reason why Lelouch and I have to look after you._

Of course, when they actually landed at the remote location Lelouch had selected and ascended the admittedly creepy Thought Elevator, _she_ was the one who'd latched onto Suzaku's hand, feeling desperately nervous. "There are so many voices. I can hear them whispering, but it's all jumbled. I can't make out what they're saying."

"Voices?" Suzaku asked.

"It's like the whole world is whispering."

"Like thousands of people talking at once?" Suzaku asked, looking around uncertainly.

"Billions," Lelouch corrected. "There are billions of people." Their footsteps seemed to echo off the staircase onto the platform above, which looked empty and yet was filled with the overwhelming presence of so many minds.

"It's like walking into a full stadium, but the entire audience is invisible."

"I felt like that my first couple of times here, too," Lelouch admitted.

"Then, it gets less creepy after you get used to it?" she asked.

"No. It's just, with a Code, these same voices are always there, beneath the surface. For me, the whispers just got a little louder when we stepped in here."

"Lelouch..." _You suffer through everything so silently, don't you? But even you aren't a good enough liar to stop me from seeing your pain and sadness—losing your mother, seeing Nunnally crippled, being abandoned by father, living through the horrors of war... I thought I could save you by creating the Special Administration Zone, but even if that failed so horribly, the only acceptable solution is to try harder!_

"We're here," Lelouch announced, looking around the echoing platform solemnly. "Euphy, if you truly have the will to change the world, now is the time to prove it."

"So, this is it." _After all those times I promised myself I would live up to the trust and loyalty everyone has shown me, I mustn't fail now._

It was easy to think that, of course, but it was so much harder, trying to live up to that thought, with those ancient whispers scraping against her skin. She tightened her grip on Suzaku's hand.

_I'm touching him, and the whole world is in my presence, so it should work, if only I can..._

It was different than trying to press against the minds of a room full of people. Although she'd been just as powerless to reach all of them before Runaway had taken her Geass out of her conscious control, at least she could understand the scale of what she was up against. When she tried to press with her Geass here, the stream of voices became an all encompassing ocean, great and terrible, threatening to swallow the tiny droplet of her mind within the smallest of its eddies.

_This, something this wide, this powerful, how could I possibly command it?_

She struggled, fighting with everything she had, but she might as well have been trying to wrestle the ocean.

_No, I must be able to do this. I must! Suzaku is counting on me!_

She looked up into his trusting face, and then over toward the only person who had ever succeeded in enforcing his will on the entire world at once.

"Lelouch, how? How did you use your Geass on so many people?"

"Euphy, when Suzaku and I last came here, we realized that no matter how many times people have been hurt or disappointed, no matter how bitter they are or how often they've given up, everyone, deep down, _wants_ a future. I couldn't have forced the whole world to agree with me. I just reminded them of what they wanted all along and promised a renewed a strength, even to those with no hope left at all. When the wish of an entire world is aligned with the absolute support of a Geass, that is the most powerful force of all."

"You just reminded them..." _Of course. I don't need to coerce people at all, because this is what we all want!_ "You told me before, Lelouch, that my Geass would reflect the deepest wish of my heart. What I want most is for everyone to live happily together, so for a long time, I haven't been able to understand why my Geass just makes people forgive."

"It's because people _already_ want to be happy together, isn't it? At least, I believe everyone wants that. It's only lingering distrust and hatred that get in the way, and so all people need is just a little help letting go of that."

She smiled. "So, all I have to do is remind them." She closed her eyes, trying to get a sense of the great sea of humanity, made up of so many little tiny pinpricks of individuality. _They're not so frightening. They're all people, small and scared just like me, and just like me, they all have a wish. _

She opened her eyes to look up into Suzaku's face again, his trusting gaze and gentle smile. _I should be no more than bones and dust now, but because of you, Suzaku, I have this chance. Even if it's not with Geass, we all do what we can to keep alive what we consider most important. So many voices, speaking in so many different languages, are all really saying the same thing._

"Everyone, may I please have your attention!" she shouted, tightening her grip on Suzaku's hand. He squeezed hers in return. "It seems that there have been some terrible misunderstandings. I know you want to protect yourselves from being hurt again, but even more than rage and revenge, don't we all want to experience peace and happiness? We all share the desire for a kinder world, a world where we can feel love rather than hate, and so, therefore, please," she quickly darted her hand out to close around Lelouch's wrist, "forgive us all!"

She felt an impulse, swift as the flow of thought, spreading out from behind her eyes, the ripple of impact from her words spreading quickly across the expansive surface of a sea of minds. The next moment, she was overwhelmed with the sudden illumination of billions of droplets of light. _Oh, they listened! They all listened to me!_

The transcendent moment was broken when Lelouch roughly wrenched his wrist from her grasp, backing away several steps. "Euphy, what have you done?!" he screamed.

"I've made the world forgive the three of us, of course," she told him proudly, not the least bit guilty for including him without any warning.

"Don't you understand? In order for Zero Requiem to work, the world's hatred had to be united!"

"Precisely. So by making them forgive you, I've erased that hatred!"

Lelouch's only response was a string of strangled choking sounds.

"Honestly, you may be a genius, Lelouch, but sometimes your plans are terrible!" she chided him, unrepentant herself.

"Don't you see that you've just undone _everything_ Suzaku and I worked for?! All those sacrifices! For peace to prevail, the world _needs_ to be united in hate for Demon Emperor!"

"The world _is_ united, Lelouch, but that's because people have joined hands. Don't _you_ see? Nothing is immortal by nature—all things, left to their own course, will naturally die. However, we humans possess the power to continually renew that which is precious to us, to lend it strength beyond its time. Therefore, hatred has life only because we focus on every wrong, count and recount every sin committed, keeping the pain of the past alive. It saps our energy and destroys our trust and therefore comes at the _expense_ of what people truly want!"

"You're trying to justify yourself like that? You think that you're _helping_?"

"Peace comes from the thing people nurture and cherish most deeply in their hearts—that they guard preciously, spread courageously! The feeling that allows them to face the harshest challenges, to make the greatest sacrifices, and forgive the gravest sins. It is not anger or guilt or hate that maintains peace, Lelouch. It is love."

She reached out to him again, but he collapsed in front of her, staring vacantly at the platform they were on, as if his mind were simply unable to process anything. "I started a revolution," he whispered brokenly. "I usurped the throne of Britannia. I conquered the whole world." He giggled strangely. "I even beat Schneizel in chess. The one person I could never defeat... The one person... And then I granted her the greatest power of all and showed her how to unleash it on the whole world!" he screamed, digging his fingers into his hair.

"Lelouch, I know you're upset," she said gently, "but I also know you must be able to understand what I'm saying. You couldn't have brought peace to the world—to anything at all—unless there were love in your own heart! That's why, even if the Special Administration Zone didn't bring the happiness I thought it would, I won't give up on saving you. I won't go back and tell Nunnally that her brother has to stay a prisoner of the world's hatred forever, because her big sister wasn't brave enough to help! To truly love someone means being willing to risk it all, and so that is exactly what I have done."

"This is my fault," Lelouch said in a trembling voice, his expression despairing, as if he hadn't even heard her words. "I knew you were impulsive. I _knew_ your Geass would impair your conscience and affect your decisions. I should have—"

"Not everything in the history of the world has happened because of you, Lelouch," she interrupted, before he could dig himself any deeper into his own private pit of guilt, "so don't be self-centered enough to try to take the blame or the credit for this. This was _my_ choice, made for the sake of everything _I _believe in. You yourself told me that my Geass would give me the power to change the world in the way I wanted to. If you can gamble on the power of Geass, Lelouch, then I can gamble on the goodness of people's hearts!"

She knelt down beside him, so that she could catch his eyes. "What is peace but the happiness of holding the people you love close, of greeting the future with them? _This_ is the kinder world I chose for you and for Suzaku, the world I want to give to Nunnally. If you trusted me enough to give me Geass, then trust me enough to have used it correctly, Lelouch," she pleaded, extending her hand to him once more.


	38. Dust to Dust

He struggled to just keep breathing steadily, so angry and shaking inside that it was probably only the power of the Code that held him together. Frankly, he was terrified of the level of trust she was requesting of him.

_To surrender all control..._

It felt like the opening of the Special Administration Zone all over again, like she was deconstructing him piece by piece, pulling all the bones out, and what would he have left to stand on? _No matter how many videos you watch, you can't possibly know the depths of the sacrifices that were made to achieve this peace, Euphy! You want me to put my faith in your vision, but if war should break out again... _

"You've put billions of lives at risk!"

She only looked at him with gentle eyes, her voice serene as she responded, "If you mean I've made a decision that affects the whole world, is that not what you did yourself, Lelouch, when you were here last?"

He looked back at her brokenly, slowly seeing her point.

_Even if it was under different circumstances, it's true that when I rejected my father's plan to destroy the barriers between minds and thereby combine all of human consciousness, I also gambled with the fate of the whole world. I gambled that even in a world of lies, the desire for happiness could be strong enough to bring peace._

"Are you saying that allowing a stagnant hatred to remain would have stopped people from finding the happiness they want, Euphy?"

"Choosing the path of hatred is the same as choosing _against_ the path of peace, isn't it? It's a defense mechanism to protect against more pain, but I don't think hardening of heart can bring anyone joy. To trust and forgive, to hope for a better future—_that_ is the path to the world we all want. I know you don't want to fight with me, either, so please," she said, coming closer, so that her extended hand blocked out more of the bleakness that surrounded them.

_Oh, Euphy, do you even know what you're asking?_

The most heartbreaking thing about deep wounds was even as time covered over the injuries, it did so only shallowly, giving the outer impression of healing, while on the inside, scar tissue, knotted around the damaged skeleton, continued twisting the pattern of growth. The only way to truly fix such malformations was to re-experience the injury: to excise the thickened defensive tissue and re-break the wrongly mended bones, so that they could be set anew. _But do you have any idea how much that hurts, Euphy? To surrender all that is certain, all my shielding lies and dependable plans, for the sake of future __still in doubt? Who could possibly know if, after all that struggle and pain, things will truly end up any better?_

"Please, Lelouch," she begged again, her eyes soft and concerned, as if there were nothing more important to her in that moment than helping him up. That was exactly what made the situation so impossible. No matter the agony of the vulnerability she was asking him to step into, Lelouch had only ever succeeded in wearing the skin of a demon. Inside, his heart was just as human as everyone else's. _That was the real reason I could never defeat you, Euphy—because I want that better future, too, a world where we can all be happy together. _

_...That is truly the world Nunnally wants, isn't it? _His breath still trembled, wet with fear, in his throat, but Lelouch had done so many things for the sake of his little sister's smile.

He could do one more.

Tentatively, Lelouch reached out to grasp the hand that had been extended to him and allowed Euphy help him up. Even if the terror soaked panic was finally receding, though, the despair still remained. "Euphy, even if it somehow turns out that you've accomplished what you wanted to, you know this isn't the end of it. The final stage of the plan..."

"Yes, I know," she told him sadly.

He thought of Zero Requiem, and all the hopes he'd had that day that he hadn't thought he'd live to see substantiated. _Although it requires risking everything, you may not even get to see the future you've struggled so hard for, Euphy._

Suzaku, who had hung back, undoubtedly confused by their argument about a world he couldn't comprehend, finally stepped toward them, now that their differences had been settled. "Final stage? You never mentioned that. I thought we were just coming here so that Euphy could use her Geass on the collective unconscious of humanity. What else do we have to do?" he asked, looking around the platform in apprehension and distaste.

"It's not this location that is important, Suzaku," Lelouch said tiredly. "It's simply a convenient place to trap you, until the plan is complete."

"Trap me?" he asked in mild alarm. "What exactly is this plan?"

"Suzaku, I granted Euphy this Geass in order to help you. Now that she's used it on your behalf to the greatest extent possible, there's nothing more that she can do for you—except accept with her own death."

"Lelouch, what are you _saying_?" Suzaku demanded, clearly upset now.

"I'm telling you that her Geass will continue to twist her morals beyond her control, slowly eroding away the Euphy we know, so that she will come to callously hurt the very people she wants to protect most. What is her life worth, if it means betraying every ideal she values and everyone she holds dear?"

Suzaku's eyes widened in horror. "Lelouch, you can't mean—"

"I can. I won't allow her to continue like this, being slowly destroyed by her own Geass, just as _your_ Geass has destroyed your own life. There is one solution that will solve both of these problems at once. Are you ready to accept my Code, Suzaku?"

"No. No, there has to be another way," Suzaku said, shaking his head as he realized the repercussions of what Lelouch was suggesting. "I won't let you kill her!" he shouted, retreating blindly.

_You have no exit. The timed explosive I set at the entrance will already have gone off, so anyone without a Code is trapped._

Of course, that didn't keep Suzaku from impulsively running, no doubt with the belief that he could keep Euphy safe, if only he could beat Lelouch in an eternal game of tag.

_Forgive me, Suzaku, but you really are too gullible. Why would I tell you my plan if that knowledge would allow you to counter it?_

Lelouch let his friend put a respectable distance between them before he drew the sword Zero habitually wore and sliced it across his own palm, before sheathing it again.

"Euphy," he said, "it's time."

"Yes," she declared, voice firm and eyes determined, and Lelouch couldn't help but be reminded of Nunnally, when she'd faced him on the Damocles with the F.L.E.I.J.A. control switch in her hands.

_You've found the strength to make your own decisions, to pursue the path you've chosen with all your heart—you are perhaps more truly alive in this moment than you have ever been. That is a wonderful thing, Euphy, and yet it is so terrible._

He hoped the pride he felt for her outweighed the aching fear in his gaze. "Back when you lost your memories every night, I wished for a way that you could have a real future, the future I told father that all people desire. But even if I didn't want to recognize it then, the truth is that there are costs inherent in choosing a changing world. You can't have the opportunity to gain something new without also facing the danger of losing what you already have. Euphy, are you _sure_ you are prepared to pay the price of your wish?"

"Yes."

_If only I could make this sacrifice for you, little sister, but I can only bear witness._

"Then prepare yourself!" he told her, his voice serious and gaze stark. "Just as you've gambled with the lives of others in order to change their future, so you must also be willing to gamble with your own." Lelouch knew there must be a terrible fierceness to his expression, as he struggled against a past wound that could soon remanifest itself. _I killed you once in front of Suzaku, and it hurt us both more than we could bear. To have to do the same thing twice..._

_No matter your power, I do not know if there is enough forgiveness in the world for what I am about to do to you._

"Accept my Code, and we shall see if the transfer succeeds and makes you immortal, with all your memories eternally preserved, before it negates Suzaku's Geass, which came from this same Code. But know this: if the Geass is canceled before the transfer completes, your body will crumble and even in the realm of the collective unconscious, the memories you've gained since your first death will cease to exist." He looked into her soft face and her resolute eyes, and all he could remember was the way she'd smiled serenely as she extended her hand to him, the day that he'd killed her. _Oh, Euphy...let me not repay your kindness with death, yet again. _

"Every joyous smile, every tear you've cried, all the time spent with the people most precious to you—are you willing to risk all this? To accept permanent death if this transfer fails, and I am left with no choice but to force my Code on Suzaku?"

Suzaku had of course figured out what was going to happen by then, but Euphy had already reached out to grasp Lelouch's hands. Her fingers were warm and trusting around his, although his palm was literally stained with blood.

"Lelouch, wait!" Suzaku called, but it was too late.

_You deliberately went as far away as possible. Now, there's no way you'll make it back up those steps in time._

The immortal power rose in shivering whispers around him, winding across his skin to surge toward their joined fingers, as Euphy prepared to accept his pyrrhic gift.

"Lelouch, I may not be able to feel guilt anymore, but I still know selfish actions have to have a price. As I risked the world, I must be willing to risk _myself_, to make my wish come true."

_Euphy, your true wish..._

With his Code as a bridge, the places where their memories intersected rose to the surface so easily. He could see sunshine and flowers, daisy chains looped around Euphy's arms as she crowned Nunnally in floral radiance. There were so many spring mornings and childhood tea parties and evenings spent stargazing shared between them, slices of the paradise they'd known before they'd realized there was anything else, when Nunnally had skipped beneath aerial baskets of blossoms, Cornelia had mock wrestled woodland sprites, and Schneizel attacked only with chess pieces, eyes warm and patiently kind.

_It's beautiful, the deepest wish of your heart._

He tightened his hold as the Code began to slide into her skin, as if that alone could keep her with him.

_Please, please, don't let me lose that dream all over again. After everything we've been through already, I can't bear the thought that I will have only more loss to offer to you and to Suzaku._

She tightened her grasp on his hands in return, as the last ripple of power gathered, flowing out into the newly offered host. Suzaku had just reached the top of the steps, one arm out, reaching desperately for the woman he'd sworn to protect.

"I will stake my life on this final chance that both Suzaku and I have a future!" she declared, light beginning to flare against her collar bone in the shape of a bird's wings, at just the same spot Suzaku had once worn his Knight pin.

Then, Euphy died.

"No!" Suzaku screamed, trying to catch her as she fell, but her body crumbled away even as he desperately attempted to clutch on to her. "No, Euphy, please! Don't die! Don't die! _Don't die!_"

"It seems that will no longer work," Lelouch said. His ears were filled with the pounding of so many racing emotions, as he drew Zero's sword once more. "I guess there's only one thing left to do." He held the sword positioned to stab through his own heart, as a Knight did when swearing fealty. Lelouch didn't get the chance to move it more than a centimeter after that, though, as Suzaku caught the hilt mid-motion and ripped the weapon away from him, hurling it off the platform.

Lelouch remained staring forward, frozen with his hands still outstretched from when he'd held the blade. "It's gone," he said, with a sort of breathless wonder. Then, he started laughing uncontrollably.

"You monster!" Suzaku screamed, tackling him to the ground and slamming his shoulders against it roughly, all thought of avoiding contact clearly gone. "How can you laugh! You killed her! You really killed her! Not even my Geass is bringing her back!" he accused, fury in his narrowed green eyes, along with his tears.

"And yet, you just stopped me from stabbing myself," Lelouch gasped out, trying his best to stop laughing, but it was just too much to hold in.

"I had no choice!" Suzaku screamed, face creasing up with guilt. "Even if you'd only die for a couple of hours, you're all I have _left_!"

"No, Suzaku. You have a whole world."

"You and Euphy _are_ my world!"

"Then maybe you should be more selfish," he said, desperate laughter finally dissolving into a real smile. "Who says you can't have everything, Suzaku?" _Don't you see?_

"What—what are you even saying?!" he demanded wretchedly.

"Pretending to stab myself was the final test. _Look_." Lelouch pushed Suzaku back far enough to pull a handkerchief out of his jacket and swipe it across his palm, before extended his hand out for inspection, palm up.

Suzaku's eyes searched for a moment. "I don't see _anything_."

"That's right." Lelouch smiled, liquid gathering along the bottom of his own lids. "I cut my palm before linking hands with Euphy, knowing you'd get my blood on yourself by touching her, in case I needed an indirect connection to force my Code on you."

"You—" Suzaku jumped away from him, desperately wiping his hands on his pants.

"Suzaku, I wouldn't _tell_ you my plan if I still needed to use it. _Think_. My Code was always so slow to heal me—that cut should still be visible, but it's not. When I held the sword like that, you thought it, didn't you? 'Don't die.' It's not my Code that healed the cut, but your Geass!"

"But you said it can't be used on you!"

"That's exactly what you've been missing! I suspected it when Euphy didn't immediately revive, even though you were obviously focused on her. It was still possible that something went wrong with the transfer, that it wasn't fully complete, but as long as you can target _me_ with your Geass, then the Code—"

Suzaku's eyes widened. "It...it must be with Euphy," he whispered in hesitant shock.

"Exactly," Lelouch confirmed, smiling widely. It was Suzaku's turn to laugh a little madly, then. When he started to turn toward Euphy, though, Lelouch quickly slipped a hand over his eyes.

"It's a new Code. It may take a while for it to heal so much damage. C.C. assures me, though, that even if every limb is lost, every drop of blood shed, and all flesh reduced to ash, the one who holds a Code will undoubtedly rise again."

He turned Suzaku back toward himself again and held out his formerly injured palm to watch instead. "This healed cut is the guarantee: she's coming back to us, Suzaku," Lelouch assured. "We only have to wait for her."


	39. Brave New World

Twenty hours spent trapped in a world of whispers, his few hours of sleep on the uncomfortable platform liberally interspersed with rude awakenings (because Suzaku would impulsively decide at frequent, random intervals to seize his hand, in order to check that the cut hadn't come back), significantly increased Lelouch's understanding of how frustrating it was to wait for someone to not be dead anymore.

"Suzaku, would you let go of my wrist?" Lelouch said, trying ineffectually to free it by force. "She's looked just fine for at least an hour, so if you must grab onto someone's wrist, make it hers and check for a pulse."

"Right. Sorry, it's just reflex by now," Suzaku said, dropping his hand to go over and bother Euphy (who at least wouldn't notice it for the moment), while Lelouch heaved a very long suffering sigh.

"Euphy, please wake up. Please. We've been waiting so long," Suzaku begged, kneeling by her side and reaching out to dutifully check her pulse.

"And don't you dare start shaking her again."

"I wasn't going to!" Suzaku said, giving him a hurt look. "I was just excited when I saw her eyes were open earlier."

"That was because her eyelids hadn't finished healing yet!"

"Well, how was I supposed to know that!"

"If you'd spent a moment looking, instead of just impulsively—"

"Don't..." a soft voice whispered, and Lelouch immediately cut himself off. "Don't fight, please," pale lips begged.

"Euphy, you're awake!" Suzaku shouted, shifting his grip to hold her hand instead of her wrist.

"What's the last thing you remember?" Lelouch asked.

Euphy blinked at him slowly, obviously struggling to focus. "You...said if I could make forgiveness...an immortal concept, then..." She drew in a sharp breath, and Suzaku quickly put an arm behind her shoulders to support her as she sat up. "The Code..." She looked down at her hands, which Lelouch had cleaned of blood as best he could three hours earlier.

"The transfer worked?"

"Yes, Euphy," he said, smiling down at her. "It worked." _You even kept your memories._

Unfortunately, that joy, great as it was, still couldn't completely erase the expectant dread that shuddered through him, every time a new scenario, by which the world might end up in flames, occurred to him. _Euphy's intentions may be beautiful, but can such idealism actually work in the real world? _He was more than a little worried about what sort of problems Nunnally might be facing without him.

"Euphy, you'll need to use the Code to get us out of here, as soon as possible."

"I can't transfer it to Suzaku now, so that his memories can be restored?" she asked, even though her breathing was still a little labored.

"Not until you've been checked over by a doctor." _Or three._ "Simply being awake doesn't imply that you're totally healed." _I won't risk losing you again, after everything we suffered through just to get to this point._

"But Suzaku's memories—"

"Can wait until we know you'll be okay, Euphy," Suzaku told her firmly, very carefully assisting her as she stood.

"Remember what I told you before we came here: entering or exiting using a Code requires tapping into the collective unconscious and visualizing a path between us and where we came from. A door would work fine, but the objective is to go _through_ it, not break it down."

"I understand that part, Lelouch," Euphy told him. "What I don't understand is why you would think anyone would visualize a door, only to break it down, instead of opening it."

"I don't understand either, Euphy, but it's happened," he said, eyeing the culprit.

Suzaku ducked his head in embarrassment. "Okay, so it wasn't my best idea," he mumbled.

"In any case, we've been here almost a full day already, waiting for your body to heal, and we have no idea what effect your Geass has had on the world. We need to get back to Nunnally, immediately."

"Of course, Lelouch," Euphy agreed, although from her mildly patronizing tone and the teasing smile she gave him, he wondered whether she really shared his sense of urgency. She did seem to be capable of peaceably imagining a door, though, which was all Lelouch really cared about at the moment.

He shivered slightly, as they finally found themselves back in the cave they'd entered through. Apparently experience did count for something, because the trip back hadn't been as smooth as when C.C. had done it. Actually, he'd felt a sensation remarkably like the fluttering he got in his stomach when he was on an elevator that descended too quickly, although Lelouch was hardly going to complain about finally escaping their temporary prison, no matter the circumstances.

_I have spent far too much of my life feeling trapped._ He still hesitated a moment before leaving the cave, though, half expecting to hear the roar of Knightmare Frames and missile fire. Of course, in direct contradiction to his worries, they emerged into a beautifully peaceful, sunny meadow, filled with wild flowers.

_I deliberately chose a secluded Though Elevator to make our ascent, though. We have to get back to the palace, to Nunnally, to truly make sure that nothing has happened there._

"Lelouch, you trust me, don't you?" Euphy asked, looking hurt.

"If I didn't, then you never would have had the chance to do what you did in the first place," he admitted, still a little bitter about it, although he knew it wasn't Euphy's fault she hadn't had the conscience not to betray his trust.

"But your expression says you're thinking civilization has crumbled in our absence."

"...Maybe a bit."

"I thought my memories were probably just a bit one sided, but you really _are_ incredibly arrogant and paranoid, aren't you, Lelouch?" Suzaku teased. "I'm sure you're not _that_ important, that the whole world will rise or crumble based on how people feel about you."

Lelouch scowled. "Because you don't have all your memories yet, Suzaku, you don't know what's at stake here, but—"

"Please don't yell at him, Lelouch," Euphy interrupted, laying a calming hand on his arm. "This is really my fault, isn't it? I wanted to help you so badly, but I should have told you what I intended first and convinced you properly. It's just, when I thought about what you told me earlier, about Cornelia—"

"Of course." _I deliberately took advantage of the fact that you didn't have your normal morality to anchor you. But those same arguments that convinced you to lie to your big sister could also convince you it was okay to lie to your older brother._ "I just brought this on myself, didn't I?"

"If you mean by telling such a terrible lie to the whole world, then yes. But now that my Geass isn't affecting me anymore, I can see that I did a lot of things I never should have done. I lied to nearly everyone! Worse than that, the way I threatened to throw myself into a volcano—"

"What?!" Suzaku shouted in alarm.

Euphy winced. "I understood that you and Lelouch could feel guilt, even if I couldn't, so when I tried my best to be analytical about the situation, I thought that the root of the problem was your sense of responsibility for my fate. So, if I threw myself into the heart of a volcano where you couldn't get me out, surely you wouldn't want to cause me to suffer by keeping me alive under such circumstances. Then, I thought you'd be able to let me go without feeling any guilt yourselves, because it would be my fault."

"She actually threatened to do that?" Suzaku asked, turning to Lelouch for confirmation.

He sighed wearily. "Yes, but I knew it would only upset you to find out." _I was the one who killed her and the one who granted her a Geass, so you shouldn't have to suffer for my decisions._

"You weren't ever planning to tell me, were you?" Suzaku accused. "If she'd died, you'd never have breathed a word."

"What would it have helped? Besides, it wasn't her actual threat that worried me most—it was the fact that she could make such a threat in the first place. You know how unlike her it is."

"It _was_ a terrible thing to threaten you like that. Now, it looks like I ended up making Suzaku upset with you again, Lelouch, even though I just want you two to get along." It was almost a relief to see her looking so remorseful. "At the time, though, all I really understood was that I had to fix the problem with my Geass and with Suzaku's, and when I tried to think of a plan, even though I knew I'd been wrong in the past, it still somehow felt like everything I'd ever done had been okay. That's why, when I came up with an idea that I thought could work, I never questioned it."

She shook her head, with a sad expression. "I should have seen how cruel it was, to try to coerce you like that, when I really just needed to try harder to make you see how it was from my point of view."

"Euphy, please don't feel badly," Suzaku said. "I know the two of us weren't listening very well. I was just so scared that I would lose you again..."

"I know, Suzaku," she told him gently. "I'm grateful that the two of you care so much about me, but the person I became with my Geass constantly active wasn't my true self. I wish you had understood better that I don't want to be protected if it means doing things I would normally hate myself for doing. So many people are still suffering the ill effects of the first time I acted under Geass, and I don't want to end up doing something that terrible again."

"I know, Euphy. You had a very weighty reason for making your threat," Lelouch acknowledged.

"But that's just my point! I'm sure giving you that ultimatum hurt you, so by resorting to such tactics, I was doing the very thing I wanted to avoid!"

"Euphy, it's easy to say that, but what if you'd tried gently convincing us, and we hadn't listened until after something irreparably bad had happened?" Lelouch asked. "The whole reason Suzaku and I ended up using a bloody deception like Zero Requiem was because sometimes accomplishing something incredibly important can only come at a great cost."

"But was that truly the only way, to do terrible things that made you hated?" She shook her head. "Even if you didn't end up as monstrous as the forces you were fighting, I've seen how callously you treat yourself, Lelouch! You're so sad all the time, and you carry so much guilt!"

"Great changes often require great sacrifices, Euphy," Lelouch replied, "and it's not like I did this for my own enjoyment. Zero Requiem was basically a way to make the world happy at my personal expense."

"No matter how much it would hurt everyone who cares for you?" she asked. "When it comes to my own plans, I wish I had tried explaining things better and negotiating more, instead of doing so much lying and coercing, hurting the people who most wanted to help me!"

"Now that your Geass isn't distorting your thinking, you'll have the chance to decide everything for yourself, Euphy. I just hope you're going to be satisfied with the world we find ourselves in now."

Her expression lightened a little. "Even if I regret the means I used, I'm not sorry for the outcome," she insisted. "You have good intentions, Lelouch, but you need to learn that you don't have to do everything by scheming in secrecy, all on your own. You can trust people a little more."

He sighed. "Since I can't change what you've done, I guess I have no choice but to have faith." _That's what's necessary to make a new world, right? If I want Nunnally to have the future she desires, then I must first believe in it._

"You'll see, Lelouch. Everything will turn out alright."

Of course, no matter how reassuring Euphy was or how delighted Nunnally sounded when he called, Lelouch still couldn't help worrying.

_Not enough time has passed yet for people to really start reacting badly, and I know more than a few ominous sayings about misplaced trust._


	40. Testing, Testing

If Lelouch had thought that getting back to the palace to find Nunnally safe would quell his panic, he was very sorely mistaken.

"You're going to _what_?!"

"Announce to the world that you and Suzaku survived your supposedly fatal injuries," she repeated. "Well, perhaps we'll tell people that you used a body double. Naturally, when I make that announcement, I'll have to explain that your intent all along was to unite the world—"

"Nunnally, have you any idea what could happen? How can you think of doing something so st—" He cut himself off mid-sentence, filled with remorse for what he'd been about to say to his own little sister. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to sound like that, Nunnally. I was only just upset," he said in desperate apology, knowing how much his words could hurt her.

She sighed. "I know, Lelouch. I wish you would try to see things from my perspective, though. We were planning to announce Suzaku's survival anyway, and—"

"People would have believed it, if you'd said the Demon Emperor had threatened Euphy, the one he'd originally sworn to protect, in order to get him to cooperate. They'd think forgiving him was just a natural consequence of finding out the 'truth', that everything he did was to save his poor comatose princess. But if you tell them this—"

"Then they will think forgiving you is just a natural consequence of finding out the truth, and they will be much less likely to believe that a mysterious power is involved."

"But there are other ways to handle this, and you have no idea what people will do if they can no longer condemn me as the villain in their minds."

"I realize it's tempting for humans to judge others and assign blame for every one of their personal sufferings, but people can grow wiser, Lelouch. That's the point of having a future, that we can become more than what we are in the present."

"But you're Empress, now. The pain of the losses and betrayals they've suffered won't have gone away, even if their hatred has. They may blame you for not delivering justice."

"If they blame me, it's because they are still hurting, and at least if they direct that feeling toward me, I'll have a chance to intercede and help them hurt a little less. As Empress, how can I do any less for my people?"

_Just like Ougi—I should have known she'd never back away from what she sees as her responsibility to the people._ "...You have a kind heart, Nunnally."

"Did you expect me to rule any differently?"

"No. No, you are a wonderful Empress, just as you are." _Your kindness is the very reason I knew I could trust you with such an incredibly powerful position._

"Then you see why I have to look after each and every one of my people, even my very stubborn big brother."

"It should be the other way around."

"Do you think love only works in one direction, Lelouch?" she challenged him, and he knew there was no way he could be both hypocrite and fool enough to argue that point. Thankfully, Euphy came into Nunnally's sitting room at that moment, saving him from having to answer.

"The doctor said I'm 100% healthy!" she declared happily, before her expression grew just slightly impatient. "Just like the last three, Lelouch."

"But two of those doctors were just general practitioners, and you've only seen a cardiologist and a pulmonary specialist. I want you to see a neurologist, too, just in case—"

"There's nothing wrong with general practitioners, and there's nothing wrong with my brain, Lelouch," she said, giving him a mildly offended look. "One of those general practitioners was even Nunnally's personal physician; you're just being paranoid. Even _Cornelia_ agrees that we should just go ahead."

"But once you transfer the Code, if you're not healed completely, you could die again." Some part of him still felt it was too good to be true, that he could really have her back for good.

_To just sit out in the garden with you and Nunnally and read something out of an old story book—do you know how much that would mean to me?_

"I appreciate your concern, Lelouch, I really do—but Suzaku needs his memories back."

"I know that. I want them restored, too." _I want the terrible sin I've committed undone. _ "But Euphy—"

"Overruled," Nunnally declared.

"What?"

"I'm Empress, which means that I'm in charge here, and I'm overruling you, Lelouch. Go ahead and restore Suzaku's memories, Euphy," she said encouragingly. "We'll all be happy to see him again."

"Thanks, Nunnally!" Euphy said, practically skipping out.

"Don't give me such an awful look," Nunnally playfully scolded, turning back to him. "You're the one who left me in charge, so you have no choice but to accept my decisions. Unless you plan to usurp the throne, in which case, I think Zero will need his memories back even sooner."

"Of course I'm not going to steal the throne from my own little sister," he protested.

"Then there's no use getting upset. I do promise to be a little more benevolent than my predecessor, though," she said teasingly.

"Very well, your Majesty," he conceded with a small smile and a mock bow. "It seems I must accept your ruling in this case. However, when it comes to formally pardoning the Demon Emperor—"

"I said I'd be more benevolent, not a push over. My decision on that matter is final. However, Schneizel has informed me that you are likely to suffer some sort of an aneurism if I don't at least let you test this out on a few people first, before making an internationally televised announcement."

With that, she took out her phone and pushed the speed dial for their brother. "Euphy's just gone to get Suzaku, so we'll be ready soon," she told him cheerily, before giving a quick goodbye and hanging up.

"You two made plans before I even got back, didn't you?" _Schneizel, how long have you been plotting?_

"I thought you were a proponent of efficient government, Lelouch?" she rejoined, smiling effusively, and he knew he was beaten. She had hardly been in a good enough mood to actually tease him since V.V. had kidnapped her, and until that morning, her smiles had always seemed a little less natural than they should. _Nunnally, it is worth more than I can say to see you truly happy._

Of course, that didn't mean he agreed with her.

"I'm going to talk to Schneizel," he said, snatching Zero's mask back up. _That way I can at least argue without collapsing under the weight my own guilt, if I happen to sound a bit insulting._

As it turned out, he didn't have far to go. Schneizel, who must have been coming to see Nunnally, met him in the front room of her private suite.

"Schneizel, you can't actually be in support of this insanity, can you?"

"That depends on what 'insanity' you are referring to," he replied, with just a hint of amusement.

Lelouch scowled. "You know very well what I did as the Demon Emperor. Before I captured you, you were probably getting daily intelligence reports. You were on the execution procession yourself!"

"Indeed."

"I killed Clovis. I deceived the Black Knights. I used my Geass on all of our siblings. I forced the Britannian army into absolute obedience and sent them to fight, knowing that they'd face devastating casualties against F.L.E.I.J.A. I betrayed so many people, took so many lives—"

"And I would hardly be in a position to judge you for that, considering that I was the one who used F.L.E.I.J.A. to destroy Pendragon, along with so many of our half-siblings. Even knowing they weren't acting under their own will, I ruthlessly killed the soldiers you sent to fight against me—"

"But at least the people who fought for you fought of their own choosing! I stole people's choices from them. I even used my Geass on Nunnally and to make you Zero's slave forever!"

"And yet, that didn't stop me from temporarily kidnapping you. Like Cornelia, I am far too dangerous a prisoner. You should have killed me immediately, Lelouch, but even though you're more than intelligent enough to see that, you left me alive."

"Because you're useful to this new world," he defended, although he could already predict that he'd lost this point.

"That may be so, but it's not enough of a reason, when there are others who could have fulfilled such duties. The truth is, you are far too kind to hold the title of Demon Emperor, little brother," Schneizel told him gently.

"And I am guilty of far too much to simply be absolved of it!" he retorted angrily.

"Then you're saying you don't deserve to be pardoned?"

"Of course not!" he said, flabbergasted that Schneizel could even ask that.

"Then, you also think that you deserve to make the people closest to you suffer?" Lelouch winced, not liking the uncomfortable parallel to some of Suzaku's more reprehensible self-hating behaviors. "When I answered Nunnally's video call this morning, Lelouch, I knew what had happened immediately, because I have not once seen her smile that wholeheartedly since Lady Marianne was assassinated."

_Nunnally..._

He swallowed. "That's not fair, dragging her into this, Schneizel." _You always were skilled at reading my weak points._

"But her happiness will always be tied to yours, Lelouch, and likewise, her suffering."

_To go on this long and aim his words this well—he's not just playing devil's advocate. Schneizel is seriously arguing this._

"Then you really do agree with her." His fists clenched, as he realized this was far from a recent occurrence. "When you insisted I should show Euphy Zero Requiem—you _planned_ for her to get upset and do this!"

"At that point, I had no way of knowing how she would respond, Lelouch," Schneizel answered with a perfectly innocent look, which of course meant nothing.

"You _hoped_ she would do something like this."

His brother smiled slightly. "You always have read me better than anyone else. I did warn you back on the Damocles, didn't I? If you give people a world where they are free to make choices, then they will inevitably act according to their own ambitions."

"Schneizel, just what is it you could possibly hope to gain?" _You never seemed to have any grand personal ambitions, yourself._

"I wanted the happiness of playing chess against my little brother in the garden, of course."

"For such a flimsy, selfish reason, you'd risk the _world_?"

"In the garden, after a chess game—that was the last time I saw you truly smile," Schneizel told him, and for just a moment, Lelouch remembered the kind and brilliant older brother who'd been so generous with his time and so patient with his explanations. _I remember that last time. You ruffled my hair, like Cornelia used to do with Euphy._

_...Have your true desires always been so simple, Schneizel? All that you've accomplished, strategies and negotiations, wars and treaties, and you would have been happier just sitting in a garden and teaching me chess?_ It made him think painfully of Nunnally, who had only ever wanted a peaceful life with her brother at her side.

"This is the future you yourself wished for, Lelouch: a world where people risk everything for their hearts' desires. You can hardly blame me for making that gamble, when it's your own Geass that helped my thinking along. Although I will admit, it likely would have eventually come to the same result, because once we humans believe we might be able to achieve a little happiness, we inevitably become utterly insensible."

"Insensible? You just mean we act on our feelings instead of our logic, don't you?" _ Are you trying to lead me into refuting my own argument? Blocking me in with my own pieces?_ "We both know that if humans didn't act on their feelings occasionally, though, we'd be no different than machines that collected meaningless experiences, and that couldn't really be called life, could it?" _That's the conclusion you were trying to point out._

"Oh? So you're supporting an impulsive approach?" Schneizel asked with a perfectly straight face, although Lelouch suspected he was teasing a bit.

"Well, I'm not going to go around breaking down doors," he said, just as the door to the suite opened and Euphy and Suzaku stepped inside, "but maybe I can be a little selfish, once in a while, myself."

_They're both okay._ He could tell simply from Suzaku's more confident posture and Euphy's easy smile that his memories had been restored successfully and that the fifth doctor hadn't been necessary, after all. The relief of seeing them together, both healthy and whole, was so intense that it was almost painful.

_I shot her. I killed her, as I tried to kill Suzaku. I fought against the very people I wanted to protect most. I did so many despicable things which should never be forgiven, so why is it that I've been absolved of the consequences?_

Such undeserved good fortune was hard to accept, and his mind kept looking for the catch.

"Come on, come on!" Euphy said, grabbing Suzaku's hand to pull him along into the sitting room. "Nunnally has been waiting to see you!" Her Knight looked a bit apprehensive for a moment before yielding to Euphy's encouragement.

_Nunnally missed you so much, but don't worry, Suzaku. The best remedy for a painful parting is a swift reunion. _

By the time Lelouch caught up to them, his little sister was already ecstatically welcoming Suzaku back, even though, technically, he had spent almost all of his memoryless time right there in the palace. Naturally, Suzaku tried apologizing to her, but Nunnally and Euphy quickly put a stop to that, before he could begin to redevelop any of his old habits.

_If I keep counting and recounting my sins, it will only darken these precious moments, won't it? _The thought of dousing their joy made his heart ache, and Lelouch snorted at his own latent sentimentality.

"It's much harder to find a just punishment when you realize that hurting the guilty also hurts the innocent. Don't you think so, Lelouch?" Schneizel asked him.

_There's no way out, is there?_ "You've just put me in checkmate, haven't you? Knowing how much they've unfairly suffered already, how could I hurt them any more?"

"So then _you_ agree with Nunnally, as well."

_Well played, Schneizel. Even if this sounds like pure selfishness, when you present it like that..._ "Maybe this is the way things have to be. The cycle of hatred is so powerful that people would never take the painful risks and make the heavy sacrifices required to break it, except for the sake of having something extremely precious at the end." He watched the unreserved joy on those kind, familiar faces, and Lelouch remembered the thought that had started all of this: _For the sake of her smile, I will remake the world. _

Without the mask, he'd be able to see the true vividness of the garden flowers and the real brightness of her eyes. Her smile, in technicolor.

Sometimes, Lelouch reflected, the simplest motivations are the most powerful.

Suzaku finally managed to break away from Euphy and Nunnally in order to approach him. "Can I speak to you alone for a minute?" he asked, a serious expression on his face, and Lelouch had to work hard not to show his own apprehension.

_Ah, __**there's**__ the catch I was looking for. Euphy was facing me when we joined hands, meaning she was looking away from the stairs, so her Geass wouldn't have affected Suzaku at that time, because he wasn't in her field of vision._

Lelouch sighed and followed his best friend back further into the suite in mounting trepidation. _When I was half his world, he was terrified of fighting with me. Now that his memories have been restored, though..._

"Nunnally said we could borrow her office for a while," Suzaku said, leading him in and flipping the lock with an ominous click. Instead of speaking immediately, Suzaku took the time to breathe in deeply, as if he were trying very hard to calm himself. "Lelouch, although it turned out well," he said, not quite succeeding in keeping his voice level, "you could have ended up really killing Euphy. Again."

"Yes," he admitted, because there was no way to escape that stark truth.

The muscles of Suzaku's jaw worked hard, in what was probably an attempt to hold back furious words. "Why did you do it?" he asked, his eyes intense.

Lelouch started to open his mouth, and Suzaku added in a shout, "_Don't_ lie to me this time!"

He winced. _Am I really that easy to read?_ "A Suzaku who can't even conceive of the world he fought for isn't really Suzaku. A Euphy who can't be gentle with the people she loves isn't really Euphy. This was the only way that I could have both of you back—and the only way I could guarantee that Geass would never force her to heinously violate her morals a second time, if that failed."

"And if she couldn't quite be herself, you felt it was better not to have her at all?" Suzaku demanded.

Lelouch sighed, his breath hitching in a way he hoped was imperceptible. "If I were only concerned with myself, I would have wanted her to live, no matter how much I had to lie to myself about who she'd become. But after I violated Euphy's heart so brutally with the Geass I accidentally put her under, how could I justify _intentionally_ repeating the same tragedy, with the Geass I granted? If I'd forced her to remain alive, even so, that would have been purely my own selfishness."

Suzaku stared down at the newly replaced carpeting of Nunnally's office. "After she unsealed my memories, I was...pretty angry with you. But Euphy told me that just as it was my duty as her Knight to protect her, it was your duty, as the one who granted her Geass, to protect this world from the its dangers. Then she repeated something Cornelia told her." Suzaku took a deep breath. "'True honor means fulfilling even the most painful responsibilities.'"

Lelouch shook his head. "Some call it honor, perhaps, but I only know that it's impossible to atone without taking responsibility for your own actions." _I couldn't abandon my obligation, as C.C. did with Mao, just because the solution was painful._ "The truth was that Euphy was living a life that went against the deepest tenets of her heart, and even then, only at the cost of sealing away your own. After condemning my father for denying reality and wanting to live in a world of memories, how could I bury my head and do the same?" he asked, looking earnestly at Suzaku.

His friend was silent for a long moment, fists clenched at his side. Then, Suzaku heaved a deep sigh. "We both made that decision, didn't we? Even if I don't want to, maybe I can understand that you had to choose from a set of bad options. But you know what infuriates me most, Lelouch?" Suzaku asked. "You left me out of this decision! I know I wasn't myself at the time, but you didn't even want to give me the truth just now, even though you promised we'd be in this together, until the very end!"

"We will be, Suzaku," Lelouch promised. "We can even trade the Code back and forth now, like we planned to from the start." _Is it selfish of me to still want my friend to stay by my side, after everything?_

Suzaku snorted. "At the rate we're going, we might _need_ all that extra time to settle things between us," he said, but his small, wry smile made the tension in Lelouch's chest lessen considerably. _So you are still willing, after all._ "Are we ever going to reach the point where you stop hiding your most important plans from me?" Suzaku asked, and a little of the hurt he must have been feeling all along crept into his voice.

"Suzaku, I'm sorry." _As much as my silence must have hurt you, it can't compare to the burden of Euphy's death, if things hadn't worked out. How could I ask you to carry something I couldn't bear myself? _ "I had never intended to have to deceive you like that again, but I hadn't counted on granting Euphy a Geass or what the consequences of it would be." _At least C.C. isn't here to accuse me of two timing, again._ "When Euphy was unexpectedly afflicted with Geass Runaway, I was forced to act quickly, and without remembering all the choices we'd made and how much we'd sacrificed for the sake of a better future, my logic would have been very hard for you to understand. But I promise you, Suzaku, I will lie less, from now on."

His friend gave him an incredulous look. "You can't actually expect me to believe that."

Lelouch smiled. "We lie because we want the world to be something other than what it is. What do you think I could want, that I don't already have?"

_I remember that green eyed boy who laughed so easily, rushing underneath the torii, up the steps of the shrine with Nunnally on his back. She could count your every footfall through the hum of the cicadas, but for a long time I wondered if she would ever be able to see that dauntless exuberance with me—if she'd ever be able to see anything at all. Now, Japan is Japan again, and her eyes are finally open. Euphy is here with us, and there is a whole world out there, with a future crafted by the kindest of hearts, just waiting for us._

Suzaku blinked at him, surprised, and then blinked again. "You're smiling. You're honestly smiling." He gave Lelouch a wondering look. "It's been a really long time since I've seen you this happy." Understanding seemed to ease away his confusion, and Suzaku tentatively smiled back. "You're happy because we have Euphy back for good. Because we don't have to hide anymore. Because the three of us can show our faces openly and spend time with Nunnally without any masks." He smiled wholeheartedly himself. "If you're not seeking anything else, then you don't have a _reason_ to lie."

"Exactly."

Suzaku laughed. "An honest Lelouch—that's going to take some getting used to," he admitted, the lingering tension completely draining out of his frame as he unlocked the door, so that they could rejoin Nunnally, Euphy, and Schneizel in the sitting room. Lelouch escaped his very temporary imprisonment with marked relief. _It would have been easier with Euphy's Geass, but i__t means more, that he chose to forgive me on his own._

"There you are!" Euphy said, coming over to fuss over Suzaku again.

"We're ready to start the test, if you are, Lelouch," Nunnally said.

"Yes. We need to discover any negative effects as soon as possible." _But I hope this goes as well as you think it will, Nunnally. Even if Euphy's actions were more idealistic than rational, even if it required so many reckless leaps of faith to get here—I don't regret it. This kinder future is something I want to believe in with all my heart._

Schneizel nodded, stepping out of the room, no doubt to fetch the unlucky test subject. A minute later, Lelouch could hear Kannon Maldini's voice floating in from the front room.

"It's something very important, then?"

"Yes, but some of the things you may learn must be kept in the strictest confidence."

"Of course, Prince Schneizel. You know you can depend upon my absolute secrecy."

"I'm not a prince, anymore," Schneizel admonished wryly.

Maldini was looking a bit embarrassed, when Lelouch peered at him covertly from the doorway. "Of course. Forgive me. It's such a longstanding habit."

"I fear it may be I who has to ask your forgiveness in a moment. I've been keeping many things from you, Kannon."

"Then, this is meant to be an explanation. You're finally going to tell me why you've been disappearing all the time, and why you've suddenly become more—"

_Here it goes._

He stepped in through the doorway, and the test subject froze instantly. Lelouch could hear Suzaku somewhat nervously following him as they walked into the middle of the room.

Maldini's face had gone absolutely bloodless by the time they came to a halt a few feet in front of him.

"It's alright, Kannon," Schneizel assured him. "As I theorized on the day of the assassination, it was Lelouch's plan from the beginning to create a peaceful world. He is not here to do you any harm."

"It's not what he's going to do; it's what he's _already_ done. When I first saw him, I didn't feel the slightest bit angry at him, and that means..." He looked at Lelouch apprehensively. "You used Geass on me, didn't you?"

"I no longer have that power; it was exchanged for my continued life. Your feelings toward me were actually altered by something that happened to the collective unconscious of humanity, but I'm not going to explain any further than that." _I don't want anyone blaming Euphy for what she did out of the kindness of her heart, even if it was an impulsive decision._

"Then why did you call me here? What do you intend to do?"

"To you? Nothing."

Maldini had apparently gotten the wrong idea, because he looked frantically over at Schneizel. "But he's already beaten! Please don't—"

"You misunderstand," Lelouch said, quickly interrupting him. "Even though we fought such deadly battles, Schneizel is still my brother." He smiled softly. "As much as he still likes to maneuver behind my back, I only intend to beat him at chess from now on. Speaking of which, Schneizel, I demand another game when this test is finished. We'll meet out in the garden."

"Of course, Lelouch."

"You..." Maldini drew in a sudden breath, looking back and forth between the two of them. "_That's_ why you've been spending so long going over those 'old' chess matches out in the garden," he said to Schneizel. "They weren't old at all—you've been disappearing to go play them and then reviewing them out there."

"Precisely. My apologies for the deception, Kannon, but I was under strict orders not to reveal Lelouch's secrets, the most important of which is his own survival."

"Of course. I should have known! In those chess matches, both sides were so far above my level. Who else in the world but you two could have played them?"

"It is indeed a rare pleasure to play chess against Lelouch."

"That explains so much. Almost everything, in fact—except those strange receipts for cat food and kitty litter that turned up in your pocket."

"...I think I'll go tell Cornelia we're ready to have Guilford brought in," Schneizel said, turning to leave.

Maldini hung back, though, giving Lelouch a suspicious look.

"I know I'm guilty of a lot of things, but for once, it wasn't me," he protested, putting his hands up, as if that could ward off possible condemnation.

_You told him to forget, but you didn't tell him to get rid of the evidence, did you, Suzaku?_

"Ah, if you're really wondering about that," Suzaku hesitantly said, giving Maldini a mildly embarrassed look, "I kind of have a cat."

"And you couldn't purchase food and litter _yourself_?" he demanded, obviously offended on Schneizel's behalf.

"Well, you see, it was a bit of an emergency..."

Maldini sighed, bringing one hand up to cover his face. "Sometimes, I still can't believe that Lord Schneizel could have been defeated by the likes of you."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Suzaku said, scowling.

"Maldini, perhaps you've said enough for now," Lelouch said, laying a calming hand on Suzaku's arm. "It's fine if you don't like us, but remember, the public must never learn anything pertaining to the power of Geass."

"Agreed," he said, nodding and turning to go. He paused at the door, though, looking away from them.

"Schneizel has been acting differently lately. At first I couldn't tell exactly what it was, but now I think I understand." For a moment, he looked almost sad. "It used to be that he didn't even value his own life. Maybe he saw the future as being too cruel and capricious or maybe he just didn't have enough to be happy about, but in any case, even though he was a master of strategy, he'd given up on finding a future worth hoping for. I don't know what you did, and I don't know how you did it. I am grateful to you, though, for changing his mind."

Lelouch blinked. "That was something Schneizel decided on his own. I just gave him a little push." _And a Geass command he turned to his advantage._

"In any case...thank you."

"You're welcome, Maldini."

The door clicked shut.

"Well, except for the part where he tried to claim that Schneizel was better than us, that didn't go so badly," Suzaku summarized brightly.

"We're not done yet. Come on, it will be better if we go back to the sitting room, so that Cornelia can explain a few things in the sound proofed front room before Guilford sees us."

Unfortunately, it turned out that Cornelia wasn't anywhere near as careful about explaining things as Schneizel was. Practically the moment she'd gotten in the door, she called for Suzaku. He gave a helpless shrug before heading out.

"She'll only get annoyed if I ignore her," he whispered in justification.

"Kururugi!" she called again, impatiently. "There you are," Cornelia said, as he stepped in.

Guilford stared at him in shock. "First Euphy and now her Knight...what is going on here, Lady Cornelia?"

"That's not all Guilford. I have yet another younger sibling, who's turned out not to be dead."

"What?"

Lelouch buried his face in his palm, knowing what was coming next.

"Lelouch! Stop hiding back there!"

He sighed before stepping out. "Cornelia, you really should have explained _something_ to him, before just calling us out here."

True to his training, Guilford jumped in front of her, sword drawn.

_Suzaku would stop him if he actually tried to use that thing, right?_ It made Lelouch think that perhaps he should have taken the Code back before engaging in this test.

"Guilford, just what do you think you're doing?" Cornelia demanded, moving to push him aside.

"My Lady, please stay behind me!"

"How many times must I tell you that I can take care of myself!" Cornelia said crossly. "Besides, this must just be reflex for you. You're not actually angry at him, are you?" she asked challengingly.

Guilford blinked, surprised. "No," he said, clearly shocked by his own answer, before his eyes narrowed. "It must be the work of Geass."

"Exactly. But it's Euphy's Geass, Guilford," Cornelia explained. "She just wants everyone to get along."

_That's not going to make him any less nervous about me, Cornelia. _ "My plan was to do the hard but necessary work of dismantling the corrupt Britannian aristocracy, knowing that it would draw hatred from many," Lelocuh explained, seeing that his older sister obviously had little intention of going over the particulars. "Then, I drew the hate of the democratic portions of the world by kidnapping all of the U.F.N. members. With the world thus united in hatred for me, I died, in order to end the vicious cycle of violence and leave Nunnally to nurture people's desire for peace."

"A convenient excuse. But how are you still alive? And Kururugi?" Guilford demanded. "And Euphemia, even."

Lelouch sighed. Fifteen minutes later, when he felt he'd more than sufficiently explained things, Guilford was still looking at him suspiciously.

_Can't he put the sword away, already? It must be heavy._

"Your story is exceptionally hard to believe."

"The important part is that he was doing this for Nunnally, Guilford," Cornelia told him. "I realized that during the first battle of Tokyo. I was just too upset over Euphy to see everything that implied: Lelouch could never have wanted to kill my little sister, because the world she wants and the world Nunnally wants are the same."

"Can you really be sure that's your own logic—not Geass, forcing you to think a certain way?"

Cornelia scowled. "I only need to understand one thing, Guilford. It is Euphy's dream for everyone to be happy together, and no matter what Lelouch's sins are, they could never outweigh my little sister's happiness," she said, drawing her own sword. "Do you intend to oppose me?"

"Lady Cornelia?" Guilford asked nervously, backing up.

_What is she thinking?!_

"Suzaku, you have to do something!"

"Right!" he said, but then proved that he obviously didn't understand a thing, because all he did was draw his own sword. "As her Knight, I will defend Euphy's dream, as well!"

"You idiots! Euphy wants a kind world! Peaceful! Stop this at once!" he commanded, as the two of them squared off with Guilford.

_Euphy's Geass! _Lelouch realized with dread. _I knew that Suzaku's reckless piloting wouldn't be the only fallout. Right now, Suzaku and Cornelia probably feel just about the same way they would if they'd lived their entire lives without ever doing anything wrong. _

"You have to think more carefully, because Euphy's Geass has erased the emotional caution of your past mistakes!" he warned them, not for the first time. "I know the threat of force seems like the quickest way, but what if someone gets hurt? Would it really be worth it then?" he asked them, although that seemed to be only enough to get Cornelia and Suzaku to momentarily pause with their blades still drawn. "Guilford," he appealed in desperation, "you have to be reasonable, even if they aren't!"

Cornelia's Knight took a long, hard look at his two adversaries, forcing Lelouch to tensely hold his breath, before flipping his sword around, kneeling, and offering the hilt to Cornelia. "It seems you have me outmatched. In any case, I cannot fight you, Lady Cornelia."

"I knew you would come to see it my way," she declared with the haughtiness of a princess who'd been sure she'd get her way all along. "Rise and sheath your sword, Guilford. I will surely need your help protecting the kinder world that Euphy has always wished for."

_Yes, it's obvious you will need a lot of help, Cornelia. I only hope that Guilford is both loyal and patient enough to offer it. _Lelouch heaved a relieved sigh as all the steel in the room was finally put away. _Idealism is a wonderful thing, Euphy, but in reality, the sweetest dreams are fraught with unintended consequences._

After Guilford finally left, Lelouch asked Nunnally whether the test was over, but he didn't get the answer he'd been hoping for. "Oh, don't worry, Lelouch. Both Schneizel and Cornelia told me how much you like _thoroughly_ testing things, and so I've arranged for lots more people! Gino's flown in from the Chinese federation and picked up Anya along the way. Nina's been begging me to see Euphy since we first announced she was alive, and although I couldn't get in touch with Rivalz and Kallen because they're in school, Milly was already here to interview Schneizel about some information he dug up to discredit another news agency. I'm sure she wouldn't mind meeting with you, in addition," Nunnally said, before leaning a bit closer. "Of course, she'd probably going to ask for an exclusive interview," his little sister whispered conspiratorially, before sitting back in her wheelchair.

"Then, Prime Minister Ougi is going to arrive for a meeting with me in about an hour, so I'll be sure to give you two a chance to talk. I haven't heard back from Toudou or Kaguya yet, but I know they'll find time to come visit eventually. Oh, and Tamaki is already here! He came right away when I told him that we needed him for something important!"

"That guy?!" _The one who pretends to be the new Zero's best friend, while being disrespectful to you, Nunnally?_

"Lloyd and Cecile have just arrived, as well!"

His phone rang then, and Lelouch looked at the number before bringing it gratefully up to his ear. "Please excuse me just a minute, Nunnally," he said, before pushing the button to answer the call.

"C.C.," he greeted warmly. _Maybe you will give me an excuse to get out of this. I don't even want to know what Suzaku will do, if he's even more incautious than usual._

"Lelouch, I've suddenly felt the mysterious urge to forgive you for not giving me any pizza money."

"Ah ha, it's funny you should put it that way..."


	41. Epilogue: Back to School

"This is a bad idea," Lelouch opined, because he was always pessimistic when it came to other people's plans.

"Why? Nunnally thinks it's a _great_ idea," Euphy said, "and Mr. Ashford seems to have forgiven you."

"That's only because of your Geass, and the fact that he never knew I was the one who ordered the Black Knights to occupy the school in the first place."

"But Lelouch, you know that I always wanted Suzaku to finish school," she replied, looking away from her brother for a moment to give Suzaku a radiant smile that warmed his heart, "and when you agreed to work with me on the Special Administration Zone, it was my plan to start attending Ashford with all of you. It's a shame Nunnally can't be here, since she's too busy being Empress, but she said she'd call you every single day. We can go visit her every weekend, too, and spend some time out in the garden."

"Do you have any idea how long the flight is?" Lelouch complained, in typical fashion.

"It shouldn't be so bad if I pilot us back and forth," Suzaku offered. "Lloyd said he could make the transport at _least_ 20% faster than Rakshata did, now that he has more test data on the new engine."

Suzaku wasn't sure why, but Euphy and Lelouch both suddenly looked a little worried.

"What?" he asked, confused.

"You're already going to be traveling a lot, just to cover your 'special' responsibilities," Lelouch said, because he still for some reason considered it to be a good idea to conceal Zero's identity.

_And Lelouch claimed he'd lie less._

"I did okay attending school when I was in the military, and I'll have you helping me out this time, with schoolwork and speeches, so I'm sure that I can make time for—"

The sound of a satchel being dropped drew their attention. Kallen stood a small ways further down the path, open mouthed, staring at all of them in their freshly issued Ashford Academy uniforms.

Lelouch muttered something under his breath that sounded suspiciously like, "If I knew they were going to drag me here _today_..."

He smiled a little tensely. "Good morning, Kallen. Ah, I was going to call you, but isn't this a nice surprise? It looks like we're going to be classmates again." Lelouch kept the smile on his face, but it grew more and more strained the longer the silence lasted.

Finally, Kallen's own face seemed to come unstuck. "Lelouch! It's you! It's really, really you!" she shouted, hurrying toward them, school bag forgotten on the ground. Her eyes were glued to Lelouch's. "I—I thought about you every day," she confessed when she stopped in front of him, completely ignoring everyone else, which was probably a good thing.

_I wonder how she's going to take it when she figures out that Euphy used her Geass to make everyone, including Kallen, forgive me for every single thing I've ever done in my life._

"I've thought about you too, Kallen," Lelouch said, thankfully distracting her further with a soft, much more sincere smile.

"Lelouch, I—"

It was just about then that Rivalz came crashing into his former gambling partner, with a loud cry. "Lelouch, I can't believe you're back! I missed you, man!"

Lelouch, being Lelouch, would probably have ended up being accidentally tackled to the ground by the flying hug if Suzaku hadn't stepped in to brace his shoulder.

"Um, yes, it's good to see you, too, Rivalz," Lelouch wheezed, patting him placatingly on the back as he used his other arm to hold his ribs.

"I totally forgive you for all that evil stuff you did!"

Lelouch winced. "Yes, well, about that evil stuff, I'm sure you heard Nunnally's formal announcement, but I am really, truly sorry about all the pain I've caused you—"

"You don't have to apologize to me! We're best buds forever!" Rivalz declared.

Suzaku frowned. "Actually, Lelouch is _my_—" he began, but was startled out of his own sentence when Kallen authoritatively pushed Rivalz out of the way, so that she could step in and kiss Lelouch.

_Wow, I guess what Lelouch said about Euphy's Geass making people more impulsive really is true._

Since it didn't look like his best friend would be able to break out of that hold anytime soon (not that it looked like he was trying very hard), Suzaku took a moment to help Rivalz back up from the ground, because he was forgiving like that—and because it made Euphy smile approvingly at him and give him a quick peck on the cheek.

"Hey," Rivalz said forlornly, "how come I'm the only one not getting a kiss?"

"I heard you were holding hands with Milly when Nunnally last came by to visit," Suzaku pointed out, neglecting to mention that he'd witnessed it himself as Zero; the minor deception gave him a chance to marvel a little at the novelty of fresh guilt.

"Oh, yeah," Rivalz said, a dreamy expression stealing over his face, and Suzaku took that as a sign that it really was a better world for everyone.

Of course, there were still problems, in the form of natural disasters, petty criminals, and all the girls who had been promised dates by Sayoko while she was impersonating Lelouch. Still, the Black Knights could take care of the first, the police could handle the second, and Suzaku was pretty sure that Kallen had the third covered.

Euphy slipped her hand gently into Suzaku's, smiling serenely as Lelouch started making some muffled protests that sounded an awful lot like "need air".

"I guess my wish came true after all, didn't it, Suzaku?"

He smiled at her, eyes tracing her beautiful face. Peace had settled across the world, that secondary U.F.N. budgetary meeting had been permanently cancelled, and Milly had forecast sunshine for the entire week.

"Yes, Euphy. Yes, it did."

**Happy End!**

* * *

Author's Notes: Thank you, everyone, for reading all the way through! I'm all ears if you have comments. In the mean time, I'm going to dedicate this story to the just and the kind and all the brave souls who risk everything, for the sake of a better world. Maybe it's just because I'm a fan of Code Geass, but I like to think we're actually getting a little closer to the world of Zero every day. =)


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